Arms wrapped around me and I woke up from the deep thoughts I was into so I could turn my head and kiss Nate's soft lips. He moaned in pleasure and grinded into me but I escaped smoothly because it was lunch break and it wasn't the perfect place to show affections. Especially while the cafeteria lady was watching us with mean eyes. I smiled and took the plate, turning to see he was dressed in jeans and a white collar shirt.

"Where do you want us to stay today?" he asked, picking my trail for me and I frowned. He was nice and all, I cared about him but it seemed I was neglecting my friends so I wanted to stay with them.

"Let's sit next to Ymir and Krista" I tried and he furrowed his brows because he wasn't fond of any of my friends, especially Jean. I mean, sure he said I should speak with them but that didn't include the time when we were together. I could see he was troubled but didn't give up because I really missed the guys. He complied and we sat down next to the two girls that were furiously making out and barely saw us so I chuckled and poked Ymir that smacked my arm annoyed. "Shit, calm your ovaries, girl" I said and she let go but still kept her arm wrapped around Krista's slender back.

"What do you know about ovaries, Bodt?" I burst into laughter and the blonde blushed.

"Nothing, obviously"

"Oh, but we know someone who does" I raised a brow, interested and placed a fry in my mouth, enjoying the average savour. The cafeteria was not serving food, it was serving stuff close to food so I couldn't complain, especially when it was Fries' Friday - the only day that had these. I turned to Nate and offered him half a portion and he smiled at me, still looking uncomfortable. "Didn't you hear about young horsey?" They were calling Jean a horse because he had a long face - but I couldn't see the resemblance. "He's been spotted carrying Angela's books" I almost choked on my food.

"Angela? Who is Angel-a?" Sasha yelled as she came and sat next to me. "Hi cutiepie" she grinned and kissed my cheek.

"Hi, Sash"

"Are we talking about Jean's fling?" Okay, why did everyone know about this but me? I was feeling quite left aside, I mean he should have told me, right? But we weren't really talking about relationships when we met, we were just hanging around, he didn't even kiss me since then. I told him he shouldn't but that didn't mean I didn't want him to.

"Guys, we don't know if it's a fling, he was just carrying her stuff" Where was Sasha, Connie was too. I couldn't believe she was so obvious to his feelings for her, I mean I figured it out since he was eating sand at the playground.

"Jean Kirschtein is not nice without reason" Ymir accused and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes he is" I added as a matter of fact and they chuckled.

"Only to you" Krista said and I bit my lip. Was it really that bad?

"But I am glad he is better" Sasha added and I watched her affectionate stare as she looked at nothing in particular. "A few weeks ago he was a wreck" The table went silent and I guessed it had something to do with our fight from that night so I didn't say anything neither and soon we were talking about our next periods. I was having Science with Hanje which was my favorite class ever, even if she was nuts. I wanted to become a pediatrician so Science was my thing, well beside all those boring things most kids couldn't do. I was really curious about that Angela but I didn't ask, I just went on like nothing happened and after the classes were done I went to have dinner with Nate in a nice place. We kissed and held hands and had nice chats but all I could think about was this girl I had no idea about – who she was or how she looked like. Way to go, Marco. I felt like an asshole at the end so when he suggested we should go to a viewpoint with the car I accepted.

"Something on your mind?" Nate asked when we broke a kiss and I smiled, trying to cover it up.

"No, keep going" I said and his lips glided over me in a perfect motion, making me feel butterflies inside my tummy. His hands began roaming on my chest and I sighed when his hand sneaked under my shirt, rubbing irregular patterns on my skin. We were alone near a cliff, watching the city lights and I was almost sure I knew what he wanted tonight but unfortunately I couldn't. When his fingers began to play with the button of my jeans I pulled apart, licking my lips and regaining my breath.

"Come on, Marco" he said whiny - not his usual manner at all.

"I don't feel ready" I said and he huffed, opening the window so he could light a cigarette. "I am sorry"

"No you're not" he said and suddenly he was looking helpless. I was feeling bad but I didn't know if I should apologize, it wasn't like I was faking it, I really wasn't feeling ready to have sex, with him or with anyone. It would have been awkward and weird and I would have probably lost myself in the act. I didn't like the idea of it. It was weird and dirty and I couldn't possible do it, especially not in a car. No, thank you. "All you've been thinking about today was Kirschtein" He was sure of his words. "Let's face it, I don't do it for you"

"What don't you do?" I asked sarcastic and looked at him, paling a bit.

"You can't love me, you only care about him"

"That is not true" I said stubbornly. It couldn't be possible, I wasn't in love with him at all, I wasn't feeling anything.

"Oh come on! Who are you trying to fool? Stop trying to like me, it's not working" he said and then chuckled. His hand grabbed my leg and he leaned to kiss my cheek. "I like you so much, Marco, you're such a nice guy but I can't stand to see you trying this much." I furrowed my brows, realizing he was breaking up with me and licked my lips. I should have been feeling things right? Then why wasn't I sad? Maybe I wasn't in love with Nate, maybe I was just afraid to be gay alone.

"Can we be friends?" I asked shyly and he grinned.

"I would like to but it will take a while for me to get over you" I nodded and prepared to get out of the car. "Don't be ridiculously, I'll drive you home" He said and I accepted again, not knowing what to say. I was confused, like I just landed from another planet so I stood in silence until I could see my house. When I opened the door of the car he stopped me and offered me a big smile. "Hey, you better get together with him" I felt my cheeks heating.

"I-I'll try to. Good night!" he waved and I ran inside because all I wanted was to stay in bed and think about what was going on.

If it was so obvious then it was clear everyone knew about it, maybe even Jean but still, I was petulant to give it a go because I was afraid Mr. Kirschtein will get tired of me, bored, and then he will end all we have - relationship and friendship and I really loathed the idea. He was a really nice guy, but he wasn't known for his patience and constant behavior, he was more of the jumpy guy, we were really opposites. I mean I could have imagined spending the rest of my life with just a person while he ... he was simply a whore when it came to dating. The hit and run type. And I really didn't want to be hurt by him, not like this.

Thankfully everyone was asleep so I didn't have to explain anything, I couldn't possible tell my mom something like this so instead I got in my bed after changing my clothes and buried my face in the pillow. "Fuck it!" I muffled and turned around to watch the ceiling. Fuck Jean Kirschtein! Yeah, fuck him and the power he had over me! Fuck his laughter and his eyelashes and his long pretty fingers! I was kind of pathetic, really but there wasn't anything that could be done so I wiggled in my bed for a few good hours until I finally fell asleep. I woke up around noon and most of the day was spent in my room, playing videogames and overthinking stuff.

The evening came and my balls began to grow cause I felt this unstoppable need to go and see that bastard and clear all this shit. I called but he didn't answer so I took the car and drove to his place, nervously watching to see if there was light in his room. There was, so I knocked at the door and Mrs. Kirschtein came to answer.

"Good evening!" I said, smiling crisped and she smiled back.

"Hi, Marco, come in! How are you?"

"Good, thanks... sorry for.." I didn't know how to put things in words but she didn't mind, she just waved as if there was nothing to be sorry about. "Could I go upstairs?"

"Of course, go ahead, I think Jean's in the shower." And he was indeed so I sat down on the tussled bed and looked around to see the room was a mess - like always. He was smoking a lot because I could see empty packs everywhere and I saw there were a few bottles of beer on the desk. I probably should talk him out of this, it was weird but he usually listened to me when I had something important to say. The door opened and a very confused Jean watched me with big eyes, the only thing covering him being a pair of boxers.

"Uh- hi?" he asked and I chuckled.

"Hi to you too." His boxers were light mauve which was looking nice on his milky skin, especially his thighs where... "Do you have any plans tonight?"

"No, don't you?" He began to dress in comfy clothes and I enjoyed the show, not saying anything.

"Actually no, I wanted to see you" I bit my lip at that and he froze for a moment before continuing to dress, not paying attention to my words. "Jean" He still hesitated. "Come here" He sighed and I knew something was bugging him because his shoulders dropped.

"Look, Marco, I seriously have nothing against you dating Nate but I don't enjoy us seeing each other in the middle of the night without him knowing. I am not that kind of bastard and it looks like you're two-timing him" he turned around and went to the desk to grab a bottle of beer before he watched me sarcastic. "Got it?" I nodded and he threw a bottle on the bed which I had to refuse.

"You drink a lot lately" He shrugged his shoulders. "How is work going?"

"I actually quit that place, table serving is not for me, I dropped too many soup bowls" I began to chuckle and he grinned. "But I found another one"

"Where?"

"At a tattoo shop, I clean stuff but the guy told me I can help him design tattoos if I wanted" Well, one thing was for sure, he was very talented so I was happy that he could put his talent at work, I always encouraged him in arts because he was really doing the right stuff. I guess that would be his major once he'd got in college but we had to see about it because his father was against it. "Maybe I'll get another tatt"

"Or not yet" I said sarcastic and he laughed.

"Okay, mom, jeez" He came closer and sat next to me. His hair was damp so I rose my hand to touch the grey tips, feeling their softness. "Marco, you look innocent and still you do these things" I took a big breath.

"Nate and I broke up" His mouth dropped open and he left the bottle down, freaking out.

"Oh my God! Why? Are you feeling okay?" I nodded and he began to tug that pretty hair, making me smile because he was this worried. "Such a loser" he muttered.

"Actually he did it for me" he watched me puzzled. "Doesn't matter, the thing is you don't have to worry about that anymore." He nodded and took another gulp of beer. "You know, I might be wrong but that night you looked pretty jealous" He frowned and looked at his lap, so different from his usual right-to-the-point attitude.

"I was" Then why aren't you looking at me? "But I figured it out you don't like me that way" Such a freaking fool, damn it. I burst into laughter and saw he was red; he watched me outraged, like I insulted his family and I bit the inside of my cheek.

"It's kinda funny, cause I had a crush on you since seventh grade" He suddenly got up and began to walk fast in circles around the room, making an annoyed face. After a while he stopped and looked at me.

"And why haven't you said anything, you dweeb?" he was yelling straight to my face.

"Cause you're straight"

"Apparently you're the exception" he groaned. "I'm Marcosexual" That made us both burst into laughter after a few moments of tension and I threw a pillow at him.

"That was the corniest thing you ever told me, you boob!" he looked at me defensive.

"I'm not a boob"

"Yeah you are, we're a pair" I chuckled and he rolled his eyes. He sat on the carpet, in front of me and crossed his legs under him. I sighed and watched his chest heaving. His eyes turned to me and I could see he was nervous because his pupils were dilated and his knee was rhythmically moving. "Stop being so nervous" I whispered and he looked down, ignoring my glance once again. He was lost at words so I gave him a little time.

"And now?" was his question and I smiled patiently, sliding my hand to his hair and making him watch me. "Do you want to go out with me?" I nodded and he got higher, on his knees so his mouth was close to mine; I still had the advantage of a few centimeters but I leaned to kiss his soft lips, feeling his hot breath on me. I leaned my head on a side, just like he taught me and I felt his tongue teasing me, making me open my mouth for him and let his softness caress mine. I was feeling like I was drunk and I wondered if it was because he was tasting of beer - probably not but I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the closeness and the simple motion. His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me closer and closer until I fell over him and we both burst into laughter, rolling on the floor.

"This feels surreal" I said and turned to watch him as he was staring at the ceiling. He turned to me and smiled, a specific ally-American-boy-Jea- Kirschtein smile that made me almost drool at his beauty.

"It scared me at first, when I realized how intense my feelings were for you" he said and got closer, his nose pointing at mine.

"No matter what happens we're staying friends, okay?" I needed to have his approval, so I would not be afraid of the future. He nodded and came closer so he could peck my lips softly. I prolonged the kiss, enjoying his touch but I couldn't stop the smile that threatened me so I opened my eyes to see his long eyelashes. "Nice eyelashes" I whispered and he grinned silly.

"Nice freckles"

"Thanks" His fingers began to dance across my cheek and then down my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I liked this guy so much it almost hurt my chest. "I did nothing to have them, and still" he chuckled and took my hand in his, beginning to run his fingers along my knuckles.

"Well, they are pretty as fuck, I mean..." his ears got red so I burst into laughter. "You're pretty or handsome or ..." he was stuttering so I burst into laughter.

"I get the idea" I assured and went closer to cling to him, resting my head on his chest where I could feel his heart beating as fast as a colibri bird. "You're more on the hot side, though" He raised a brow. "The bad boy type that is not bad at all" He showed me his teeth. "Though I liked your hair better before" He tugged on the grey tips and sighed.

"It'll eventually grow out of this color" His eyes turned to me and I smiled.

"Who's Angela?" The question slipped my tongue before I could realize and he watched me confused. Why was I talking about a woman when all this was going on?

"Who's Angela?" He asked just as puzzled and began to scratch his chin. "Oh, Angela from History? I needed her notes on the last few lessons so I've carried her stuff today" I burst into laughter because it was just like our friends said, he was doing everything for profit and he watched me confused but pleased with my jolliness. After a while I stopped and wiped my eyes with my fingers. "Do you want to stay over?" I knew he wasn't thinking of sex but I really thought it would be better to go back so we could both process what just happened so I told him it was better to go back. He didn't argue but none of us moved. I got up and threw my leg on the other side of him so now he was under me and pressed my lips against him in a chaste but long kiss. His arms found my back and we rolled - I really hoped he cleaned the floor lately - so now he was on top of me, very close to me. His tongue found my mouth and we were making out once again; everytime our lips touched it sent bolts of electricity down my groin so I moaned in his mouth and he seemed to like that a lot because he tightened his grip on my shirt.

"Jean" I hissed when he began to kiss my cheek and down my chin. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving you a reminder" he said cheekily and then went for my throat where I could feel his mouth opened and his tongue brushing my skin. He sucked and I realized what he meant, he was obviously giving me hickeys; I never let Nate do those because I thought it was weird having to explain them to everyone around but Jean's hot mouth was not bothering me at all so I closed my eyes and tried to control my erection. He did several of those and then got up, brushing his nose against mine slightly. "You're good to go" he said but I shook my head.

"Not yet" I whined and pulled him next to me so we were both on a side, kissing each other slowly. The beer was making his kiss even more intoxicating and I think we spent several minutes like that, until my phone rang and I realized it was my worried mother. I tried to grab it but he forced another kiss on me that I took willingly. "Jean" I admonished smiling and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in his lap. I looked at the screen, yep, right guess. "I have to go"

"Shit" he whispered simply and I turned to peck his lips; any more making out and I would have died of asphyxiation. He slowly let go and I got up, going to the door with him following. When I opened the door he pulled me back, leaving the door cracked and kissed me again, his fingers playing with the hair falling on the nape of my neck. I pushed him gently and he grinned. "I fucking love this"

"Me too but I really need to go, we can do this aaaah-another time" I said and winked at him, probably looking like a fool. I stepped outside and he leaned against the wall.

"Let's go on a date sometime" I smiled because he was sweet enough to think of that and I accepted with a smile. "Tell me when you have time for a mere peasant"

"I'll think about it" I said with my high and mighty attitude and he chuckled. "I'm probably free tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. And the day after the day after tomorrow" We burst into laughter and I watched the cute smile that followed and that made me fuzzy inside.

"Text me when you get home" I nodded and then decided to run downstairs because I knew I would have never left if I kept looking at him like that, only I bumped into Mr. Kirschtein that was watching me with an opened mouth; damn, he probably saw everything.

"Good-bye, Mr. Kirschtein" I said politely and sprinted downstairs where I put my sneakers on and went with a bus all the way home. I couldn't stop grinning so I felt like an idiot but there was nothing I could do about it, I was a love-sick puppy and I couldn't believe this was really happening. After all that one-sided love we were going on a date, kissing and touching each other. Damn, I couldn't wait for our next making-out session, maybe even... I blushed at the thought. When I got home I was probably walking on sunshine because my mother stopped me before I could escape.

"Oh my goodness, Marco, what's that on your neck?" I hurried to a mirror where I saw my neck looked like it's been bitten by a shark and the only reaction I had was to burst into laughter and touch it, it wasn't hurting at all and the color was nice. Matching someone's boxers. "Did Nate do that?"

"Nate and I broke up" she watched me shocked, a singular question bugging her. Then who did that? "Jean" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Jean Kirschtein?" I nodded. "Are you sure it's a good thing?" She was talking about that friendship thing that has been pestering me all this time.

"Yes, there was too much tension between us, if we wouldn't have got like this, we would have probably got further apart" She nodded and offered me a sip from her milkshake, that I took willingly. "Anyway, don't worry" I am in heaven.

"I never knew he was gay" I turned to hear dead serious and said with a straight face.

"He's not. He's Marcosexual" The laughter that followed was so loud that I could hear it from the floor once I got near my room. Yes, now it was the time to text that nerd.