I lie beneath my sheets, clutching at the blankets and shivering. For some reason, no matter how high I turn up the thermometer, I cannot be warm. My skin is icy to the touch, my face pale and drawn.

It isn't fair. None of it is fair.

It isn't fair that I have to command a fleet before I'm old enough to drink. It's not fair that I have to live hundreds of light years from Saturn.

And it isn't fair that I have this disease.

Saturn explained it to me best, gently stroking my cheek as she held me close, keeping me warm in her arms.

The attack on my village had done more to me that take my loved ones away. The terrorists who had attacked had used a horrible virus. Saturn described it as the opposite of the twentieth century disease that she said had caused premature aging in children. The advances in science had created an inoculation as well as a cure, but the terrorists had refined it, making it purer, and more powerful.

I won't grow old. At least, not at the rate that normal people do. I'll age, of course. There's no potion or magical spell that exists that can grant immortality. My body will age at an extremely slow rate. When I'm a hundred, I will look like I'm twenty. When I'm five hundred, I will look like I'm eighty.

At first, I was excited. To grow old slowly, to have a far longer life than normal people, it should have made me tremendously happy.

I was naive. I can see that now. I will have to watch as everyone I know grows old and passes on. All my friends will die long before I will, and I will remain, a mere shadow of my former self.

And I will always be sick. The virus depleted my immune system badly. Pale and thin, I cannot gain weight, no matter how much I eat, and I am constantly weak and tired. And now I have to be the hero. I have to go against every power that I have ever served, protecting all that I've ever known and have loved.

I won't get out of bed. There's no power in this universe or any other that can make me leave. I'm tired, and cold and I like it here. I am safe in this darkness, between these sheets is a world that I know well, that I can find comfort and solace in. I draw my legs up to my chest and allow myself to cry.

I cry for myself, for the normal life that I will never know. I cry for Jacen and Captain Summers, forced to abandon all they've ever known to follow me in my desperate struggle. I cry for my soldiers, so willing to follow me to their deaths. I cry for Saturn, who waits peacefully for me in her palace. I cry for the citizens of this kingdom, whose very existence now relies on me and my men. I cry for the Admiralty, for their folly, their madness that would doom us all. I cry for my queen, who has faith in me, even when I do not have it in myself.

And I cry and cry, till I have no more tears, and still I cry, the dry sobs wracking my chest, as I struggle to breathe. And as I fall exhausted into a deep sleep, my dreams are colored with the silver of my tears.

Jacen is at my bedside when I awake, watching over me with concern in his eyes. When he sees I'm awake, he pushes me back into my bed gently but firmly.

"Damien, are you alright?"

Stupid question. Of course I'm not alright. Just yesterday I threw everything I've ever known or taken comfort in away like it meant nothing to me. Instead, I turn away from him, curling up into as small a ball as I can fold myself into. Jacen sighs and takes a seat next to my bed. He could have asked first. I'm not terribly in the mood for company right now.

"Damien, I know how you feel. I have a family too, you know. I'll never be able to see them again, most likely. You aren't the only one. Practically everyone in this fleet has given up something to go through with this. We're all a little down right now. But you're our leader. You have to be brave for all of us. If you show weakness and fear, everyone else will despair. You have to be strong."

"I don't WANT to be strong." I mumble into my pillow. "I want to be a normal child. I want to go to parties and school and do homework and have a crush. I don't want to lead troops into a battle that will determine the fate of our kingdom. I want to have a home."

"Damien, just because you look like you're still fifteen doesn't mean that you are. Whether you like it or not, you've been given a tremendous gift. One that we are all willing to rely on for our wellbeing. Would you just let us down like this, after we have put all of our faith in you?"

"I just want to be alone. I want normal relationships."

"So do I. I don't want to be some shadowy figure that children a hundred years from now will be forced to read about in some shabby outdated textbook. I want to be real, now, right here. But I can't. None of us can. We are caught up in something far greater than any of us. The only thing that we can do now is to follow through what we have set in motion, bringing it to completion. Then, and only then, will we be able to truly rest."

"Sure, whatever. Now, can you please leave?"

"Not until you get out of bed."

"That's the problem. I'm not exactly dressed."

Jacen's cheeks go a brilliant red, bright enough to light up the room, and he turns away. "I'm not leaving the room until you're out of bed and dressed."

"I'll call security…"

"Fine, I'll leave. But I want you to promise me that you'll get up and get dressed, and meet me on the bridge in thirty minutes."

"Whatever, as long as you get out of here."

I hear the door close behind him, and slowly I uncurl myself and drag my legs over the side of the bed, forcing myself into a sitting position. I moan as I feel the effects of last nights crying fit drive through my brain like a red hot iron. As I stand, I catch a glimpse of my body in the mirror. So small and frail, it's a wonder that I don't shatter when the air comes out of the ventilation system. It's a wonder I ever made it through the academy.

Don't get me wrong. I can be rather strong, and… mobile for relatively lengthy periods of time. If I wasn't, there would have been no chance I would have made it through the many attempts on Saturn's life that I had foiled. Still, my knees shake as I stand, and threaten to buckle under me. I walk to my closet and put on my uniform, pausing for a moment before fixing the Admirals insignia on my collar. It will be the first time that I have ever worn the insignia, and I am not exactly sure how I feel about it. To put on the insignia will be an admittance of all that has happened over the last few weeks. I know in my heart that there is no going back, but the insignia is the final sign of that. Sighing, I pin the stars to my uniform.


There will be a ceremony, of course. It's one of the greater, older traditions in the Navy. When a new Admiral takes command of the Fleet, there is a ceremony in which the former Admiral ceremonially gives over command. Since Admiral Delos is no longer with us, the ceremony will be slightly one-sided, but tradition must be observed. That is why when I arrive on the bridge of the Black Sun, the officers of the fleet are all already standing at attention, while the Master of the Watch ceremonially whistles me aboard. I take my seat in the Admirals chair. It's comfortable. I had expected as much; the Admiral really did enjoy his comfort. My fleet drifts passed the viewport in parade, silent and menacing.

My fleet.

When I was a child, back on Saturn, I once saw an Admiral come through our village, on his way to the capital. Our island was rather small, and the Admiral had come to see what a rural village on our planet looked like. I remember the awe with which I had looked at him, standing tall in his uniform. I had wanted so much to wear that uniform, to see the insignia on my own collar. I had no idea of the responsibility that such a position would hold. So many people now relied on me for their safety. So many of them would die before the end. As the ceremony draws to an end, the ships drift back into their positions, awaiting my orders to send them into the war. Knowing that Jacen would be more than capable of giving such an order, I enter the conference room and lock the door behind me. Though the fleet is in blackout, there's a call that I know I need to make.


The call is simple enough. I know the numbers by heart, and it is the work of a second to punch them in. As the call goes through, I gently sit back in my chair, trying to still my hands. It has been almost a year since I last was able to talk to Saturn.

Flickering to life, the screen shows what my heart has seen every day for the last year. Saturn is seated in her throne, her beautiful purple gown flowing like liquid sapphire, lightly accenting her violet eyes and hair. She is gorgeous, and my heart catches in my chest when I see her. She looks up from the book she's reading, and for a moment appears startled to see me. Then she smiles, sending a rush of warmth through every part of my being.

"Damien! What a wonderful surprise." I smile back at her, waving offhandedly.

"My queen, it has been far too long." She nods, then motions for those still in the room to leave. Once we are alone, she gives me as close to a hard look as I have ever received from her.

"Damien, we've heard some rather… disturbing rumors from the moon." I nod. News tends to travel fast in the hierarchy. "Damien, is any of it true?"

"If you're wondering whether I've defected from the Moon Kingdom, insulted the entire military general staff, and gone rogue to defend the Kingdom from an unknown and unconfirmed threat, then yes, the rumors are true. I had hoped that I would be the one to tell you."

She gives me a penetrating stare, as though making a careful examination of my most internal thoughts. In the old days, I might have squirmed under the gaze, but in the last month, I have become rather hardened, and do not flinch. She nods.

"Damien, do you truly believe that we are in danger? I have heard things from Pluto, and Draco has made some rather outrageous claims back on the Moon. The politicians are none to happy…"

"Damn beaurocrats. I've told you, the Kingdom would be far better off if the Queen would just do away with that useless Assembly."

"Damien, you know that the people would be furious if she did that. Traditions are far too important to them. It is best if we allow them to believe that the Assembly still holds power, even if they would seek to use that power to destroy the very fabric of our society."

"Is Draco in any danger? I know that the politicians can be rather unrelenting when it comes to silencing our information."

"I don't know. There's been talk of stripping him of his title, and maybe even jailing him. Pluto has kept him in her palace, just in case things get ugly. Damien, ever since you defected, things here on the outer planets have gotten rather chaotic. There have been riots, looting; people are migrating to the inner planets. Without the outer fleet, they no longer feel safe out here. Every day, thousands flee. Half the colonies have been completely abandoned, and more empty ever day."

"But they still have the Outer Fleet. Just because we don't fly the banner of the Kingdom doesn't mean that we are no longer fighting for them."

"They don't know that. All they know is that you have defected. For all they know, you could have set your mind on overthrowing the Queen and creating your own empire. They're scared, Damien."

"My Queen, what do the other think of the current situation? Are they… disappointed?"

"Oh, Damien, you know that we can never be disappointed in you. Whatever your reasons are for what you are doing, we have faith in your abilities, and in your judgment. I and the other Queens will support whatever decisions that you make, even if we are not able to do so publicly. You are, and will always be our favorite little military doll…"

I turn away so that she will not be able to see me flush red. The heating in the room must be defective. Yes, that is certainly it. It has nothing to do with the nickname that the Princess gave me back on the moon.

"My lady, what about you? Are you disappointed in me?" Saturn gives me a sad look.

"You know that the politicians will never permit you to return to the kingdom…"

"Forgive me, my Queen, but you did not answer my question."

"I'm not disappointed in your decision, Damien, but I am rather upset that you did not find it necessary to consult with me first. I might have been able to assist you."

"I am sorry. Truly sorry that I did not ask you first. It was never my intention to hurt you, or your investment in me. But, no matter what is said about me, I did what is best for the Kingdom. It's all I've ever done, all I've ever intended to do."

"I can send ships to assist you, if you need it. Whatever you need, we are willing to give you. However, you have to understand that we cannot publicize the fact that we are assisting someone that the Assembly considers to be a traitor. The assistance that we give you must be kept top secret, at all costs. I'm sorry, Damien. It is not by choice that I must remain distant from you. If I could have my way, I would have you back here, on Saturn."

"You are not ashamed of me?"

"Of course not. I could never be ashamed of you. None of us could. But you put us in a rather difficult position."

"I understand. Whatever happens… know that I'll always remain loyal to you, even after all other loyalties end."

She gives me another smile, and then I cut the transmission. I sit back in my chair, allowing a small smile to grow. She is everything that I remembered, and more. It is a wonder that so many people find her to be dangerous, a threat to their peace. Her power is feared, since she, as a person, is flawless.


I'm damn tired of maps, a fact that I find it necessary to point out to Jacen at every possible opportunity. Maps of the regions around the gravity wells, maps of the colonies and asteroid belts, every kind of map in the fleet library is spread out on the table at which I sit, rubbing my temples. I have such a headache. For the last ten hours I have been pouring over these maps, looking for some sort of clue, anything that can tell me where the attack might come from. Nothing has jumped out, at least not yet. Every so often, Jacen or one of my general staff points something out to me, but none of it feels right. There is something that I'm missing, something that should be obvious.

"Dammit. It's here! I know it's here!" I shove the maps aside, rubbing even more fiercely. I need a good, stiff drink, and a long nap. I look back down at the table, at the map that was revealed when I pushed the maps aside. It is a blueprint, a map revealing the superstructure of colony 32. I stop rubbing for a moment, and pull the map closer, in order to give it a more thorough examination. There's something about it, something that I should be seeing…

And then it hits me like a load of permacrete. Each colony is equipped with an artificial gravity generator, to give the internal portions of the structure gravity, without requiring a constant rotation of the entire complex. If that system were modified slightly, directed outwards instead of inwards, it would create a gravity well. Not a very big one, but if it were combined with the gravity generators of several ships, it would be more than enough to hide a fleet, even a fleet the size of the one we had spotted those weeks before. They were using our own colony as a shield from our sensors. They were already half way through the gap between the wells, and potentially even closer. I pull up a readout of the current position of the colony. It is exactly as I had anticipated. The colony has moved slowly towards the solar system; slowly enough that it would not be noticed to a casual onlooker. The enemy was nothing if not patient. It would be around Colony 32 that the battle would be waged, and the fate of my Kingdom decided.