Chapter 7
Jane and Maura stepped off of the elevator and into the lobby of the ER. Frankie greeted Jane with his arms outstretched, tears pooled in his eyes. "Thank God, Janie," he said as he embraced her.
"What's going on?"
"Ma said it happened so quick."
"What did?" Jane was having a hard time getting answers from Frankie so she pushed him aside to Maura. "Where is he?"
Frankie pointed to the first room on the left. "He doesn't have much time."
Jane felt like someone had pierced her heart with a javelin spear. "What?" her blood ran cold. "Frankie, what the fuck are you talking about?"
Frankie waved her in the direction of the room, "Just go!"
Jane didn't want to go anywhere but back home with Maura and lay safely in her arms. She sighed heavily knowing that these demons that had been tormenting her were about to kick her ass real good. She nodded slowly, acknowledging her fate. She turned to look at Maura. Maura's eyes spoke volumes to her.
Maura kissed Frankie on the cheek, whispered some words of consolation to him and went to Jane's side. She touched Jane's arm and gave her a lingering kiss on the cheek. Maura's heart was undoubtedly breaking for Jane as she embraced her tightly against her.
"I'm not ready." Jane whimpered.
"I know. I'm right here."
Jane was trembling by now and Maura wrapped her arms tighter around her, possibly trying to infuse her with strength.
"Come with me," Jane sighed as she pushed opened the door and went inside.
Even if Maura wanted to protest she couldn't. Maura dealt with death every day. Hell, she was the fucking Queen of the Dead, for crying out loud, but there was just something about seeing the actual finality of someone's life…It was traumatizing.
Maura shudders at her own thoughts.
Inside, Maura stuck to Jane like her shadow, never standing too far away from her. She was always a glance away.
Jane went over and sat down in the chair next to Frank's bed. She glanced up at Tommy who looked absolutely devastated.
"What happened, Ma?" Jane's voice was calm and devoid of any particular emotion.
"After I left you, I came to the hospital with him because he was complaining about dizziness… everything happened so fast, Janie."
Jane nodded. "I understand that, but what did happen?"
"They couldn't get his blood pressure to stabilize and then his heart failed."
Jane squeezed her eyes shut tightly. She knew that was a painful experience for her father.
"Fuck…" She forced the tears to stay inside.
Tommy began pacing back and forth; he was having a hard time containing his anger.
"You know he called you, Jane." His nostrils flared as he suddenly decided he wanted to turn on his big sister.
Jane turned to him, "I know."
"He was probably calling you for help. What the fuck were you doing so important?"
Jane shook her head, she was not about to fight with Tommy over their father's death bed.
"Answer me." He demanded.
Jane could hear the hurt in his voice. He hadn't changed much from the little kid she grew up with, he was just older.
"Not going there with you right now, Tommy."
"Yeah sure, Jane. I can answer that for you. You were getting wasted. Ma told me."
Jane looked over at Angela who just shook her head.
"You were getting wasted while he was dying. This is your fault!" Tears flowed out of his eyes.
She grabbed him and shoved him against the wall. "Shut up! No one is dying. Just shut up."
Tommy chuckled hysterically. "Are you kidding? Look at him." He seemed to calm down a bit after his sister checked him accordingly.
When she turned to look at him, she did indeed see the shadow of death on his face. It was only a matter of time. A tremble passed through her body and suddenly she didn't feel so strong. She almost felt feather light. She could no longer feel her legs.
"Mau," she started to say her name, but before she could finish, she was already there, arms embracing her and supporting her weight. Jane was so happy to feel the familiarity of those same arms wrapped securely around her.
"Tommy," Maura said gently. "Please, you know this isn't your sister's fault. That's not fair."
Tommy always shut up when Maura corrected him, his face hardening with grief. "This ain't fair, Maura."
"I know. And I'm so sorry." Maura looked over to Angela for reinforcement. Angela understood the look in her eyes.
She slowly left Frank's beside and came to Tommy. "Come on, baby. Let Janie have some time with her father." Tommy stared at Jane for a few moments, finally turning and leaving with his mother.
Could he really blame her for this? Could she really have done anything to help him?
Those questions reverberated throughout her brain; she never really wanted an answer though.
She finally sat back down at his bedside; Maura joined her in the next chair.
Jane glanced over at her, for she was at a loss for words. She retrieved her phone from her hip and scrolled back through the text messages.
She never read the ones from her father…
She opened up his message that he sent to her while she was at the precinct:
Frank: Hey baby. I thought I would try this texting thing. They say you like to text.
Frank: Are you there?
Frank: Listen, I know you are probably angry still, princess.
Frank: I didn't mean to hurt you and your mother and boys. I was so wrong, denying you. For all it's worth babygirl. I'm sorry.
Jane cupped her mouth as she scrolled down to the next and last text. It was time stamped during the time Jane was drinking at the bar. Tommy was right…
Frank: Janie, I don't feel so hot. Is your mother with you?
And that was it…
Tears burst forth in her eyes. She grabbed her father's hand and laid her head down beside him.
"Oh, Daddy… I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." She couldn't hold her sobs in any longer, she just let it all go. Nothing could stop her from weeping so deeply, not even the reassuring caresses of Maura's hand on her back.
Maura said nothing. She allowed Jane to weep for her dying father in silence, but in actuality, all she wanted to really do was take her into her arms and hold her.
She knew there was a time and place for everything.
Frank stirred gently. "Janie?" His voice was weak and nearly devoid of life.
Jane's head popped up. "Yes Daddy. I'm here… I'm here." Her face was wet with tears, distorted by anguish.
Frank tried to say something, but nothing came out. He just stared at his baby girl with such love and adoration. He mouthed the words, "I'm sorry." A tear escaped his eye.
"No, please don't say anything. Save your strength."
Maura rose from her seat and walked to Jane's side. He had a just a few minutes left. She touched her on the shoulder, preparing her for what she knew was coming. She knew Jane was willing a miraculous recovery that would never come.
"Maura," Frank breathed her name heavily. She was shocked that he would address her. She bent down to him, getting closer so he wouldn't have to strain.
"Yes, Mr. Rizzoli?"
Frank swallowed hard a few times while trying to focus on Maura's eyes. "Take care of my baby girl…" His voice cracked at the end. He knew he was going to die, so he was entrusting Maura with Jane's well-being.
Maura nodded, "I will."
She looked over at Jane who was trying to remain calm but the little girl in her came out. She was losing her father and there was nothing she could do to save him.
Jane leaned over and kissed her father on the forehead, "I love you, Daddy. I love you so much. You know that right?" She nodded at him as he gazed sleepily into her eyes. Finally he nodded slowly.
Maura closed her eyes; she couldn't bear to see Jane in so much pain. She put her arm around her and let her know that she was there.
"I'm so sorry." Jane choked out.
"It's okay…" Frank gasped deeply for air, and then he slowly let it out. "Princess…Love." His head started to slowly fall to the side. He panted briefly, and then with his last breath he breathed the word, "Family."
Jane stood in shock, not sure if she was really living in this moment or if this was just a horrible dream. She watched her father's lifeless body for a few moments, before it dawned on her that he was gone.
"He's gone, Jane. I'm sorry." She said as she pulled away from her.
"No, don't go." Jane struggled to hold on to the only evidence that life can go on.
"I'll be back, I promise. I'm going to get the nurse." Maura disappeared quickly and reappeared just as quickly with the nurse and the rest of the Rizzolis.
Angela stood by the foot of the bed and sighed heavily. She was possibly thinking about the many years she had with him, and how in an instant, life could change. Frankie and Tommy stood behind Angela and looked on. Tommy of course, being the baby of the family couldn't take it. He wept in his mother's arms.
Jane was numb, she couldn't feel anything.
The nurse called his time of death, and asked if they wanted to stay. Jane bent down and gave him one last kiss on the forehead and whispered in his ear, "I love you, Daddy." Then she bolted out of the door.
She had no clue of where she was going she just needed to run. She was vaguely conscious of the fact that her family was chasing her, as she flew down the corridor towards the exit. She dipped into the elevator where she thought she was alone, but Maura and Angela came in after her. She felt like she was having a heart attack. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, she just wanted to wake up out of this nightmare.
Angela tried to touch her as the doors closed behind them. She retracted. "No, please don't touch me." Jane paced back and forth as she grabbed her chest, desperately trying to catch her breath.
Angela, being the observant person that she was, slowly moved into the corner and allowed Maura to come forward. Angela knew that Maura was the only person who has ever been able to calm Jane through her panic attacks.
"I can't breathe." Jane pants as she fell back against the wall of the elevator.
Maura hit the emergency stop button and came to her side. She took Jane's hands, clasping them tightly and securely against her chest.
"Look at me, Jane."
Jane didn't comply at first. Maura gave her a gently shake. "Sweetie, look at me."
Jane's eyes rose and met Maura's. Her eyes were reddened from crying. "I can't breathe, Maur." She slid down to the floor, pulling Maura with her.
"Keep your eyes on me, okay?" Maura coached.
"I just want to die." Jane exclaimed.
"No you don't." Maura said sternly. "Please, don't talk like this."
Jane's hands were in tight fists, trembling violently. "Please let me go. I need to get out of here."
"No I'm not going to let you go."
Jane pulled away from her but Maura held on. She didn't want to lash out, but she had no control over what was happening.
"Let me fucking go, Maura." Jane clenched her jaw tightly shut, as the overwhelming waves of panic rushed over her body. She had to get out of here… run… somewhere… anywhere but here.
"We're going to get through this together."
"Damn it, no. You don't care."
"I do care!" Maura refused to let her go, both physically and emotionally.
Jane was trying to get out of Maura's grip, she was about to kick it up a notch, and Maura was certain that she was about to get banged up. But damn it Jane was worth it!
Angela encouraged Maura to let Jane go just about the same time that Jane broke loose, causing Maura to fall backwards. Jane watched in horror as her beautiful friend went tumbling backwards. She was okay, but Jane didn't know that.
A moment later Angela tried to help her up but she rejected Angela's help and stalked back over to Jane who was still staring at her. She cupped Jane's face with her trembling hands.
"I will not back down, Jane." Maura's eyes searched Jane's for a glimmer of understanding. She found it.
Jane began to cry. "I'm sorry."
"Shh…" Maura soothed her. Her love was overflowing for Jane as she did the only thing that felt right. She pressed her lips firmly against Jane's in a comforting deep kiss. She didn't even care that Angela was standing there. She continued to kiss the woman whom she loved until she felt her body relax underneath her.
She released Jane's lips gently as Jane looked into her eyes. "I love you," Maura said so softly as her breath danced across Jane's lips.
"I love you too." Jane said in a calmer voice. Her body had relaxed as Maura fought her demons with her. No one had ever tried so hard before.
"I promised you that I'll be there for you. I intend on keeping that promise, god damn it." Maura was choked on her words as her heart leapt into her throat.
Jane nodded, "I know."
"I am so sorry," she kissed her lightly again on the lips, "We'll get through this together."
Jane nodded, and glanced up at her mother. Jane wasn't ashamed of the intimacy between her and Maura. She was actually glad that Angela had witnessed it. Angela nodded approvingly and pushed the button to start the elevator again.
"Let me take you home, Jane." Maura said as she slipped her arms around her waist and pulled her into a standing position.
Jane simply leaned back against the wall of the elevator and cried softly. Maura rubbed Jane's flat belly keeping her hand there to support her steady breathing. The doors eventually opened and Jane's brothers were standing outside of the door along with a few other waiting passengers.
Jane didn't even look at them as Maura guided her off the elevator and out the door. Before they reached the door, Angela stopped Maura.
Maura turned cautiously, certain that Angela was about to confront her about the kiss. She waited for the grief stricken mother to speak. Angela simply smiled warmly and kissed Maura softly on the cheek.
"Thank you, Maura. Take my baby home." She touched her softly and turned back towards the Rizzoli boys.
Maura watched them disappear back into the hospital, after which she put Jane into the car and took her home… Back to her house.
Note: Hope you like this one. I was sad writing this. Remembering my own dad.
