Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto but I own Nozomi!
"The Feeling I Never Knew, The Feeling of Love"
The silent breeze of the night lifted my soul into a meditating-like trance. The darkness filled me and I felt at home with the stars and the absence of sound, sitting here, with Gaara. I thought of life and how my future will lie out in front of my feet. Will I simply walk upon the path given to me or fly above the clouds and create my own? Will I fall, thinking I'm flying, until I've hit the ground? I want to live my dream, my fantasy or walking that road with someone. I did not want to feel alone, I wanted the deep throbbing in my heart to leave me at once and leave me, in peace. But those were all just childish dreams, along with the rainbows and innocence in childhood. Finding happiness was my childish dream.
"Gaara…" I said, with a tone of voice that had no emotion, flat, "Do you think, we'll find a place where we can live and live without being hated?"
"Your dreams will be wasted," He responded, breaking the only string that held me to my fantasy.
Thinking of my wishes, the pain in my chest deepened. I winced from the pain.
'How can I live like this?' I thought.
My past and the things I fear the most are the events in my past. It haunts me even so, in the night, I turn to look over my shoulder. I turn to see it running towards me, trying to envelop me inside my own sins, my own seeds of destruction. These nightmares, this pain, it must be an illusion. I don't feel alive; I don't fee like I have a soul. But…when I look into his eyes, I feel…as though I may not suffocate from my own fear. I don't think I could ever be cured from my own shame and disgrace but…seeing him may lighten my burden. The burdens I feel, is the darkness in my cold heart. My burdens never seem to fade but I have to face them to live, to accept myself and the monster that is me. Although I know I have to accept it…I still…feel that tormenting pull on my heart, my soul. The pull of guilt that refuses to let me move on.
I can't be afraid, I have to stand up straight and not look down, but taking action is harder than it sounds. I looked to my side and saw the boy staring at the stars. The light of the moon reflected onto his face and his pale skin tone shone with a brilliance I've never seen before. His teal eyes also reflected the light and he almost looked, happy. It must be the light that's creating an illusion but I almost though I saw a glimmer of happiness and acceptance. My heart began to pound as I thought of how he must feel. My chest swelled with sudden self-consciousness and my hand rose to my head and I combed my hair behind my ear.
"Gaara…you…look-"
He turned his face towards mine. My cheeks felt hot and I looked towards the ground. The intensity of his stare made me feel nervous.
"You look, peaceful." I finished.
He didn't answer but just kept his gaze on me. I kept looking at the floor.
"Why did you say that?" He asked. His voice was calmer than it had been only 10 minutes ago.
I thought about how late it must have been getting but he was pushing for an answer.
"I-I don't know. When you were staring at the sky, you looked, at rest."
I finally looked up to meet his eyes. His eyes encircled me and made it their slave. The deep furrow that was always above his eyes cleared. He finally looked his age, at teenage boy at 14. He looked almost vulnerable and I felt strange. A silence of awkwardness filled the space between us and my stomach was swirling with the strange nervousness I now felt.
I stood up; "It must be getting late. We should head back."
Gaara stood up as well and we walked side by side, to his home. It was then that I notice how tall he really was. I had never been this close to him but he was a good 2 inches taller than I was. I laughed inside, I was happy. We did not speak on the long walk home but I didn't mind. I knew he wasn't angry because of his expression. When we walked in through the door, Temari and Kankuro were having dinner.
They looked at us and primarily at Gaara. Gaara took a plate of food and headed to his room without uttering a single word to either of them. Kankuro looked at me,
"What happened?"
"uh…nothing." I replied.
"Gaara looked happy. What happened?!" The tone of unbelievable surprise was clear.
I sat down and tried to hide my smile while I whispered, "We just trained and poke, that's all."
Temari teased me and she was clearly surprised as well, "Do you like Gaara?"
I looked at the both of them and their stares were just as bad as Gaara's. They were definitely related.
"I..uh…no! Why do you think that! I was just talking to him-"
"Whew! I wonder what kind of training puts Gaara in that kind of mood!" Kankuro joked.
I blushed and denied the fact that I did anything wit Gaara. We ate dinner and laughed, joked and spoke. The mood was cheery and I felt…at home. I felt as if this was my real home and I was gleeful like a child. A child who hasn't been through what I have. I felt as though I belonged to a family. When it was late and we all retreated to our rooms, as soon as I closed my door, I spun around to release the happiness I contained. I felt silly but my excitement and bright attitude overcame that.
I wanted for all of us to stay in the living room and have a light hearted conversation but I was being too childish. So after I calmed down a bit, I wandered to the roof and saw Gaara. He looked different though, because he had taken his gourd off. I walked next to him but he kept looking at the moon.
"May I sit here?" I asked.
He didn't answer so I took that as a yes. I sat and stared at the moon with him. I brought up my knees and hugged them. I closed my eyes to feel the light breeze flow into my lungs and through my hair. I felt calm and peaceful just as Gaara had seemed only a little while ago. I thought about how much money I had saved up from my mission. I had a decent amount of money and decided to buy new clothes, the clothes I had now were worn out. Soon, I retreated to my room but before I left I turned to Gaara,
"Goodnight."
I jumped down from the ceiling to my small balcony and opened my glass door. I closed it after me and changed before I fell upon my bed. I slept soundlessly and smiled at tomorrow's date, my birthday.
When I awoke, I quickly took a shower and headed downstairs to eat some breakfast. No one was awake yet so I took some bread and left. I walked out into the morning's soft light. It was around 8:00 so not many people were out. I walked over to a clothing store and started to browse around the clothing. My happiness form yesterday still wasn't extinguished so I smiled and said good morning to practically everyone I saw. No one recognized me as the girl with the demon and I was relieved that no one was yelling at me or calling me a monster.
I found a pair of brown pants that reached up to my knee. They were simple and perfect for training. Then I saw a shirt that resembled my shirt a little but it was a teal color. The shirt reminded me of Gaara but I'm not exactly sure what possessed me to buy it. Nonetheless, I changed into my new outfit and walked around the town. It was 11:00 now so I headed back, I didn't want to worry the others. When I opened the door, Kankuro, Temari and Gaara were eating breakfast. They looked at my clothing and I explained,
"I always buy a new outfit for my birthday. It's how I celebrate."
I smiled when Temari came over, "How cute! You look so pretty! It's your birthday? We have to celebrate."
Kankuro agreed with her but Gaara said nothing. Temari planned to take me to an expensive restaurant to have dinner. I hadn't had a celebration for my birthday since my parents passed away. My sister didn't really bother about it. After their breakfast, Temari insisted she buy me more clothing.
"No really! It's okay Temari. I just bought myself-"
"I'm buying you new clothes!"
She dragged me out the door and she took me around to buy me new clothes. We seemed to have stopped in every clothing store in Suna but finally Temari found a dress that she wanted me to have. It was the same color as my shirt, as Gaara's eyes. It was a short dress that was a little below my knees and it was strapless. It had silver designs of dragons on the side, it was breath-takingly beautiful. Temari forced me to try it and I felt self-conscious as I cam out with this revealing dress on. After Temari bought me this gift, she dragged me to a store that sold shoes. She bought me some low heel silver shoes that almost looked casual.
"Th-thank you Temari. Really this is too much." I uttered.
"Don't worry about it. You deserve something nice. Oh! You still need jewelry."
We entered the final store and looked around for a necklace and earrings. I found some silver earrings that were as large as a pinky nail and the earrings were in the shape of a little heart. In a glass case, Temari found the most exquisite necklace. It was white gold with a thin chain and the pendant was heart with a keyhole in the middle. The necklace came with another necklace that looked as though it was made for a boy and the chain was thicker while the pendent was a key.
"Aw! How sweet!" Temari gasped as she saw it.
As I looked at it, my heart fluttered. How I longed to have someone else be the key to unlock my heart. I wished to have a person that could be there for me. Temari looked upset once she saw the price.
She complained, "I don't have enough money for it. I'm so sorry Nozomi."
I nodded my hear, violently, "No! Please don't be sorry! You've bought me so many things. I feel so thankful for having such a wonderful friend. You've given me more than enough."
Temari smiled at the fact I called her my friend. I hadn't noticed that I did consider her my friend. I smiled as well as we headed back home. When we arrived, neither Kankuro nor Gaara were present. Temari suggested that they went out to buy me a gift. I stumbled and almost tripped when she told me that.
Gaara? Buying me a gift?
I tried to keep my heart inside my chest, I thought it would break open my chest as how hard it was pounding. We had spent quite a while shopping and the sun was setting as Temari and I chatted the day away. Finally Kankuro and Gaara returned with a bag. Kankuro told me he would give me his present after the dinner, truly, I had no problem if he didn't even buy me anything.
We all bathed and changed to get ready for the restaurant. It was a sophisticated place and so we had to look presentable. I looked nervous when I stared at myself in this dress. I hadn't worn a dress for so long, I forgot how strange it felt. Temari knocked on my door and urged me to hurry,
"We're waiting for you."
I rushed out of my room and walked downstairs. My face exploded with heat as I saw Gaara's and Kankuro's gaze on me. Temari was wearing a gorgeous red long dress that came around her neck. It showed a little of her back and her hair was as it always was. Kankuro and Gaara had the same clothing on. Kankuro had a white shirt with black pants and so did Gaara. I felt nervous and I was certain I was going to trip down the stairs but I didn't. I made it down safely and we headed out to dinner.
The restaurant was so clean and decorated. We sat at a table for four. I was sitting next to Kankuro and Temari so Gaara was right in front of me, since it was a square table. I ordered what I thought was pasta, since all the food had fancy names. We talked about random things and Kankuro said his jokes to make us all laugh. I was turning 14 but I didn't feel 14. I had a wonderful time and I was sad to leave when we were done. We were walking side by side and from left to right it was Kankuro, Temari, Me and then Gaara. Gaara was silent as always but I was listening to Kankuro and Temari. When we got back home, we all sat in the living room and Temari brought out a cake for me. We all sang happy birthday and I blew out the candles. Kankuro went upstairs to fetch something but came back quickly.
"Happy birthday Nozomi! Here's your present."
I took the small box from him and opened it to find two clips for my hair. They were white gold and had an amethyst rock at an end.
"Thank you Kankuro! I love it." I yelled and hugged Kankuro.
Gaara then stood up and called out to me, "Your gift is in my room." He walked upstairs and Temari elbowed me softly to pursue him. I followed him to his room. He opened a drawer and lifted up a small box from it. He handed it to me and I took it. Before I opened it, I opened my mouth to ask something from him.
My heart was pounding again, I'm sure he could hear it too.
"D-do you um…want to watch the moon with me?" I stuttered.
He blinked, confused but turned and headed up to the roof. I followed him and held a hand to my chest to calm my heart. On the roof, I sat next to him and opened my gift. It was a small white box with a silver lace around it. I pulled off the lace and lifted the lid. I emotionlessly stared at what was in the box. It was the necklace I saw with Temari at the store. The necklace that had a heart with a keyhole which brought another necklace with a key.
"Gaara…why…did you buy me something like this?"
"You don't like it."
"No, I love it really. This…you shouldn't waste your money on me. This was too expensive. But, this is wonderful. I fell in love with it when I saw it at the store. Thank you so much. This is the most wonderful present I've received all evening."
I looked at Gaara but the moon captivated his interest. I held the heart necklace and closed it around my neck. I held the heart pendant in my hand and looked at the key.
No, I couldn't give it to him. I smiled and closed the lid.
Once again, I said his name. "Gaara."
I left the box to the side and brought my arms around him, "Thank you."
I could feel the tension in his body and the sharp intake of breath he made.
I wanted to give him the other half of my gift, but I couldn't…
A tear slid down my face and dropped onto his arm…
I wish that my life could be like this, forever…
But I knew better…
As long as you're here…
It'll be alright…
I'll be fine…
Even if my life destroys me, even if the monster inside me shatters my life…
I'm here for you. Gaara.
