Welcome to the next instalment of the Random Adventures of Dorothy and Toto. This episode features..Jamie and Ranger...as do the rest of them. Enjoy!
Stranded...for a Bit
We were on another boat. But this time we were undercover. Ranger got a tip from an anonymous source that the president was going to be assassinated, and it was being organized on this boat that was setting off from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. So Ranger landed himself and bartender job and took me with him. Now that he realized I was his secret weapon, he signed me on as a real Rangeman employee. I could sneak around the boat, an innocent girl of nineteen, and no one would pay attention to me. Okay, the assassinator, Morgan Green, had a twenty-year-old son aboard, so maybe someone would be paying attention to me.
Ranger and I were aboard the Lemon Bomb, a 115-foot yacht. It had state of the art technology and could go 30 knots an hour. It also had state of the art criminals who could kill 30 guys in an hour. Both Ranger and I had gone through hours of background checks and lie-detectors to come aboard. Ranger was the bartender, and I was his sister. How he got through the lie-detectors I did not know. The only thing that was asked of me was am I really nineteen and am I really Ranger's sister. I had lied about the second one, but I guess I was calm enough to pass.
So now I was being chased around the boat by a twenty-year-old ball of hormones and ego, who was convinced that I was in love with him. Mostly I'd just roll my eyes and push him away, but he had gotten a little more demanding of late. He was following me everywhere, trying to get me to take a swim with him or a shower for that matter. I shuddered and hunkered down into the cabin I shared with Ranger.
"C'mon baby, just a little kiss? You know you want to." EW.
"Fuck off, Freddy, before I shove your gonads halfway up your throat!"
"If you don't come out, I'll tell my dad that you're a cop who's gonna bust him for assassinating the president!" He yelled through the door.
What a moron. "What are you talking about?" I yelled back.
"Uh…nothing. Never mind, forget I said anything. Listen, just let me in, Jamie, please, baby?"
I rolled my eyes. "Go away, Freddy."
"You'll pay for this, bitch," he said and I heard him walk off. Yikes.
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That night I was dining with Green, his gross son Freddy, Martin the Henchman, Green's slut of a wife Sally, and Tony the Other Henchman. Ranger was behind the bar, and other servants were walking in and out of the dining room carrying out various orders and requests.
So far neither Ranger nor I have found out much. Mostly conversation veers to politics and sports. Occasionally there would be little snippets of "have you found his location at ten o'clock?" or "will he be next to a window?" and that's when our ears pricked up. At this particular dinner, Freddy was sulking and Green was chewing him out about being a little twerp. Multiple times during their little conversation I almost spewed water all over the table from laughter. It really was hysterical.
"Freddy, sit up straight, like a man," Green scolded.
Freddy glared and straightened out his spine a fraction.
"Freddy, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Sally asked, sipping at her wine.
I snorted.
Freddy glared at me. "Because apparently I'm not good enough for some people."
Green and Sally looked at me. I shrugged and stayed respectfully silent.
"And why does Ms. Rodriguez think she's better than you?" Green asked, looking puzzled, "She's a woman."
Oh. No he didn't. Chauvinist pig. I could feel Ranger smiling behind me at the bar.
I glared at Green but he didn't notice me. He was too wrapped up in his men-are-SO-much-higher-than-woman world to notice a lowly lady like myself.
"I don't know, father, but I do know one thing. And that is that Jamie and Carlos aren't who they say they are."
I managed to look surprised at his accusation, rather than at the truthfulness of his statement.
"What are you talking about, Freddy?" Sally asked. Green was narrowing his eyes at me.
"I see them whispering to each other all the time. Just this morning they were on deck together, and I could see them planning."
BULLshit. I was nowhere NEAR Ranger this morning. I was asleep until noon.
I felt Ranger come up behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder. Green glared up at him.
"Mr. Rodriguez, is what my son said true?"
"I assure you it is not, Mr. Green, I was in the kitchens, helping Mr. Walters with breakfast this morning. My sister was asleep in our cabin."
Green narrowed his eye at both of us. Ranger's hand tightened on my shoulder.
"You are dismissed, Mr. Rodriguez. Just know that I am going to be keeping an eye on you," Green said pleasantly, and turned back to his food.
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Ranger was fuming when we got to our cabin. "Why the hell did that fucking kid say that?"
I winced. Ranger doesn't swear often. I sighed heavily and slumped onto a chair. "He only said that because I won't have sex with him."
Ranger stared at me for a moment. "Then have sex with him."
I glared at him. "Fuck no. Why would I do that?"
"He could get us killed. With one word we would have anchors tied to our ankles and be dropped into the ocean. Just pretend to enjoy it."
I stared at Ranger, wondering if he was kidding or not. After a moment I decided he wasn't kidding. "I'm not losing my virginity to a creep I barely know,"
Ranger looked over at me. "You're a virgin?"
I blinked. "Yeah."
Ranger didn't answer. He was going over the tape from today. Before we set sail, Ranger installed microphones everywhere. How he's gotten past security is beyond me.
"What?" I asked incredulously, "You didn't think I was a virgin?"
"Actually, no, I didn't," Ranger answered.
I sat up a little straighter. "Why not?"
"One, because you flirty shamelessly with all of my men, two, you have no problem playing strip-poker with all of us, and three, I ambushed you in the shower, picked out up, threw you off a boat all while you were completely naked. I just assumed." He shrugged and went back to listening to the tapes.
He did have a point. "Just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean I'm shy," I said, blushing slightly.
He grinned at me. "No, you aren't. And that's one of my favorite things about you."
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Over the next few days Green, Freddy, and the other henchmen were ever where I went. I couldn't shake Freddy off, and he was getting more and more hormonal. I just kept ignoring him, but I knew that soon I would have to do something or he would rat me and Ranger out. And that wouldn't be good.
One afternoon, about a week into the trip, a meeting was scheduled. Ranger and the rest of the serving staff were told not to go into the dining room for anything other than an emergency. There were two henchmen outside the door. Ranger and I were in our cabin, trying to figure out a way to listen in. We wouldn't be able to get the microphones on tapes to listen to until it was too late, so we needed a find a way.
"You could seduce the henchmen," I said.
Ranger looked over at me. "You're kidding, I assume?"
"Well who knows if they're gay or not."
Ranger shook his head and stood up. "The only thing we can do is knock them unconscious." He dug through a drawer in the bureau and pulled out two stun guns.
"Jeez," I said, accepting the stun-gun Ranger handed me, "how did you get these on board without anyone noticing?"
Ranger smiled. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."
I rolled my eyes. Ranger's face turned serious. "This is what we'll do. You go from one side, I'll go from the other. After stunning the guards, I'll bring them here and lock them in. You stay and listen through the door. I've already tested out how much sound comes through the door, and it's a lot, so I think you'll be okay."
I nodded and we set off. Ranger took the port side, I took starboard side. I came up beside one of the henchmen. "Hi," I said cheerily.
They just stared at me. And then they went back to staring straight ahead. Um, can you say stupid? I reached out and easily stunned the guy closest to me. The other guy stood, dumbstruck, as his colleague fell to the floor. He stared at me for a beat too long. Ranger was already behind him, pressing the stun gun to his neck.
"Take that!" I said triumphantly.
Ranger smiled. "I'm going to drag this guy back to our room," he said, taking a hold of the henchman's jacket, "You stay here and if the other one wakes up, stun him again."
I saluted Ranger as he disappeared around the corner. I pressed my ear to the door and listened. I could hear everything. Ranger came back a few minutes later and took the other henchman. By this time I was on my knees with my head resting on the door. I heard footsteps, assuming it was Ranger. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.
Except that it wasn't Ranger. It was Freddy.
He sneered at me. "What do you think you're doing, Jamie?"
"I'm…ah…looking for my earring," I said, getting up. I dusted off my skirt and tried to look innocent.
"So why were you listening through the door?" He asked, eyes narrowed.
I managed mild surprise. "Listening through the door? I was just resting for a minute. I didn't even realize it was a door," I said, looking at the door in bewilderment. "The earrings were a gift from my grandmother. I don't want to lose them." Sometimes I lie so well I scare myself.
"I'm going to tell my father you were listening to his secret plans."
I felt my eyes widen. SHIT. "No! Don't do that! Carlos and I will be fired and we won't be able to feed our family!"
He laughed maliciously. "That's too bad, Jamie, I guess you should have slept with me." He reached around me to get the door handle, probably to open it and yell 'look who I found!', but before he could get any farther I grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him.
Half a second later I found myself pinned to the wall to the side of the door, being felt up by the creepy son of an assassin. I shoved him away from me before his hands got into my bra.
Freddy stared at me for a second and came at me again, but I stuck my hands out to stop him.
"Maybe if you don't tell anyone about finding me here I'll let you go farther," I said, holding him back.
I could hear the gears working in his head. What was more important: Sex, or keeping your father's secrets? Hm…tough one, that was. Freddy nodded and stepped back. I started to move away from him but he grabbed me and crushed me against him again.
"And when do I get to go farther?" He asked, futilely trying to be seductive.
"When we get off the boat, back in Cabo, okay?"
He considered me for a moment. "Fine," he said finally. He stepped away from me and disappeared right as Ranger came back.
Ranger stared at me for a beat. He took in the slightly swollen lips, indignant look, and ruffled shirt. He raised an eyebrow.
"Freddy," I said, "He caught me, but promised not to tell when I said I'd sleep with him."
Ranger nodded. We listened a while longer, and pretty much figured out how they were going to do it. The instant we heard chairs squeaking and footsteps we beat it out of there and went back to the cabin Ranger dragged the henchmen out and dumped them around the corner. Hopefully we wouldn't be suspected of doing anything sneaky.
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The rest of the day was quiet. I stayed in the cabin, and Ranger carried out his bartenderly duties. That night we were both invited to dinner. I thought this was a little strange, because usually it's just me, and Ranger stays behind the bar. But Green told us that we've worked hard enough, and that we deserved some relaxation. He served us drinks and food, and was generally cheerful. Ranger and I were on full alert, knowing that he wasn't being nice for no reason.
After a tense dinner Ranger and I retreated back to the cabin.
"That was really weird," I said to Ranger through the bathroom door. I had taken a shower and was changing into a pair of Ranger's sweats and a tank top.
"Something is going on," Ranger said, "I don't think we're safe anymore."
I cam out of the bathroom pulling a brush through my hair. "Why not?" I asked.
"Green was being too nice to us. Too carefree."
I sat down on the bed next to Ranger. "Well I guess we'll find out why soon enough, right?"
"That's what I'm afraid of," Ranger said grimly.
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I fell asleep pretty easily that night. But when I woke up I knew I wasn't in our cabin. Partly because when I opened my eyes I was staring at the bright blue sky. And then there was the fact that when I sat up I noticed I was on a little beat up boat, surrounded by the bright blue ocean. FUCK.
I looked around to take stock of the situation. My messenger bag was resting next to me, I was still wearing the sweats and tank, and Ranger was still sound asleep on the other end of the little boat, still only wearing the black boxers he wore to bed. I crawled over a bench in the middle and shook Ranger.
"What, Jamie?" He mumbled, batting me away.
"Ranger, wake up," I said.
He opened one eye. "Fuck," he said.
"That was my reaction."
Ranger sat up and looked around. "I guess now we know why Green was being so nice," he said.
"Yep."
We sat in silence for a while. There wasn't really anything to talk about. Ranger didn't have a phone or a radio to contact any of the Merry Men. I had a cell phone, but there was no signal out here in the big blue.
"Well now what?" I asked.
"I guess we wait until we hit land," Ranger said, leaning back against the side of the boat.
"Or starve," I said, looking over at him.
Ranger nodded. This definitely wasn't good.
The sun beat down on us, the wind whipped past us, and the waves knocked our little boat around. The boat had a motor on it, but it was completely wrecked. Hours passed and I started getting hungry and thirsty. I dug through my messenger bag and came up with five stale granola bars, an old half bottle of water, and some hard candy. Ranger said to save the hard candy until we ran out of water, because sucking on something made more saliva which would do well enough to quench our thirst. I divided the granola bars between us, and we ate one apiece. Ranger suggested trying my cell phone to see if we had signal, but there was none. Dammit.
"What happens when we run out of food and water?" I asked Ranger.
He just looked at me. "Don't think about the future, Jamie, just think about now."
That was a good idea. If I thought about it anymore I think I would go crazy.
Mostly we just sat in silence. We played cards silently. We slept. We gazed across the never-ending expanse of blue water. We bonded without having to speak. The day oozed by, drippinggunk as it went. I was so bored; I thought I was going to go nutso.
As night fell, I felt a drop of rain. Shee-it. Three minutes later it was pouring. The waves were stronger and I heard thunder in the distance. I shoved my messenger bag under an overhang at the very end of the boat, drew my knees up and wrapped my arms around myself. I looked over at Ranger through the onslaught of water, and saw that he was in a similar position. He was just wearing boxers, and was probably shivering to death at this point. Hopefully the rain won't last long. I put my head down and I tried to think warm thoughts.
"Jamie," Ranger hollered over the pounding rain.
I looked up. Ranger crooked his finger at me in a 'come here' gesture. I crawled over the bench in the middle of the boat and sat in front of Ranger. He reached out, grabbed me and wrapped his arms around, pulling me into him.
"We need to stay warm," he said into my ear, "Just don't fall asleep."
I didn't think that was possible, anyway. I was too cold and wet. But with Ranger's arms around me it got a little warmer. I scooted closer to him and brought my knees up, so I was curled up between his legs. I rested my head on his bare shoulder and relaxed.
In that instant I fell in love.
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When I woke up the first thing I noticed was that we weren't moving. I wiggled out of Ranger's arms and looked over the side of the boat. Sand. I yawned and stretched and poked Ranger's shoulder until he woke up.
"What's up?" Ranger asked.
"We hit land," I said, standing up. I stretched again and jumped out of the boat. I was still wearing the sweats and tank-top, and they were still soaked. I rolled up my sweats a little so they wouldn't get sandy and tromped down the beach. Ranger followed suit.
It wasn't raining anymore, thank God, and the sun was shining bright. Our boat had washed up on a little island. It was covered in rough grass, palm trees, banana tress, and sand. Ranger and I flopped down on the warm sand to dry off.
"This reminds of Pirates of the Caribbean," I mumbled drowsily.
"Maybe we'll meet Jack Sparrow," Ranger answered.
I smiled. "That would be so amazing. That man is so sexy."
Ranger laughed.
"Not as sexy as you, though," I said turning my head to face him.
Ranger grinned at me.
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A while later Ranger dragged me up from the nice warm sand and said we should look for food. I groaned and reluctantly walked beside him.
"Fine, Jelly Bean, but if I find some food I'm not sharing," Ranger said, glancing over at me. I glared at him and stuck my tongue out. He just laughed at me. Butthead.
The island wasn't very big, maybe a mile-square, but there were some bananas and cocoanuts growing in the trees. With a boost from Ranger I shimmied up the banana tree and using my knife, cut off a huge bunch. Then we simultaneously kicked a palm tree until cocoanuts fell down. It was kinda hard 'cause neither of us was wearing shoes, but we managed okay.
That night we ate cooked bananas and built a huge bonfire, using my lighter. Ranger managed to crack one of the cocoanuts open and we ate some of those as well.
"Too bad we don't have any rum," I said, leaning against his shoulder.
I felt Ranger smile. "I don't think I could control myself if I got drunk on rum," he said.
I sat up and looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that we're alone on this little island and you're looking incredibly sexy right now, so it's good that there's no form of alcohol."
I snorted. Me looking sexy? Psha. My hair was a wreck; I was wearing sweaty, salty, grimy sweat-pants and a sweaty, salty, grimy tank top. There was no way in the fiery depths of hell that I looked sexy. He should talk, anyway. Just in those black silk boxers.
"You should talk, Mr. I Smile And Women Faint," I said, raising an eyebrow at him.
He grinned at that statement, but then the grin faded a little. "I hate that, you know, that women throw themselves at me."
"You'd think it would be a big ego boost," I said, nibbling on some banana.
"It was when I was younger, and I used it to my advantage. But then the girlfriend-of-the-week got pregnant, and I realized maybe I was a little stupid."
I grimaced. "Yikes. What happened?"
Ranger stared into the fire. "I suddenly had a kid. We got married. Things went down hill from there."
"Didn't like each other very much?" I asked, looking at him.
Ranger smiled a little, but it wasn't a happy smile. "It was less than 'very much'. I tried to make it work, but in the end, she found other men to entertain her."
"Bitch," I said, eyes narrowed. What woman in her right mind would cheat on Ranger. This is Ranger, the Cuban sex god, we're talking about. I didn't even know her, and I wanted to claw her eyes out.
I felt Ranger chuckling beside me. "You're going to ignite the sand if you keep glaring at it like that, Jamie."
I jumped out of my Kill The Bitch trance and looked at Ranger again. "What happened your kid?"
"There was a nasty battle for custody. Tiffany used my job against me. She said Jasmine could be in danger and I wouldn't be home enough to take care of her. I thought that was bullshit, and told it to the judge. After my little outburst, the court ruled that I wasn't allowed to see Jasmine unless I had Tiffany's consent."
"Didn't Jasmine get some say?"
Ranger shook his head. "She was only four at the time. She didn't know what was going on, and when the judge asked her if I was a good father, she said 'daddy only comes home sometimes'."
Ouch.I winced."I bet that was torture."
Ranger started down into the sand. "It was. Tiffany hates my guts so you can guess how much I get to see my daughter."
We sat in silence. What a shocker. Ranger has a daughter? That's a surprise. "How old is she now?"
"Just turned six. I was there for her birthday party."
So that's where he had disappeared to…I smiled. "Was she happy to see you?"
Ranger grinned. "Ecstatic. She was bouncing off the walls. I hadn't seen her since she turned five."
"Aw. That's so cute."
Ranger turned to me and smiled. I smiled back. Ranger's eye darkened. I got a little nervous. His hands reached out and wrapped around my waist. He pulled me close to him. We were so close our noses were almost touching. My heart was thumping at epic speeds, and Ranger was staring deep into my soul. I didn't know weather to be happy about this, or scared out of my mind.
Then he kissed me.
When the kiss ended I scooted a little away from him, still nervous as hell. "Wow," I said, slightly breathless.
A smile tugged at the corners of Ranger's mouth. "We should probably go to sleep. I know you're exhausted and so am I."
My mind was still on that kiss. "Uh…what?"
That earned me full blown laughter. Ranger stood up and hauled me up with him. "Let's go find us some shelter."
I trailed behind him, wondering about the kiss. Did that even happen? Was I just dreaming? Man, he was a good kisser.
"Earth to Jamie," Ranger said, wrenching me out of my Ranger-thoughts.
"Uh…what?" I said, again.
"I said—here are some big banana leaves we can cover ourselves with. It's getting cooler."
"Uh…okay." I said, and took thehuge leaves he handed me. I followed him back to our bonfire. Ranger flopped down on the sand and pulled a couple of the leaves over him. He was right, it was getting cooler. I wasn't that cold, but there was a breeze that made me shiver. And I bet Ranger was freezing. I laid down next to him and draped some leaves over myself. I went to sleep with my mind still fixed on the kiss.
I guess sometime in the middle of the night Ranger had grabbed me 'cause when I woke up I was wrapped up in his arms. Yum. I just smiled and snuggled into him. My banana leaves had fallen off and I was halfway under Ranger's. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.
"I never thought sleeping on the beach, under leaves would be so much fun," I said.
Ranger grinned and gave me a squeeze. "I've done it before, so it's nothing special."
Then he kissed me again. This time wasn't as scary. I even kissed back this time. Ranger was a wonderful kisser.
"Mmmm yummy," I mumbled, closing my eyes again.
I felt Ranger laugh softly.
My stomach growled, and Ranger laughed harder. He sat up and pulled me up with him. "Let's go find something to eat."
Ranger and I got more bananas and cocoanuts. We sat down again on the beach and ate in silence.
"Does your cell have any signal yet?" Ranger asked me. I reached into my sweatpants pocket and extracted my cell phone. No signal.
"Nope," I said, biting a banana.
"Maybe on another part of the island," Ranger said, looking around.
The rest of the day was spent trying to find a cell signal. We finally found one when I climbed up a palm tree and sat on top.
"Who should I call?" I yelled down at Ranger.
"Tank."
"How will he know where we are?"
"There's a GPS tracker on your phone. Once we call him, he'll know there's a signal and he'll be able to find us."
"Alrighty then."
I dialed Tank's number and waited. "JAMIE!" Tank yelled.
"TANKY-POO!" I yelled back.
"Where the hell are you and Ranger? I tried to call both of you! Did you find anything out?"
"Yeah, listen, Ranger and I aren't on the boat anymore…"
"I figured. What happened?"
"We kinda got…caught…and…abandoned on a little boat…and now we're on this little deserted island."
"I've got a signal. You're in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico." (A/N I know there aren't any islands in the Gulf o' Mexico…but pretend there are).
"Hurray!" I yelled, pumping my fist into the air. Time to get off this God-forsaken island! I looked down at Ranger and gave him a thumbs-up. Well, maybe the whole 'God-forsaken island' thing was an exaggeration. At least Ranger was here.
I slid down the palm tree and launched myself at Ranger. We landed in the sand…me on top. Ranger grinned and put his hand on the back of my head, pushing my face down so he could kiss me. I rolled off of him before it could go any further and landed on my back on the sand.
"That was fun," I said.
"Yeah," Ranger answered.
"But now it's time to go back to the real world," I sighed.
"Too bad," Ranger said and wrapped an arm around me.
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The….end-filled end!
