(A/N: yall are gems i wanna give each of you a hug thank you so much :')

reviews are my ocean, i am MOANAAAAAAA)


Cop and Robber
RANK 4.5

"I told you that she was into you," Morgana said.

Akira swiveled. The cat's black coat had blended perfectly with the shadows above the café refrigerator.

"When did you get there?" Akira said.

"Just now, when she looked at the tickets."

Akira breathed, relieved. "How did you get in?"

Morgana looked at him. "I'm a Phantom Thief, you moron."

"Remind me to reinforce my vents."

"Remind yourself."

"You seem to be in an unusually good mood."

Morgana purred with glee. "I see what you're doing. You were just using the tickets to act as cover. You knew she was busy, you knew she wouldn't be able to accept. You want to make it seem like you can't possibly be the Joker, just in case she gets any funny ideas."

Akira quietly returned to ladling his curry on a plate.

"I appreciate the genius, Joker, but this really has to be the last time. You're flirting with danger. Kind of literally. Put your part timer on the job, seriously."

"For one, he's not working today," said Akira. "What am I supposed to do? Tell her, 'Sorry, I refuse to serve you, come back when my part timer is here.'"

"Geez, I dunno! You're the Joker, I'm sure you can think of something!"

"I'm also a café owner with bills due."

"You don't need money. You seriously don't need money, Kurusu Akira. How much did we get from the last run, three million yen?"

"My Yelp ratings will tank."

Morgana looked at him.

"Hot damn," said Morgana. "Hot damn."

"What?"

"You actually like her."

"I did ask her out to the movies."

"As a cover. Because that's the same day you plan on sending a calling card."

Akira shrugged.

"Dear god, man. What is it? A cute face? There's got to be like nine million people better than her in the world. Go make oogly eyes at one of them. Any one of them. You know, someone who's not a Japanese cop at Shibuya Station working on the Phantom Thieves case who happens to be the sister of the famous prosecutor Niijima Sae."

"But she's cute and smart. And she has manners. And she's altruistic. Altogether makes for a pretty unlikely combination."

"We cannot seriously be having this conversation right now."

"We are seriously having this conversation right now."

Morgana lowered his head to the ground with a loud groan. "I swear, Akira. Seven years of flawless operations and you're going to jeopardize everything for some random chick. Are you serious?"

Akira was silent for a long moment. "I wasn't aware that being a Phantom Thief was akin to making a monastic covenant."

Morgana flailed angrily. "How many dating Phantom Thieves have you heard of? And I don't mean flings, I mean serious, committed relationships. Oh, right, none. Do you want me to explain why? Because you already know, don't you?"

Akira quietly ate his curry.

"Fine, then. I'll give you a refresher, because right now, your endocrine gland seems to be doing the thinking instead of your brain." Morgana breathed deeply. "Secrets are strains. Sooner or later, your partner, if she's smart, is going to feel like you're keeping something from her. She's going to want reassurance that you're not cheating on her or doing some shady stuff with the yakuza, so you're going to have to show her the source of your secrets. Now, in the event that she doesn't scream in terror and bolt immediately to the police station, she becomes a pressure point. That's right, she's a liability. Anyone who learns in any vague way that she's related to the Phantom Thieves will go after her. They'll try to kidnap her, torture her, make her life miserable. It's not a fun time. And it'll be even worse for you, because in the back of your head, you'll always be worrying about whether she's safe or not, and whether you need to be around to rescue her. And before you know it, you're not paying attention on missions anymore, and you move too slowly just once, and you end up dying from being bludgeoned to death by shadow pigeon testicles or something equally weird and embarrassing, and I have no partner to drive through Mementos so I become a useless catbus with terrible gas mileage, and everyone is unhappy. Liability, Joker! L-I-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y."

Akira stopped eating his curry. He looked at Morgana.

"Don't worry," he said quietly. "I'm just teasing you. I won't see her again."

"You're seriously going to ignore everything I said and just—wait. What did you say?"

Akira looked away. "I said, I won't see her again."

This struck the honest-to-god human into dumbfounded silence for a while.

"Huh?" said Morgana.

Akira continued eating. Morgana's expression dawned.

"No way," he said. "You had a moment?"

Akira turned. His cheeks tinged a delicate shade of pink, which looked very unusual on the face of a Phantom Thief.

"No way," said Morgana. He repeated, "no way."

Akira's knuckles whitened against his spoon.

"How far did you go? Did you like... kiss? Hardcore make out? Say you loved her?"

"We looked at each other."

Morgana stared. "You looked."

Akira nodded.

"I," said Morgana, "really don't understand you."

"You had to be there," said Akira, then added hurriedly, "but I was glad you weren't."

"How the hell was that a 'moment?' People look at each other all the time! Geez, Kurusu, I thought you kissed her or something!"

"I almost did," Akira muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Morgana's tail flicked. "Well, at any rate, this is a good thing. Now you know how dangerous it is. How easy it is to fall in love. Stop it while you can. Unless you want very unwelcome parties barging down her door, peeling off her fingernails one by one until she spills the beans about the Joker."

"This is starting to sound like the plot of a terrible soap opera."

"Don't fall in love and it won't be." Morgana whipped around. "Come on. You owe me some fatty tuna."

.

.

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| POLL: "Are the Phantom Thieves human?"

YES: 39%, NO: 61%

| CHATBOX

"theyve been untouchable for seven years"

"I bet they're from Mars"

"if their not human than what are they"

"BACTERIA"

"calling it now, they're vengeful ghosts"

"evolved ver of homo sapien sapien"