PART 6

Several months later:

A prisoner within her own mind.

Again.

This is the third time in three years. Is there something fundamentally weak about her? Helpless? Vulnerable?

She watches helplessly as her small hands snap Colonel Simmons' neck. The man dies slowly and painfully in front of her.

She rages impotently as her hands take the man's gun.

She screams silently as her fingers press the trigger and the man she loves falls to the ground, bleeding.

She cries and fights the demon within as her mouth spits out words of hatred and death.

She murmurs "Thank you" when Teal'c shoots her.

She begs her dead lover's forgiveness as the life drains slowly out of her own body. "I … love you … Jack," she gasps.

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"Sam; wake up, honey," Jack O'Neill said.

Samantha Carter lifted her head up, gazing blankly around her. Her beautiful eyes were red with tears, the skin underneath heavily shadowed. When was the last time she had a decent night's sleep?, he wondered. "God … I dreamed I was … back there!" she gasped. "And you … I killed you!"

Jack wrapped his arms around his lover as she curled into his body like a child. "But you didn't," he reminded her. She'd only managed to inflict a flesh wound, as she'd been fighting the Goa'uld so hard for control.

"And I killed Colonel Simmons," she said in anguish, not seeming to hear Jack. "I hate him for what he did, to me and Adrian Conrad, but he didn't deserve to die."

Now that was where he disagreed with her. But Jack had a lifelong propensity for holding grudges and he'd always been an 'eye for an eye' kind of man. The NID snake had kidnapped her, had tried to dissect her for knowledge of how her brain had been altered by Jolinar. Then he'd killed Conrad when the man had tried to save Sam. Oh yes … it couldn't have happened to a better guy as far as Jack O'Neill was concerned.

But he knew Sam wouldn't want to hear it.

He hugged her tightly, feathering a kiss over her tear-stained cheek. "That wasn't you, Sam," he said. "That was the Goa'uld."

Sam wasn't listening. Instead, she was looking around the Infirmary. "The Colonel! Daniel!" she said. "Where are they?"

Doctor Janet Fraiser hustled over to her. Five two, less than half a Teal'c, but damn did she make her presence felt. "I released them days ago, Sam," she said, doing … something to the IV. "Don't you remember?"

"I think so," Sam said vaguely. "What happened?"

"That's a good question, Sam," Janet said. "The guys are being pretty tight-lipped about what happened on 923. I was hoping you would tell me more."

Sam cuddled deeper into Jack and his arms came around her again. While he loved holding Sam, he hated that she was in so much pain. Damn it; how much could one person be expected to go through? The destruction of the Tollan, having to leave that ambassador behind on the Aschen world, kidnapping and experimentation by the NID, and now … whatever had happened last week on P7Y 923.

Jack was by no means as stupid as he acted, and he recalled many more planetary designations than he was willing to admit. 923 was reportedly a barren rock, but with a very high concentration of naqadah deposits. He smiled slightly, picturing just how big Sam's eyes would have gotten at that prospect.

She and the rest of SG-1 had apparently gone there on a normal reconnaissance. Then some snake had shown up and all hell had broken loose. When he'd contacted George to give his monthly progress report, the other General had mentioned that Sam was being detained in the Infirmary as she'd gone into some kind of shock.

So Jack left his 2IC in charge and charged back through the SGC's Stargate, wanting to comfort the woman he loved. Only to be confronted by a white face, huge sad eyes and a thin frail body. Damn; he knew he should've hauled her out to Haven after that whole thing with the Aschen! But she'd insisted she would be fine – stubborn woman.

Sam sighed heavily and her thin little hands clutched onto Jack's tee shirt. "They're … trying to protect me," she said. She sat up quickly, nearly dislodging her IV, and looked at Jack and Janet. "Sir; as a Brigadier General, I need you to hear this," she said.

Jack tensed. She was calling him 'sir'. That could not be good. "I'm listening," he said.

"The guys … they're protecting me," she said. "It was my fault – what happened on 923. I froze … under fire." She wiped a hand over her eyes. "I'm no longer fit for active duty. Therefore, I wish to resign my commission effective immediately."

"Sam; you've had a bad time recently – no-one can deny that," Janet protested. "But this is a drastic action."

"Amen to that," Jack said.

"You're not listening to me," Sam said. "I froze. Under fire! If Teal'c hadn't been there to shove Daniel and the Colonel to safety, they would've been killed." Her voice shook and her big blue eyes filled with tears. "I … just … I can't do it anymore. I've become a liability."

Jack sighed, realizing that she was right. If she was freezing under fire, she couldn't serve on a front-line unit. But that was no reason for her to resign her commission. She was one hell of a scientist – the best the SGC had, the best the world had. They couldn't lose that big honkin' brain.

"Don't do anything rash just yet, Sam," he said, stressing her forename so that she knew it was Jack speaking, not General O'Neill. Then just to emphasize the point, he brushed another tender kiss across her cheek. "I'll talk to General Hammond; we'll come up with something."

Sam lifted his hand up and kissed it. "Thank you, Jack," she murmured.

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Janet Fraiser looked away, wanting to give the two lovers a little privacy, and brushed away a tear of her own. When SG-1 had come back from 923, she'd finally managed to examine Sam properly for the first time in the weeks since the kidnapping.

Her body chemistry was all over the place, she was suffering frequent bouts with insomnia, and was barely eating. Never a large woman, Sam had lost nearly a stone, but had tried to hide it by wearing extra clothing.

She knew she should have backed Jack up when he'd asked Sam to come to Haven after the busted mission with the Aschen. But Sam had been so insistent that she would be fine; that Jack was just being over-protective. Janet had given in to the pleading of her friend … had forgotten her duty as a doctor.

She wouldn't allow that to happen again. Sam was literally living on her nerves; jumpy, pale and traumatized. If something didn't change, and soon, Janet was seriously considering medical discharge.

She turned back round to see the toughest (albeit goofiest) General she knew brush a tender kiss over Sam's lips, and felt a brief wave of envy. Not jealousy – she was happy that Sam and Jack had finally found each other – but envy. She'd been instantly attracted to the tall handsome then-Colonel when she'd first come to the SGC, and they'd worked together very effectively to overcome the effects of the Broca virus, despite his own affliction.

She'd never let her crush interfere with her work, and quickly enough it had become deep respect and mere friendship. But looking at them together just reminded her how lonely she'd felt the last couple of years. Now that Cassie was getting older and had assimilated fully into her new world, she didn't need Janet as much.

Maybe it was time she started getting out a bit more. She decided that the next time a certain blue-eyed linguist asked her out, she would say yes.

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The next day:

Major General George S. Hammond sighed as he looked at his unofficial niece. He'd seen Sam get thinner and paler after her kidnapping, but hadn't wanted to admit defeat. She was a strong woman – she'd gone through other difficulties. Torture, horrors unknown to Earth-bound humans. He'd hoped she would get through this too. But … it wasn't to be.

Sam's hand was linked with that of Jack O'Neill's and she struggled to keep her composure. "Please, sir," she said. "I don't want to have to beg." She gave him that wide-blue-eyed look he'd never been able to resist when she was a child. "If I can stay on in a civilian capacity, I will, but I can't … I can't …". She gulped and squeezed her eyes shut.

George didn't even have to look at Jack to know that the younger General was giving him an O'Neill patented death glare. He sighed again and took the form, putting his signature to it. "I've approved your resignation, Major," he said regretfully. "I wish it hadn't come to this, but I'm sure we can find plenty for you to do on base. And we could occasionally loan you out to SG teams for non-combat situations."

"Are you kidding me?" Jack quipped. "Those geeks would be in heaven, having their queen egghead around 24-7!" Sam just looked at him with a tilted eyebrow and he gave her his best innocent look in return. "Well, you are an egghead!" he said. "A cool one, but still …".

Sam gave a wobbly sigh. "Thank you, sir," she said, standing up to salute Hammond one last time. "It's been an honor serving under you."

"The honor was all mine, Major … Sam," Hammond said.

"Ah … General; about the whole keeping Sam here thing?" Jack said as Sam sat back down.

"Yes?" George knew exactly what Jack had in mind, but decided to have a little fun with the man. Consider it … payback for years of smart-ass remarks that fell just this side of insubordination.

Jack visibly wriggled – big surprise there; his nervous energy could power up the Stargate for the next year if they could just figure out how to harness it. "Well, Doctor Lee wants to come back to Earth; he's getting pretty homesick."

"So I've heard." George Hammond could do monosyllabic responses with the best of them.

"The R&D department's getting bigger every day now that we've got the squids, the grunts and the jarheads bringing their own science and engineering people onto the colony. And Lee's a great scientist, but he's no CO."

Damn, but this was fun. George almost hated to see this end, but he could see that Jack was about to apoplexy. "Jack; get to the point," he said gently.

Jack looked over at Sam, then at George. "Sam, George; if it's agreeable to both of you, I'd like Sam to take Lee's place. She's a freakin' genius, with years of military experience, and I think she'd make a great team leader."

Sam gasped – George couldn't believe she hadn't seen it coming – and a light came into her pretty blue eyes he hadn't seen for many weeks. "General?" she asked.

And now George had two sets of puppy-dog eyes pleading with him. For the oddest moment, he was reminded exactly of his grand-daughters when they particularly wanted to wheedle something from him.

He sighed and shook his head with a grin. "Well, I'll have to clear it with the Chief of Staff, but aside from that, I have no problem." He looked over at Sam, who had linked her fingers with Jack's once more. "You would be happy to transfer to 724, I take it."

"Yes, sir," the young woman replied. "But … what about chain of command? I know I'm now a civilian, but I can't be responsible to Jack when we …" – she blushed – "when we're involved."

"I know," George said. "But there are always ways. You'll report to Jack for the day to day things, but I'll be responsible for the personnel issues. That should satisfy the regulations."

Jack heaved a deep sigh. "George; you're a real man amongst men," he said. He gave a grin. "I should have said that a long time ago, but you know me."

Oh yes, George Hammond knew Jack O'Neill. Stubborn, facetious, sarcastic, willful. And that was on his good days. But his cocksure arrogance was tempered by bouts with insecurity and the tender love he displayed openly for his former 2IC.

Jack O'Neill and Samantha Carter deserved love and happiness. And he was happy that they'd finally found it with each other.

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Several days later:

"Be well, Samantha Carter," Teal'c said, giving her a full Jaffa bow. He placed a hand over her heart. "Remember; a warrior's true strength comes from within, not without."

"Wow." Sam gulped and sucked her top lip in between her teeth. Teal'c never said much, but when he did it always had an impact. She hugged the big warrior on impulse, and was surprised when his large strong arms came around her. She'd never realized before just how good at hugging the big man was. "I'll miss you," she said.

Daniel was up next, pushing Teal'c away. Sam had to admire the man's courage. Nobody else would dare push Teal'c away. He enfolded her in his arms. "Take care, Sam; we're really going to miss you," he said.

"Thanks, Daniel," Sam said, kissing the man she'd often thought of as a big brother on the cheek.

Daniel returned the kiss. "And if Jack doesn't make you happy, just come home, and we'll go and kick his ass!" he said cheerfully.

Oh, right; a really annoying big brother.

"In your dreams, Daniel, " Jack said. "Only in your dreams. "

Sam hitched her backpack more firmly onto her shoulders, regarding Colonel Ferretti silently. She'd always liked the man, respected him, but now … Now, she'd lost his respect. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, sir," she said.

Ferretti opened his arms. "Get your ass over here, Carter! That's your last order!"

She went over to him, surprised when he gave her a quick kiss across the cheek. "I can say this now you're not my 2IC," he said. "You're a real babe and if Jack doesn't treat you right, look me up, okay?"

"So help me, Lou; you're not funny!" Jack said.

"Who's tryin' to be?" Lou said, waggling his eyebrows. "I still don't get what this gorgeous young brainiac sees in you." He turned back to Sam, who'd started giggling at the outraged look on Jack's face. "Seriously, Carter; he's way too old for you!"

"He's only a few years older than you, sir," Sam pointed out in Jack's defense. Not that Jack needed any defending in her eyes. He was pretty damn fine, and just seemed to get sexier as the years went by. "Besides, men are like a really fine wine – they only get better with age."

Now Jack blushed. "Ah, fer cryin' out loud …," he grumbled. "Let's get goin'," he said. "The wormhole's only gonna stay open another ten minutes."

Sam looked at her watch. Sure enough, the wormhole had been open twenty eight minutes as more and more people had come along to wish her well. "Oh. Right," she said.

They went up the ramp toward the wormhole, Sam pausing to look at the fluctuations in the event horizon. She resisted lingering too long – she did not want a repeat of the first time she'd 'gone' through the wormhole. Gone, hah! One smart-ass bird Colonel had literally shoved her through.

Said smart-ass waved a hand dramatically at the event horizon, then slipped his other arm round her shoulders. "To Oz, Dorothy?" he asked.

She snickered. The rough, tough General was a huge Wizard of Oz fan. "To Oz, Scarecrow," she teased, sliding her arm around his lean waist.

Wrapped in the embrace of the man she loved, Samantha Carter took a deep breath and stepped through into her new life.