Meine Liebe

Chapter Seven: Nahrung

The dream moved faster than Sayu could keep up with. Faces flashed before her like a slideshow, lingering only a moment to let her recognize the features in front of her before being replaced by another: her mother, her father, Light, Misa, Mr Matsuda, Nao, Kenji, other random people from her class, then her kidnappers. No face had any emotion, and their lips never moved but their voices were shouting at her, mixed messages and Sayu couldn't make out any words, it was just noise. Noise ringing in her ears, but she couldn't scream and the faces were flashing by faster and faster until they were just blurring and the voices, the shouts were getting louder and louder until she thought her skull would split...

Sayu Yagami awoke in a fever sweat, her hair sticking to her face and groaning low in her throat.

A shadow was standing over her but her eyes wouldn't clear and she couldn't make out who it was; she couldn't focus on anything, the room around her spun and contorted; making it feel like she was being rolled around by some unseen hand, though she was perfectly stationary. And she was so hot and her stomach was churning and gurgling and she could feel bitter bile rising in her throat.

"Drink this." A distant but hard voice commanded, pressing something cold against her chapped lips. Sayu opened her mouth and obliged. The gloriously cold water slacked her dry throat and she simply couldn't swallow it fast enough. But the cup was lifted from her lips before she could get her fill.

"Not so fast. You'll throw up. And I'm not cleaning that shit up."

Sayu's eyes came into focus slowly. It was him. Standing a little way from the bed, cup in hand and regarding her with eyes that weren't quite as unaffected as he would probably like.

There was hardly any time to register fear or loathing because, true to his warning, her stomach convulsed suddenly and she urged. She emptied her fluid-filled stomach over the side of the bed, handcuffs jangling against the metal headboard at her shuddering movements.

He retreated a few steps out of range and his powerfully-featured face twisted with disgust. "See? What did I fucking tell you?" The words spoke annoyance but his voice had little tone or inflection and it was hard to tell what he really meant by it. It was all very hollow.

Sayu leaned back on the pillows, swallowing the vile, acidic taste in her mouth and found herself mumbling a weak apology. Her body was shaking again, but she was burning hot.

He ignored her apology, walked over to the other side of the bed, to avoid the vomit, and leaned over her again. The crucifix on his rosary brushed over her collarbone as he pressed the cup against her lips. "Slower this time."

Sayu did as she was told, too weak to do anything but comply. After she had finished, she looked up at him, still a little unfocused and feverish. "Why are you doing this?" She asked weakly, still alert enough to be mildly wary through her body's infirmity.

He met her eyes with his concentrated gaze. "Having you die would seriously fuck up my plan. And I'm not going to let you ruin months of work."

Feeling faint again, Sayu smiled softly. She let her head roll to the side. "Thank you."

Why? Why did she say that? Sayu had an odd feeling she might be hallucinating slightly or something but it just slipped out without her even thinking the words.

He pulled away from the bed, nostrils flaring and frowning slightly. "Shut up and go back to sleep."

Sayu did as she was bid.

...

Mello did not want to clean up the girl's vomit, but he did because he knew no one else in the building would do a good job of it, and he certainly did not want to room smelling like stomach acid for months to come. It was disgusting, despite the lack of substance; it was basically foul water but it stank and Mello cursed her while he was cleaning. But he could not stop himself watching her out of the corner of his eyes, noticing every twitch, frown and change of colour about her cheeks.

It was because he didn't want her to throw up again, though. Of course. That was why, after he was done cleaning the vile mess, he sat at the desk and watched her, chewing chocolate the whole time.

She looked pitiful. Waxen and greased with the sweat of illness, black hair knotted and eyes sunken, with dark shadows framing them.

She had been in their possession only two days, how could such a transformation happen? Mello had gone a whole week without food on his arrival in L.A. but he hadn't suffered anything like this. Perhaps her condition had something to do with what he had done down in that cell?

Mello gripped his rosary and clenched his fist. No. This had nothing to do with him. It was all to do with Sayu Yagami being fragile by nature; she was probably the sickly type, the first one to get flu at the change of season, the type of person who constantly had headaches or a sore throat. That was probably it.

It had nothing to do with him.

He clenched his jaw and glared at the sleeping Sayu. Stupid girl; she would not make him guilty again. He snapped the chocolate with his teeth, and chewed it quickly.

"It's nothing to do with me." He muttered, and she stirred slightly. "You're just weak."

It sounded as unimpressive and unconvincing out loud as it did internally. Mello sighed and ran a hand over his tired face. No matter how many times he told himself he didn't care, that she was stupid, worthless and a tool, he could not get this girl out of his head. She filled it and occupied him completely. While he should of been plotting the uses of the Notebook, a notebook that could kill someone simply by writing their name in it, a notebook that was the ultimate weapon and would give him the complete power he had always craved, he was occupied with why Sayu Yagami made him feel guilty when he raped her.

It was stupid. It was unforgivable. It wasn't like him at all.

But he couldn't stop. And it was beginning to worry him.