Title: Vertigo (7/13)

Author: Icicle33

Pairing(s): Severus/Draco, past Severus/Lily

Summary: I thought that I would never feel again, not after losing her. But something about him, about this insane yet beautiful boy, has awakened feelings deep within me that I thought were long dead.

Word Count: ~23K total

Rating: T for now but will be M in future chapters

Warnings: refer to chapter 1 for all warnings.

Author's Notes: Happy New Year everyone! Snape and Draco share a bed at Voldemort's request. Enjoy!


.7.

I place a cold pitcher of water on the nearby bed stand and charm it with a stasis charm. Often times, I wake in the middle of the night with a scratchy throat, but especially tonight, when I will be sharing my bed for the first time in years, I want to be as hospitable as possible. Sharing a bed with an old man like myself is probably scarring enough.

I pull the covers off my side of the bed, the left, and crawl inside. The bed feels warm, much warmer than usual, which is odd since I haven't changed the temperature in the room. It's the same as it always is—cold—just the way I like it. I take a quick glance at the other night table, the one closest to me, and scowl.

My latest reading material is lying there, a book on the Chemistry of Experimental Potions and Reactions just waiting to be read. Every night before bed, it's my ritual to read at least a chapter or two, but the air in the room is already stretched thin. The silence between Draco and I is almost too much to bear. He hasn't said a word since he heard of his fate.

He just stands there in his green striped pyjamas; his eyes are wide and focused on the bed, surely in fear. I let out another quiet sigh into my pillow. Does the boy think that little of me—that I'm a monster and will force him to sleep with me, force him to offer things I would never dare ask for? I might be a Death Eater, a murderer, a fugitive, and a million other horrid things, but I am not a paedophile or a sexual predator.

I would never force another to engage in intercourse or any other sexually related act. The idea is revolting. I do have some principles, and even if my treacherous body does desire the boy, at least physically, I won't act on those feelings. How can I? Yes, Draco's of age now, but he's still a student and twenty years my junior. Besides, what can I offer a boy like him?

His pale hair hangs flat around his face; the sharp angles have receded slightly since the last time I was this close to him, that dreadful evening. His hair doesn't have the lustrous shine it used to, the one that all the Malfoys have had for ages, which I used to believe was an illusion.

But he's still attractive, delicate and handsome in his own way, so much more so than I was at his age. And certainly more so than I am now. I'm nothing more than an old, sallow man. How could anyone as youthful and beautiful as he is want me? The idea probably gives him nightmares.

Draco continues to look at me, his eyes impossibly wide and his lips twisted in a nervous line. He plays with his fringe, pushing it forwards, a few strands falling over his eyes. It's getting long, longer than her ever wore it at Hogwarts, touching his collarbone.

I have the strangest urge to brush that hair out of his face, to caress his skin and see if it's really as soft as it looks. But those are just mutinous thoughts. A boy like that, a boy who even if he does fancy blokes can have his pick, will never fancy his old hooked nose professor.

I need to remove these thoughts from my mind before I do something I'll regret. The boy's technically mine, a gift from the Dark Lord, and I'm only human.

"Goodnight," I say, turning my body and head away from him, burying it in my pillow.

I cast a quick Nox, sending the room into total darkness. Perhaps it's not the most hospitable thing to do, but I cannot stare at him for another second. Draco's more than capable with a wand, and even if this is my room, it's still his home after all. He probably knows all these rooms like the back of his hand, and if he doesn't, well, he'll figure it out soon enough.

Soft footsteps echo in the darkness and the silence of the room. He doesn't even bother to acknowledge my goodnight or to refute it either. The footsteps are heading away from the bed, probably into the adjoining washroom. I let out a sigh of relief. I'm not ready for him to climb into bed with me just yet. This will at least grant me several minutes to compose myself before he returns. Oh Merlin, what have I got myself into.

I roll over and stare at the black ceiling, gazing at the crown-moulding that I could barely make out from its shadows. My heart pounds inside my chest and I need to relax. No one has ever had this effect on me, not since Lily all those years ago. What's happening? Why am I letting this wretched brat do this to me?

He isn't even that attractive, not with that pinched look he usually has on his face. I heave another sigh and bury my face in the pillow again. Even though Draco has a washroom routine that rivals a witch, he will not be gone forever. If anything, he'll return at any minute. My best bet is to sleep or at least pretend to be asleep when he returns. I roll over again, attempting to get comfortable and close my eyes, trying to force all thoughts of those pained grey eyes from my mind.

He's only a boy. I must remember that. I feel like those four words are becoming my mantra. I'm the adult, his teacher. I should know better. And I do. I really do, but knowing better and doing the right thing are not always synonymous. This is a lesson I have learnt the hard way.

For once, I need to do the right thing. I keep my eyes closed and attempt to clear my mind, cursing myself for not thinking of taking some Dreamless Sleep before heading to bed. It's too late to get up now and will only make the situation that much more uncomfortable. I dread to think what I will dream about.

Luck appears to be on my side tonight, and before Draco returns from the bathroom, I drift off into the darkness of my subconscious, hopefully not dreaming about anything too perverted.

TBC…