But what, you are asking, was St. John up to, as his friend was being squished by a Russian, set as a trap by a Canadian, and having his arm broken by a Mississippian? Or maybe you're not asking that. Oh well, you're going to find out anyway!


Love is not Rude

St. John Allerdyce was woken by a loud banging. His response was to roll over and groan. He could hear a low male voice growl from outside his room.

"Time to get up, Gumbo. You've got a training session to run with me in an hour."

"Remy, it's for you." He mumbled before falling back asleep.

About three hours later, John was ready to get up. Or at least, his brain was. His body had other ideas. It refused to get out of bed, no matter what he tried. He even went so far as to imagine his bed full of ice, but to no avail. Finally, he heard a loud knocking on his door. He rolled out of bed with a thump, and trudged over to the door. He opened it a crack.

"Are you the keymaster?" He asked the fuzzy blue person standing outside his door.

"Not zat I know ov." The blue teenager replied. St John slammed the door shut again. As soon as it was shut, Nightcrawler knocked again. John opened the door.

"Are you the keymaster?" He asked again.

"Ja! Actually I'm a friend ov his, he asked me to meet him here. (1) You need to get up now if you vant breakfast." He added.

"Ha! Oy need no breakfast!" The pyromaniac exclaimed, throwing out his arm dramatically.

"Und der Professor vants to zee you."

"Have you ever considered being the evil villain in an action movie? You've got the perfect accent!" Kurt chose to ignore this comment, shutting the door again, so that John could get dressed.

"Who are you anyway?" John called from behind the door.

"Vhat? Nein, my name is not important. You must come vis me, or you'll be late."

"Late for what?"

Vell, um, vhat's your name, Earthman?"

"Allerdyce, St. John Allerdyce."

"Vell, late as in ze late Allerdycesaintjohnallerdyce. It's a sort of threat. You see?"

"No." (2) The door opened again and John stepped out. He was wearing his Pyro costume, minus the flamethrower. Instead he was carrying a small red lighter.

St. John sat in one of the chairs in front of Xavier's desk. His lighter was on the desk by the professor, who had confiscated it to get John's attention. Currently, Xavier was trying to peel through the layers of movie and book quotes in John's brain, trying to get to the man underneath. His astral form walked steadily (3) through the streams of text and images, until he came to a large, wooden door. Opening it, he stepped though into the Australian outback at night. Looking around, he saw John sitting on a rock, watching a small boy and an old man attempting to pitch a tent. He turned to face the professor.

"Me and my Gramps." He said, waving towards the two figures. "We went camping once a month. Oy loved it- it kept me away from my mum and dad. They hated each other, and would fight constantly, whenever they were near each other." The scene changed, to show a small kitchen. A boy with bright orange hair sat at the table, writing on paper with a small pencil stub. He looked to be about eleven. A man came in and ruffled the boy's hair as he passed. The boy looked up at him and smiled, but the man had already left the room. The boy turned back to his writing, sighing softly.

"Oy found out that if Oy wrote, Oy could lose myself in what Oy was writing. That was when Oy was happiest." A woman with a short, stylish bob, in an obviously dyed red came into the room.

"You idiot!" She shouted at the door that the man had exited through. "You've messed his hair up, again!" The man came back into the room, tying a green tie around his neck.

"John doesn't need tidy hair. He's a boy, they never have tidy hair!"

"Well excuse me for caring that my son goes to school smartly. Oy never noticed you caring about his appearance!" The arguing couple and small boy faded out, and instead there was a picture of the boy, about 13, lying on a sofa, watching a movie on the TV. His head was propped up on his hands, and his jaw was open. The scene changed again. The boy was in his mid teens, and was sitting outside a tent with his grandfather. There was a fire crackling in front of them. Their voices were faint, but gradually got louder.

"-Sorry John-boy, but your mother decided that we can't do this anymore. This is our last time camping. After this, Oy'm going to be put into a care home."

"What!?" The boy leapt to his feet, fists clenched by his sides. The fire behind him grew taller, spitting out sparks. "That's ridiculous! You don't need to go in a home; you can look after yourself just fine! This is the only escape Oy get from Him and Her, Oy can't give it up!" the fire split in two, the tops curling around.

"Oy know how much doing this means to you, John-boy, but Oy can't go against your mother, she's got legal custody over you."

"Oy don't CARE!" John shouted, and the fire assumed the shape of two huge fists, in the same position that his were in.

"John..." The old man said in wonder. "Look..." John turned around, and saw the fiery fists. He gasped, and then flexed his right hand. The fire fist on the right copied his movements. John smiled wickedly.

"Oy don't think Oy'll find it hard to persuade her to agree..." He grinned wider. The scene vanished, and a new one appeared almost before the old one left. There was a concrete courtyard, filled with men in orange jumpsuits. One had hair to match his clothes. He was about eighteen or nineteen, and was sitting on the ground by himself. He was giggling softly. He lurched to his feet, and sauntered over to one of the prison guards, who was standing guarding the door back into the prison.

"Excuse me sir." He said to the guard. "Do you smoke?"

"Yeah, why?" The guard asked suspiciously.

"No reason sir, no reason! I was just wondering if you had a lighter."

"Yeah, I do." He said, bringing it out of his pocket. It was large and green. John snatched it and ran. The guard chased after him, but it was too late. The orange-haired youth flicked the lighter open, and flame streamed out. It grew into two huge wings, attached to his back. He flexed them once, and leapt into the air.

"See ya, suckers!" He shouted as he flew over the wall and off into the outback surrounding the prison. The scene before John and the professor fast-forwarded, stopping about three days later with the teenage John sitting in a small cave, in the side of a mountain. (4) He was fiddling with a toothpick, and the green lighter lay on the ground next to him. He was still wearing the prison jumpsuit. A strange noise outside brought him to his feet, snatching up the lighter as he stood. There was an odd expression on his face. A familiar masked figure flew into the cave.

"Who are you?" John asked angrily, flicking open the lighter.

"My name is Magneto. I am a mutant, like yourself. I have an offer for you, if you are willing to listen." John nodded his head cautiously, and Magneto continued. "I believe that there will be a war soon, between humans and mutants. I am compiling a team of mutants, to be a force against the humans. I want you to join that team."

"What's in it for me?" The Australian asked suspiciously. "and what would Oy have to do?"

"What is in it for you is that you will have a place to stay, and food to eat. You will have a strong position when mutants come to power. What I would have you do...well, let us just say that I will give you free reign on your abilities with fire, when the situation demands it."

"So basically what you're saying, is that Oy'll have a decent place to kip, food, and Oy'll be able to play with my fire?"

"Essentially, yes."

"Alright, Oy'm in!" The scene faded again, and John and Professor Xavier were back where they started, in the Australian outback at night.


"And so John joined the Acolytes, and was astounded at what he found there. For the first time in his life, he discovered that there were people that he could actually get along with, who accepted his fascination with fire, and shared his appreciation of certain movies and books. He found friends. After a while, his friends left. One went to New Orleans, to regain his life as a thief. The other to Russia, to search for his sister Illyana. The sad Pyro went on a tour of America, and was briefly in several jobs, mainly as a journalist, but sometimes waiting tables, or anything else that put food on the table. He needed to keep moving on, you see, because in that prison in Australia, he'd discovered something. If he didn't burn something, every so often, it felt like there was a fire lit inside of him. The longer he put off setting something alight, the larger that inner fire grew. He had enough sense to realise that this fire was a bad thing, but when he burnt something, he was always exposed as a mutant, and so had to move on. People aren't that willing to give jobs to mutants, you see, though at least they didn't attack him. One day, John walked into a gas station, in search of a new lighter, and guess who he found there? None other than the friend who went to New Orleans, Remy LeBeau. Now, he could see that hs friend was in a spot of bother, and decided to help him out. However, Remy-boy was not nearly so happy to see John." John finished his dialogue, and turned to face the professor. "To cut a long story short, Remy's eyes, lighter, fire dragon, cops, escape together, freaky weather, arrived here, blue Ghostbusters fan, you."

The professor exited John's mind, and sat up straight in his wheelchair.

"So, do you think you can help me, mate?" John asked.

"With your...inner fire?" The professor asked, and St. John nodded.

"Yes, I believe that the X-men can help you, John." He reached out his hand, and John shook it.


(1) From the Ghostbusters movie

(2) From the Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

(3) Xavier's astral form can walk, but not his physical form. They are different.

(4) They have mountains in Australia, right?

(5) I made up John's past in this fanfic, but in the X-men movie it does hint at him having a troubled family

I am so disappointed in you all! I did not receive any reviews with a word to put in this chapter! Sure, I got the 'Great story' and 'loving it's and so on (which were really nice, by the way) but come on, use your imagination, people! Please try to send me a word to put in the next chapter. It can be anything, from cinnamon waffles to marshmallow elephants! (Not that it has to be food related...) Please, people!