Chapter Six
Katniss learned a lot while working with Leevy. She learned that there had been a public announcement by President Plutarch while she had been hiding, explaining why she killed President Coin instead of President Snow. Apparently, files had been found in Coin's office sanctioning the bombing of the Capitol children. The bombing that took Prim. Plutarch went on to describe Katniss finding the files and murdering Coin because of this. Even though it wasn't exactly what happened, Katniss was grateful for Plutarch's cover-up. If he hadn't done that for her, Leevy might not have been as friendly towards her.
She also learned that Leevy had met a boy in District 13 and they were now upholding a long distance relationship while the transport lines were being erected. Katniss didn't understand how such a thing could be possible but Leevy was so happy and so keen on the idea she didn't want to question it too much. Just because Katniss wasn't exactly happy and didn't fully understand the concept of a long distance relationship, she wasn't going to ruin something that was clearly keeping Leevy upbeat.
Four hands were better than two and as the evening came along, Leevy told Katniss that she had gotten a lot more work done than she had planned to get done before the storm was planned to roll in. Katniss, despite herself, felt a twinge of pride. There was a feeling of accomplishment that actually came with being productive. As they returned their spades to Ripper, Katniss wondered if that was what Peeta was seeking out. A feeling of achievement. Something that would make him feel like he was capable to help. Able to do something productive, something that would contribute to the rebuilding of the community. It almost wasn't fair that they weren't letting him do even something small.
Leevy offered to walk Katniss home but Katniss told her that it was fine. Even though Leevy lived in the Village as well, it was no secret that she liked to check on Thom, who worked until very late at night. Leevy and Thom were the way Katniss and Gale had once been. Before the Games. Before Gale professed his love to Katniss. At least Leevy and Thom were proof that girls and boys could be friends without something happening between them. Katniss had first thought that she and Gale had been the first hand evidence of that. Not anymore.
No. Don't think about Gale.
Katniss forced herself to push the memories of her best friend to the back of her mind as she left the Merchant Square and began the trek through what was left of the Seam. The sky was a bright pink colour and the clouds that coated the sky looked almost like candyfloss, each one tinted with an orange glow along the lining. Katniss sighed and wound her arms tighter around her body. It was getting chilly, the cold air making the sweat on her body feel almost congealed. She decided that she would try to take a leaf out of Peeta's book and have a shower. A voluntary one.
She focused her eyes on the ground beneath her feet. Katniss couldn't bring herself to look at the devastation of the Seam just yet. It broke her heart. It felt like a ghost town, not a single soul dwelled within it. At least the Merchant Square was buzzing with life as people rebuilt everything. There was nothing in the Seam but dust and debris.
The crumbling ground soon gave way to gravel and Katniss felt like a weight had lifted off her heart as she felt free to lift her head up again. The gates to the Village loomed over her like a giant, the 'V' and the 't' having fallen from the word 'Victor' during the shockwaves of the bombings. As Katniss passed the gate, her eyes immediately went to her house, where she had left Haymitch sitting with Willow three hours previous.
In Haymitch's place, Peeta sat in the grass, arms around his knees and chin rested on top. Willow was chewing on what looked like a toy car, rolling around in the grass beside him. Katniss felt a surge of relief at the sight and almost shouted to him, just like back in the Games when the rule change had been announced. Instead, she forced herself to keep quiet and walked stiffly to her house.
Peeta snapped out of whatever trance he was in and his eyes locked on Katniss. Relief washed over his features and he stood up, meeting her half way on the pavement in front of the house. "I am so sorry about earlier," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to . . . I was being a bit . . ."
"I understand," Katniss replied. "I was being a bit unfair too. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. It wasn't nice and it was completely irrational of me."
"No, it was my fault," Peeta insisted. "I should have understood that you were still sensitive about that sort of thing and"-
"Peeta, stop," Katniss insisted back, "What happened to you wasn't your fault. Besides, I have done my fair share of running away as well."
Peeta didn't look convinced. "But"-
"Of for God's sake it's both your faults!" Haymitch shouted from his front porch. "Stop your creakin' about it and just make up already! Jesus!"
Peeta and Katniss both flushed in embarrassment. Peeta looked at the ground and scratched the back of his head. "That man is such a dose," he murmured.
Katniss tugged on her sleeves sheepishly. "Yeah, tell me about it," she replied.
Willow dropped the car onto her face and started to cry. Peeta winced and looked over his shoulder at her, returning to where she lay and picking her up. He propped her up on his hip, the action alone being enough to comfort her. She nuzzled her face into his side, her tiny hands grabbing his sweater and fisting it tightly.
Katniss then realized that Peeta hadn't worn a sweater until now. It had been an exceptionally warm day and before his shower he had been wearing a t-shirt. Guilt wrapped itself around her like a thick blanket and she tried to say something, anything, which would take back the words she had said that made him realize what had scared her earlier. But no words came out of her mouth and she stood uselessly on the pavement in front of her lawn, gawking at Peeta as he bounced Willow up and down to soothe her.
"I would suggest staying outside to enjoy the sunset but Haymitch says a storm is coming in," Peeta explained.
Katniss, still upset that she had caused Peeta's confidence to regress instead of evolve, nodded. "Yeah, Leevy said the same thing," she said.
"I think I should maybe try to get Willow to sleep before it comes," Peeta suggested. "I don't want her to be scared if there's lightening or anything."
"Yeah, good idea." Katniss stepped onto her lawn as Peeta began to make his way to the door. "I need to have a shower anyway."
"I'll turn on the water heater," Peeta called as he entered the house again.
Once the door swung shut behind him, Katniss turned to Haymitch. "Is he alright? What did he look like when he came back out of his house?" she asked.
Haymitch rocked back on his seat and crossed his ankles. "The boy came out an hour and a half after you set off with your friend," he explained. "He looked alright to me. Was wearing that bulky sweater mind you which I'd say has something to do with what you said to him . . . Other than that he seemed normal. Although that says nothing."
Katniss despised the idea that she may have provoked a flashback from Peeta. She really couldn't bear the thought. She tried to push it away, like she did with thoughts of Gale and Prim, but because Peeta was here with her, helping her out, it was much more difficult. "Did you talk to him?" she asked.
"We chatted, sure," Haymitch answered. "But not about that. I wasn't going to poke the bear with a stick in case the monster was still lingering on the surface."
"He's not a monster!" Katniss spat acidly. "How could you say such a thing?!"
Haymitch raised an eyebrow quizzically. "It's a figure of speech, sweetheart." Katniss flushed with embarrassment. She scowled and turned on her heel, marching up the garden to her front door. "And sweetheart?"
"What?" Katniss snapped, her hand clenched tight around the handle of the door.
"I'm proud of you."
Katniss looked at Haymitch in alarm. What . . . ?
"For going into the Square and doing some work," Haymitch explained. Katniss' old mentor's eyes were tired but they held comfort and warmth. "I know it wasn't easy for you. So, yeah, I'm proud."
Katniss felt that twinge again. She closed her eyes and whispered, "Thank you."
"Now don't expect me to say that often. Yer old mentor ain't all that keen on the mushy stuff," said Haymitch.
Katniss laughed and nodded. "Don't worry, I don't." She turned the handle and waved at Haymitch. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight sweetheart."
Katniss went straight to the shower. She scrubbed all the sweat from her body with Aurelius' soap and even gave her hair a quick clean. She felt better once she stepped out of the shower cubicle-refreshed, even-and even decided that she would put on a fresh pair of pyjamas as well. Bundled in a fluffy dressing gown and a thick towel so the only skin on display were her hands, feet and face, Katniss barrelled down the hall into her room, scared that Peeta would step out and accidentally see her just like she'd seen him.
Once she was dressed in clean pyjamas, Katniss went to the bathroom and dropped the towels into the washing basket. On the way back to her room, she noticed the sky growing grey through the window above the stairs. It didn't take long for the lovely evening to turn into the setting of a climax to a horror film. Shivering, Katniss returned to her room and began to braid her hair while it was still wet.
As she stood in front of the mirror, her nimble fingers threading her hair together, she began to hear Peeta moving around in the next room. It had become almost natural for her to hear him, like they had always shared a household and it hadn't just been for the past few days.
"Over the valley, down by the creek,
If you go alone, you'll find what you seek."
Katniss paused her braiding, her heart dropping into her stomach. She moved to the wall and pressed her ear against it.
"Because when night falls, they come out to play,
Keep your eyes open, they come at your say."
The Valley Song. Katniss hadn't heard that song in years. Yet Peeta still seemed to know it word for word, not exactly singing it but more whispering it gently to Willow. Probably to try to get her to sleep before the storm rolled in. The last time Katniss heard The Valley Song had been when her dad sang it to Prim in her cradle. She used to stay up just to hear him sing it and her mother let her because she understood Katniss' desperation to hear him sing.
"They'll come for you, but not for me,
Because I'm grown up and only children can see."
Katniss wondered if Peeta remembered the words to the Valley Song because it was the song he associated with the first time he ever saw her. She didn't want to sound vain for thinking that that could be only the reason he knew it all but Peeta had said that he remembered her singing it in assembly.
"The fairies that come to the Valley at night,
To show the children of Panem the light."
Katniss wondered if the song had deeper meaning. The fairies that came to the Valley at night to show the children of Panem the light could have been a metaphor for children dying and going to heaven. The idea made Katniss' stomach flip. She wouldn't question her dad singing such a song to her and Prim because he sung The Hanging Tree to them as well and let them make necklaces of rope. That sort of thing didn't seem to bother him all that much.
She moved away from the wall and forced herself to go back to the mirror. She picked her half completed braid and finished it off. Closing her curtains, Katniss climbed into bed and drew the quilt up to her chin before closing her eyes and plunging herself into the world she feared most: her own mind.
~xXx~
Katniss ran around the jungle desperately, screaming Peeta's name over and over again. She was frantic and afraid. Scared that he had been killed by Brutus or Enobaria. Or even Finnick and Johanna. No matter which direction she took, however, she always ended up back at the lightening tree. Beetee lay lifeless beside it, only twitching every so often to show that he was still alive.
"Peeta!" Katniss screamed for what felt like the thousandth time.
A cannon went off and Katniss felt it. Deep in her heart she felt like a piece had been torn off. She bolted back out into the jungle, jumping over fallen trees and tripping over stones and trunks. Her heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest at any moment. Tears were blurring her vision, soaking her cheeks and coating her face like sweat.
"PEETA!" She screamed into the darkness, even though she knew it was useless.
She burst out of the treeline and screamed in frustration as she was back, once again, at the lightening tree. Thunder rumbled up ahead and she knew what was coming. Except Katniss was too afraid to do anything. She fell to the ground and screamed into the dark oblivion. Nothing hurt more than the realization that he was gone. That Peeta had been killed.
Lightning struck the tree; a dazzling zap of blinding light. It hit the tree with a bang, the impact sending Katniss flying forward onto her stomach. She yelled in agony as the electricity pulsed through her body and she sobbed into the soil. She had lost. She had failed. Peeta was dead and she was about to die too.
Maybe things were better off this way.
Katniss woke up in the darkness of her room. She had only just sat up when a blinding light flashed outside. She screamed, thinking in her tired state that she was still in the Quarter Quell Arena. She looked around her room frantically. Where was Peeta? Where was he?! Katniss fell out of bed and continued to scream. Lightning flashed again and she curled up into a ball on the floor beside her bed, tearing at her hair and screaming into her knees.
The door to her room burst open and light spilled in from outside. Katniss continued to scream regardless, pushing herself backwards into her bedside cabinet as fear began to cripple her. She couldn't live without him. She couldn't. She couldn't. Not without him. No. No. Please. It couldn't be true.
Strong arms wrapped themselves around her and she screamed louder, lashing out angrily. "Katniss!" a voice finally came through. "It's me! It's Peeta!"
Katniss screamed harder. She screamed until her throat felt like it was bleeding and her voice was going to die. The arms pulled her closer and she felt a hand stroking her hair. "No, no, no, you're dead!" she screamed. "They killed you! They took you from me!"
"I'm not dead, Katniss, look," the arms squeezed Katniss and she forced her eyes open. She found herself staring into Peeta's crisp blue eyes. They were so unmistakeably his that Katniss burst out crying, relief flooding through her like a tidal wave. Peeta pulled her against him and Katniss wound her arms around him gratefully. "I will never let anyone take me from you."
"I thought I was alone," Katniss cried into his shoulder. "I thought I was alone again."
"You'll never be alone," Peeta said firmly, holding her head protectively against his chest. "Never again."
Lightning flashed and thunder grumbled overhead. Katniss flinched in Peeta's arms and she resisted the urge to scream again. Peeta shushed her gently, stroking her temple with his thumb. Katniss relaxed a little in his arms and began to sniffle pathetically.
"Do you want me to stay here tonight?" Peeta whispered.
Katniss nodded against his chest. There would be time to consider the consequences later. Right now she needed him.
"Okay. I'm going to have to bring Willow in, is that alright?"
"Don't go," Katniss said weakly.
"I'll only be gone a second, I promise," Peeta said gently. Katniss grabbed his hands fiercely when he tried to get up, terrified that if he left, he wouldn't come back. "It's okay, Katniss, I'm not going anywhere. I just can't leave Willow in there on her own."
Peeta carefully detangled his hands from Katniss' and left the room. The few seconds in which he was gone felt like they were dragging on for eternity. When he returned, Katniss had curled further into herself. The wind and the rain and the lightning that battered her window felt like it was battering her body as well. Willow was sleeping in the basket in which she had been left on the doorstep in. The weather didn't seem to bother her. Peeta had also dragged the pillow and throw from his room in. He laid Willow down ever so carefully and left the blankets by the door. He returned to Katniss and crouched in front of her. "See? I'm back," he said, touching her face.
Katniss grasped his hand tight and squeezed it hard. Peeta didn't show a flicker of pain on his face. She just needed to know that he was here, he was okay and not dead. "I don't want to go back," she said, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head rapidly.
"I know," Peeta said gently. "Neither do I."
"Can't we just stay awake forever?" she asked.
Peeta laughed. "I wish we could," he sighed. Lightning flashed again, the white light illuminating Peeta's face with its radiance. The shadows created by the dark outlined his jaw and cheekbones, causing his eyes to stand out like a beacon. Katniss felt comforted just by looking at him. "Come on, let's get off the floor."
Katniss let Peeta take her elbows and guide her back up and onto her bed. She watched him pick her duvet off the floor and spread it back out onto her mattress. Why did she deserve the company of someone so kind and loving? What did she do to earn his care? Peeta sat down beside her once he was satisfied with the lay out of her bed and made no move to touch her again now that she had calmed down a little.
"Do you want a glass of water or anything?" he asked.
Katniss shook her head. "No, thank you," she replied.
Peeta set his own bed up on the floor. Katniss felt awful that he had to sleep there. A part of her wanted to tell him to get in with her-she was sure that his warmth would give her the confidence to go to sleep, as it always did-but she couldn't get the words to come out of her mouth. She felt them, she just didn't have the gumption to gauge what Peeta's reaction to them would be.
"I'll be right here, ok?" Peeta said as he finished sorting his sleeping arrangements out. "All night. I'm not going to anywhere."
Katniss nodded her understanding and slid underneath her duvet.
The last thing she remembered before she fell asleep was Peeta giving Willow a goodnight kiss on the forehead.
A/N: Thanks for the reads, reviews and support :)
