A/N: Oh my god... Nothing particularly traumatic to warn about in this chapter, although I will add a trigger warning for self-harm talk.
And I will give fair warning that this might be the calm before the shitstorm... Read on to the next chapter at your own peril.
Chapter Seven.
Axel's terse answer to Roxas' curious question had been so unexpected that Roxas simply stood there blinking at the redhead blankly, replaying the words over in his head in an attempt to make them make sense. If he was honest with himself Roxas would never in a million, thousand, trillion years have expected to hear the words 'I'm a cutter' come out of Axel's mouth and part of his nonplussed silence was due to his amazement at how flawlessly the redhead had masked that aspect of himself. Time ticked by and the silence drew out.
His brain was working so slowly that it took Roxas almost five minutes to pick up on the fact that Axel was withdrawing into himself, but when he did click it felt like his brain had been doused in ice water. All at once it hit Roxas how hard it must have been for Axel to disclose his secret and he felt a tug at his heart, a deep surge of empathy as he remembered how it felt when he first allowed his own story to fall out of his mouth. Still trying to force his brain to catch up Roxas managed to make his mouth say, 'Ax…'
Axel didn't look up at the sound of Roxas' voice and actually shrank back a little against the wall causing Roxas to reevaluate exactly what it had cost the redhead to open his mouth. A flash of insight hit Roxas between the eyes and he completely forgot the loose bandages on his stomach saying in a wondering voice, 'Gaia Ax, you've never told anyone have you? What the hell… Why… You didn't have to tell me…'
Once again Axel took Roxas by surprise as, before the teen's eyes, he shivered slightly and then visibly slammed his walls back into place. Looking up with absolutely no expression on his face Axel said flatly, 'Because I didn't want to come off as a self-pitying waste of space. I mean I am, but with the shit that you're going through… Look, Rox, you shouldn't have to deal with my shit on top of your own.'
The tone in Axel's voice was one that Roxas hadn't heard from him before and it took him a second to realize that it was a tone of frustration flavoured with an unhealthy level of self-loathing. Not liking the remote look on Axel's face or the bleak sound of his voice Roxas tried to inject some strength into his own voice as he said, 'Ax… I thought we were friends right? How is it a friendship if you take on my horrible shit but I leave you alone with yours? And you haven't have you? Told anyone else this?'
As he spoke Roxas saw a small spark of something flicker in Axel's eyes and he stared intently at the other teen, trying through sheer force of will to make him come back from wherever he had gone in his head. After a long pause Roxas' patience was rewarded as Axel flicked his eyes up to meet his gaze and muttered, 'I want… We are friends… I hope. And no Roxas, no one knows. Not Xaldin, not Zexion, not my cousin Reno, the only family I have left… I wish you didn't know either okay?'
Roxas winced at the bitter vehemence in Axel's tone and impulsively reached out to squeeze his arm, wanting only to communicate understanding and concern. The reaction to his simple gesture nearly gave Roxas a heart attack however when Axel's eyes remained fixed on his but his hand moved in a blur to grab Roxas' wrist. Frozen with shock Roxas could only stare as Axel whispered, 'Don't… Please don't do that. It's still healing…'
Axel had actually felt hope stir within in him when Roxas didn't run for the hills and even tried to talk him out of his semi-dissociation, but mere seconds later he was cursing himself for even thinking in a positive tone. The second that Roxas began to reach out Axel had a prophetic flash of the teen's intent and using speed he usually reserved for combat he caught Roxas' hand a clear six inches from his wounded arm. Only just avoiding swallowing his tongue Axel just managed to whisper, 'Don't… Please don't do that. It's still healing…'
Still grasping Roxas' outstretched hand gently in his long fingers Axel slid off the lip of the bath onto his feet and stepped back to put a little space between them. Feeling like he would die of humiliation if his stupidity was the focus of conversation for one more second Axel held up the box that was still in his hand and fighting to keep the note of desperation out of his voice said, 'At risk of being accused of blatantly changing the subject, we need to do something about you Rox. I, um, if for some reason you want to we can pick this up later, but can we get you cleaned up before you bleed on something we can't easily clean?'
There was one more second of crystal-sharp silence before Roxas gave Axel a pointed look of 'you know this isn't over' and nodded slowly saying, 'I don't know where to start really. I've pretty much half-assed my way through this and to be honest I think I'm lucky that I haven't ended up in the hospital with some sort of horrible infection.'
With the focus moving away from his own injuries Axel regained a little of his self-possession and his brain began to work again. Realizing that he was still holding Roxas' hand Axel let go of the blonde's fingers self-consciously and gestured for him to take a seat on the closed lid of the toilet. Eyeing what he could see of Roxas' stomach Axel tried to channel the tattered remnants of his customary swagger saying, 'Have a seat and let Nurse Axel have a look at you. If you're a good boy and sit still we'll get you right as rain and you can have a lollypop when we're done.'
After the roller coaster his emotions had just put him through it made Axel both smile and sigh with relief to hear Roxas chuckle quietly as he took a seat. Aware of the tension in Roxas' shoulders as he lifted the bottom of his shirt Axel crouched at the teen's side and rested his elbows on his knees, assessing with an experienced eye the best way to approach the task. Axel's gaze ran over the roughly wrapped, makeshift bandages taking note of the patches of dried blood along with the spots where fresh blood was oozing through. A couple of analytical seconds after Roxas sat down Axel decided that he would have to just jump in and do his best to clean up the mess.
Axel's hand was halfway to Roxas' midriff when he had a sudden thought. Freezing before he touched the other teen Axel looked up into Roxas' uneasy gaze and said with a hint of self-derision, 'Rox, I'm going to need to unwrap you and, uh, touch you. I didn't even think, are you going to be okay with that? I guess we could… I could sit over here and walk you through what to do if that would be better for you…'
Before Axel could ramble on further Roxas held his hand up and said resolutely, albeit with a slight tremor in his voice, 'Ax it's okay. I think. We'd be here forever… Just… Can you tell me what you're doing? I don't… I don't do well with surprises.'
Privately admiring the hell out of Roxas for his resolute stubbornness Axel simply nodded and went to work. With hands that he forced to steadiness Axel gently teased the soiled strips of fabric away from the half-healed wounds on Roxas' stomach, talking in a low, even voice describing exactly what he was doing. Wincing each time Roxas flinched Axel worked quickly and efficiently, cleaning away the dried and half dried blood and then covering each cut with a clean dressing and taping it down firmly. It felt like it took forever due to the sheer number of lacerations on Roxas' skin, but when Axel finally sat back and looked at his watch he saw that in reality it had only taken just over forty minutes.
Letting out a sigh that was echoed faintly by Roxas Axel got to his feet and offered his hand to the other teen, pulling him gently upright. Deciding that Roxas had to still be starving and that it was worth attempting a diversion from their unfinished conversation Axel offered Roxas a lop-sided grin and said, 'Well, now that you're all squared away do you want that late lunch I promised earlier? I make a pretty mean cheese toastie and I may have weakened and bought some chocolate-coated ginger melts that you really need to try if you haven't already…'
By the time Axel ran out of breath he was rolling his eyes at his own word-vomit but Roxas simply smiled and said, 'Ax, I would kill for a cheese toastie right now. And I have to admit, I'm officially intrigued by just how good a chocolate coated ginger biscuit could be.'
Sitting in the passenger seat of Axel's car on the way to Taekwon-do Roxas swore to himself that the next time he was in town he would buy out the supermarket's supply of Ginger Melts. After the intense time in the bathroom focused on injury and pain, the afternoon had become a biscuitary education for Roxas and he was unashamed to admit that he would sell a small child to a vivisectionist if it meant he could devour more of the chocolaty ginger delights. Also, Roxas had been once more amazed at how easy it was to be practically normal around the paradoxical redhead.
Things only got better for Roxas when he arrived at training as right after the warm up Xaldin called him up the front for a short chat. Five minute's conversation with the grinning instructor left Roxas with a disbelieving smile stretched across his face and moments later he was in the small side room with Axel, cleared to attempt some gentle kicks and to run through a light series of patterns. Elated to be actually back at actual Taekwon-do, doing actual things actually, Roxas stood in front of Axel and bestowed upon the smiling teen a brilliant grin that he was unaware transformed his whole face into something approaching beautifully angelic.
Roxas grinned and looked up into Axel's face but his smile faded into a quizzical look as he realized that Axel seemed to have spaced out and was staring back at him and beaming in a dopey manner. Waving his hand in front of Axel's face didn't produce any results and it was only when Roxas snickered and flicked the teen right in the centre of the forehead that he blinked and shook his head. Filing away Axel's slightly stranger than usual behaviour for discussion at a later date Roxas prodded the redhead until the instructing started to happen and he began to soak up the technical details of how to kick someone's testicles out of their ears, in slow motion for the moment.
Taking it easy on himself with respect to the recent punishment his body had been enduring Roxas watched carefully as Axel demonstrated step by step how to perform a basic kick and then, leaning on the other teen, he copied the action as closely as possible. Two hours passed impossibly quickly and it was with great reluctance that Roxas bowed to Axel and followed him back into the main hall for the ending of class. Once Xaldin dismissed his students with a jovial reminder to practice every waking moment Roxas joined in helping clean up the hall and when all the equipment was away the blonde teen intercepted a wink from Axel, the signal to put their prearranged plan into action.
Roxas drew on his rather well developed acting abilities to appear both bored and impatient as he walked out of the Taekwon-do hall, following an equally impatient looking Axel to his car. Without a word Roxas climbed awkwardly into the vehicle and just as silently Axel got in and started up the car, pulling out of the parking lot with a screech of tires. The silence lasted for almost five minutes of driving before Roxas, who had been scanning the sparse traffic for any followers, sighed in relief and said quietly, 'Well Ax, if there's anyone following us then they've learnt how to be invisible and we're completely fucked anyway. Can you drive a little slower maybe?'
In response to Roxas' tentatively hopeful comment Axel chuckled under his breath and decelerated to the slowest speed he could go while still moving forward. The two teens spent the drawn out trip back to the boarding school engrossed in a rambling conversation about just about every trivial thing under the sun, culminating in Roxas' delight at discovering that Axel was also a rabid fan of everything ever written by Stephen King. When Axel pulled to a stop just around the corner from the school gates Roxas sighed and tried to suppress the overwhelming feeling of gloom that descended as he got closer to his prison.
His mind already whispering that Vexen would be waiting for him to set foot on the school grounds Roxas was taken by surprise when Axel picked an uninjured spot on his shoulder and nudged him gently. Axel's voice held equal amounts of concern and hope as he said, 'Come on Rox, try and think forward to tomorrow. I know you can't gap it right after school, but if you try and get to training as early as you can we can hang out before class starts. Ah fuck-knuckles, if I could I'd totally whisk you off and try the whole concussion story again just to keep you out of there. I just don't think even Dizzy Diz would fall for that story every night for the rest of the year.'
Axel's abrupt change of thought in the middle of his sentence surprised a laugh out of Roxas and the blonde teen grimaced, smiling a rueful smile as he replied, 'Thanks Axel, for even the thought. Look, before I started at Taekwon-do I had serious doubts that I'd last until the end of the year… But now I catch myself thinking that all I have to do is last out eight months and I'll have a chance at getting away. At risk of sounding like the end of an embarrassingly cheesy movie, you've given me a light at the end of the tunnel.'
Axel listened to Roxas' awkward thank you speech with a rising blush staining his usually pale cheeks. Unable to even take refuge in his usual defence of humour Axel coughed and said quickly, 'Hey, don't sweat it okay? I meant it when I said I'd burn that place to the ground to get you out if it came to it and our current plan is a lot less likely to get me locked up… Fire is my plan B though Rox, just so you're fairly warned. Uh, hey, much as I hate to say it, you should go before you get locked out. I guess the last thing we need is more trouble huh?'
The pang that Axel felt as the grin slipped from Roxas' face was nothing compared to the sinking feeling in his chest as the other teen slowly climbed out of the car and stood indecisively by the open door. Axel was busy kicking himself for killing the semi-happy mood when Roxas leaned forward to peer into the car and said with a small but beautiful smile, 'Stop looking like I kicked your puppy Ax, do what you told me to do and start looking forward to tomorrow already. I promise I'll text you before lights out so you know I'm okay and I'll see you at half past five at training okay?'
Once again caught off-guard by the sheer radiance of a smiling Roxas, Axel did his best to hide the effect the teen's happiness had on him by chuckling and nodding emphatically. As Roxas swung the door closed and walked off towards the school with his head held high however, Axel's control collapsed for a second and a look of abject worry and uncertainty stamped itself across his face before he wiped it away hurriedly. When Roxas was out of sight in the growing darkness Axel reluctantly started the car and headed for home, but as he drove the redhead was unable to stop the wistful smile that curled the corners of his lips at the memory of Roxas looking utterly and purely happy.
Trying to hold onto the good feelings from his time with Axel that were rapidly draining away Roxas trudged in through the school gates and let himself in the front door. Picking up his pace a little in the hopes that he could make it to his room without being caught by Vexen, Roxas moved at a limping trot through the almost deserted corridors towards his dorm. Much to his relived surprise Roxas saw absolutely no sign of Vexen in the couple of minutes it took him to reach his room and even though it was still a good half hour until lights out he slipped through the door silently, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.
Roxas' attempts at silence all came to naught however, as the second he entered the bedroom he was subjected to a small, localized whirlwind that usually went by the name Pence. Almost swept off his feet by the other teen's excitement Roxas only just managed to make it to his bed before pulling Pence down next to him and saying bewilderedly, 'Wow, okay, I'm used to you running round like a chicken on crack but this seems a little more excessive than usual. Care to tell me what has you bouncing off the ceiling tonight Pence?'
As Roxas watched curiously the expression on Pence's face went from gleeful to borderline rapturous, the boy clasping his hands in front of his chest dramatically and trilling, 'Pete managed to snap someone for smoking! Well, two someones and Diz was taking no prisoners. I know they kinda hate you the most, but pretty much everyone is rejoicing that the wicked witches are dead! Hah, no seriously, Vexen and Saix have been handcuffed to Lexaeus and Xigbar to be their bitches for a whole freaking week! Diz even moved them into the rooms next to his so he could keep them under his thumb… Oh Rox, I didn't know Principal Blondie had it in him! Oi, dude, you still in there?'
When Pence blurted out the part about secret smokers getting busted by Pete Roxas started to grin, bracing himself for an entertaining yarn of yelling and punishment. The story quickly burst into metaphorical fireworks and singing birds however when Pence dropped the bomb that Vexen and Saix would be out of commission and under constant supervision for the whole coming week. It was only when Pence started to comically shake him by the shoulder and yell at him not go towards the light that Roxas shook his head violently and sent Pence a blindingly brilliant grin.
Pulling himself together Roxas playfully smacked Pence's hands away and stuck out his tongue. Matching the light-hearted, bantering tone that Pence had set Roxas quipped, 'Sorry man, I thought I'd fallen into a parallel universe… You know that Vexen, Mr Golden Head-Boy, never gets caught or punished for anything in the real world. Now my friend, tell me more about how Pete managed to win a small skirmish in his war on tobacco.'
Roxas spent the half hour before lights out snickering with Pence over the fact of the two biggest bullies at Twilight Boarding School being stuck with chaperones for a whole week, an idea that sent the two teens into borderline hysterics. When Xehanort eventually grumped his way around to their dorm to enforce the lights out rule, Roxas burrowed under his covers with a painfully wide grin on his face and let out a little sigh of joy. For a few minutes Roxas contemplated clandestinely texting Axel from his blanket fortress but tiredness stole up on him suddenly and he fell asleep with the smile still on his face.
Axel was in the middle of measuring the semi-major axis of a stellar orbit in arc-seconds and converting it to a length in lightdays, a problem that was giving him minor issues, when his phone went off and gave him an excuse for a break. Tossing his pencil in the air Axel was halfway across the room before it hit the table and he snatched up his cellphone before making his way over to throw himself on the couch. Seeing that the incoming text was from Roxas, Axel pulled himself out of his failure-induced funk and made himself comfortable.
Before he was halfway through the text Axel's mood flipped and he was almost bubbling over with glee. He had to reread it three times to make sure he hadn't imagined it. For the third time Axel read, 'Gaia's love Ax, there are gods out there. Vexen got caught smoking and he won't get near me for a whole week! He's been assigned a chaperone to follow him everywhere and is basically confined to the rooms next to the Principal's office outside of class time. I don't know what to do with myself Ax, this is fucking insane!'
Finally accepting that yes, his eyes were not playing an elaborate prank on him, Axel let out a laugh of delight and opened a reply, writing quickly, 'Rox, if you could see me now. I've got my hot pink party outfit on and I'm doing a single person conga through every room of my house. I can hardly believe you're serious you know. Please don't text back to say early April Fools.'
It only took seconds for Roxas' next text to come through saying, 'No fools this April Ax, I swear this awesome thing has come to pass. Gaia's love I might even get a chance to heal and get back to proper training again! I have to go to class but break out the champagne, we need to think up some way to celebrate when I make it to your place after school tomorrow.'
Texting back something incoherently ecstatic Axel couldn't resist rolling to his feet and letting out a whoop that echoed around the room. The redhead was in the process of performing an energetic boogie through to the kitchen when the clock struck the hour and his happy little bubble was punctured by the fact that he had a shitload of work to do before the end of the week if he wanted to keep up with his coursework. Ditching the dancing but unable to get rid of smile Axel sat back down at the table, intent on plowing through as many exercises as possible before he had to go meet Roxas.
Axel's euphoria lasted until about ten minutes before his next food break, something that ended up being more of a mental necessity than anything else. The emotional and psychological pressures that had been building up in Axel's life had started out as manageable, but when the whole Roxas Issue had been added to the pre-existing pressures of hard-core study and striving to be good enough to achieve his black belt, the teen found himself struggling just to keep his head above water. In this case, being unable to work his way through a simple question on the characteristics of electromagnetic radiation was enough to bring Axel to the end of his rope.
The snap was relatively subdued, but Axel's true level of distress was revealed by the speed with which he shoved away from the table and headed towards his bedroom. In Axel's mind the voice that had been briefly blanked out by the good feelings of Roxas' news began to crank the volume back up by hissing accurately and crushingly, 'I wouldn't bother getting excited you know moron. Just for the simple fact that in exactly a week that bully dude will be back and doubly extra super pissed that he hasn't got to do his bully thing for a week.'
Bad Red didn't give Axel a second to recover and upgrading from hissing to snarling the voice said, 'Oh Axie, I bet you can imagine how that Vexen character will be feeling after having no little Roxas for a week. This 'reprieve' as you've been thinking of it, it's more like the calm before one hell of a shitstorm. You know what would be really funny? If you bombed in your study, failed miserably at your black belt and then you read in the paper that a certain blondie and his brother had been murdered in a gang related killing.'
Arriving at the door to his room just as the image of Roxas lying dead from a bullet wound burst vividly in his mind's eye, Axel slammed the door behind him and sent his fist crashing into the wall. Shaking his head in an attempt to dislodge the sickening mental image Axel thought desperately back at the voice, 'It won't… It can't happen. This week… It's a good thing goddamn it! Fuck… Just stop…'
If anything the voice injected a note of glee into its tone and continued sardonically, 'Oh yes, it's a good thing if you think an enraged, borderline-psychotic bully is positive. It's a great thing if you wanted Vexen to have nothing else to do but to think of ways he could be having fun with Roxas. And it's a wonderful thing if you wanted to have a whole week to look forward to something you have no way of stopping. Whatcha think about that Axie-Boy?'
With Bad Red's poison echoing round in his head Axel searched for a rebuttal but came up with nothing and slumping down on the edge of the bed he cursed himself for letting his mercurial moods control him so completely. Still trying to banish the lingering picture of Roxas sprawled dead on the ground Axel couldn't stop his gaze from slowly creeping over to his bedside table. With all of his rapidly draining resilience Axel tried to resist the compulsion that pushed him but after a conflicted thirty seconds he lunged forward to scrabble at the drawer.
Axel's fingers closed around his knife but as his gaze caressed the smooth blade his compulsion to gouge holes in himself ran headlong into a sudden upsurge of self-loathing that for once goaded him to put the knife down. Holding the knife in trembling fingers Axel found himself once again imagining the look on Roxas' face if the blonde teen could see him in his current state and the bitter contempt churning in his gut almost made him gag. For a second anger flashed through Axel's confusion and he hurled the knife onto the bed, glaring at it with a mixture of loathing and longing.
Even though Axel's bright green eyes were fixed on the pocketknife lying enticingly on the duvet he found that an image was overlaying reality like a shimmering mirage. Almost as if his new friend was standing right in front of him Axel could see Roxas' face, a smile lighting the teen's face and glowing in his eyes. Feeling all kinds of stupid but unable to stop himself Axel muttered to the Roxas-image, 'I'm sorry I'm so weak. You're living through World War Vexen and you don't do this shit. What the fuck is wrong with me?'
Unexpectedly Axel's vision took on a new dimension of reality and whispered in the ghost of Roxas' voice, 'Don't Ax, don't do it. You told me to fight so I'm fighting… You have to fight too. Don't skip the good things just because you know something bad will come after…'
Blinking bemusedly at the now fading image Axel felt a small smile quirk his lips before his frown returned at the sight of his knife still sitting in front of him. Partly to himself and partly to the vanishing Imaginary-Roxas Axel murmured, 'I don't know Rox… This shit is almost too much you know? I'll try… But fuck, I'm hanging on by the tips of my fingernails.'
The clock chimed loudly in the other room and Axel suddenly realized that it was two o'clock. He swore under his breath, fully aware that he had just three hours in which to get himself together and finish his much neglected astrophysics exercises before he had to get himself to Taekwon-do. Steeling himself Axel grabbed his knife and chucked it into its drawer before slamming the nightstand shut and walking unsteadily back towards his waiting course work. Sitting back at the table Axel set an alarm for four thirty and then resolutely shut out the world, focusing on the intricacies of space he usually found so fascinating.
For the first time since he could remember Roxas found himself able to concentrate in his classes without the nagging fear of being ambushed in the hallways after the lesson. The English teacher Mr Mauvais even gave Roxas a rare compliment when he was the only student to identify that it was Othello's readiness to respond and not Iago's evil genius that royally screwed Shakespeare's legendary Moor. Roxas was revelling in the novelty of not being hopelessly oppressed so much that he found the day had simply flown by and he only had two hours of dicking around before his taxi arrived to take him to Taekwon-do.
Roxas had just begun to make his way back to his room to get his stuff together when he caught sight of Principal Diz coming down the hallway towards him with a package in his hands. Trying to banish the echo of Axel giggling 'Dizzy Diz' from his mind Roxas straightened up so that he wouldn't get pulled up for 'unacceptable posture' and with an uncertain smile he said, 'Sir. You wanted me for something?'
Sweeping to a halt in front of Roxas Diz nodded in greeting and said jovially, 'Ah Roxas, it's good to see that you've been accident free for a while apart from that unfortunate moving incident with your finger. Relax, relax, I won't be whisking you away for anything, I just came to find you because your uniform for your Taekwon-do classes arrived at lunchtime. Enjoy your training tonight and I look forward to your progress report from your instructor, Mr Arma I believe.'
The grin on Roxas' face stretched from ear to ear and actually made his cheeks hurt. Stuttering incoherently for a moment Roxas was eventually able to string two words together and he said faintly, 'Thank you so much Sir, this is… This is fantastic. I think Mr Arma is going to send my report through at the end of the week, it's actually going to be written by his senior student who has taken charge of getting me started. I… Oh man… Sir, can I please go try this on?'
Principal Diz chuckled at the restrained excitement in Roxas' voice and said genially, 'Go on then, make sure that it fits for your class tonight. Keep out of trouble Roxas.'
As Diz strolled off down the corridor Roxas took off towards his dorm room as fast as he could without breaking the hallway rules and flat out running. Once the bedroom door closed behind him Roxas changed into the loose white pants and top, tying the white cotton belt around his waist firmly and looking down at himself to examine the overall effect. With satisfaction Roxas noted how well the uniform fitted him and a few experimental techniques made him appreciate how the design of the outfit facilitated easy movement. Checking his watch Roxas muttered under his breath as he saw it was only quarter to four and he plopped down on his bed, grabbing a random book to pass the time until his taxi was due to arrive.
Roxas only made it to five o'clock before he tossed his book in the air and shoved himself up off the bed with an impatient groan. Stomping over to his dresser drawer Roxas yanked out a jacket and struggled into it, trying his best to be careful of his splinted finger in his eagerness to get down to the school gates. When he was finally sure that his finger wasn't going to fall off and his new outfit was covered enough to go out in public Roxas grabbed his bag and shot out of the room, fully aware that the taxi would be another fifteen minutes but unable to move any slower.
By the time the taxi finally puttered up in front of the school Roxas was jigging up and down like a little kid, in the back of his mind feeling a little sheepish about being so excited over showing off his new clothes. The ride to the hall seemed to take forever and the taxi had barely pulled to a halt in front of the building before Roxas was out of the car and yelling his thanks to the driver as he scurried indoors. As usual Axel was pottering around the front of the room setting up equipment and Roxas grinned mischievously when he caught sight of the redhead, arranging himself nonchalantly in the doorway to wait for his presence to be noticed.
When Axel eventually became aware of the lurker staring him he bounced to his feet and hurtled down the hall at a high rate of knots, skidding to a halt with a wide grin. It was all Roxas could do to keep a straight face as Axel broke tradition and bowed ostentatiously to his junior saying brightly, 'Well Rox looks like we're all going have to step our games up, how is it possible to look that swish in a freaking training uniform? Gaia wept, I'm lucky if I look like I forgot to get out of my pyjamas, and that's on a good day!'
For a whole five seconds Roxas managed to stare at Axel with a perfectly blank expression on his face, just long enough for seed of doubt to plant itself in the redhead's brain and his smile to droop slightly. His own grin stretching even wider than Axel's, Roxas started to laugh and soon he and Axel were leaning on each other, neither entirely sure what was so funny but both unable to stop the hilarity. When the next student to arrive, Zexion, walked in through the door Axel was bent double and wheezing while Roxas was propped against the wall trying to get a hold of himself.
In a supreme effort Roxas managed to pull himself together and deliver a decent bow to the curious Zexion while at the same time hiding the small jolt of social anxiety that punctured his happy bubble. Somehow being around Axel almost made Roxas forget that he really didn't know anyone else at the club and that he was generally shit at talking to people, so suddenly being face to face with the high ranking, outwardly aloof Zexion brought him crashing back to earth. Starting to feel like a possum caught in the headlights Roxas bit his lip and stared at Zexion as the other teen looked at him calmly.
While Roxas floundered for something to say and behind him Axel tried to gasp his way back to seriousness, Zexion smoothly returned Roxas' bow and said easily, 'Good idea you two, getting a laugh in before training. I heard that Xaldin might be in a vindictive mood today and we should be very, very afraid. So anyway Roxas, I thought I'd come and say hello seeing as you've been monopolized by Axel since you got here and I figured you must be getting sick of him by now.'
For a moment Roxas simply blinked at Zexion before he caught himself and forced his voice to work saying hesitantly, 'Um, hi. I'm sorry I haven't come and introduced myself, I should've made an effort to meet everyone and not stick with my comfort zone and the one person I do know.'
In the background Axel gave an inelegant snort at Roxas' apology but Zexion barely batted an eye. Pushing his silver-blue hair back out of his eyes the teen smiled and replied, 'Don't stress about it, there's plenty of time to meet the family as it were. If you like we could do some stretching before class and you could tell me a little more about yourself? We'll be undisturbed too because I think I hear Mr Arma calling for Ax to get his skinny behind up the front for some reason.'
To the dulcet tones of Axel cursing under his breath Roxas smiled a slightly more natural smile at Zexion and followed him over into a corner as Axel loped away to see what Instructor Arma wanted him for. Propping his leg on the bench seat and swiping at his toes Roxas looked up at Zexion as the bluette said, 'Really all I know about you is that you go to Twilight Boarding and for some reason you seem to be able to put up with Ax. I was curious, my brother graduated from your school at the end of last year and I just wondered if you knew him. Kadaj Vdan…?'
Zexion trailed off as Roxas was nodding before he even finished his sentence and the blonde teen said with a grin, 'Okay, you won't believe this but your brother was my calculus tutor for the whole first term last year. Oh man, small towns, I'm surprised I didn't know everyone here from second or third hand family connections. If you get the chance could you tell Kadaj that he has the patience of a saint and that I'm getting decent marks this year thanks to him?'
A rare laugh escaped Zexion and he pulled his arm across his chest in a languid stretch saying, 'I'll text him as soon as I get home, I think it might make his day. He's actually studying to be a mathematics teacher now and I have a feeling it was tutoring in his final year that tipped him over the edge. You're right about the small town thing though, it's actually almost odd to meet someone I don't feel like I already know from gossip or running into them or just general osmosis.'
Roxas copied Zexion's stretch and was pleasantly surprised to find his shoulders and upper arms loosening along with his nerves. Feeling more confident in the company of the composed teen Roxas took a second to try and work how a normal conversation with a normal person went and then asked, 'So what do you do outside of here? I sometimes forget that everyone at club doesn't just spring into being at five thirty on a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.'
In the twenty minutes of conversation he had with Zexion before class started Roxas discovered that he and the bluette actually had a lot in common aside from their shared ability to cope with Axel for longer than ten seconds. Roxas was delighted to find out that Zexion was a reading addict who had not only heard of but adored Roxas' favourite author and they spent most of their stretching time deep in discussion about the fantasy universe they both knew down to the smallest details. Instructor Arma's voice eventually broke into their discussion to let everyone know that training would begin in five minutes and Roxas offered Zexion a shy smile as a mute thanks for taking the time to say hello.
As they finished shaking out the kinks in their muscles Zexion returned Roxas' smile and then said something that totally blew the blonde teen away. As if the thought had randomly popped into his head Zexion said casually, 'Hey Roxas, just a thought, if you decide that you're having to restrain yourself from kicking Ax in the head I'm happy to meet up for some training outside of club. If you can get out of school on the weekends or something we could go down the beach and do some self-defense or something… I mean if you want to.'
Struck momentarily speechless by the unforced, unaffected offer Roxas stared at Zexion with his mouth open before getting it together enough to nod vigorously. The blonde was still searching for words when Zexion grinned and followed up his offer with a second proposal saying, 'Actually, if you wanted a break from training we could kidnap Axel from his study and go out bowling or something equally lame… From what I know from Kadaj you don't get much time for actual fun at that school. Do you think you might like to sometime?'
Staring into Zexion's thin-lipped, lopsided smile Roxas could only stutter out something that sounded like an affirmative response. Completely unused to interactions outside of the utterly fucked up relationship he had with Vexen, Roxas couldn't believe how nice Zexion was being and how easy it was to pretend he was just a normal teen. As Xaldin bellowed for his students to form up for the start of class Roxas hurried to find his spot and he had to swallow the lump in his throat at the thought that he had managed to make yet another new friend.
Axel was grateful that he would be spared the horrible training that Xaldin outlined to him in excruciating detail although he quailed a little when his instructor nailed him with an uncompromising stare and promised, 'As soon as Roxas' first proper month is up though Axel, you will be back with the class and I'll have to make sure you catch up on the suffering. Also, I think at the end of the week I'll need an update of your personal training for your black belt along with the report for Roxas' school records.'
Responding to Xaldin's questions and adding his own ideas for the night's training with half of his brain, Axel couldn't help but sigh inwardly at the sheer amount of work he had to do on top of his course exercises and part time work at the bar. Axel appreciated the constant encouragement and impetus that Xaldin provided during the standard Taekwon-do classes but it still took a cubic fucktonne of personal drive to keep up with the training schedule he had designed for himself along with everything else. When Xaldin finally clapped him on the shoulder and shouted for the class to form up, Axel shoved everything aside and decided to focus fully on the physical and mental workout ahead.
To Axel's relief the warm up was relatively light and he kept an eye on Roxas to make sure that the still recovering teen didn't push himself too hard. During the fifteen minute limber up session Axel noticed that Roxas had a strange look on his face and he stored this up for further questioning later on. When Xaldin finally finished the warm up and dismissed Axel to take Roxas for their training, the redhead bowed gratefully and followed Roxas into the room that he was beginning to think of as 'The Axel and Roxas Room of Awesome'.
The two hours during which they went over the beginner's patterns and continued teaching Roxas how to kick someone hard enough to remove their procreative abilities was spent in almost constant animated conversation, Axel wasting no time in grilling Roxas on the weird look he had been wearing after talking to Zexion. Though he tried to keep his reaction somewhat subdued Axel was delighted to hear that Roxas and Zexion had managed to form a connection during their brief talk. As the discussion continued Axel swore to himself they would hang out together soon so he could apologize to his old friend for neglecting him.
When the pair trotted out into the main hall for the end of class Axel found his hyperactive brain was already skipping ahead to the mountain of work he would at least have to get started on when he got home. As his instructor's voice droned on Axel couldn't suppress a sinking feeling in his stomach, something that had been happening more and more often as the pressures on him grew, and he struggled to cling to the good feelings that filled him every time Roxas smiled. Once class was formally dismissed and the equipment was all stowed away Axel pulled himself together a little, at least enough to slap his pre-prepared noncommittal look on his face just in case there was someone watching as he and Roxas left the building.
Axel could tell that Roxas had picked up on his off mood but the blonde kept any observations to himself and Axel was grateful for the chance to try and sort out his thoughts. The drive back to Twilight Boarding was quiet with an undertone of slight tension and when Axel slowed to a stop in their customary disembarking spot around the corner from the school Roxas finally broke the silence saying hesitantly, 'Are you okay Ax? You've been kind of weird since class finished… I didn't do or say something stupid did I?'
Biting his tongue at Roxas' assumption that it was him who had done something Axel still couldn't make himself open up to the worried blonde. Meeting Roxas' eyes Axel forced himself to hold the other teen's stare as he said quietly, 'I'm sorry Rox, I swear it's not you. My brain is… Being stupid at the moment and I just need to work it out and get my head straight in my own time. Look, when you come over tomorrow I promise I'll have my shit together and if you still want to know we can talk about it then… Please?'
The unhappy look in Roxas' blue gaze cut Axel deep as did the doubtful tone in his voice as he replied slowly, 'Okay… Tomorrow it is then. I won't push you Ax, I know how much it sucks when someone won't let things go. Ax… Look, stay safe okay? I'll see you tomorrow as soon as I can get out of school.'
With a forced little smile Roxas got out of the car and with a half-hearted wave he turned away to trudge in through the school gates. As he always did Axel watched until the small blonde figure was out of sight before starting the car with a sigh and heading towards home. The closer he got to his house and the further he got from Roxas the worse Axel felt until eventually he felt like a complete and irredeemable shit. Pulling into his driveway Axel turned off the car and slumped in the driver's seat trying to find the strength to get up.
It was the spectre of the report he had to write on Roxas' progress at Taekwon-do that finally got Axel out of the car but as he shut the car door he remembered yet another thing he had to before the end of the day and he closed his eyes for a second in despair. When he had started the training build up for his black belt nine months out from the actual event, Axel had committed to a training schedule he and Xaldin had written up and even though he had just finished club training he still had a number of physical tasks to complete before he could collapse. Slowly walking into his house Axel slammed the front door behind himself and tried to decide what to do first.
Axel stood in the hallway indecisively for a moment before reasoning that exercise before paperwork might result in falling asleep on said paperwork, so with a long sigh he stomped through to his bedroom to find his laptop. Setting himself up at the table Axel stared at the screen for a few minutes before casting his mind back to Roxas' first training and starting to write. To his surprise Axel found that chronicling and analyzing Roxas' journey thus far into Taekwon-do was actually not that difficult and the words flowed easily from his brain to the screen.
Even though he finished Roxas' progress report relatively quickly, it was still past nine thirty by the time Axel emailed the document to Xaldin and shut the laptop with a snap. Letting his arms dangle by his sides Axel leant back in his chair and stared at the ceiling briefly before expelling a huff of breath and pushing himself to his feet. Absently feeling relieved that he hadn't bothered changing out of his training uniform Axel plodded out of the house and let himself into the garage. Consulting the training schedule he had pinned to the wall Axel stepped into the middle of the large room and started to run through each pattern from the lowest rank to his own.
It was past eleven pm when Axel finished his last set of twenty push ups and collapsed on his face on the floor. His emotional and physical reserves almost entirely depleted Axel barely managed to stagger into the house and down to his bedroom before losing his balance and stumbling to his knees by the bed. Somehow Axel succeeded in wriggling out of his uniform and into his pyjama pants and with a herculean effort he heaved himself onto his bed. Flat on his back Axel stared at the ceiling and waited for sleep to flatten him like a steamroller.
Sleep was not quick enough to come to Axel however as the second he hit the mattress his mind started up with a sly, insidious whisper saying, 'Oh Axie, you're so cute when you think you can do something. You're even cuter when you're stupid enough to think you can actually do everything you're trying to do… Come on dipshit, you know that you're going fail and you're going to fail so badly that everyone will see exactly how worthless you are. Everyone will realize that if they stick around anywhere near you they will catch whatever disease it is that makes you so deficient.'
Bitterness rose in the back of Axel's throat like bile and he found that he had no comeback to refute what the voice was saying. As the vicious words echoed round his brain Axel blinked back tears and tried to fight the tide of bleak futility that swept through him, but the wave combined with the creeping blackness of exhaustion and overwhelmed the teen's weak resistance. Deep inside of him Axel's last shred of will power snapped and he laboriously rolled over onto his stomach, reaching for the drawer that contained the one thing he knew would take away the voice in his head.
Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you looked at it, sleep chose that precise moment to fall on Axel like an avalanche. The shattered redhead never even managed to retrieve his knife from the bedside table, passing out of consciousness with his hand just brushing the edge of the nightstand. As the pitch blackness of utter fatigue carried Axel away he heard a voice just on the edge of hearing say softly, 'You have to fight too Ax… Stay safe.'
Lying in his horrible school bed Roxas stared at the wall and tried not to brood. In the brief time he had known Axel Roxas had seen extravagant Axel, protective Axel, intense Axel, moronic Axel, briefly seriously Axel and mainly awesome Axel, but in the car had been the first time he had seen completely withdrawn Axel and he found that he didn't like it. As he had been saying goodbye a thought had hit Roxas and he had settle for inadequately saying stay safe when he had wanted to grab Axel and beg him not to cut himself.
Though the residue of his great mood still lingered and softened the worry he was feeling Roxas still couldn't stop his brain from jumping back and forward between concern that Axel had hurt himself once he got home and consternation over exactly what had been bothering the redhead. In an intuitive leap Roxas remembered Axel's reluctant revelation the first time they had talked about his upcoming black belt grading and he concluded that the other teen's strange melancholy must be to do with the pressures he was under. Rather than get irritated at Axel's unwillingness to open up Roxas felt a pang of empathy for what the redhead must be going through.
Closing his eyes Roxas tried to quiet his mind, impatient to get to sleep so that it would be tomorrow already. In a complete reversal of his usual wish for bedtime to last forever, Roxas couldn't wait for Friday to arrive so that he could get to Axel's and somehow make him feel better. To calm his racing thoughts Roxas tried a few relaxing techniques that failed miserably before randomly deciding to run through his patterns in his head in an attempt to tire his brain out. Before he was halfway through the second pattern Roxas' thoughts began to break up as sleep arrived with alarming rapidity and his last thought as he slipped into darkness was of the inscrutable look on Axel's face as he had waved him goodbye.
