Matt's Guide to Love, Dating, and Marriage

Lesson 7

"Planning the perfect casual date."

This is a BIG lesson. I mean, it's really important that on your first date, you plan it out well. If you don't, shit could hit the fan. That's figurative speech, although...it wouldn't surprise me if somehow that statement got literal.

Planning the perfect date will lead to a successful relationship most of the time. I say most of the time because sometimes shit happens, and one of you cheats on the other one (that will be discussed in another lesson), or because one of you falls out of love with the other one (not hard to do if said other person happens to be Mikami).

Anyway, a perfect date is not only good for furthering your relationship, it is also good for starting a relationship as well!


Okay. Here we go. Normally, most people like going on a casual date for their first date. Unless, of course, you happen to be in love with someone really professional or something, in which case, you'd want to make a formal date instead of a casual date. But for this lesson, we're going to focus on casual dates. Formal dates will be discussed in the next chapter.

MOVIE DATE - The movie date is a classic. You take your partner out to see a movie. Now, here are the rules for a movie date.

First off, don't buy the tickets for the movie ahead of time unless you and your partner have already discussed what movie THEY want to see. If they like romantic movies and you manage to score tickets for the latest horror flick, don't take them to see that. Unless, of course, you want them clinging to you throughout the night sobbing their heart out because they're afraid the Grudge is going to steal their soul. (Trust me. Some people would like this, but Mello's like a heat generator. And in the summer, it's not...really that great. But what can I do? I can't push him out of the bed unless I want to get socked in the face.)

Second, if you already do have the tickets for the movie that they want to see, then that's great! You don't have to wait in line. But you want to get to the theater early so that you can get good seats for you guys.

Third, it would also be an excellent idea to buy them chocolate (or whatever snack food they like) before the movie starts.

And finally, pick them up. Don't make them get to the theater by themselves. Because that tells them that you don't really want to be concerned with them. So...pick them up.


COFFEE DATE - Going on a coffee date with someone is great! Unless, of course, the cafe happens to be crowded as fuck.

Since it's impossible to make reservations on a cafe, make sure that you get there when most people are at work or in school or something like that. Generally, the early mornings aren't a good time to go, and late afternoons aren't a good time to go, either. Middle of the day is good.

There's really only two rules for coffee dates.

1. You pay for the coffee/food.

2. You don't talk about yourself, instead, you talk about them and their interests, their hobbies, etc. Make small talk and get closer to them.

3. Make eye contact. That says a lot.

Also, just a little tip: It's not a good idea to trip and spill coffee all over them. That could...severely end your relationship.


MEAL DATE - A meal date is a date where you take your partner out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. NOT to be confused with a formal meal date, because regular meal dates don't take place at formal white tie restaurants.

Because this is a casual date, you can't really make reservations. Unless you call the place and beg them to save a table for you ahead of time.

First off, you do NOT want to go to McDonalds or any other fast food restaurant. Because that's...pretty sloppy. Unless they enjoy eating fast food. (I don't know about your partner, but Mello scorns McDonalds like it's the spawn of Satan.)

Second, once again, you pay. It's a general rule that if you ask someone on a date, you pay for the food.

Third, you don't talk about yourself, but talk about them. It's the subtle way of finding out what they like so you can surprise them on their birthday or V Day or something with a gift that you know they'll enjoy.

Fourth, make sure that you aren't preoccupied with doing something else while you're on your date. By this, I mean that you shouldn't be texting while you're having dinner with them or whatever. Because that's just plain rude.

Fifth, once again, eye contact is good. Just make sure you're not glaring at them the entire time. Be soft and nice. Also make sure that your eyes do not stray to an inappropriate part of their body. This is more for people who have partners that are women, because if your partner is a guy, the thing is kind of under the table. And unless you want to stand up and lean over the table and stare down, then...uh...okay....if that's the case, could I ask you: Are you related to Mikami? Like, are you even distant cousins or anything? Because that kind of sounds like the kind of thing Mikami would do. That guy has no shame. Seriously.

And sixth, please make sure to dress a bit higher up than you usually do. A T-shirt and jeans is fine for a casual date, but make sure that you don't show up wearing...I don't know, a wifebeater and basketball shorts and beat up shoes. At least try to make yourself look like more than you really are.


Anyway, dates are a good way to get to know your partner better and they can help further your relationship or start your relationship. However, if you screw up and deviate from these guidelines or blow them off all together, then...you might find yourself locked out of your flat. And your lover will NOT let you back in the house.

Believe me. It's happened to me before. Although he caved in eventually. (I was seriously going to stake him out in my car. Not even joking. But he only lasted for two days. I mean, come on! He's the freaking mafia leader! I staked HIM out, not the other way around. I was equipped for MONTHS of car life.)

Come back next time for more love, dating, and marriage advice!