"Sirius Black. He promised to be here for dinner." The headmaster smiled.

"Why do you hate me?" Snape grumbled.

Harry, on the other hand, was enthusiastic. "Sirius will stay with me for a whole month? That´s wonderful!"

Draco turned up his nose. "Cousin Sirius? You can´t be serious!"

"Be nice, Draco," Lucius demanded.

The group had reached a picture of a snake wound around broomstick. "This is the entrance to your new realm," explained the headmaster. "Severus, if you´d kindly set the password." He pointed at the picture invitingly.

"No dogs welcome!" growled the potions master.

"That´s not nice!" scolded Dumbledore.

"It´s the password," insisted Snape.

"Sirius won´t like it," Harry pointed out.

"Really?" Snape was the picture of innocence. Both Malfoys chuckled.

"Why does he set the password?" Harry asked the headmaster. "You know how he is!"

"Because I´m the teacher here," snapped Snape. "I can do things you can´t."

"Like what? Like using your hands?" Gryffindor´s golden boy asked, hotheaded.

"Boys! A bit more dignity!" the headmaster tried to restore peace.

Snape and Harry both huffed. Dumbledore repeated the new password and the painting swung open.

The quarters they entered were easily the strangest any of the present wizards had seen. There was a sofa for three and one armchair in front of the fireplace. The desk was wide enough to seat three and there was no chair but a bench.

The bathroom had three sinks side by side.

The bedroom contained two beds. One big enough to accommodate the trio and one single bed, which was for Sirius Black, as Harry pointed out to a brooding Snape.

There was also a small kitchen area to prepare small things, like tea, coffee or sandwiches.

All walls were covered with paintings and photographs. The three inhabitants of the quarters to be looked them over critically.

"I took the liberty to provide decoration," smiled Dumbledore. The man looked as if he had just discovered a thirteenth use for dragon blood. "Isn´t it beautiful?"

"What do you mean?" growled Snape. "The Gryffindor coloured carpet or the portraits that will without doubt babble at me when I want my peace. Isn´t it bad enough to have these two invade my privacy?"

"Hey!" whined Draco. "What about my privacy?"

"Or mine?" echoed Harry. "It took you two minutes to destroy my love life! Just imagine what you will do in a month!"

Snape smirked at the Gryffindor.

"Can you quarrel later? I have money to make elsewhere," Lucius Malfoy interrupted the bickering. "I want to know what exactly happened."

"That´s easily explained," spat the potions master. "Your son and Potter misbehaved and as a result I´m stuck with them. Nicholas Flamel himself was asked for help and he came up with a plan, which will at least take a month to complete."

"A plan? Can I do anything to help?" asked the blond wizard.

"Flamel thinks he came up with an antidote for the glue, but making it will take that long. It can´t be done quicklier." Snape sighed. "If it could, I´d be at it. Believe me!"

"Have you tried nail polish remover?" Lucius beamed.

"Oh yes, you are the first to suggest that," shouted the teacher. "How very funny! Nail polish remover! Ha. Ha. Ha!"

The headmaster shook his head at Lucius Malfoy. "I have to make sure to inform the student body not to mention nail polish remover in his presence. His reaction is getting more and more violent."

"You want to know about violence?" Snape was nearly hyperventilating.

"Do calm down, professor!" Harry urged the older wizard. "Mr. Malfoy was just trying to be helpful."

"He was mocking me!"

"I swear, Severus, I was not! I was just worried about my son and only heir!" Mr. Malfoy raised his hands in defence. "So, there is a plan to solve this situation. That´s good; although this will not spare the responsible person their just punishment, of course. Headmaster, be sure that the governors will be informed about your peculiar ways to lead this school. Students were hurt under your care! Expect consequences!"

"Of course, Lucius," Dumbledore twiddled his thumbs. "I´m sure you will inform the governors to the best of your ability, and rightly so. They deserve to know about this incident and be allowed to determine whether the involved students should be expelled for attacking a teacher."

"Attacking a teacher?" Lucius´s voice went up. "Draco did no such thing!"

"Lucius," the headmaster said benignly as if explaining things to a five year old, "Draco and Harry caused this accident, and Severus is obviously the most inconvenienced victim. He´s practically a squib. That the culprits were caught in their own trap shouldn´t spare them their punishment. I agree with you in that."

"You wouldn´t expel Potter!" hissed the blond wizard.

"We have to investigate before we decide that," admitted the principal. "Severus, kindly tell us about the boys potions skills."

Snape glared at both boys angrily before he started. "Potter´s barely able to follow the simplest instructions. How he made it to seventh year is beyond me, to be honest. Malfoy, on the other hand, is a fine brewer. His skills need more practice and a little refinement, but for a wizard his age he´s doing exceptionally well in potions."

Both Malfoys smiled at the praise, but only until Dumbledore continued. "Well, then it´s obvious who was the mastermind behind this mean plan." He smiled at the older blond.

"Headmaster," the portrait of a wizard wearing a historic muggle swimsuit and a penguin hat interrupted, "Sirius Black is in the corridor."

"Thank you, Kendrick." The headmaster pointed his wand at the door and it swung open to allow a slim man with long black hair in.

"Harry!" Sirius Black ran to his godson and hugged him tightly.

"How endearing!" mused Snape, turning up his nose.

"Shut up, deatheater!" glared the other man. "Albus! Why is Harry surrounded by this filth? From what you told me I get that Snivellus can´t be helped, but what is he doing here?" He pointed his finger at Lucius Malfoy.

"Whom do you call a deatheater, Black?" snarled the very man through gritted teeth.

"I call you a deatheater, Lucius. Who do you think you can fool?"

"I don´t need to fool you," sneered the blond. "You´re doing enough fooling around on your own."

"Don´t you play silly word games with me!" growled Sirius.

"Sirius, you´re not being helpful. Mr. Malfoy checked on his son and will, as soon as he is convinced that everything is under control, leave."

"You don´t really think that it´s a good idea to have this hothead stay with Severus and the boys," Lucius asked the headmaster, suddenly very earnest.

"He´s the best choice," explained the headmaster. "He´s Harry´s godfather and Draco´s cousin, so he will watch out for both boys."

"You make it sound like they need protection from me!" snapped Snape.

"But they do, Snivellus! Everybody knows your temper!" Sirius grinned.

"I don´t have a temper!" Snape shouted at the other man.

"Oh, we all believe you." Sirius´s grin broadened if that was possible.

Snape glared at his former school-mate. Then, all of a sudden, he pushed the boys towards the man and kicked him.

"Aouuuuuu!" howled Sirius. "My shins! What was that, Snape?"

"I can´t use a wand, so I have to use less subtle methods."

"When were you ever subtle?"

"I´m so subtle, normally, that you don´t even notice that I do anything. Not that it takes much subtlety to fool you of all people."

"Sneaking around and spying on people is not subtle!"

"Sirius!" barked Dumbledore. "Do you think it´s wise to suggest Severus is spying while a person you consider a deatheater is present?"

"Yes," agreed Lucius, "it´s really a foolish thing to do, talking about spying when the target is present." His eyes darted to Dumbledore, but only for a moment.

"If I was a spy," Snape interfered, "I´d make sure nobody could be certain who I was spying on for whom."

"I knew you can´t be trusted! Your loyalty is as stable as leave in the wind. Turncoat!"

"Maybe," smirked Snape. "But then maybe not."

"What is this about?" asked Draco.

"Spying." Harry looked proud he had followed so far.

"I know that, idiot. But who is he spying on for whom?"

"See my tactics work." Snape smirked at Sirius. "Maybe I´m spying on you."

"On me? What for?"

"Witch Weekly hired me to get inside information on your fleas."

"I´ll strangle you in the dark! I swear!"

Snape snorted. "Not man enough to try in broad daylight, are you?"

"Not man enough? I´ll give you not man enough!" Sirius tried to wrap his fingers around Snape´s neck, but the headmaster moved with surprising speed to interfere.

"Why don´t we all sit down for lunch?" Dumbledore tried to distract the fighting cocks.

Lucius was quick on the uptake and played along. "That´s a great idea! I´m starving!"

"Excellent!" the headmaster rubbed his hands before he put his wand to action and conjured a table big enough for six and the required number of chairs, one of them between Sirius and Severus.

The sitting arrangements were easily found. Draco, Snape and Harry sat on one side of the table – obviously – and the other three wizards on the other. Sirius faced Harry, Lucius Draco and Dumbledore had taken the middle seat to face Severus. When everybody was seated, the headmaster touched the table top with his wand and a small feast popped into existance.

Everybody but Snape filled their plates. The potions master watched the boys quietly, his face reddening with anger as seconds ticked by without any food being transfered to his plate.

"Not hungry, Snivellus?" Sirius asked pointedly.

"Sirius!" the headmaster brought his hand down on the table with a crack. "Stop it!"

Harry mumbled a short apology and started piling vegetables on Snape´s plate as he was in charge of the food. Meanwhile Draco poured a goblet of pumpkin juice for his head of house.

Snape used the time the boys worked to glare daggers at Sirius. He showed his teeth with a growl once or twice, but said nothing after the headmaster´s outburst.

Lucius, worrying about his son, tried to restore calm by changing the topic. "This roast chicken is excellent, headmaster. Do I taste a hint of rosemary? Your elves have to give me the recipe!"

"Since when are you interested in cooking, cousin?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Cooking is a splendid passtime," insisted Lucius. "Only last week Narcissa and I made crème brulé. It was so relaxing. Not to mention how rewarding it was."

"I guess enjoying French vanilla cream with cousin Narcissa could be called rewarding," agreed Sirius. "We had a lot of fun when we were younger."

"What do you mean?" Lucius narrowed his eyes.

"What do you think I mean?" Sirius smirked.

"My wife will be spoken of with the respect she deserves," Lucius reached for his wand.

"Don´t accuse me of speaking without respect when you were thinking without," Sirius replied and helped himself to another drumstick. "You´re right, Lucius. I think they used rosemary."

"Rosemary is one of my favourite spices," Dumbledore pointed out. "I have a pot in my study. It´s very useful."

"Useful?" Draco joined the conversation.

"Of course, dear boy!" Dumbledore licked his fingers clean after finishing his chicken. "You can use it for cooking, potions and as a Christmas tree! And I like the smell in my socks. I always make sure to have a twig of rosemary in my sock drawer."

The other wizards made faces at the thought of rosemary socks.

"Really!" insisted the headmaster. "Rosemary is great for socks!" He took off a shoe, lifted his leg towards Sirius and twiggled his toes. "Sirius, tell them!"

The man leaned to the offered foot a bit and sniffed. "Definitely rosemary," he confirmed, "and it´s not as bad as I anticipated."

"You thought it was bad?" Dumbledore sounded disappointed and hurt. "I´ve been experimenting with socks for nearly a century!"

"You mentioned you were interested in socks," Harry said merrily. He smiled at the old wizard.

"You remember? How kind!" the old man smiled back.

"You´ve been discussing socks with students? Oh, wait! Probably only with the Golden Boy!" Snape huffed.

Said Golden Boy glared at his professor angrily and shut him up with a big forkful of mashed potatoe. Snape coughed until his eyes were watering. "Do you want to kill me, Potter? Small bites! How difficult is that to understand?"

"It´s your own fault if you make the boy want to suffocate you," Sirius muttered.

Snape snarled and Lucius saw it fit to interfere again. "You know, the only herb I prefer to rosemary is ... ahem ... spinach."

"Spinach isn´t a herb." Snape didn´t take his eyes off Sirius for an instant.

"Well, it´s not so different from other herbs. Sorrel, for example, can be mixed up with spinach easily," Lucius pointed out defensively and Dumbledore and Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Only a dunderhead would mix up spinach and sorrel," Snape went into classroom mode. "Spinach has darker leaves and sorrel has a unique smell and taste. The spinach leaves are softer and smoother. But most importantly, spinach is a vegetable! I´m sure even Potter is able to distinguish the two."

"Hey! What do you mean by ´even Potter´?" Harry whined.

"Your potions skills have been discussed earlier. Don´t fake hurt when I´m speaking the truth!"

"Shut up, Snivellus! Harry may be a little dense when it comes to potions, but that´s no reason to insult him!"

"Thank you, Sirius!" Harry smiled at his godfather gratefully.

"Scratch out ´when it comes to potions´," muttered Draco.

"My favourite herb is lemon balm. It´s so decorative on desserts," the headmaster stated benignly. "And you, Draco, which herb do you like?"

The blond blushed at being addressed so abruptly. "Chives," he said then. "I like chives."

"An excellent choice," cried Dumbledore.

Shortly later Lucius took his leave after reminding the headmaster to keep his son safe. "I will kill you with my bare hands if Draco is hurt when Sirius and Severus have a go at each other. I still think that cousin Sirius is a bad choice as chaperone."

After Lucius´s departure, the headmaster took the chaperone for a walk and the trio went back to the dungeons. They had lessons in the afternoon, after all.