A/N: Thank you all for waiting so patiently for this update. I'm slowly getting better and can write again, so updates will come more often again. I would like to reply to the review of a guest, who said there was no originality at all because I named A & C's daughter Mireya. I wasn't aware that there is another story that were a daughter of C & A is named Mireya. After all, there are more than 1.4 k stories for FSOG here on FF and I'm following about 50 stories, if I would start to check every story for similarities I wouldn't be able to update at all. So it was merely a coincidence that I picked a name that was already used in another story.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to E.L. James
Ana's POV
I take my beautiful baby girl in my arms and walk over to Christian.
" Whose baby is that Ana?" Christian asks, I turn Mireya so he can look at her and his eyes widen in what looks like shock.
"This is our daughter. Her name is Mireya Grace." I watch as all the color drains from Christian's face and he just stares at our daughter, then shakes his head in utter disbelief and runs both hands through his hair.
"I... I need to get out." and with that he storms out of the room. Ok, that was not what I expected. Maybe it's me. Maybe he doesn't want a baby with me, because I can't imagine that there is someone in this world who would not fall instantly in love with my beautiful baby girl.
"Ana, please don't be upset. I'm going to talk to Christian." Grace says and is at my side immediately. "No, umm can I talk to him please?"
"Yes, of course." I smile at her, give Mireya to my mother and walk out of the room. I walk through the hallway looking for Christian and see that the front door is open. I look outside and find him sitting on the stairs outside.
"Hi, do you want to be alone or can we talk?" I ask cautiously and he looks up at me. "It's ok, sit down."
I sit down next to him and feel shy all of a sudden. "So, umm I guess no one told you about our baby?"
"No... I ... Ana I can't be a father. Look you don't know me yet, but I'm really fucked up and my life has become a total mess. And even if everything was fine, I'm not father material."
"How do you know if you don't try." he snorts at that and that makes me mad. "My life isn't exactly rainbows and unicorns either. I mean, I woke up from a coma with no memories at all. The only person in the world I knew lied to me for months, and now I'm here surrounded by strangers who know more about myself than I do. I had to give birth to our daughter at home, because Zack told me I couldn't go to a hospital and that was pretty scary, but you know what. She was worth it, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know I won't change my mind about that even if I get my memories back, so you could at least try."
He glares at me. "You still have that smart mouth of yours, but Ana believe me if you want the best for your child it is not me."
"How can you say that? Is that what you think, that you would ruin our daughters life, if you would try to be a father for her?"
He looks at me with those intense grey eyes and I squirm a little. "I don't think I would Ana, I know I would screw up her life. Besides, as soon as you put my name on her birth certificate the child protective services will probably take her away anyway."
"Why, it is proven that you are innocent. I mean, I don't know all yet, but at least I know that you are not a killer."
"I'm a monster Anastasia and more so I'm a sadist. If you don't believe me then google my name and you will see." and with that he gets up and stalks back into the house.
A sadist? What is that supposed to mean. Oh this is all so confusing. First the police questioned me for hours about things I didn't know. Then I had to do so many tests at the hospital. I met a family and friends I didn't know I had and now the father of my child thinks he will ruin her life if he takes part in raising her.
"Hey, you ok?" I look up and see Elliot leaning against the wall. Out of everyone I met, I like him best. He is easy-going and it is easy to talk to him. He reminds me of Zack.
"No, Christian doesn't want to have anything to do with Mireya. Elliot he said he is a sadist and that authorities would take my baby away from me, if I would put his name on her birth certificate. Is that true?" he sighs and sits down next to me.
"Look Ana, Christians life was and still is really complicated. I think his biggest problem is that he doesn't like himself. You should give him time, he's been through a lot."
"So am I Elliot, but I don't abandon my child. I just ... you know I can't understand how any one, much less so her own father, can not love her."
"I don't think that he feels nothing for her Ana. It's more that he wants to protect her, even if he has to protect her from himself. As to someone taking her away from you, don't worry about that. You are her mother and you have taken good care of her, there is nothing the authorities could come up with to justify taking her into state care."
"I'm scared." I confess. "Scared of what?"
"Well, Zack took care of us, now I don't know how to support Mireya. I can't remember any of my education, I don't know if I ever will. How am I going to find a job and home for us."
"Ana believe me, you have nothing to worry about. First, you can stay here as long as you want and second even if Christian doesn't want to take an active role in your daughter's life, he will make sure that she has a good home and is financially secured." I just nod. I'm confused and tired.
"Elliot do you have a computer I could use? Christian said I should google his name."
"You can use Mia's laptop, but I don't think you should do that Ana. Just wait and let him talk to you Ana."
"I can't do that Elliot. If Christian thinks that he is a danger to our daughter I need to know what is going on."
"Fine, I'll ask Mia to let you use her laptop."
Christian's POV
I have avoided Ana and the child all day. Christ, that was unexpected. I though I would return home and finally see Ana. A small part of me even hoped she would gain her memories back once she would see me. Instead I was confronted with a baby that looks like me.
A father. How in the world can I be a father? I'm completely fucked up and my life is a mess. I don't want to burden my child with all that fucked upness. People will point their finger at her and talk behind her back the moment they know that I'm her father. I don't want that for her, but that also means I can never again be with Ana. Maybe this is for the best, it wouldn't have been easy for Ana to be associated with me.
Fuck, when did this happen to me? When did I lose every bit of control over my life? I hope Elena burns in hell. She used me all those years and I believed her. Ana knew it, she told me in Georgia that Elena is pedophile and I chose not to believe her. No, I didn't want to believe her, because that would have made my perfectly controlled world nothing but a lie and now it all came crashing down.
I've spent most of the day in my father's office with him telling me what exactly happened. I asked him to make a deal for Isaac. Of course, he could have told the authorities the moment he got Ana out of there, but at least he saved her life and made sure she and my daughter where safe. Besides, my Dad told me how much he means to Ana and I don't want her to go through more pain, when he has to go through a trial. Right now, the FBI is keeping him in a safe place, so no one can harm him until they figured everything out.
Fuck me, I knew that this bastard of a D.A. was completely against me, but I had no idea that he was into the lifestyle or had anything to do with Linc. And it all comes down to Elena and my misjudgment of her character. I called Ros today and she told me GEH is doing just fine. She wanted to know when I would return to work, honestly I have no idea.
With the trials against Elena, Linc and the fucking D.A. the media will continue to haunt me and I don't want to hurt me company with this. Plus, I'm not sure if anyone wants to work with me directly anymore. I can only imagine how they are going to look at me. No, I need to take some time to myself and figure out what to do with my life. Ros did a great job and she assured me that she can take care of anything until I'm ready to return, so there is no rush.
I look at the clock on the wall of my childhood bedroom and see that it is 3 am. I went to bed at 11 pm, but woke about an hour ago from a nightmare. I know if I go back to sleep I most likely will have another one, so I get up and walk into the kitchen to get a drink. On my way back I can't help but stop at the guest room Ana is staying in. I silently open the door and see Ana sleeping in the bed. I just look at her for a while, she looks so peaceful, so beautiful, but then my gaze shifts over to the cradle next to the bed.
It's the same that Mia slept in when she first came to live with us. I walk over, careful to make no sound and look at the baby. My daughter. Even the thought is crazy. I am a father. I think about my father, not Carrick but my biological father. I have no idea who he is. Will she say the same thing about me one day and wonder why I never even tried to be a father.
Is that really what I want? I continue to look at her and suddenly she moves her little arms and legs. Oh no, is she going to wake up? I should leave, but I can't, I can't even look away. She opens her eyes and just looks at me. I can't help it, I reach out and pick her up. I could hold Mia as a baby, so I guess this should work with my daughter as well.
Good God, what is that smell and then I realise it's her. Her lower lip starts to quiver and I know she is about to scream bloody murder. I look around, but there is no changing table. I walk into the en suite and there it is.
"Looks like you are challenging me right from the start young lady, but don't worry I'm up for that challenge." or at least I hope so, but how difficult can it be to change a shitty diaper? It turns out that it is very difficult. Once I finally managed to get her out of her clothes and open the diaper I feel like I have to gag, but I clean her and even get a clean diaper under her little bottom, when she starts to pee.
"You know Mireya that is not very nice, we were almost done, but I can see that you are challenging, just like your mom. She doesn't know it, but she challenged me like no one else ever did and you know what, I love it. It's gets boring if anyone does what you say and coming from me, that means a lot, because as you mommy would say, I'm a control freak.
Yes, you will learn that soon little one. I like control and you will probably hate me as a teenager because I won't let any boy anywhere near you. I know what boys that age want, but not with you. You better take your mother as a role model and stay a virgin until you have finished college or otherwise I might have to kill that fucker who dared to touch you. Hmm, I guess I shouldn't say the f-word in front of you, but we keep that a secret, okay?" As I talk to her I realise I want to be a part of her life.
Damn, I can't let her grow up without being there for her. I would probably drive me insane not knowing what she does all the time. Fuck, I guess I have no choice and more so, I want to take care of her and Ana. I change her wet diaper, dress her again and pick her up from the changing table.
"Okay, Mireya Grace Grey we are going to make a deal. I promise to try to be a good father for you, but you have to cut me some slack if I fuck up. Because I will, I will drive you nuts with rules and security and I really hope you have my healthy appetite, because if you as little as your mother we are going to argue a lot and I'm telling you now you won't win that argument. But what I can promise you is that you will always have a home and no matter what is going on in your life you can always ask me for help or advise. I won't allow anyone to hurt you and you will never know what it feels like to be hungry, I won't ever let that happen to you and you are lucky, your mommy is a great woman. She will always be there for you too and you have a family that is there for you too. You are a lucky girl, even with me as your daddy."
I turn around with her and see Ana standing in the entrance of the bathroom with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, are you ok?"
"Yes, it was just what you said to her, that was really sweet and you didn't wake me up, I wake up every time Mireya does." she shrugs embarrassed and we both get back into the guest room. I put Mireya back into her cradle and watch Ana sing a lullaby for her. Within minutes Mireya is sound asleep and Ana sits down on the edge of her bed.
"I did what you told me to do?"
"What do you mean?"
"I googled you." Oh fuck!
"And now you want me to stay the hell away from you." Please give me a chance.
"No, I mean, first I don't believe everything that I read. If you are into that lifestyle, I don't know I guess it wouldn't be called a lifestyle if there weren't many people who like to be involved in it. And second, it's no one elses business what you like to do behind doors, but I have a question."
Oh shit, this can't be good. Ana looks really uncomfortable and I think I know what her question is. "Go on."
"Kate told me that I broke up with you a couple of weeks before I went missing. After reading about your lifestyle I did a little research about BDSM and I don't think that I am submissive. So, did you beat me? Is that why I broke up with you?"
Oh fuck! If I tell her I hit her with a belt she will probably tell me to stay the hell away from her and Mireya and if I lie and she gets her memories back she will be mad at me for lying to her. Fuck, what am I going to do now?
Next update Tuesday. Please leave a review and share your thoughts with me :-)
Sunny
