Chapter
Seven – Interlude - Of Epithets and Endearments
"You
know, Ginny, I've noticed that your brothers hardly ever call you
by your name. I've never met a person with so many nicknames
before. It's kind of cute."
"Yeah, well, not so cute when you're the recipient of the wide range and inventive variety of the names my dear brothers choose to call me." Harry felt a puff of air against his neck, as she blew out a breath in exasperation. "And they have absolutely no compunction about using them at the most inopportune moments. From the proud to the profane, that's my family. You know my Da once introduced me to the Minister of Magic as 'his little princess'?" Harry noticed her tone was one of vexation, but the wide smile he could feel against his skin told him a different story altogether.
They were sitting in what had quickly become their favorite wing-back chair in front of the hearth in the common room. Well, Harry was sitting in the chair and Ginny was snuggled in his lap. Harry had turned the chair to face the fireplace and angled it to give them a bit of privacy. His hands were buried in her glorious mane of hair, something they both loved.
Ginny's hair drew him as a moth is drawn to a flame. He was addicted to the sensation of what he thought raw silk must feel like, as it slipped through his fingers in a cascade of fire and the scent of flowers emanating from it would float in the air and permeate his senses. She engaged each of his senses in ways he had never even known he had been missing in his life and he knew inherently that she alone could slake his hunger for the need to feel, taste, and touch. He hungered for these things, as a man must hunger for sustenance.
He had been deprived all his life of the senses that others took for granted. Where others knew loving embraces, he knew the rejection of being pushed away. Where others felt the pleasure of a simple touch, he was well versed in the slap of a hand or the connection of fist to flesh. Where others associated scents to happy memories, to their mother's perfume or the distinctive scent of her skin, his first memory was of a dank, stale musty cupboard. While others lived in the light, he lived in a darkened world tucked away in a broom cupboard like a dirty secret that must be kept hidden away.
Then into this dreary world devoid of sight, sound and touch, entered his Ginny. She was his reward for the deprivation that had been his previous life. She filled his senses like no other and he would gladly dedicate his life to exploring each and every one. To feast on her with his eyes, to revel in her touches and caresses, to drown in her scent, to taste her with his lips, to hear her whispered voice against his ear. She was his recompense for an existence in the absence of color and light.
In her presence, he was always compelled to touch her in some small way, or as was his want to have her wrapped around him like a blanket, warm, comforting and oh so pliable. Ginny was curled onto his side, her legs over the arm of the chair. Harry could feel her nose and lips on the skin of his neck and the puffs of air from her breathing, her lips a butterfly wings' caress as she spoke.
She had told him moments before that she needed to start working on her Potions essay for Snape, but he had convinced her to sit with him before the fire by promising to help her with the essay later. She had acquiesced to his cajoling and the aid of what she called 'The Look'. Truth to tell, he'd been utilizing 'The Look' quite a bit lately. She said it consisted of this wide-eyed puppy dog look, followed by the blinking of his eyes three or four times in rapid succession…now how could she refuse that?
They had been sitting in companionable silence when he had struck up the conversation about her nicknames.
"I mean, it is rather extensive, isn't it? I've heard the twins call you Golly and Gollywobbles…"
"That's a play on my Mum's name since my middle name is Molly," Harry could feel her shudder against his neck. "And Da's nickname for Mum is Mollywobbles, see. Pretty pathetic isn't it?" she giggled.
"Well, not really. Like I said, I think it's cute. They also call you Ginny-bean…"
"…That's a play on Jelly-bean"
"…And Smidgette…"
"…That's George, he calls me Smidgette, because he says I'm too small to be just a smidgen…"
"…Little-Bit…"
"…That's Bill and that's self explanatory…"
"…Gin-bug, I like that one…"
"…Yeah, that's Charlie's; that one's my favorite too…"
"…I thought you didn't like the nicknames?" he looked down at her.
She in turn looked up at him, a sheepish smile on her face. "Well, I don't and I do," she admitted.
"How's that?"
'Well it can be embarrassing, I don't like that so much…but it also sets me apart from the rest of the brood. I'm the only one my family uses endearments with. It's affectionate, I like that…but it's also too girly, which I don't like. In a house full of boys, being too girly sets you up for a bout of unrelenting teasing."
"Oh, but I really, really like your girly side. I like your right side," He kissed her right cheek, " and your left side," He kissed her left cheek, " your top side," He kissed her forehead, then placed his forehead against her own, smiling down at her, "but I really love your bottom side."
"You're not kissing that, Harry!" He chuckled. "What is it with you and your fixation with my bum?" She curled back into her position, kissing his neck.
"But it's such a delectable bum, Ginny, I can't help it."
"You're hopeless," she complained.
Suddenly, "Hey Ginny, I want a nickname for you too!"
"I don't know…" He could feel her frown against his neck.
"Oh come on, your brothers all have one, I want one too," he whined and then for good measure he gave her 'The Look'.
"Oh stop it with the eyes already, that's an unfair advantage…"
"Did it work?"
"Yes, yes… Alright you can have a nickname. Just one though, and I have final approval and you are never, ever to use it in front of my brothers… Deal?"
"Deal! Okay let's see…Short-Stuff?"
"Lacks imagination, don't you think?"
"Itsy?"
"No!"
"Bitsy?"
"No!"
"Teensy?
"Uh…let me think?…No!"
"Weensy?"
"Harry, enough with the allusions to my height impediment. You're going to give me a complex."
"Okay, okay let me see…I know how about Red?"
"Absolutely not! Mum would have baby Kneazles, sounds like something you'd call a scarlet woman in a brothel."
"But I really like that one." He tried 'The Look'
"That's not going to work this time Potter," she said, gazing at him sternly.
He laughed. "It was worth a try… okay, let's see…" A slow smile stole across his face and then it turned into a wicked little grin. "You'll like this one, Gin. How about… Peaches?"
"Peaches?" She was quiet for a moment, her nose wrinkled in thought. "Um, Harry, I'm not sure I understand that one."
"Well now Miss Weasley, you know how much I love your bum, don't you?" She had a confused look on her face and then her eyes went wide in recognition…any second now…three…two…one…wait for it…
"Oh no you don't, Potter!" Blast Off!
"If you think I am going let you use the name of a fruit that reminds you of my bum, you've had one too many Bludgers to the head. I absolutely, categorically, forbid you to mmmff…" Harry had learned rather quickly that it was in his best interest to stop Ginny mid-rant before she got a full head of steam or he'd be in for a long and loud tirade, so he always utilized the only weapon in his arsenal…he snogged her senseless.
He lifted his head slightly, his lips still touching hers. "I love it when you're feisty."
He was nibbling softly on her bottom lip when he felt her smile against his own, "That's another unfair advantage you have over me, Potter," she sighed against his mouth.
His lips still lingered on hers. "That's two to your hundred, Gin."
She sighed deeply, turning her head away and putting a little distance between them. "Gin?" he questioned, he was confused by her withdrawal. What could have turned their playful banter of only moments before into this feeling of uncomfortable distance?
"You have no idea the power you wield over me, do you Harry?" She turned her head to stare into his eyes. Harry felt as if she was looking into his very soul, her gaze was so intense. She lifted her hand to his cheek in a soft caress as she bared her soul.
"For so long, my emotions were tied up in you. When I was younger, the slightest scrap of attention or acknowledgement on your part would feed my fantasies for weeks. Bugger all…it's so hard to put this into words, to make you understand…" She paused, attempting to put her thoughts in order, to bring forth the words that would explain that which she felt was unexplainable.
"Ginny, I–" Harry began.
"Please Harry, let me…let me say this, I…I may not have the courage again."
He gazed into her eyes, eyes that were unveiled and uncensored in their supplication for his indulgence. He understood in that moment that she wanted to lay herself bare before him, for him to accept or reject her essence, her pain, her strength, her weakness and her power. It humbled him.
"I don't blame you for ignoring me for all those years, Harry, I truly don't. I want…no, I need you to see me, Harry. I need to put into words..." She stopped, almost hesitant to continue. "I need to excise these feelings and then I can bury them for good. Please, Harry."
He swallowed hard, afraid to speak for fear of letting loose his own emotions, so he dipped his head in acknowledgement. She placed a tender kiss of gratitude on his lips.
"It was so humiliating and frustrating not to be able to be myself in your presence. I'm pretty strong-willed and forceful. I'd never been shy or unassuming, but it was like I wasn't in my own skin when I was around you, I was someone else entirely. I was this weak, introverted, inarticulate, vulnerable little wallflower and I hated it."
"You have no idea the amount of teasing I suffered because of it. Now, I love my brothers and for the most part they treat me with a fair amount of deference, but when it comes to teasing and pranking, I am fair game just like the rest of them. Usually I don't mind, because I give as good as I get. Believe me, my brothers have a healthy respect for my hexing abilities. But you, you were my weakness and they knew it and exploited it. But that was just part and parcel to growing up a Weasley, you get thick-skinned pretty quickly if you wanted to survive."
"To let my life revolve around your happiness just made me angry with myself for having feelings for a boy who would never see me as anything but the unremarkable Weasley. Watching you in your fifth year was so hard because even though I was with Michael, I couldn't help but worry about you. Michael was really good for me he made me see things in myself I had forgotten. He made me feel pretty and wanted and smart and forceful and capable – well, he wasn't too chuffed about the forceful and capable – but that was his own fault really. His attention brought me out of my shell and he could just bugger off if he didn't like the real me because I wasn't going back to being the shy wallflower he met at the Yule Ball."
She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts and courage. "During Christmas break when Da was in St. Mungo's and we thought we'd almost lost him, that was such a difficult time for me, for my family. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a bit of a Daddy's girl." She giggled a bit and Harry could not help but chuckle also. He nodded his head to acknowledge the truth in her words.
"My Daddy is a great man, Harry. Some men pay lip service to doing what is right and just and moral, my Da lives it. People underestimate him because he is quiet and unassuming, but those who really know him respect him and seek his counsel. He's very well respected amongst his peers. It's only the Malfoys of the world that look down their noses it him, as if Galleons and the purity of blood were the true measure of a man. My family would be devastated if we lost Da. He's the heart and soul of our family."
While he too, had great regard for Arthur Weasley, and understood the devastation his loss would bring to his family and those whose lives he touched so greatly, Harry thought that the true heart and soul of the Weasley family was sitting right here with him in the circle of his arms.
"I was so worried about my Da, and you were acting strangely, hiding from everyone, short tempered and withdrawn. It was already a bit too much to deal with, and then Hermione confronted you. I didn't think there had been an emotion I hadn't explored where you were concerned, but anger and resentment was never one of them. In that moment, I couldn't have given a Kneazle's arse that you were angry and feeling cornered, my Da was in St. Mungo's and for once I felt it wasn't about you. When I realized that fear, your fear of having been possessed by Tom, was the driving force behind your behavior, I was well and truly incensed. There I sat, the one person who could give you the answer to what had been tormenting you and you never once thought to ask. Even more devastating was the knowledge that you had forgotten it entirely…it…it broke my heart."
"Ginny, please…" Harry begged her. He could feel his heart tighten painfully in his chest; he wanted the words to stop. He wanted the knowledge that he had been the cause of her pain to be erased from her memory, to be wiped clean, to be made new by the love he felt for her now. He wanted her to know that she now held in her hands the power to wound him so deeply, so completely.
"No, please Harry, please let me finish."
"It destroyed me, Harry, but it also renewed me. I was deconstructed to the most fundamental level, death and rebirth. It was as if a muted veil had been lifted from my eyes and I could see clearly for the first time. I saw you with all your faults and all your virtues and while this heart still beat only for you, I resolved that I would channel that love into an abiding friendship. I resolved to be your friend."
"I saw myself for the first time, naked and vulnerable to the truth and the insecurities that were of my own making. All those years, Harry, I wanted you to see me, but you would have seen a mere shadow. I don't regret the paths we took that brought us to this moment, Harry. Every heartache and disappointment brought me here to you and this moment."
"I need you to understand Harry, I loved you from the moment I met you. I think...I think I loved you before I even knew you, Harry, or at least the idea of you. I know that to the outside world, to my parents, to my brothers, it was a silly crush –maybe it was I don't know that for sure – but it felt real and powerful to me even then. It was so powerful that it overwhelmed me, Harry. My love for you is my strength and my weakness, and it consumes me. In my immaturity I wouldn't have been able to accept your love and all that it entailed."
"Oh Merlin, Ginny. I don't want my love…your love for me to be a burden…"
"It's not, Harry, not anymore. I would give all that I am to you, because you do not ask it of me. You would give me all of yourself and never ask for anything in return and that is precious to me. It does not diminish me to give myself over to you so completely, it makes me whole.
"You don't ask for commitment, but we all gladly give it. You don't ask others to follow you, but if you led us into the very fires of hell we would follow without question. You do not require loyalty, but we would gladly lay down our lives for you…I would give my life for you."
"I don't want that Gin, I want no part of it!" was his anguished cry. "I never asked for any of those things. I don't want to lead others into battle and certain death, I never asked for that kind of sacrifice, not from others, and especially not from you. I – I couldn't bear it if something happened to you. It would destroy me… I couldn't… I wouldn't survive if you were to leave me here alone Gin… don't…don't leave me here alone."
He lay his head to her breast, drawing comfort from the sound of her heartbeat against his ear. He took deep breaths in an effort to suppress the tears and the anguished cry that threatened to spill from his mouth. She stroked his hair soothingly, lovingly.
"Don't you see, love, it's because you do not ask it of us. You do not ask it of me. I can't make you any promises Harry, I don't know what the future holds for me, for us. Tom… this war… makes everything so uncertain. I know… I fear a time will come when you will make some hard decisions, decisions that will affect me… affect us. When that time comes, please don't ask me to take the path that is safe and easy, don't ask me to go against what I know must be done, don't ask me to be what I am not. I can't go back to being that little girl, Harry."
"No Gin! I would never ask that of you." Harry lifted his head, raking his fingers through her hair, his palms against her cheek. "I would never ask you to." She gave him a sad little smile. "I wouldn't do that to you. Do you believe me?"
"I believe that you believe it Harry," was her enigmatic response. It bothered him that she would not accept what he knew to be true. But more importantly now, he wanted her absolution for his sin of neglect and just as she had, he wanted to lay himself bare before her, honest open, vulnerable. He owed her that much.
"Ginny, I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to ignore you or belittle you…I never meant to take Ron away from you."
She looked at him, puzzled and then her argument with Ron from earlier in the year came back to roost.
"Oh Merlin, Harry, I don't blame you for that. That was Ron's apology to make, not yours and we've already reconciled. He is a great prat, but he's my brother and I love him. I won't say I wasn't hurt, because I was, but he's making an effort now and we may not be best mates as we once were, but we're getting there little by little." Her eyes suddenly became wide and distressed.
"Oh Harry, I said some awful things to you and Hermione! I didn't mean them! I was so hurt by Ron's outburst and I never apologized to you or her for the things I said that day. I'm so sorry!"
"Don't apologize Gin, we were acquaintances, we did treat you like a non-entity…"
"I was partially to blame for that, Harry. I i was /i a non-entity, a clumsy, shy one at that." Then she smiled "But I've been butterdish-free for over four years now. It does wonders for one's self esteem," she joked.
"Oh Ginny, I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I cherish each and every one of those memories that at one time or another made you feel embarrassed. Did you know I still have that Valentine's and Get Well card you gave me somewhere in my trunk?"
"That's because you're a bit of a pack-rat Harry," she smirked at him.
He blushed in embarrassment. "Yes, well, that is true. I never received gifts before I came to Hogwarts, so I like to keep them," he told her a bit defensively.
"I know you even had these awful socks…" She stopped suddenly and flushed bright pink.
"You nicked them, didn't you!" Harry chortled with laughter when he saw her blush an even deeper shade of red.
She looked at him through her lashes coquettishly. "You don't mind do you, Harry?"
He smiled at her, how could he refuse her when she looked so adorable. "No, I don't mind." Then it dawned on him "Hey, you nicked my Gryffindor Seeker shirt, didn't you!" She nodded her head reluctantly, worrying her bottom lip,
"And the first jumper your mum gave me for Christmas too!" he accused.
She tried to cajole her way out of her penchant for liberating clothes from her brothers and now it seemed, her boyfriend as well. "Oh, well the jumper was too small for you anyway and I like to sleep in your shirt, it smells of you."
Harry opened his mouth to scold her and snapped it shut. The image of Ginny sleeping in his Quidditch shirt sent his fantasies a flutter. "Sleep in it?" he croaked. She nodded her head again. "It smells like me?"
"Yes, you're not mad at me are you?" she entreated.
"No, Baby, I'm not mad." A tender smile crossed his lips and then he kissed her.
His mouth played masterfully against hers, she had given him this power. This confidence, this boldness he had not known he possessed until her. She had told him that his love overwhelmed her, consumed her. But didn't she know that she held the power of his happiness in her small little hands? She would be his love, his life, his family, his world, his religion.
"Oh Harry." She melted into his embrace, his endearment played across her skin like a caress. "You don't need a nickname when you already have an endearment. say it again, love," she beseeched him.
How had he lived before Ginny? It was as if he had been sleep walking all his life only to awaken to this vibrant, joyful creature that held joy in her open hand, a gift she willingly shared with all those she loved. "Oh, Baby, I love you so much."
"I love you too. Now shut up and kiss me."
Later.Much, much later…
"Baby?"
"Hmmm?" she answered absently a contented smile on her swollen, pouty lips.
"I'm still calling you Peaches."
