Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns all, no infringement intended.
AN: We're off to a (freezing) New Year, as well as another country. Hold on tight, here we go! To my amazing beta, Dawning Juliet, I toast to your awesomeness with my frozen margarita glass! Cheers!
"Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. A diamond in the rough." -Merchant
Chapter Five
First Class
"Hey, it's Alice. Leave me a message, and if I'm feeling generous enough, I might just call you back! If this is Jackson Rathbourne, keep calling!"
"This is complete bullshit! You've practically avoided me all week. If England isn't as good as you're making it out to be by ignoring me, then I'm going to be able to personally kick your ass in a few hours. You've been warned, you evil bitch," Bella sighed. "We're going to be getting ready to taxi out to the runway soon, so I have to shut down in a few. See you soon, I guess."
"Hey, gimme that," shouted someone from the seat behind her.
"No, it's mine," another voice replied.
Bella let out a grunt as the back of her seat was jostled, throwing her head forward.
Third time's the charm.
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to calm herself. The nonstop bickering had begun the moment they sat down, and she'd already taken a few hits to the back of her chair.
"Mom!" the whining kid shouted. "Daniel won't give me back my DS game!"
"It's not your game, you tattle-tale, now shut up!"
"Dylan! Daniel! You boys had better behave," their mother chided from the seat across the aisle. "Or else…"
Oh, this is going to be a fun ride.
She took her phone out again to make sure Alice hadn't—
"Ugh," she groaned as her head was jostled forward once again.
"I said it's mine. Now give it back," one boy argued.
"No. Fuck you!" The growl came from the angry child's voice.
What the—
Bella whipped her head around to get a glimpse of the little foul mouth only to be met by an angry glare from a kid she thought could be no older than eight years old at best. Another one sat next to him, pouting with his arms crossed over his chest as he quickly fixed his eyes on her as well.
Twin evil spawns from hell. We should have taken that redeye. You never listen to me.
Bella turned around with a sigh and held up a finger to get the flight attendant's attention to request a refill; she had almost finished the drink she had ordered when she first boarded. Add that to the glass of champagne offered in the VIP lounge, she was bound to be sporting a nice buzz by take-off. Flying had always made her nervous, and since she became of legal age, she'd always taken a heavy dose of liquid courage before a flight. Her anxiety over flying was compounded by what was bound to be a pair of little hell raisers, and Bella had a feeling she was going to need all the help she could get.
You're drinking your weight in bubbly, meanwhile one of mommy dearest's— Oh! Those little brats!
Lounging back in her seat, Bella picked up the book that lay on the empty seat next to her. She loved to read and would often immerse herself in the word-filled pages of an alternate reality, gladly leaving hers behind. Reading was one of her passions; writing was the other.
Sighing, she began to lose herself in her book and shut the rest of the world out.
SPLAT!
"What the—" she grumbled as something liquid, cold, and wet splattered over her shoulder, trickling down the front of her cardigan and dripping onto her open book. She heard giggles coming from the seat in back of her.
Those little bastards…!
Bella threw her book back onto the unoccupied seat and chucked her phone into her overstuffed bag. She searched for something to wipe off the front of her jacket , but quickly realized she was accomplishing nothing except making it even worse. Jumping up from her seat, she grabbed her purse and headed towards the bathroom, glaring at the laughing offspring of Satan on her way.
Another drink in hand a few minutes later, Bella's phone started vibrating.
Al: It's 5 a.m. over in England Bella…
B: I'm on the plane ride to hell, so excuse me if I don't give a shit about interrupting your beauty rest!
Al: For starters, I haven't been sleeping much, but that's a completely different story that will have to wait until you get here!
B: If I make it there…
Al: Always such a pessimist. Stop being such gloom and doom. You're officially on vacation!
B: YOU are not sitting in front of two demonically possessed children! I'm one step away from making a crucifix out of drinking straws and shoving it in their faces as I yell "the power of Christ compels you!"
Al: What are you talking about?
B: Nothing.
Al: I have so much to tell you when you land. I can't wait until you get here! I had such a good feeling about this trip—I just knew it—well, you'll see for yourself!
B: Chill the fuck out Alice! Like you said, its only 5 where you are. How in God's name are you so hyper, so early!?
Al: You should have hit up Aunt Ren's stash before you left! LOL! #flightfears #xanax #fail
B: Don't start that hashtag shit on me, Mary Alice! Just tell me you'll be there to pick me up. I have to shut off any minute!
Al: #dreamsdocometrue #whenyouwishuponastar #internationalsuperstars
B: #evilsproutoncrack
Al: Look who's hashtagging now, hah!
B: #aliceisaloser
Al: Whatever, Bella. Not even your grumpy mood can dampen my spirits! See you at the gate. I'll be holding up a sign you can't miss! You're going to love it! Emmett even helped!
B: Just stop right there. You better not be holding anything up, or I swear I will ignore you and hail a cab or something. Do they have cabs over there?
Al: See you on the other side of the world! Can't wait! Get ready for your life to change!
You should have taken a few Xanax for Alice.
Bella shut down her phone and heaved a sigh, closing her eyes as she sat back to endure what was quickly becoming a re-run of Evil Dead and mentally braced herself for Alice's antics when she arrived. She had no idea what could have been so important that would cause her to go MIA for well over a week. It was completely unlike her cousin, whatever it had been had to have been something big. She couldn't wait to—
"I'm going to put bugs in your fuckin' bed when we get home, and they are going to eat you alive while you're sleeping."
"Mom!" Evil Two shouted in that annoying, nasally voice that only kids inhabited by evil spirits could produce.
Okay, there is something seriously disturbing about that child. Where is the holy water when you need some? If we could find a priest, we could perform the very first exorcism at 35,000 feet.
"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome aboard flight 347 nonstop from New York to London, and thank you for flying with Delta. Our first priority on every flight is safety, so before we depart, the flight attendants will be giving a brief safety presentation. Be sure all carry-on items are securely stowed in an overhead bin or under the seat in front of you…"
Enough of that. Where did those ear buds go…?
Bella dove into her overflowing bag to dig them out.
"They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding."
"Good evening, ladies and gentleman, local time is 10:15 p.m. Delta Airlines and your London-based crew are pleased to welcome you to Heathrow airport."
Oh, thank baby Jesus! Using that bathroom, even just once, was more than enough for me!
"Please, remain seated with your seatbelts fastened until the plane comes to a complete stop at the gate and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign. You may now turn on all electronic devices as long as they are within arm's reach."
Where is that stupid phone…?
You have so much shit in your bag. It's ridiculous!
"It has been a pleasure to serve you and we appreciate you for choosing Delta Airlines."
Bella briskly walked over to the arrival area and nabbed a cart along the way as she waited for her luggage to come barreling down the belt.
If a 747 can carry the space shuttle, then I call bullshit on overweight luggage fees. Just saying.
Thankfully, customs hadn't taken as long as she had expected, so she hoped she'd be out quick enough. The large, loud, pushy crowd set her on edge, and she bounced in place nervously as she scanned the crowd in search of Alice.
Look for her stupid sign! Her embarrassing antics might actually come in handy tonight!
Someone standing next to her looked ten shades of red as she caught him staring at her ass. Bella was already frazzled, and now she couldn't even find Alice.
Where is she? I want to get out of here!
After waiting a few minutes and still no sign of her cousin, Bella loaded up her bags and pushed her way through the welcoming crowd. About ten feet in, she froze abruptly, almost causing her luggage to fly off the cart.
"Oh, my God…" she mumbled.
Did you know that you mouth the letter at least three times a day, and that Alice is usually the reason behind every single one of those moments?
"Shut up," she growled to herself as she cut off her mental verbal vomit. Now was not the time. "Revenge is sweet, dear Alice. Just you wait," Bella grumbled angrily as she approached the male.
A tall man dressed in a suit held up a sign, and if Bella's facial expression had anything to do with it, he had already pegged her as the recipient.
The Swan Princess
Obnoxiously large, with golden glittering lettering, the sight of it left Bella mortified. Her cousin was dead when she found her.
Speaking of said cousin, who the hell is that?
"Miss Isabella Swan, I presume?" the man asked as he walked towards her, thankfully putting the offensive sign down at his side.
"Y-yes… yes," she stammered as she cleared her throat and looked around to see who else had seen the billboard-sized announcement.
"Welcome to London, Miss Swan. Please, if you would allow me to take your luggage and follow me, there is a car waiting to bring you to your hotel."
What's going on here? Where's crack head?
Bella froze mid-step and eyed the strange man up and down. He was impeccably dressed in a suit and had a calm, serene expression. Even so, she had felt a tight knot begin to form in her stomach. Looks were deceiving, after all, and she had been expecting her cousin, not some strange guy rocking an Armani suit.
It's time to go New York style on his Brit ass. I call for an interrogation, use force if you—
"Where is my cousin?" Bella hissed, unable to stop herself.
"Miss Alice is indisposed at the moment, and I have been sent in her place to retrieve you from the airport. I apologize. I was assured that you had already been informed, ma'am."
Indisposed? Probably puking in an alley somewhere—
"One minute, please," Bella said as she turned around to search through her overstuffed bag for her cell phone.
You need to get a smaller bag. Or just eliminate half of the useless shit you insist on carrying around. There's no need for carrying everything and the kitchen sink in here. Moments like these are—
"Um, Miss Swan?" the man asked, clearing his throat.
"I said, one minute," she mumbled in annoyance, still searching for her phone.
"Nice ass," she heard while rifling through her stuff. Her head popped up, bewildered, phone clutched in hand, shooting a glare at three men passing by, blatantly staring at her as one of them made obscene catcalls. She realized they were just checking out her ass as she was bent over. Embarrassment set in, along with anger.
"Are you serious?" she growled through clenched teeth.
At least they had the decency to shut up.
"I'm guessing that you're in shock as you've probably never seen a firm American ass before."
Shock turned to peals of laughter as they walk away.
"You can say that again," one of the pervy Britons shouted as they walked away.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Madam, I—"
"I know, Jeeves, I heard you the first time. As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted." Her hand flailed to where the men just had been as they walked by. "Wait one more second, please," she huffed as she held up her phone.
Your eye twitches when you get angry. Just thought you should know since you're probably doing that now. They probably think you're some wired, cracked-out American. It would be comical if it weren't happening to me.
"By all means." He gestured a hand towards her with a nod. "And for the record, I am not Jeeves, nor am I an Albert." He smirked.
Typing in her passcode to retrieve her voicemails, she paused and blinked, surprised at his sense of humor.
At least someone has one.
*You have one new voice message," the disembodied female voice said.
"Bella! I hope you get this before you panic that I'm not there. Something came up, and I won't be able to get you from the airport. Don't freak out. You're probably freaking out already. I've sent service for you. He's going to hold my sign— wait, what was that? Oh, that's perfect, thank you, Edward, you're a lifesaver! Bella?" Alice paused as if she actually expected Bella to respond. "Oh, right, voicemail." She giggled. "I'm sending someone over to get you and bring you back to the hotel. I'll explain everything to you later. Just look for the sign and you'll be fine. And don't hit him! He's not some NYC mugger, serial killer, rapist, whatever. Oh, God, I didn't even think of that. It would be just like you not to check your phone and deck him." Alice chuckled. "Sorry, I'll see you soon, and welcome to London!"
Why were we so concerned for her again?
"Welcome to London, my ass," she growled.
"Nice ass indeed," another passerby half shouted, half laughed.
"What the hell is wrong with you people?" she screeched, earning a few stares. She looked at the banner-holder and shrugged. "I can't look that out of place and touristy, can I? I mean, come on, she's wearing leggings, too." She pointed in exasperation at another woman walking by.
"No, ma'am, not at—"
"You know what? Just forget it." She threw her phone back into her bag. Her eyes slid closed as she blew out a gust of air, trying to regain her composure. Feeling sufficiently calmed, she opened her eyes and nodded at the car service employee that Alice had sent.
"When in London..." She smiled as sweetly as she could. "Let's go, Jeeves."
"If you will follow me this way, please." He sighed at her insistence in calling him Jeeves. Pushing her luggage cart forward through the crowd, they steadily made their way through the terminal.
Does everyone in here have a staring problem? What gives!?
He led her to a black Audi sedan parked right off to the side, half-hidden from the commotion of the taxis and pedestrians walking by, and popped open the trunk. Another man in a suit quickly sprang from the back seat and opened the car door as they approached.
"Hello, Miss." His words fell short as her heel got caught on the raised metal grate in the street, plunging her forward towards her baggage cart.
A gasp escaped his lips as he fumbled to help her up, grabbing her elbow as she quickly pulled back, fixing locks of hair that fell out of place. She noticed his eyes lingering on her butt longer than necessary.
Thirty minutes in a different country, and your ass is already getting more attention then it's seen back home in the past year. This vacation might not be a bad thing after all.
"Here," she spat. "These can go in the trunk, too." Bella forcefully thrust her carry on—an oversized Gucci bag—into the man's hands, causing him to stumble back.
"Excuse me, wait, wh—" he stammered, clearly confused.
"My bags," she snapped without looking up from rummaging through her purse. "Throw these two in the trunk with the rest of them."
Why is he standing there? Let's go, buddy!
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Why was this arrogant ass arguing with her? Wasn't this part of what his job entailed?
"You obviously know what a trunk looks like. You were just staring at mine," she snorted as a choking sound emitted from the man in front of her.
Busted! Yes, I saw that.
Bella smirked and stopped to type a text message, hoping to make this guy squirm and get to work.
Take that, tough guy. I may be in uncharted territory, but I made sure to pack my quick wit.
She looked up, verbal vomit ready to roll down her acidic tongue, but her words died in her throat. She gasped, taken aback as noticed how close she had been standing to him. Bella found herself caught—lost—as the greenest eyes she had ever seen bored holes into her own dark brown ones. She lost all train of sarcastic thought and logic altogether.
Hello, Mr. Englishman!
He was just about a foot taller than her 5'4" frame, and yet his towering, unexpected presence wasn't what rooted her to the spot, speechless. His face was beautiful. Clean-shaven, an otherworldly radiant glow to his porcelain, unmarked skin. His nose was perfectly angled, his jaw hardened and chiseled, and his lips were plump and succulent. The man's hair was a dream; she would have loved to comb her fingers through the fine strands of an odd, yet captivating, shade—a mixture of deep, rich browns with rusted bronze and blonde highlights throughout. The longer locks looked to have been tamed to an extent, but still perfectly out of place just as they should have been.
What held Bella in a trance had been his emerald, jewel-like eyes, enchanting and mysterious. Before she had a chance to analyze them further, they became guarded and expressionless, but for that split-second, they had been beautiful.
Quickly realizing that all coherent thought had eluded her, she heard him repeat a question, which helped clear the fog that had clouded her brain as she took in his beauty.
"Your baggage?" he smirked.
"What about my baggage?" she asked stupidly, his arrogant tone snapping her out of her stupor.
"If this is some cheap attempt to get me to bend over…"
"Hardly," he snorted, taken back. "What I meant was—"
"No, forget it," she snapped. "You'd think people would have the decency to look away when they're caught." She reached down to grab her carry on. "Not go and ask for another show," she grunted, picking up the heavy bag. "Disgusting." A hand on top of hers cut short her rant. She gasped as if an electric current shocked her skin underneath his palm. Startled, she jerked backwards.
What was that?
Noticing that the driver had already taken his seat in behind the wheel and the back door had been left open, Bella quickly jumped inside to get her wits about her. She took a few calming breaths and shook her bewildered head.
Maybe you're still sporting a slight buzz. You did have a few drinks, though that was hours ago.
With a thud as someone shut the trunk closed, she was jostled back to the present as a figure closed in on the open door.
"Can you shut the door, please?" she shouted, just in time to see a bent leg come through the door next to her. His lowered head turned abruptly for face her, his eyes bulging in complete shock, clearly affronted. As if he were about to sit in the empty spot next to her, he righted himself with a grunt. "Much appreciated, thanks," Bella said dismissively. The driver swiveled in his seat to look back, his eyebrows crunched together in confusion.
With a hand held high, he sighed. "My pleasure." Forcing a polite smile, he slammed the door with more force then was called for and walked around to the front.
What's the deal with this shit service? See if he gets a tip!
"Let's go," Green Eyes murmured to the driver.
Finally!
Bella took out her phone and called Alice. All plans she had to chew her out good were cut short as her cousin's phone went straight to voicemail once again.
Why am I not surprised?
"Hello, Alice," she snarled. "I'm just going to make this short and sweet. If it isn't a matter of life or death, it soon will be. Just think of the size of Rose's guest list, and who just might be in attendance. I wonder if they would care to know that you sucked your thumb until you were eleven. I'm betting not." She smirked as she heard a muffled laugh come from the front.
"Let me just start off by adding that I have endured the flight from hell. Eight long hours of what I'm assuming Dante's Inferno would be like. I can give you a personal account of the ninth circle of hell. I've lived through it. Keep that in mind. Do you have any idea what it's like to be stuck with no escape in a seat in front of two horrible children, Alice? I'm thinking not. Birth control in its purest form. That's what they were. Either that, or the universe urging me to repent for all my sins before I die. Every time I look at a penis now I'll have those two—"
Bella was cut short by a gagging noise that suddenly erupted from the front seat.
"As I was saying," she continued, glaring pointedly towards the front seat. "Karma, Alice. Their parents are getting it tenfold, most likely for some sordi—ugh, hold on a second, I can't even hear myself think."
Pressing the phone to her shoulder to muffle her screeching, she bent over to address the driver. "Would you please turn that down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Bella hollered as the radio was turned up again one more notch. The man sitting shot gun turned around, looking at her cell phone with a cocked eyebrow.
It had to have been the word "penis" in there. That will do it every time to the opposite sex. Hypocrites! They can blatantly stare at someone's ass, no problem, but as soon as the word "penis" comes out, they look like horrified nuns.
Not even caring to be slightly embarrassed, she narrowed her eyes and continued.
"It's karma, Alice—emphasis on the word 'karma,'" she said, looking straight into his hypocritical green eyes. He turned back in his seat with a grunt and cranked the volume back to a decent volume.
Touché!
"As I was saying, a bathroom became my safe haven. I found solace in my many frequent, purposeful visits to that tiny shit hole. It's humanly impossible to have to pee that much! The entire plane applauded when we landed and not because we touched ground safely. You would have thought that would have been the worst of my rant. I'm not even halfway finished—not even close—but I'll save that for when I see you. Just you wait, Mary Alice. Revenge will be like a shit sorbet. Best served cold, but still tastes horrible." Bella felt slightly better at her threat of terrible-tasting, vengeful eats.
A tinkling noise sounded from the front seat. "Mary Alice," Green Eyes murmured with a chuckle.
"Oh, that reminds me of another thing," she growled. "The next time you send a car service company, make sure that one of them isn't openly checking out my ass!"
The chuckle abruptly cut off.
Yeah, Green Eyes, I caught you not-so-discreetly checking out my rump. Twice. Serves you right.
The rest of the ride was uneventful, and once Bella had finished up with her phone promises of untold horrors, she sighed and sunk into the Audi's plush leather seat as she finally began to unwind and take in her current surroundings.
Pulling up to the front of her hotel, Bella immediately spotted her short, elfin-like cousin bouncing on the balls of her feet. A reluctant smile stretched across her face. The car hadn't even fully stopped, and Alice had already opened up the door, pulling her into a fierce hug, which Bella returned just as earnestly.
"I'm so happy you're finally here," Alice squealed. "We're going to have a blast!"
"I'm happy I finally made it," Bella said, skeptical until now that she would ever actually make it there in one piece. "To say I've had quite the welcoming is the understatement of the century. Your sign is half to blame." She chuckled.
"I knew you'd love it." Alice laughed as Bella bent back into the car to grab her things.
"I wouldn't go that far, Al." Bella huffed out a breath as she bent over the back seat. "It was definitely—"
"Bella?" Alice gasped, throwing her hands over her mouth, eyes wide with shock.
"What?"
"Y-your butt," Alice choked out through her splayed fingers.
"What the hell are you talking about? What is with everyone and my—"
"What's on your ass, Bella?" Alice blurted out.
"Something's on my ass?" Bella squeaked.
"Is that red goop?" Alice laughed, walking closer to examine the rear in question.
"Oh, my God, Alice, for fuck's sake! What in God's name are you doing? Get up and get your head away from my ass!" she shouted.
Alice doubled over in a fit of laughter, smacking her hands on her knees, unable to right herself.
"You have five seconds, Mary Alice, five fucking seconds to tell me—" Bella started.
"You have a red ass!" she said, earning a few stares from passers-by.
"What!?" Bella shrieked.
Calm down. For starters, it's not that time of month. That was so last week! Secondly, now would be one of those moments where you're about to mouth the famous "WTF" words, courtesy of Alice, once again.
"YOUR ASS!" Alice shouted with laughter.
"This is horribly humiliating enough without you broadcasting it to the entire country, Alice! Can you, please, keep it down!?" Bella hissed. "And don't just stand there. Do something!"
"W—what do you expect me to do?"
"I have no idea. Just shut up and let me think. This was your brilliant idea. 'Oh Bella, England is going to be amazing, life changing' and all that shit," Bella said in a horribly high-pitched imitation of Alice's voice. "I've been here for an hour, and already it's shaping up to be a royal fuck up!"
"Nice choice of words, Bella." Alice's peals of laughter resonated around them.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Some royal—"
She was startled by someone clearing their throat in that obvious way that means they're either dying of tuberculosis, or they just want to draw attention to themselves. She should have known it was her ass-admiring car service employee who was once again enjoying a free show at her expense.
"Oh, don't even! You," she pointed at the shotgun-riding employee who had openly ogled her ass. "Some help you are! Hilarious, isn't it?" She became further enraged when he didn't even have the decency to cover up the grin that went from ear to ear and winked at her.
"You're fired!" she shouted. "The first call I'm making is to the company you work for and demanding that they fire your ass! Maybe that will wipe that grin off your face!"
Alice had immediately stopped her laughing during Bella's rant. She quirked an eyebrow as if she were putting the puzzle pieces together of one mighty jigsaw.
"Oh!" Her eyes went wide with shock as she realized what Bella must be thinking. "Oh, God," she squeaked. "You think," she pointed at Bella, "that he…" quickly snapping her hand over to Green Eyes. "Oh, this is so epic," she guffawed.
"What in the hell are you blabbing about now, Alice?" Bella was fast losing her cool.
"I'm so sorry Ed—" Alice was cut off.
He just smiled, putting his hand up to stop her and shaking his head. He wished the ladies a pleasant evening and opened the front door of the sedan.
"Where do you think you're going? My bags aren't going to carry themselves in, now, are they?"
"Bella, no! He's not—" Alice started but was cut off short with a hand held up as she continued to gape.
"No, of course." He smiled. "I'll be right behind you, Swan Princess."
Beyond livid by this point, Bella stomped off and barged through the lobby doors, bags and cousin be damned along with that infuriating service man. "Hot or not, he's annoying, insufferable, and arrogant," she grumbled to herself. "Who does he think he is?" She huffed as she heard laughter erupt behind her once again and made a beeline for the front desk.
"Life changing, my ass," she growled.
AN: She's finally in England. Phew! Well, if that wasn't an interesting chapter that may or may not leave inquiring minds wondering, then I don't know what is. So, any ideas or thoughts on the end of this chapter? Talk about shitty car service, right? ::giggles:: Oh, Bella. So quick to label and assume. When the truth comes out, I can bet a certain someone's face will be as colorful as her rump was.
Now that the holiday ruckus is over with chapters should update with no hesitation! Let me know what you think! It is my motivation when I hear from all of you so thanks to all of my reviewers, followers and favorites! I must be doing something right, I guess. Give me your feedback on this chapter. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
