Okay guys, this is going to be in script form because it's basically all dialogue. It's easier for us to write, and easier for you to read. Enjoy. This is based on a poll we took quiet a while ago and changed into a "play" type thing. I'm putting this up for you guys to enjoy and to let you know we're working on the chapter (if you didn't see it in the recent songfic Hana put up). This is for pure fun and giggles. Sorry for the crappy OOCness of Kyouya later on, we were high on sugar, as usual. And, fun fact, the way Alyx and Liza ask the questions is LITERALLY what we did when writing this. Enjoy!
PS-we own nothing that you may recognize except for Liza, Alyx, and Kyle.
PPS-hopefully you're familiar with YuGiOh Abridged or many of the jokes in this chapter may be lost on you.
PPPS-yeah, this is basically just a random crack thing that would never be able to get squished into Muto/Aperio
Renge: Heeeeelllllooooo otaaakuuuus! Welcome to the Host Club Dating Game! Tonight two lucky girls will be given a chance to find their soul mates among theeese faaabulous boys! Give it up for Alyx and Liza Haaayashiiii!
Alyx: I don't remember signing up for this...
Liza: *whispers* Just shut up and smile! You're on camera!
Renge: *drags Liza and Alyx to two black stools on the other side of a curtains in the center of the stage*
Alyx: Hey! How come Haruhi doesn't have to do this?
Liza: Please, it's not like she's ever in the story anyway.
Alyx: WHAT ABOUT SHA OR...um...!
Liza: Nathalie?
Alyx: OR NATHALIE?
Renge: Um, two at a time, max...sorry!
Alyx: No, you're not.
Renge: Now, let's bring out the boys!
Alyx: Or let's not.
Renge (as boys are walking out): Now, to make this even more of a surprise, we gave them special mics to disguise their voices.
Alyx: Do we ever get to see them? *tries to look around the curtain*
Renge: At the end of the show.
Alyx: What's the point of that?
Liza: The sooner you oblige, the sooner we get out.
Alyx: *takes her seat* So why aren't we starting?
Renge: We will, just as soon as I finish giving the directions.
Kyle: *whispers to Nekozawa* Why are we even here? We're not part of the Host Club.
Nekozawa: *whispers back* I don't know...just keep walking...
Alyx (meanwhile): What? We sit here, ask questions, pick who we want, and then we're done?
Liza: What more is there?
Renge: The audience gets to vote on who they think will be a best fit for you! Now, let's being! Alyx, why don't you ask the first question to one of our handsome men?
Alyx: Okay...to number six...do you like pickles?
Tamaki (has a slightly high-pitched voice with a funny accent): Um...yes...I suppose so?
Alyx: You suck...why does your voice sound so familiar...?
Liza: Hey! Be nice! Why does his voice sound familiar...? What kind of pickles do you like, number six?
Tamaki: Um...dill? What other kinds are there?
Alyx: Hey! We're asking the questions, number six!
Liza: Moving on...number eight, what's your favorite color?
Kyle (has a voice similar to a notorious purple-and-green dinosaur): Purple...
Liza: O.o Am I talking to Barney?
Alyx: No! You're talking to abridged Tristan Tay-OHMYGOD NUMBER SIX IS MARIK SLASH STEVE!
Liza/Kyle/Tamaki: ...
Liza: Right...so...uh...I like purple too...
Alyx: Violet! Purple is a fictitious color invented by Crayola! Quote! Unquote!
Liza: Shut up.
Alyx: Nyeh!
Renge: Okay! Next question!
Alyx: Rrrrright! If you were a phobia, which one would you be? Number two!
Hikaru (has a high, squeaky voice): Um...fear of being alone, I guess?
Alyx: Aaaaaand? What's that called?
Hikaru: I don't know...
Alyx: You sound like the sound two pickles make when you rub them together...
Liza: He's being romantic! Leave him alone!
Alyx: He SOUNDS like a PICKLE!
Liza: Shut UP!
Alyx: Make m-
Liza: NEXT QUESTION! Number eight...
Alyx: Again? You really like this guy.
Liza: I just keep drawing that card.
Kyle: *whispers* They're drawing cards? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of this?
Alyx: It's fate!
Liza: Or you just suck at shuffling.
Alyx: That too!
Liza: Anywho, where is the one place you would want to visit?
Kyle: Probably London...
Alyx: So he's a British Barney!
Liza: Shut UP!
Alyx: At least I'm trying to have fun with this. My turn to draw a card...it's the pickle.
Hikaru: I am NOT a PICKLE!
Alyx: Hey Pickle, do you like waffles?
Hikaru: *sigh* Yeah, I like waffles.
Alyx: Do you like pancakes?
Hikaru: Yeah I like...wait...do you like french toast?
Alyx: HEY THAT'S MY LINE! I don't wanna talk to you anymore!
Hikaru: Okay...
Liza: My turn...nuuuumbeeeer seven...
Nekozawa (has a sexy, husky British voice): Yes?
Alyx: OH EM EF GEE!
Liza: No! No fangirling!
Alyx: But...but...but...!
Liza: NO!
Alyx: *pouts*
Liza: What's your favorite animal?
Nekozawa: The cat.
Liza: Why?
Nekozawa: Because...
Liza: Boo! Stop speaking in one-word sentences!
Nekozawa: Okay...
Liza: GAH!
Alyx: My turn! Uuuuuh...nuuuumbeeer...three! Oh, what to ask?
Liza: You don't have a question?
Alyx: This is harder than it looks! Um...are you a ninja?
Mori (has a camp, gay-sounding, British-esque voice): I'm more of a samurai...
Alyx: That sounded so weird in Pegasus's voice...
Mori: *facepalm*
Liza: Okay, I'm bored. NUMBER SIX! If you were a mythical creature, what would you be?
Tamaki: Well, that's easy. I'd be a unipegadracogenie!
Liza: A uniwha?
Tamaki: A unipegadracogenie. I'm part unicorn because all women love them.
Alyx: I don't!
Tamaki: A pegasus, because I can make your heart soar.
Alyx: I doubt that.
Tamaki: A dragon, because I would protect you from all of the men that would try to steal you away.
Alyx: *opens mouth*
Renge: STOP INTERRUPTING! *happy sigh* Go on.
Tamaki: And a genie because I can make all of your wishes come true.
Alyx: I wish you would leave.
Liza: *annoyed* Your question.
Alyx: First we should take out some cards so we actually talk to everyone.
Liza: Yeah...we should... *sifts through cards to find ace, four, and five* Okay, let's go.
Alyx: Number Four...why do I get the feeling I'm going to hate you?
Kyouya (has a low-ish voice that sounds very American): I already dislike you.
Alyx: You're a jerk! That's why! Next question!
Liza: Oh...kay...? Number Ace...I mean one...what do you like to do?
Hunny (sounds like an old guy): Eat cake, hang out with friends, eat cake, nap with m-
Renge: That's enough!
Liza: But he wasn't done talking.
Alyx: He sounds kinda like Hunny, geezer voice aside.
Renge: Ask your next question!
Alyx: Fine, number five, you're the last one! Hahahahahahaha!
Liza: *elbows Alyx*
Alyx: Ow! Um, right. So on to our next order of business...HELLO PANDA!
Kaoru (sounds like a filthy-rich adopted kid): Huh?
Alyx: I just saw someone eating Hello Panda... Anyway, if you were a puppy, what kind would you be?
Kaoru: Um, I don't know...a yellow lab?
Alyx: Awwww...
Liza: MY TURN! Number one...what were you going to say before Renge interrupted you?
Hunny: Um...
Renge: NO! NEXT QUESTION!
Alyx: OH I KNOW! NUMBER FOUR!
Liza: You have to draw.
Alyx: NO! NUMBER FOUR! SAY 'IN AMERICA'!
Kyouya: Why?
Alyx: JUST DO IT!
Kyouya: In America...
Alyx: YAYZ!
Liza: What happened to the no fangirling rule?
Alyx: Screw the rules, I have money!
Liza: Wow...so um...number five...if you were a soda pop what would you be?
Alyx: Why?
Liza: Because if Seto is a Mountain Dew there's no way in Tonga I am choosing him.
Alyx: You're bored, aren't you?
Liza: Just answer the question, Abridged Seto.
Kaoru: Um...Coke?
Liza: What kind of Coke?
Alyx: I believe this is even stupider than my question.
Kaoru: Regular Coke?
Liza: Okie day!
Alyx: Number one...I don't know what to ask you...redraw!
Liza: No redraws!
Alyx: Yes! *grabs card* BARNEY!
Kyle: *grumbled* I am not Barney.
Alyx: If you were a drug, what kind would you be?
Liza: YOU CAN'T ASK THAT KIND OF QUESTION!
Alyx: I didn't say an illegal drug.
Kyle: Ibuprofen.
Alyx: Why?
Kyle: You're giving me a headache.
Alyx: Fair enough.
Liza: Okay, let's see...number seven!
Alyx: WILL YOU MARRY ME?
Nekozawa: *chokes* Wh-What?
Liza: No! Stop fangirling! Man! Now I have to pick someone else!
Alyx: Why?
Liza: Do you really think he's gonna talk to us again?
Alyx: Good point.
Liza: Number three...what's your favorite weapon?
Mori: Katana.
Liza: NOT ONE WORD AGAIN!
Mori: Sorry.
Alyx: I think he's just being ornery.
Liza: Just go...
Alyx: Sooooo...Steve...
Liza: Steve doesn't know his name is Steve.
Alyx: The Steves will rule the world!
Liza: Number six.
Alyx: Are you going to take over the world with an army of mind-slaves named Steve?
Tamaki: Ummmm no?
Alyx: BOO!
Liza: Does that mean he's Melvin then?
Alyx: I hope not...I really don't want a hug...
Liza: So, number five, are you bored with this at all?
Kaoru: Of course not.
Alyx: Liar! Don't lie!
Kaoru: How can I not lie if I'm a liar?
Alyx: Touché...
Liza: Down to three...
Alyx: We are?
Liza: Well we have to end this someday.
Alyx: Right...numbeeer...BARNEY!
Kyle: NOT BARNEY!
Liza: And then there were two...
Alyx: Peanut butter or jelly?
Kyle: Nutella.
Alyx: Good answer!
Liza: Okaaaay...four or two...four or two...
Alyx: Yay! I get Pickle!
Hikaru: NOT A PICKLE!
Liza: I have to ask number four a question first...um...would you be a lop-eared rabbit or a regular rabbit?
Kyouya: ...*twitch*...
Liza: Heeeeellllloooooo? Number four?
Alyx: I think he ran away...PICKLE'S TURN!
Hikaru: Grrrr.
Alyx: Which of the Rowdy Ruff Boys would you be?
Hikaru: Should I know what that means?
Alyx: Brick, Boomer, or Butch?
Hikaru: Um...Boomer?
Alyx: Awwww :3 We're soul mates!
Hikaru: O.o
Renge: Ooooookaaay! It's time to see what the crowd thinks!
1x2 - 19
2x5 - 7
Pickles...10? (how did this get in here?)
1x7 - 7
1x3 - 4
1x4 - 4
2x2 - 4
2x3 - 3
2x8 - 3
2x4 - 3
1x5 - 2
1x6 - 2
1x1 - 1
2x1 - 1
2x6 - 1
1x8 - 0
Wow...did nobody vote? Seriously?
Alyx: Who is one and who is two?
Liza: You can be one...
Alyx: YAY! I'M WITH PICKLE!
Hikaru: Oh God...
Liza: And I'm with...Seto Kaiba?
Alyx: ROTFLMAO EXCLAMATION POINT!
Liza: Really? Did you really just do that?
Alyx: Yep!
Renge: Okay, boys two and five, come on out and meet the girls.
Hikaru and Kaoru: *cringe and walk out*
Alyx/Liza: Hikaru/Kaoru?
Hikaru/Kaoru: Alyx/Liza?
Alyx: What the?
Hikaru: Which one of you kept calling me Pickle?
Alyx: Ehehehe...that was me...
Hikaru: You're retarded.
Alyx: Yup!
Liza: *sweatdrop* This has been really weird...
Alyx: So who was everyone else?
Kaoru: One was Hunny, two was Hikaru, three was Mori, four was Kyouya, five was me, six was Tamaki, seven was Nekozawa, and eight was Kyle.
Alyx: *snickers* Kyle was Barney?
Liza: LAWLZ! YOU ASKED NEKO-CHAN TO MARRY YOU!
Alyx: *runs up to Kyouya* So what kind of rabbit would you be?
Kyouya: *glares*
Alyx: I think lop-eared...OH MY GOD I HAVE TO DRAW THAT!
Kyouya: You do and you die. *chases Alyx offstage*
Renge: Um...well that's it for the Host Club Dating Game! We'll see you next time!
All the guys except Kyouya (who is still trying to kill Alyx): There won't be a next time!
