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Chapter 7: Ice Petals

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Hey!

Cat Beats, Thank you! I'm having a great time with the character development and dialogue-I just feel like these guys were so set up for awesome chemistry, given the right situation.

River Fox, I totally agree with you about those Sith concepts. It's definitely a balance, though, trying to figure out how Kylo would realistically be thinking and feeling about everything, based on Sith history. If you ever feel like I'm not doing him/Snoke justice now or in the future then definitely keep me in line!

Perry Downing, I love how you word things! And I'm so glad that what I'm trying to do with Kylo's subtle transition is coming through for you!

Nana, yeah, Derisidem is going to be a very important catalyst for something later on. I'm considering bringing another Knight of Ren into the picture too… and maybe Hux. But thanks for pointing out the girl on Stewjon—I didn't make her role clear, so I went back and fixed that. She's just a plot point to flesh out Snoke and Kylo and won't be a continuing character. Also, I agree about Qui-Gon, and he will distance himself from the other Masters here too a little. But maybe less Grey than them—you'll see what I mean; things are going to get a little tangled. Kylo is definitely on a very specific trajectory too.


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"For your protection?" Rey responded sharply, unable to contain a weak smile of disbelief. What was he playing at? She scanned his face, only seeing sincere and solid intent, but also a hidden a hint of fear that stuck out like a coattail caught in a door. Could he really be afraid of something?

And for another innumerable instance, she was reminded of his face during his conversation with Han Solo in the oscillator. She saw just the glint of it again now; a cliff wall crumbling to reveal a reservoir of something long concealed.

"Protection from what?" She queried, noticing her voice had grown much more gentle.

Kylo Ren regarded her silently for a long while. She could almost feel the synaptic clicking of his thoughts, the minute rise and pull of his disquietude as he calculated how to respond to her inquiry, which she realized would require a very deep drill into his trust and confidence.

But she hadn't expected him to take it seriously at all, and here he was, potentially preparing to lift away the layers of his dark, figuratively filthy textile and armor wrappings to show her his vulnerabilities.

When he spoke, she knew he had exposed himself. She was looking into a deep wound, inflicted over a very long and slow period of time, never allowed to heal.

He spoke carefully, like wading across a river. "You heard the conversation I had with Han Solo. Part of what he said I believe could be correct. I need to protect myself, preventatively. And I also want to protect you."

"From Snoke?" She breathed, awed at how this monster had laid down before her and retracted his fangs. He felt honest; she was increasingly sure of it.

He looked around for a moment, glancing at the gently sloping and gleaming matte walls of metal that surrounded them and the deep ocean-blue of the sky behind the glass ceiling. "From many things." he said.

She could understand his evasion. She watched him, analyzing his pale face, his dark eyes under heavy eyelids, and his large, somber lips. He looked like he had been very cold for a very long time. She speculated at his time spent on the snowy, weaponized planet. Did he ever feel comfort there? Maybe in talking with companions or walking between the tall, quiet trees? Did he enjoy anything he did? Did he find pleasure in killing worlds?

She did not feel that this was a trick. Like he said, he could take whatever he wants.

She knew, looking at him, that he was some fantastic predator that had been found, captured and sedated. But he had come to recognize the limitations of his cage and longed for freedom. He was using her. She was just a girl that had chanced to walk by, one of the very few to ever find where he was hidden, and she knew she might be capable of prying the lock.

But what would he do when she set him free?

Would he devour her?

Or would he slink by, grateful and ashamed, before slipping himself into the open maw of the forest?

Did she have a choice? She too, was in a cage. If she did nothing, she would wilt and die emaciated. If she helped him, she might find an unlocked door to flee through as she followed him down one of Snoke's many hallways.

But only if her intentions remained hidden—he could not look into her mind again. He had said he wouldn't, and she felt inclined to believe he was capable of honesty. But she couldn't leave it uncertain.

More importantly, she had been communicating with the Jedi Masters. What if he learned of this? What would happen? Would she be executed immediately?

She lifted her eyes and stared at him, trying to glimpse any piece of the puzzle his eyes could offer her. She wished she could ask the Masters what to do.

Suddenly, he spoke. "Are you concerned about me reaching into your mind again?"

She marveled briefly at his intuition.

He would need it to be what he is, she concluded after a moment.

"Yes." She decided to answer blankly.

"The mind is a layered thing. Like a planet, there is the atmosphere, crust, mantle, outer core and inner core. It is the hardest to prevent someone from probing into your top layers, but successively easier to stop someone from reaching down into each layer below. Even the most basically trained, like you, can prevent a probe into either of the cores, where the most significant memories and desires are stored, against all but the strongest infiltrators."

Rey considered this and paraphrased it to make sure she understood. "So, it's an inverted system: the deeper someone reaches, the easier it is to defend? That's why I was able to push you out on Starkiller Base?"

"Yes."

Nodding, Rey asked, "What is at the top layer?"

"Immediate, intentional inner dialogue; direct thoughts. They are the easiest to control and suppress."

"And below that?"

"Strong, uncontrolled emotions. Although, only the most well-practiced can prevent someone strong in the Force from sensing their immediate emotions.

"Those two top layers, like the sky and the landscape, are the easiest to access- visible to the eye. Defending against them is like creating fog.

"But anything below that requires an intentional push and considerable skill or powerful raw ability, like digging underground. If we were to do this, we would only practice defending against the top two layers. The sky and the surface. I would never push below that. But if you could defend against the top, that shield would prevent me from going any deeper anyway."

"How can I trust you?"

"How could I make you?" He paused, and she could sense him willing her to understand, selfishly but not deceitfully. "Look, either we do this or we don't. Regardless, Snoke will absolutely probe you later, so you might as well take the chance and try to prepare yourself with me. I, unlike Snoke, have already seen into your mind and I don't currently intend to kill you because of what I saw."

Her breath hitched, and she looked down to her limp fingers resting on her thighs.

After 30 seconds of considering, she said, "Ok. What do we do?"

Kylo regarded her, reflecting on her question. "It will be a process of experimentation. What I've done, which has been effective, is just imagine an invisible, immaterial barrier existing around me. But I assume it would work like a muscle—it needs to be strengthened through repetition."

Considering this, Rey asked, "So, you will try to reach in, and I will try to imagine a barrier that stops you?"

"Yes, but initially let's have you reach in first."

She hesitated; surprised that he would allow her the benefit of reaching into his mind. He was taking all the potential risk of her probing him.

He seemed to see the tensing of her body, so he quietly but somewhat impatiently said, "You've already been in my mind. I have nothing more to hide from you."

He can't be serious?

She contemplated this for a moment, but decided she simply didn't have enough information to reason with the idea. So she decided to proceed and nodded.

Remembering what she had done by accident on Starkiller base, she focused all her attention on him, leaning forwards slightly, trying to imagine what he must be thinking, and feeling out with the Force to what was contained behind his eyes.

For a moment, she felt nothing, just what she saw on his expression—calm simmering with something darker—she pushed harder, feeling his Force signature in her chest, reaching with her breathing through it, tensing all of her torso in the effort.

Suddenly, she broke through; anxiety, frustration, wonder and curiosity washed over her, but not her own. They were isolated emotions that she could feel like heat or cold on her skin, rather than intertwined with her own. She pushed harder, and suddenly an image of the dunes of Jakku came to her, a vista that she recognized, but had not considered in a long time, and she realized it was his.

"Stop," he suddenly said, and she withdrew immediately.

"You went too far. You only need to go as far as my emotions." He said briskly, a tint of annoyance in his voice and anger gleaming in his eyes.

Instantly, she felt shame and regret. She didn't mean to invade his privacy—the mantle or core, as he had called it.

"I'm sorry," she said openly, and when she did, the anger slipped from his eyes, leaving them softer than she had ever seen.

She waited for a moment, watching him, and in this time he hardened his face again.

"I didn't hear any of your thoughts," she said plainly.

"I wasn't thinking anything specific at the moment. I will this time, so you can get a sense of what to expect."

"You would do that?" she said, surprised. She had expected the session to be over for now because of her transgression.

"Yes."

She nodded slowly, then inhaled and pushed into him again. Immediately, she sensed a thought, like a feather floating to the ground, trailing through the same emotional landscape as last time.

You are very talented.

She pulled back, annoyed at the compliment. She did not want to hear anything like that from him. She couldn't imagine he would be sincere.

Evading recognition of his thought, she regarded him and asked, "Have you been trying to defend against me?"

"Yes." he answered evenly. "I was not trying to flatter you. You are very capable. But I imagine this will take awhile. Days, maybe even weeks of practice. And we will probably have to try many different techniques…"

He stopped, thinking for a moment, then continued in a different, more relaxed. "I'm curious to see how capable you are at defending yourself now. You forced me out at Starkiller Base, although I was not prepared for it. Are you willing to try again?"

Rey nodded silently, preparing herself.

"You ready?" Kylo asked, his eyes tentative.

"Yes."

He nodded, and then she felt the familiar push against her brow that she had experienced on Starkiller base, like his fingers were pressed against it—but there was no pain like there had been before. Still, she could sense him, like a magnet, pulling her thoughts—mental descriptions of the sensation and her wonder and mild alarm—towards him.

Reactively, she imagined a barrier in between her and him, an invisible layer that closely surrounded her and blocked him out. The magnetic pull did not end, but it lessened; grew weaker.

"I can feel it," he said, "try harder."

She imagined the wall growing thicker, stronger, clenching her teeth and muscles in the effort. But as the seconds drew by, she felt the inverse happening; the walls of the shields were growing thinner, then paper thin, until they disintegrated and his magnetic pull was completely unhindered again.

"I'm impressed," he said, "what did you do?"

"I just imagined something like a layer around me; a wall that resisted your pull, that grew and thickened."

He nodded silently, apparently unsurprised. "I felt it, and tried to push back." He paused, and scanned her intently. His eyes returned to hers, "Can you keep going?"

She nodded, still intrigued by how considerate he was being. She had imagined he would be a stagnant personality, but his incremental changes each day continued to surprise her.

"Yes."

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They continued practicing, taking turns with the roles, for several hours. They frequently expressed to each other that they were making advances, which kept her motivation, and apparently his, high. It was not a tiring or difficult thing to practice—this defending. It was finally just boredom and slowing success that made them to decide to stop.

As she brought her thoughts back to herself, she ruminated on how his openness throughout the entire exchange startled her greatly.

Watching him sit cross-legged in front of her, his honest though somewhat obscure expression remained relatively solid as he focused with remarkable endurance on the task. It seemed increasingly impossible that he was the masked figure that hunted her in the forest on Takodana; that stood on a long, narrow catwalk, watching the man he had put his lightsaber through fall into an enormous mouth of emptiness.

Here, Kylo Ren just looked like a man, tired and intelligent and still young.

And the emotions and thoughts she had felt in him for the past hour sustained this impression. She experienced in him a constant stream of frail concern, about what she didn't know. There was also determination of many shades, occasional confusion, annoyance, and breezes of wonder. But, the longer she felt these sentiments, the more notable this wonder became.

Initially, she just assumed it was a form of surprise at her ability to even have this bizarre exchange with him. She never tried to reach any deeper, so she never identified its source. But the wonder never faltered. Instead, it became more familiar, even more secure.

She would look to his eyes sometimes, and they would hold her gaze, guarded, but also gentle.

Could he admire me?

No, this is insane.

But he had given her two compliments already today. And she never once felt in him a sense of disdain, which she supposed might have been expected, considering their spar last night, and the fact she had never been pleasant or courteous towards him. She also was never rude, but she was certainly cold or at least detached.

Finally, he had looked at her, after successfully pushing her out more quickly than normal, even though she had gotten much better at holding her grasp, and he said, "Let's stop here."

She nodded, relaxing her tense muscles. "Will we continue later?"

He smiled, faintly, but undeniably. "No, I will be busy the rest of the day."

"Can I ask you a couple of questions then? Before you go?"

He stood up, but once he did, calmly said, "Ok."

"Who is Derisidem Ren?"

His gaze hardened instantly like freezing water, and he scanned her face for a moment before answering. "She is a Knight of Ren."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Then what are the Knights of Ren?"

"It's not complicated. There are seven of us. We work to realize the pursuits of the First Order."

Rey nodded, accepting that she would not be told any more about it now. She watched his face, which looked more tired and anxious than before, like he was apprehending a storm. She remembered how Anakin has suggested that she try to consider and ask Kylo Ren about his perspectives.

Quietly, she asked, "What are you pursuits?"

"What do you mean?"

"Anything. Whatever your immediate response is to the question."

He considered her for a moment, like he was analyzing a field of tall grass he wasn't sure he wanted to cross, and then responded, "I want to bring peace to as many people as I can."

A dozen averse and indignant reactions swept through her in response to that, but she didn't voice them. Instead, she considered the honesty resting in his eyes. It reminded her of settled volcanic ash.

"Do you feel like you have been able to do that?" She asked, feeling the intentional sincerity of her voice and hoping there wasn't any evident disdain in it.

He regarded her, not coldly, but guardedly. He opened his mouth to say something, then in a split-second, like he had changed his mind about something, hesitated and finally said, lowly, "Yes, I do."

The he turned and left the room without offering anything else.

Rey sighed, pushing herself away from a quickly growing thicket of questions and fascination.

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Sitting on her bed, having scarfed a plate of fruit and cheese a protocol droid had recently brought her, Rey read through a document detailing the conflicts and politics causing many of the battles of the Clone Wars. She had been surprised to read now many things she remembered the Ithorian, Eteth, had told her about so many years ago. For so long she had been told by other occupants and passerby in Niima Outpost how fictitious and ridiculous Eteth's tales had been; bedtime stories for a child.

Suddenly, she felt the familiar presence of the Jedi Masters, soft waves of light rolling towards her.

The cordial, mild voice of Obi-Wan reached out to her from the empty space the waves spawned from. "Rey, may we join you?"

"Of course." She said, setting down her datapad and looking up.

All four of the Jedi Masters materialized in light before her, each smiling gently at her.

"Very well, you are doing." Yoda said in his gravelly tone, his eyes and lips lined with fondness.

"Yes Rey, we are very impressed with how gracefully you are handling the situation," added Obi-Wan.

Rey regarded them, touched by their openness, but slightly disconcerted. She, honestly, had not tried very hard to do anything but react to what was presented to her. Just earlier she had felt somewhat ashamed that she had not been more focused on her objective. She was unaccustomed to praise and it was beginning to frustrate her.

Ignoring any apprehension she may have demonstrated, Anakin spoke. "Kylo Ren is fascinated by you. You have become something of a threat, but he sees it as unintentional. He does not anticipate that you mean to hurt him. He sees you as honest and benevolent, as well as powerful. And this is causing him to admire you."

Obi-Wan interjected, "Rey, this is exactly what we were hoping for. You have started the path to his trust."

Anakin nodded, then continued. "As a result he is questioning his relationship with Snoke. That is another path that you can guide him on."

"But cautious, you must be." Yoda said. "Not too fast, should you go."

The Masters regarded her in silence for a moment, and she nodded carefully, folding her arms tightly in front of her.

"Rey," Qui-Gon said, "We know that what we are asking of you is more than should be asked of anyone. But we do believe every part of you is capable. Trust your instincts. You will be successful."

Rey considered this, eyeing the ceiling and the stars beyond it. "Do you know what will happen next?" she asked softly?

The Jedi Masters looked questioningly at each other, then Yoda finally returned his gaze to Rey, "Clouded, the future is. Difficult, to say."

"When you are alone here, focus your thoughts on the Living Force." Qui-Gon suggested, "You will find that as you practice exploring the life around you, you will become much more attuned to possibilities and become prepared to react to them."

He paused and Rey nodded quickly, eager to hear any more suggestions of a course of action she could follow.

Qui-Gon continued, "Try to avoid any speculation of the future. There is the possibility you may be misled. Try to keep you concentration in the present."

"He's right." Obi-Wan offered. "We sense that there are growing disturbances here that may try to interfere with the relationship you are cultivating with Kylo Ren."

Rey nodded, watching the Masters as they fell silent, seemingly finished with their suggestions.

Her mind went to the question that was born by what Kylo had said to her last night. "Do you have any idea who you really are?" She had since contemplated if the Jedi knew the answer.

"Masters," she said carefully, treading softly into the open space of vulnerability. "Who are my parents?"

The Jedi exchanged a worried look, like the walls of a dam that had long threatened to fall and flood a city in its path were fissuring.

After a long moment, Qui-Gon spoke. "You were born on Ahch-To. Your parents raised you there until you were 5. Do you remember them?"

"A little," Rey said softly. "What happened to them?"

"Rey… they were killed. That is part of the reason you were taken to Jakku."

"They were killed?"

"Yes."

"How?" Rey breathed.

The Masters exchanged a look, and this time Obi-Wan spoke. "Rey, we did not want to burden you with this information yet; not while you are still dealing with this ordeal."

"Jedi, your parents were." Yoda said gently.

Qui-Gon added, "But they did not conceive you. Only your mother's midi-chlorians did, with our guidance."

What? Rey thought, bewildered, and looking between the Masters for more explanation. Their expressions were solid, sincere as the stars shining through the twilight sky.

"You were conceived and born as only one other known being has been." Qui-Gon continued

"Me." Anakin said, his face soft. "But I was created by someone else. I was an accidental conception of Darth Plagueis's-Snoke's-enterprises. A creation of light by the Force to balance the darkness of the actions he was trying to accomplish."

"But learn we did, by others who understood the occurrence, how to create another." Yoda said.

Obi-Wan followed, his expression a gentle as a falling snow, "Rey, we are sure that this is overwhelming for you. But you were born to and raised by parents who loved you."

A flower of uncertainty, even anger, was blooming in Rey's stomach, its petals unfurling in melancholy questions about abandonment, manipulation and imposition.

"What happened then?" She asked, "Why was I left on Jakku?"

Obi-Wan, his eyes sorrowful, was the first to answer. "You were born to Jedi parents, some of the last surviving of our Order, so that we would know that you would be safe and protected through your youngest years. But the Jedi had continued to be hunted even after the Battle of Endor, and you might have been too easily found through their Force presences, so we had to relocate you to the most anonymous life possible. That was the reason for Jakku. Afterwards, our suspicions were confirmed necessary, as your parents were tracked by the First Order and killed."

The severity of what Obi-Wan was telling her felt like an ice storm. She felt numb, her petals frozen and cracking like porcelain.

She was created, born and raised… to be a tool?

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