Chapter 7! Finally! It wasn't like I just took a break from this one, it was a plain and painful process of sometimes writing only a sentence per day. Arg! It's fairly long which I guess is good, but I'm even having to cut events till next chapter because of how lengthy this was getting. Anywho, Sasuke was finally revealed as Naomi last chapter so I actually had to refer to himself as "Sasuke" while writing about him acting like a girl. It was seriously eking me out, because Naruto can do it and be cute, but Sasuke... er... no.

Also! I finally have a beta-reader (the awesome Milky Etoile) so there shouldn't be any more glaringly obvious spelling errors that I consistantly make while writing.

Thanks to lunarxshinobi, Milky Etoile (Hah, I was totally thinking that he could be him, but it hadn't occured to me until recently, but anything can happen!) SWSNBN (who's review actually managed getting me to realize that I really needed proofreading), kohakushina, Weavers, DaisyAnimeluvr, DNArrest, Muchacha (Naughty mind! But not that I wouldn't mind Sasuke attacking Naruto all that much... Heh), and bempi-chan

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I like to kick it when it's down and make its characters gay.

Chapter 7

Naruto backed away from the window uneasily and sat back down on the fluid sheets of his minuscule bed. Sasuke's feet were in the way, but a simple shove was all it took to budge them out of Naruto's space.

"They don't know who you are. Trust me, it's not like the first connection their going to make is that you're masquerading as a female hostess." Sasuke shrugged as he remained propped up by Naruto's collection of old pillows. He vainly tried to stir his feet back into their former stretched position, but Naruto remained stubbornly at the foot of the bed.

"Stop that! I have to do some big thinking here! This could be a serious problem you know, for both of us. A Job ruining problem! Like both you and me officially being failures as a shinobi. I could be demoted, if there was a rank lower than genin, and you would regress into the crappiest missing nin ever." He let his head hang downwards and ruffled his hair in frustration. Nami and Tetsuko had only seen him, and possibly Sasuke from their limited vantage point on the street. They weren't shinobi, and wouldn't make connections like that, but Naruto couldn't believe how careless he had been.

"No one is ever going to hear about this. If it turns out that they recognize me or you as being suspicious in any way we can just remove them from the situation." Sasuke said with the slightest of drawls, a new trait he had seemingly picked up in his four year absence from Konoha. Naruto wasn't sure if he liked it. In a strange way he kept on expecting the boy with black hair to stick his tongue out awkwardly and run it over his lips in the style of his infamous teacher.

"Do you mean like… literally remove them? Like," Naruto made a snipping motion with his fingers, his eyes wide and expressive. Sasuke stared incredulously, and Naruto, imagining that he didn't get it instead ran a finger over his throat dramatically. "Like that? Because I don't kill people. I'm not sure what your ethic code is on stuff like murder, but it's against my nindo."

"No, Naruto, no, I'm not sure what you even picked up at the academy, if anything at all that is; removal doesn't have to be strictly categorized as an assassination. Those can often be tricky of you have to remain at the scene." Sasuke waved his hand dismissively afterwards. It irked Naruto that he spoke of human lives so casually, as if they were things that could be easily thrown away. In a more sadistic turn Naruto wondered just how large Sasuke's body count was, and whether or not the victims truly deserved death.

"Alright genius, give me a good escape route. I can call myself Kiku's twin brother, or something equally as lame, but what if they saw you make a brilliant entrance through the front door? We can't say that they didn't catch you move past the window. Oh no! What if they think that Kiku-chan is a loose woman! Ah! She would never sleep around like that!" Naruto exclaimed loudly and pressed his hands to his cheeks with a horrified expression.

"They're not… Never mind. Just let it be, if they spread rumours about you at the Kamikochi than it will only add to your mystique. It's not like any of the woman there are candidates for purity." Sasuke said dryly.

"What if Satoshi hears about it!" Naruto realized that the man would be disappointed if he found out that Kiku was staying with two men in a small motel room. Kiku-chan was still a pure virgin, but her delicate reputation would be ruined if people thought she was an easy mark. Sasuke on the other hand made a face at him, he only rolled his eyes at first, but his mouth tightened just at the mention of Satoshi's name.

"What does it matter? I told you not to go near him anyways. Your targets are the business men, so stay on task. You're not supposed to be so emotionally involved in a mission anyways, and your attachment to that man will only cause you pain." He spoke, as if he knew anything about what Naruto was feeling.

"You ran your hand through my chest with the intent of killing me, and now your lecturing me on the dangers of getting involved with Satoshi? As it stands he's more qualified for trust than you are. Plus, I'm not sure whether your aware or not, but he's not very fond of Naomi. He likes me better." Naruto said childishly, ignoring that the first part had been said purely out of spite. His ex-teammate deserved to be hurt, but he had never enjoyed being intentionally cruel.

Sasuke groaned and rubbed his stomach, as one of his wounds seemed to be paining him. It was most likely just an attempt for sympathy points. Not that he was getting any, because Naruto was going to be as sharp as a pointy sharp knife. Extra pointy. "It has nothing to do with him liking me or not. You have this misconception about so many relationships at the Kamikochi that I'm not even going to bother to correct you."

"Than correct me! I still don't know what your deal is! I don't know why you left Orochimaru, because, hey, he was obviously such awesome company. A little bit of a pedophile, but because he's all amazing and powerful that can be easily glossed over. You show up at the Kamikochi in a dress. A dress Sasuke. Shit, and here I was thinking you thought my technique was childish and immature, but your in a dress pinching me under the table and speaking in this high pitched head ache inducing squeal that had me fantasizing about murdering you in less than an hour. Then-" Naruto was interrupted mid rant by Sasuke limpishly raising his hand.

"I wasn't wearing a dress you idiot! It was a kimono. They're different, not like you would be able to tell the difference, I-"

"Shut up! This is Naruto talking time!" He pointed to his imaginary watch on his wrist. "And you don't tell me crap, and you made fun of my singing!"

"Your singing sucks ass." Sasuke chimed in rudely again.

"You, silence! I wasn't blessed with your testos-… Testo… Whatever. That deep voice shit." Naruto complained loudly, snorting through his nose when he remembered Sasuke coming to the academy one day with his voice cracking statically. Oh, good times.

"Do you mean Testosterone? It's a male hormone that you seem to be lacking in. Don't blame me if you happen to sing in a falsetto." Sasuke said with his irritatingly smooth low voice. Naruto's eyes gave off a slight twitch. He had grown taller in the past few years, and he had grown broader in the shoulders and longer in the legs, but Naruto seemed to be stuck as a pubescent boy as far as his vocal chords went.

"You never told me about Kairi either. Geez, at least you could have explained that she was pregnant. That she went to Satoshi and told him to take care of the baby. Funny, because she was saying she wasn't exactly those guy's biggest fan." Naruto studied Sasuke for his reaction, but only found a blank face. The young man in the bed blew air out of his lips softly, and considered what he was going to say.

"Kairi was pregnant… but she lost the child before her first trimester. The father of the child didn't want it alive, and Kairi wasn't given a whole lot of options."

"Do you mean… You were the father? Oh! Sasuke you bastard!" Naruto gaped at him abashed at first, but Sasuke rolled his eyes like Naruto had said something stupid again.

"I've never been even remotely sexually involved with Yamada Kairi in any way. She was in trouble at the time and she had information that I needed. It became necessary for me to reveal myself to her, and she might have become… attached during that time. I suppose she saw me as a hero of some sort, a protector."

Naruto grinned sardonically at this. "Luckily we both know better. Neither of us have any delusions about your nobility." He mentioned, referencing to Sasuke's previous behavior, and his betrayal four years ago. Sasuke looked stricken for a juncture of time, but like the nights before it passed like it never was.

"It's not my fault that girls trust me without thinking." He snapped back and crossed his pale forearms across the top of his single cotton blanket.

"Yeah, hate it when that happens. People liking you without any effort on your part. Its gotta suck to be Sasuke." Naruto returned bitterly. "So… did you ever find out who it was?" He said softly, ditching his brittle tone of voice and returning to Kairi's before unknown pregnancy.

Sasuke shook his head and gazed out the window beside them. He might know, but in any case he wasn't going to tell anything. Naruto almost wished that he would tell him that it was Satoshi, because than he could forget entirely about the last three days and view him dispassionately as Naruto, as opposed to Kiku-chan, who was much too fond of the man and acted like a big hussy when she was around him.

"Damn it, she's such a flirt! She should control herself more!" Naruto proclaimed out loud, shaking his fist with flair. Sasuke stared at him questioningly, with one fine black eyebrow that looked far too much like it had been plucked. Heh, he was such a girl.

"Who?"

"Kiku-chan! She's becoming a harlot!"

"What? What exactly are you talking about? Have you seriously gone insane? You and Kiku-chan are the same person. And you're supposed to be acting the part of a harlot anyways, so get over it."

"Are you saying that Kiku-chan has no other options? I outta slap you a new one! Men just can't understand what a girl has to go through these days, all this hardship and agony just to land a good life of a housewife. Kiku-chan is struggling for her freedom!" Naruto chastised his bed-mate, who had dropped the lower part of his jaw and sighed loudly.

"You've gone beyond my comprehension and I'm not even going to try to understand you anymore. You really are a moron you know that? I'm sure there's a name for your condition, but let's not get too technical and just call you crazy." Sasuke uttered, earning him a stuck out tongue from the blond boy at the foot of the bed. He checked under the sheets to see his damage, and seeing a lack of new bleeding he sat up and pushed the blankets to the side. "This has been… pleasant. But I doubt that your fellow Leaf shinobi would be okay with letting me into your bunk tonight."

"Don't go! You're too injured, and besides, your welcome to join me in my bed anytime." Naruto pleaded, but Sasuke's eyes had glazed over slightly, and again his cheeks seemed a bit red.

"Do you intentionally say things like that?" Sasuke asked quietly. "I- I wasn't going to join you or anything. You just-" Sasuke trailed off, but heavy footsteps in the hallway alerted Naruto to his roommates return. "I have to go…" And like some strange superhero (woman by day, effeminate man by night) he leaped out the window and into the streets. Naruto was left there standing alone when Jiraiya opened the door wit a loud bang.

"Well boy! Ask you got lucky tonight!"

"Do I have to?"

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Naruto staunchly ignored Sai in the chair as he got ready for the next night, nervous both about his secret paranoia that Nami and Tetsuko had discovered him, and how he was going to face Naomi knowing who she really was. Naruto had finally found it in him to admit that his espionage skills kinda sucked hard-core, and he stayed awake all night just thinking about suddenly revealing both him and Sasuke. He also imagined that if they both could finish their prospective jobs together than maybe, just maybe he could convince Sasuke to come home with him. After all, he had made a promise with Sakura.

"Your breasts seem to be expanding every night. You might want to be careful, because it would be truly unfortunate if Kiku-chan were to develop back problems." Sai said, and Naruto gave him a large grin from his vantage point in his small mirror. While applying his man-killer red lipstick he gave off what he hoped was a killer vibes, but it was astoundingly difficult in a cute pink dress.

"Sai, you seem to have stuffed your pants more than usual, you know that you don't have to overcompensate quite that much, because it just becomes plain embarrassing when it's that obvious." He turned with a perky hop and widened his mouth to show all of his perfectly white little teeth.

"I'm tickled that you noticed, I did see that that was the first area that you checked when I entered the room. It seems ironic though, because I'm the one who apparently has the penis fixation." He lounged like a large panther across the arms of the rotting chair, and Naruto couldn't help but concede a point, all the while simultaneously enjoying another fantasy of choking Sai to death with socks.

"Naruto, leave Sai alone." Jiraiya said, while cooking what seemed to be another useless hang-over cure. It seemed like his big conquest from the previous night had actually been a bit older than he could recall her being when he was drunk. He had described her as being this beautiful vivacious woman, but it turned out it was only one of the cleaning ladies from the motel with her hair down. This said revelation lead him to a vicious all night binge fest, which lead to an awe inspiring day long illness.

"He's picking on me again! And why am I the only one getting in trouble?" Naruto whined. Jiraiya glared at him with groggy eyes.

"Because I have a headache, and you spent an entire night with Satoshi and didn't find out one thing. So you're useless to me unless you find a miracle cure for the little hammers beating against my skull." He explained without a beat, mixing what looked like bits of toast into a bowl full with mushed up banana.

"It's not like it's my fault you got all wasted and horny." He griped while checking his hair one last time and brushing back stray strands of curly blond hair.

"Horny is a vulgar way to put it. I'm a lonely old man, and I have needs too. One day I'll hook you up with a woman, and maybe than you'll understand the feeling of content one can enjoy when wrapped in soft white arms." He teacher briefly dreamed, and Naruto decided not to remind him that if his idea of soft white arms belonged to the elderly cleaning lady than his student wanted no part in his matchmaking.

"My job is calling too me, so while I would really love to stay and chat about sexual healing I really must be going before the mental images become permanent. Ja!" Naruto shucked on his shoes and followed a silent Sai outside his door to walk to work.

Outside the building Naruto observed that his unappealing partner in work had already taken the high road, and was jumping the roofs to make it to the Kamikochi on time. He could've done that, but he really didn't have any faith in his ability to land in heels.

Whatever, I'll be fashionably late, and he'll be all lame and on time.

But Sai would also be able to evade the attention of the owner, the infamous Machi-san, who's face was still holding a reign of terror in Naruto's nightmares. So, with that fresh in his mind Naruto began to walk just a little bit faster towards the club.

"Hello Kiku-chan." Two voices said simultaneously as soon as he entered the doors of the Kamikochi, as Nami and Tetsuko sided him like two pieces of bread to his lunch meat. Together they loomed over his shoulders and grinned happily, looking extensively pleased with themselves. "Last night," Nami began slowly, testing the waters for some sort of reaction that the leeches could feed off of, "I saw, well, me and Testu saw something quite strange." Tetsuko nodded beside her, following her lead stupidly.

"We were just in the neighborhood, just taking a walk to burn off the calories." The other woman said, elaborating.

"And guess what we saw?" Nami asked sweetly.

"Oh dear, Kiku-chan is really awful at guessing games. Can we make it easier, like you give me three options or something?" Naruto pleaded pathetically, pulling at his bottom lip.

"Er…" Nami trailed off, trying to think of an appropriate come-back, before Tetsuko proved that she was always eager to add a bit of her special brand of wisdom to any conversation.

"Okay, I can do this game. Well, first we saw these pair of boots on half price at the new chic store, you know, with the big purple sign and then we were strolling along and we caught sight of Machi-san's dog peeing flower bed of the business next to the Kamikochi, which is gross, but kind of funny, because those flowers must have been really expensive, because they looked fancy. After that we followed- I mean, saw you in your motel; we weren't spying or anything! But you were there with these two guys, and one was so hot that he would just torch the tongue, and the other one was cute you know, but the fact was we had just seen you in there just a few minutes ago, so me and Nami here thought it was really skanky." Tetsuko finished, out of breathe from taking so few pauses. Naruto nodded slowly, his eyes opened wide.

"You idiot! All of those things happened!" Nami snapped at her friend, "and the store we saw those boots at was only 25 off and your sister works there. Does she tell you to advertise at the workplace?"

"Well, not really. But doesn't it make that one not true? And the flowers that the rat was peeing on really weren't expensive, they were just daisies. So…" Tetsuko explained loudly.

"…So that means you saw me in my motel room with two men, because you two are creepy stalkers, and don't seem to realize that it's a crime!" Naruto grinned happily at them, a bit happy because a girl had called him cute. "How about this, I'll forget all about you two following me home, if you two forget that you saw me with my brother and his sick friend, who dearly needed my help. I don't know what you two are getting at anyways, there's no rule about who you're living with, and what's so wrong with living with two men?"

"Especially when their hot." Tetsuko nodded.

"Your right, if living with two drool worthy men is a sin than shoot me now." Naruto said vivaciously, and the three women (one who was actually a faux-woman, but in context of his/her own current body we shall refer to him as a she for the sake of the sentence) gazed into the distance, as if in a pleasant daydream. Naruto was thinking that he hadn't eaten properly that day, and that he could really use a good cup of Ramen. The other two weren't thinking of food, but an activity that they still considered nourishing, even if it was nowhere as innocent.

"But, that's what we're getting to! We were thinking that any further dispute between us might be averted, if only you would lend us your two roommates for the night of the Mask at the Kamikochi." Nami explained, stealthily wiping a bit of drool from her lips.

"Eh? The night of the what?" Naruto asked.

Nami gave him a condescending stare, "Newbies. The Mask is just a gathering for the regular public that the Kamikochi hosts. It's a large scale advertisement for the business, and while we don't have to work that night as hostesses we're expected to be there with the guests. It didn't used to be a big deal, but a few years ago Sakurako brought in some small time celebrity as a date and ever since than it's become tough competition for the hostesses to see who can shine the brightest that night." She lifted her arms to her sides and posed with what must have been a photogenic smile. "This year the girls are saying Naomi will win, whether she brings a date or not. But, like we all know that she's gross and scary as hell, but apparently guy's think she's hot." Tetsuko said with her eyes rolling.

"Yeah, like very hot." Tetsuko parroted uselessly, continuing her less than stimulating comments.

Naruto nodded his head as if in agreement, but sighed melodramatically, "Well, as much as I would love to help I really can't. My brother is already swamped with women desperately trying to get a piece of him, and his friend, sadly I have to inform you is gay. He dresses as a woman in his spare time and has low self esteem because he isn't a very good drag queen. You know, he really sucks at putting on make-up," Naruto stage-whispered, "But my brother's cool, so he like, let's him hang around because the guy's lonely." He shrugged at the end, basking in the glow of his audience's horrified faces.

"Wow… Really?" The both asked, with Naruto responding by nodding his head vigorously.

"I think we should try someone else than." Tetsuko said quickly, worried that she might be stuck with the supposed drag queen.

"Yeah, like only Sakurako would ever be a fruit fly. Me and Tetsuko have better things to do with our time." They exited stage left (They went to the bar) and Naruto was left alone in the center of the entrance hall, victorious over evil, and inventor of drag-queen Sasuke.

"Yes! Oh yeah, who totally worked that one out!" Naruto cheered himself on and happily did a little dance before he searched the room for his guests and Sasuke, who he still wanted to finish his talk with, and refused to be stopped by his old friend mysteriously jumping out a window to escape a sighting by Jiraiya.

"Please don't dance in public." Sasuke said from behind him, who was wearing a non-traditional outfit for once. Instead he had donned a simple pure white sundress and had left her (his!) hair down. Naruto tried not to laugh, now only seeing Sasuke behind the fair facade.

"Sa- So… Naomi. Uh. Fancy meeting you here. In this place. That we both work at, because we both are legitimate employees." Naruto said stiffly, just barely missing calling the brunette by his real name.

"Wow, that was stealthy." Sasuke placed his hands on his hips, his arms daintily twisted. "I've already met our guests and led them to our table, something which you should have been here for." He admonished with his smooth feminine voice, which was still disturbing Naruto to no end. "Miyagi is here tonight, as well as Fujioka."

"And Satoshi?" Naruto asked.

"Of course, he comes every night." Sasuke said shortly, and turned from him sharply They walked past the short steps and entered the small area that had been set apart for their influential group. The three men waited in their dark chairs and the two girls (boys) both gave graceful bows before greeting them.

"I missed you last night Kiku-chan. I'm so sorry if you felt lonely in my absence." Miyagi smiled, and Naruto felt the customary shiver down his back. The guy was just too creepy.

"It was terrible. Satoshi-san had to comfort me all night, but he found me to be inconsolable." Naruto lied, all the while watching Satoshi (who was just as much of a kiss stealer as Sasuke) out of the corner of his eye. The man didn't notice, and wasn't showing any signs of interest at all. Naruto couldn't have felt more like a woman than if he tried, but the guy kept on running hot and cold, and if Kiku-chan had been a real girl this probably would be driving her crazy.

"Truly unfortunate. Well my dear, no more suffering. Tonight you may lean on me for any of your problems." And with this he gestured his hand to the bottle of alcohol on the table and flourished the motion of pouring the light liquid into a small glass cup. "Here, come sit down and enjoy yourself." Naruto followed his request, settling the folds of his skirt onto the curved bench. Sasuke seated himself across from him, primly shutting his legs together and sitting up rigidly. He was looking disapprovingly down towards the drinks, and pushed his own light glass away with the tips of his fingertips, revealing his rejection.

"The lady isn't a drinker?" Fujioka asked, himself void of a glass tonight, most likely a precaution arising from his activities two days prior.

"No. I find it to be vulgar for a woman to drink. I was always taught very strictly to keep my mind clear for my guests. Kiku-chan, you shouldn't drink either, your attention towards you guests could suffer.." Sasuke said, and Naruto could feel rebellion brewing from inside him. It was his mission, and while Sasuke might have an agenda of his own he had no right to tell him what to do. Before any of the men could stop him Naruto threw the cup up and drank the entire content with one gulp.

"Ah!" Naruto exclaimed and shut his eyes tightly as he felt the burning sensation flow down his throat. Miyagi in turn drank the rest of his cup, but without the same enthusiasm as his hostess.

"Hot damn! What the hell was in that?" Naruto coughed once before setting down the glass with a bang, his senses immediately becoming duller with the consumption of strong alcohol.

"Strong liquor, very strong. You aren't… expected to drink it that quickly my dear." Miyagi rubbed his back, and Naruto slumped his head forward from dizziness.

"I'm just fine, really! Kiku-chan just needs a second to be all better!" He announced boisterously and pumped his fist into the air, causing him to fall back into his seat. Sasuke eyed him worriedly, but Naruto gave him a conspiring wink from underneath his wave of blond hair.

"Well, as long as you don't make the same mistake as I did." Fujioka said forlornly, looking towards the bar at Iori-san, the worker who had cleaned up his mess.

"Kiku-chan is a big girl. I can be responsible if I really try." Naruto promised the group of men, that was secretly void of any real feminine charms.

Miyagi purred down at him and slowly poured him another glass which Naruto eyed warily. "Of course you can, no one is doubting it."

"I really can! I came all the way from my little village just to begin my own independent life. I planned to get a job, land a rich husband…"

Fujioka laughed at this, "How honest she is."

Naruto chuckled and continued, in his slumped position, "…And than end up with a happily ever after, wealthy, fat and totally spoiled."

"That's not really a happily ever after." Satoshi spoke quietly, to which Naruto listened to attentively.

"Do you have to be fat?" Fujioka asked.

"Yes! I've always equated happiness with fatness." He said with conviction, remembering the overweight ladies that he had to work for in the Cell 7 days. They weren't necessarily happy, but they had achieved what they had sought after in their lives.

"Do you know what would make me happy?" Miyagi asked, grabbing his hand and bringing it up to his lips. Naruto was pretending to enjoy it, while concealing his true instinct to poke the man in the eye and run.

"No, what is it?" There was a number of things that would make Naruto happy at the moment, but making the gray robbed man letting go of his hand seemed to be top priority.

"If you would accompany me to the mask tomorrow night. I can't let you go with anybody else." He tightened his grip, and the blond boy gulped, wiggling his fingers a bit to see if he could still move them.

"Well, considering that no one else has asked I guess I don't have many options. Kiku-chan is so glad that you want to take her though! Because otherwise I might have had to go solo, and everybody knows that a woman can only be proud of herself if she has a man in her life. Being single is so overrated." Naruto pulled his hand back in a singular act of falling from character. He would pretend to be attracted to Miyagi, but there was only so much creepy a person could take.

"I guess that means your coming with me." Satoshi referred to Sasuke offhandedly. Sasuke turned to him as well with a girlish smile, the same one he had worn when Naruto had first seen them together.

"Naturally. I wouldn't let some other girl take you." He laughed and it sounded hollow. Naruto giggled as well, and made a slight sip to his drink. As he did so he noticed something disturbing.

Were my hands always this big?

He examined his fingers around the cup closely, eyeing his wide knuckles and wide palm curled around the glass that seemed to be becoming smaller by the second.

"What's wrong dear, you seem upset." Miyagi asked, his arms now thrown around the back of the bench that they occupied.

"Noth-" The voice that came out was significantly deeper than it had been before, and he could feel his dress becoming tight around his legs and shoulders. Sasuke caught on quickly, and sprang from his seat, shocking Fujioka and causing Satoshi to give him a questioning stare.

"Kiku-chan really doesn't look very well, I should take her to the girls room to rest." He grabbed Naruto's expanding forearm and the two of them dashed to the hallway, Naruto's shoe strap snapping along the way.

"Crap! My heel!" Said a very male voice. Sasuke growled and pulled him into the dressing room before Naruto could suffer from any other distraction. Once inside Naruto panted against the wall, watching as his legs became longer, his shoulders wider and his curly blond hair shrink to its original choppy cut.

"How…?" Naruto felt uncomfortable wearing a skirt as a boy, but what was worse was that it was in front of Sasuke, who was sighing into his hands, crouched and still in his female form.

"It must have been the alcohol. You don't know how to hold a technique when you have a drug in your system." Sasuke was avoiding looking at him and was steadfastly turning his head towards the far wall.

"Well that certainly puts a damp blanket on any future parties in this form. I was totally going to go wild with this one, but if it means I end up all weird cross-dressy I guess I'll have to pass."

"I have extra clothes in my bag that should fit." Sasuke said, his face still lightly red on the cheeks.

"I'm fine with whatever, even anything with that dinky fan on it." Naruto whined, all the while squirming in the tight dress. One of his shoes had taken a hit for him while on the run, and the other one was uselessly dangling from the end of his foot. He self-consciously crossed his legs and waited for Sasuke to come back with a simple navy shirt and black pants.

"Here." He dropped them down on the ground in a heap and gave another loud sigh as Naruto began to pull off his pink wear without ever noticing that Sasuke hadn't even turned away yet. His friend changed direction with a huff and crossed his arms.

"Heh, your such a girl Sasuke." Naruto said as he lifted his pants up to his hips and buttoned them closed. Sasuke glared over his shoulder while staring intensely at his face.

"Your make-up is still on and you know it makes you look like a clown."

"What? Oh crap!" Naruto walked over to a nearby mirror and winced when he saw his face covered in sparkles and lipstick. "Nice… Do I have to take it off? What if I want to go out back out as Kiku-chan?"

"Don't. Wipe the make-up off and we can pass you off as her brother."

"Sasuke." Naruto looked back from the mirror, one hand rubbing his lip.

"What?"

"I don't know how to get this off. It normally disintegrates with the jutsu."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and came beside him to the desk. Sitting in the corner was a non-descript black bag that was apparently his, or else Sasuke just had no concept of personal belongings. Out of it he pulled a small white container that read 'remover'. He than lifted out a small cotton pad from the bag, and on it placed the white lotion

"Just hold still for a second." His friend, still in female form moved close, their faces almost touching as Sasuke gently began to wipe his lipstick off with the cotton. "You put this on too thick…" He whispered throatily, making his voice sound deeper. As he just finished his face Naruto blinked rapidly, noticing the proximity of their bodies.

"What's going on here?" A voice asked from the doorway. Both Sasuke and Naruto's heads snapped towards the right to see Nami standing against the border of the entry way with Tetsuko behind her giggling happily.

"I'm… uh…"

"Your our darling Kiku-chan's brother aren't you?" Nami asked with a sickly sweet smile. "And… Naomi…" Whom she gave a cold look.

"He's shirtless." Tetsuko pointed out, to which Nami raised her eyebrow.

"I noticed."

Naruto began to blush, and fought his urge to cover his chest like a girl. Sasuke was still standing in front of him looking unfazed, but his hands were clenched tightly together revealing his irritation.

"Leave us alone. Now." Sasuke threatened, crossing his arms toughly, but not managing the same authority that he did when he had a set of kunai at his side.

"Sorry! We're we interrupting something here? A secret rendezvous perhaps? Does Kiku-chan know that her dear brother is dallying with Naomi? I never got the picture that the two of them got along very well…" Nami was watching Naruto like a bird of prey, and it was giving him some serious goosebumps.

"They get along super well. Right Naomi-chan?" Naruto asked, grabbing the end of Sasuke's skirt for reassurance.

"Yeah. Best friends forever." He answered, his voice absolutely monotone.

"Machi-san doesn't allow men to be in here. And she doesn't like any hanky panky either, right Nami?" Tetsuko pointed out, using her famous wit to make a mess out of Sasuke's and Naruto's chances to get out of this.

"What do you two want?" Sasuke ground out of his mouth, his teeth clenching together painfully. The two girls shrugged and went straight to the point.

"We want dates. That's it. We want you to come to the Mask tomorrow and to bring a friend… for Tetsuko." Nami jerked her thumb towards her friend.

"Hey, I don't want the drag queen brunette!" Tetsuko protested.

Nami nodded and waved her hands to shut her up. "Yeah, yeah. It can't be your sick friend, because Kiku-chan said he was gay. Which is a tragedy, because he was damn attractive."

"Gay? You have a gay friend?" Sasuke turned, with a slight twitch in his eye.

"Yeah, him. Don't worry, I'll ask someone else to go. What about Sai, the server?" Naruto ignored the fiery glare of doom emanating from Sasuke and grinned at the two girls who pondered for a moment.

After reaching a silent verdict they both smiled towards each other, "Him! He'd be pretty good. I approve." Tetsuko gave a thumbs up and the deal seemed to be over. "Meet us at six in the front gate wearing formal wear and bring flowers!" The reminded him as they prepared to leave.

"This never happened." Sasuke said, probably still angry about being called the gay friend.

"Of course." They left, after finally getting what they wanted. Naruto knew that he wasn't attractive enough to cause them to want him that much, but it must have been enough that he was involved with the infamous Naomi.

"You said I was your gay friend?" Sasuke asked, as Naruto finally shrugged on the navy blue shirt onto his back.

"Well, couldn't let them get too you. There wouldn't be anything left after they were done." Naruto grinned, noticing that Sasuke's face was visibly softening. Naruto couldn't believe how well that worked out… and…

"Oh no." Naruto whispered, finally realizing that he'd just made a horrible mistake.

"What is it?"

"I've already said that I'm going with Miyagi! As a girl!"