Author's Note: YEY! I promise I will update faster right? So here it is! Hahaha! Well it was because it was only 830 words long... I have to make it short for some reasons... Anyways, things will get a little more complicated in the upcoming chapters... Hahaha! So please stay with me okay? "D
Warning: Grammatical and spelling errors... Beta reader... Anyone? Please?
Disclaimer: Ugh... You know the drill... :)
Resolve
I gazed at the dark night of Prague, aware that I am looking utterly depressed, while holding my cell phone in my hand. I can't help it, her face, her tears, her words haunted me like a ghost from my past. But past can be easily forgotten, it can be erased from my memory, but this, she is the present.
It's been three weeks since I last saw the woman. It was that night, the meeting in the café where I last saw her. Ever since, her everything never left my memory.
...Even if it hurts so much…
Pang.
It hit my insides again when I recall her words.
I tried calling her before going to Prague. Of course, the reason is work. I need to judge some piano competition here. Heck I didn't even know what the name of the competition is! I was so busy with my haunting thoughts that I am not even aware if I'd made the right judging for the competitors. I can't believe it, me, the workaholic bastard will be so messed up like this? But for the moment, even if it jeopardizes my way of judging or anything that will be concerned, I don't care. I just do not care.
I called, God knows how many times I had called her, but no strange mongoose woman answered the damn phone. I tried her landline and her cell phone but the damn thing just keep on ringing. Until now, I tried reaching her.
My mind was never at peace, those three weeks was never at peace. I keep on seeing her tear-stained face and her broken voice. What does that mongoose woman want from me? Does she want me to have schizophrenia?
I might be going crazy, that I am. I should have not expressed that damn relief when she wanted to end things about what had happened to us. I am just relief. Yes, relief. I am still sticking with my resolve that career will be my priority and I can't do that without hurting her.
And I don't want to hurt her anymore.
I don't want to abuse her anymore.
But if she insists on staying my side, I always hurt and abuse her.
Did she know how much it haunted me when she say "I love you Sempai" and I pretend to not hear a word she had said? I don't want to hurt her anymore because it poisoned me when she cries and silently beg for my affection.
I like Nodame, but I know it was not enough. I don't love her, at least that what I define my feeling for now.
I am ambitious and I will repeat it for the world to know. I wanted to love her too, but I can't do it with my current ambitions. At least if I will fall in love with her, I want it to be at my own will, not because I am forced to, not because of guilt, not because of obligation and most of all, not because of pity. I wanted to be in love with her that I will be willing to give up everything and do my most to make her happy.
I wanted to say sorry because now, it is clear that I don't love her for I wouldn't be relief when the burden was now off in my shoulder. See? I even refer that event to be a burden.
I don't know what got into my mind to commit that. Three weeks ago, I was still torn apart with the idea of being to be in love with her as the result of the event, but I didn't found the real reason why I had done it to her because before I know it, she had her resolve.
And I have my resolve too. I have to break it. I have to break it for her. I had enjoyed her company, I loved her company, I even like her but again, not sure of to what level that likeness was placed. I will miss her, that's for sure, but then, this will be better. She will be freed, she will not be taken for granted anymore, she will not be neglected anymore, she will not be abused and most of all, she will not be hurt anymore.
When I come back to Paris, I will talk to her, to end things properly, I wanted to apologize and wish her the best of luck in her career. I know she will be mad at me, furious to be exact and I will be more than willing to receive her punch if she will give me one.
I had decided, it will end. Whatever she calls to our relationship, it will be over. It is, after all for her.
Tomorrow, I will have my flight back to Paris. Tomorrow, I will search for her. Tomorrow, I will talk to her. Tomorrow, I'll break up with her.
Thanks for the reviewers! Please boost me up... I am kind of down because I don't know if this fic will be good enough... T^T Anyways, I hope my anonymous reviewers will have an account here in FFN... I hope you guys will... Anyways, THANK YOU SO MUCH! :)
