Probably my favorite chapter yet :D


She reaches in the back pocket of her dark wash skinnies and peers at her cell for a brief few seconds. Returns it and glances over at Lucifer, face sheen from the tap water.

"Hate to cut this short but Dan just texted. I need to go"

"Nice to know Detective Douche takes top priority.. by the way, has he considered spokesperson for Summers Eve as a next career move if police work doesn't pan out?"

Chloe just rolls her eyes at the sardonic remark. She knew him and Lucifer were never going to see eye to eye. But only made matters worse when the Devil never knew when to shut up.

"I think he's doing just fine where he's at"

She responds tersely. It was obvious to him perhaps he'd crossed that line. In his defense it was oftentimes blurred considering hers and Dan's wishy-washy relationship.


Another 2 weeks had passed, Linda's case now going on well over a month old without so much as a single lead. Chloe growing more impatient by the stagnancy of the whole thing. Same unfortunately could not be said for poor Lucifer's mysterious malady.

That had recently added another element to the bewilderment. Something as simple as slipping on his slate dress pants had now become a bit of a struggle. Namely with the waist button. Either it was his imagination or he had gained a bit of weight.

"Hmm" he droned. Running a hand over his lower abdomen. An obvious hint of a slight swell. "Odd" he thought. Considering he was quite committed to exercise. Particularly in the bedroom.

"That's the last time I eat out a plus-size model. Obviously got more than my daily requirement of saturated fats".

Back at the station. Chloe poured over files concerning Martin's case. She'd hoped at least something jumped out at her that perhaps she had missed before. Suddenly her cell goes off, breaking her concentration.

"Decker"

On the other end all she could hear was Lucifer's bemoaning. Given the way he was so dramatic with his complaints one would think he was knocking on Death's door.

"What the Hell, Detective?… now I'm getting a fuda. This doesn't bode well in my line of work"

"A what?!"

She knits her brows in confusion. She had a glimpsing thought that maybe he broke into narcotics and stole some confiscated weed from an old drug trafficking case.

"Urban Dictionary, dear. I'm sure you've heard of a fupa. Well this' fat upper di…"

"Okay okay I think I've got the point"

She interjected. Mildly disgusted. Then from out of nowhere something hit her. Forgetting about the case all together.

"Lucifer..the nausea you'd been experiencing. Is it mostly in the mornings?"

There was a brief silence on the other line before he answered.

"Now that you mention it, yes. Bravo Detective"

She rolls her eyes. She knew it was the most absurd notion although considering she worked with someone claiming to be the Devil it almost seemed normal.

"Lucifer I'm almost finished up here but meet me at my place around 5. I have something for you"

"No it isn't *that* kind of something"

She continued with a sigh. What a perv. Before she was to drive home she made a pit stop at a pharmacy in the unsettling area of Skid Row. Scanning the shelves until she found what she was looking for. She made her way up to the counter.

"Oooh I suppose a congratulations is in order"

Chirped the woman behind the register. Chloe simply nodded and kept her attention to the inside of her purse to find her wallet and avoid conversation at all costs. Not that she was trying to be rude. She just didn't want to have to explain herself.

She pulls up to her bungalow-style home. RX bag in hand. It seemed as though Lucifer had been waiting for her as he was already seated at the table when she'd entered. He eyes the bag curiously.

"Well that certainly doesn't look like it was purchased at Victoria's Secret"

He comments cheekily. "Oh my God" she muttered under her breath and retrieved a small box from the bag. Words Clear Blue graced its front. Only adding to the peculiarity.

"Well well.. Seems you and Detective Douche hav.."

"It's for you, Lucifer"

She cuts him off with a sigh. The level of confusion that now adorned his face was indescribable. He lifts a finger as if about to speak but hesitates.

"Detective..dear..as you're more than aware I'm sure. I do not have the..shall I say, necessary equipment for such a task".

"Well the nausea and weight gain tell otherwise…here, just take this into the bathroom. Read the instructions and tell me what it says when you're done".

She explains almost exasperatedly as she hands him the box. As insane as this all was he couldn't deny her points. Also considering she had experienced this once before. So he supposed if anyone would be able to pick up on the signs it'd be her. He shakes his head.

"This' utter rubbish"

He remarks with a bit of a laugh. Seeing the corner of her mouth perk into somewhat of a smirk as she tried to suppress her laughter. Trudging over to the restroom, he grabs the doorknob and closes the worn door.

Chloe waits. A mix of anticipation, confusion and a bit of anxiety all welling up at once. Lucifer sat on the edge of the covered toilet, fingers running through his hair. Nerves getting the best of him.

Now a waiting game for the small plastic device that sat atop the marbled counter. He checked his phone. The 10 minutes had passed. He took a deep breath before slowly plucking it up and peering at the results. A bold plus sign knocking the previously drawn breath out of him.

"Soo?"

Chloe asks in an almost singsong voice as she saw him emerge and plop down on the couch. Again running a hand through his hair. Trying to process all this madness.

"Seems there's a scone in the incinerator"