Chapter 7: Where to Now?
Snape was still sitting by the creek; hours after Lily had departed from him. He was experiencing a powerful mixture of raw emotions, from love to giddy delirium to apprehension. The lovesickness and the rapture spoke for themselves; Snape had, after all, succeeded in making Lily look at him with an expression more affectionate that the hatred which he had grown accustomed to during the last few years they spent at Hogwarts.
Snape remembered the day when Lily, his beloved Lily, started going out with James Potter. Snape had known for a long time that Potter fancied Lily, but was unprepared for her acquiescence in regards to Potter's affections. Snape reflected ruefully on that fateful day, when Gryffindor house was abuzz with the excitement that only silly, dizzy gossip can bring. Snape had been sitting in the Great Hall, trying to change the conversation at the Slytherin table as Mulciber and Malfoy were ranting about Half-Bloods. Failing to distract Mulciber and Malfoy from their conversation about "filthy Mudbloods" and "hideous Half-Bloods" (Snape himself being Half-Blood), he decided to use the sea of students as a shield to hide himself from the eyes of the Gryffindors, as he left for the Forbidden Forest.
As he had passed the Gryffindor table, using a couple of hapless giggling Hufflepuff girls as cover, his ears were met by the sound of applause. Turning his head almost imperceptibly towards the Gryffindors, Snape saw, out of the corner of his eye, the dog Sirius Black slapping James on the back in congratulations.
Not knowing or caring what the great Quidditch hero had accomplished next time, Snape had tried to make his way past the table, when Sirius's voice stopped him in his tracks.
'Nice one, James! At last, your efforts to secure the wonderful and elusive Lily Evans have been rewarded!'
'Yeah,' added a Gryffindor named James Plygoth, 'after all those failed attempts-ouch!'
Potter had just punched Plygoth on the arm, and the latter glared at Potter in mock fury as he rubbed his arm.
Snape had suddenly felt as though his insides had been emptied out of his body. At that point he felt like his heart had been wrenched from his chest with a silver hand, similar in composition to the one that Voldemort had rewarded Wormtail with years later. Unfortunately, his heart was in his chest, and it had beat furiously, pumping blood around his trembling body, which had felt chilly despite the hot July sun.
Not desiring to lurk around and listen to Potter's boasting, Snape had run out of the hall. His legs felt heavy, and poor Snape had wanted to drop where he was standing, and sob furiously. For a wild moment he had not cared who saw his angst, be it Black, Mulciber, Malfoy, Professor Dumbledore, Potter, anyone! Let them all see him break! Let everyone know that he, the Half-Blood Price, was in fact, heartbroken. Let them all bear witness to his destruction, his downfall.
Anyone but her.
Snape had composed himself with a jolt, remembering that he hadn't spoken to Lily for almost two years. Slowing to a perfectly executed glide, Snape had let his customary dead-pan expression wash over his face, so that he had looked ghostly and wan. He would escape into the Forbidden Forest and release his emotions there.
Heading outside, he had passed her. She was carrying her potions book, and upon seeing Snape, stared at him for a brief moment or two. Snape could have almost sworn that he saw Lily throw him a smug look, but he could not stand to look at her to confirm that theory.
Now, sitting by the creek having just had a civil conversation with Lily for the first time in years, Snape cracked a wry smile as he remembered his NEWTs. Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts were the subjects in which he had performed the exams with utter confidence in his abilities. His results reflected this. However, when it came time to complete the practical component of his Transfiguration exam, he found that he fell drastically short of his high expectations. He was supposed to turn pebbles into twittering birds. He had pointed his wand at the coloured stones, spoke the incantation, and watched, aghast, as they grew copious amounts of petals and formed themselves into…lilies. The examiner was very kind, giving Snape several chances to correct the spell, but no matter how hard Snape had tried, the pebbles kept transforming into lilies, and were stubbornly refusing to change into birds.
Snape had truly lived an unhappy life after Hogwarts, but his death was glowing more brightly every minute.
However, Snape was a realist, so he doubted that his destiny was to spend eternity following Lily's shadow around the Fountain, although this course of action would still bring him more happiness than he could have ever hoped for in life.
'Lily?'
No reply. She was long gone. Probably having the time of her lif-well, having a terrific time with Potter, he thought resentfully, seeing no humour in the fact that Lily couldn't be technically having the time of her life.
Snape saw no point in remaining at that spot. His desire for answers about this place was equal to his wish to remain still and dream about Lily Evans.
He wandered on, not knowing where he was going. Either way, he was neither in danger, nor was he in any hurry. Up ahead of him, Snape saw the barest outline of two or three people shimmer, as though they were caught in a mirage, and then disappear. Golden light cast a glow over the glade, a glow that flattered even Snape's pallid features. Catching his reflection in a huge piece of purple crystal, Snape smiled cynically and thought to himself: Too little, too late.
'Do you want to know about Elevation too, lad?' a tiny voice hissed in his ear.
Jumping, Snape spun around, wand at the ready. Then he realised that he was practically invulnerable, as he was already dead. His immortal body could be destroyed by none. Behind him, a little old man was staring at Snape imperiously, his snout-like nose turned up into the air. This odd little man was wearing a magenta robe and carried a set of scales in his hand.
'I know the spell,' Snape said smoothly, pointing his wand at the stranger, muttering 'levicorpus.'
The man snorted with laughter, and wheezed as he pointed a decrepit finger at Snape in mockery.
'I think we is on a different wavelength 'ere, 'aint we?'
Snape was very much insulted by this, as well as perplexed as to why his spell failed on this old man.
'What is you playin' at, you gnome?' the old man asked, mocking Snape. 'Don't you know who I am?'
Snape curled his lip and didn't reply. He wouldn't lower himself to engage in silly games with this fool.
'Why,' continued the stranger, 'I am the true gatekeeper of the Fountain. This place is mine! And,' the old man lowered his tone conspiratorially, 'them people you saw, all shimmery there, they 'ave just moved on. They 'ave experienced death in the Fountain, found that they 'ad no purpose 'ere…and chose to move on.
'Come with me, and if you choose, you can move on too.'
Snape was not feeling very confident about this business of moving on, as he did not want to leave Lily behind. However, he didn't see any harm in finding out about the process. He decided to take a walk with the little wheezy old man.
