"I love you Ryder."
"I love you to Jake." Ryder replied as she pulled on her deck boots. Jake cleared his throat uncomfortably and zipped up his hoodie, "yeah I know but I meant that I'm in lo..." Jake stopped mid sentence as Josh entered the ready room.
Ryder made eye contact with Josh and felt as if she was going to throw up. It had been three days since she found out the truth about Josh and she had been avoiding him like the plague. When they were working she kept her eyes focused on the deck, the bait, or on the pot. At night she went to bed before he did or after she was certain he was sleeping. Every once in a while he would pop up unexpectedly and her eyes would automatically lock on his as if they had a mind of their own. The kiss they shared had been on her mind everyday from the moment she crawled out of her bunk until she crawled back into it and fell asleep. She wanted Josh it was undeniable, but she also wanted Jake. Ryder asked herself many times who she wanted more, her mind told her Jake but she wasn't completely sure who her heart was telling her. She tore her gaze away from Josh and looked back at Jake, "What were you saying?"
"Nevermind." Jake replied angrily as he pulled his hood over his head and went out on deck. Ryder turned to follow him but Josh grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. "Talk to me." He said quietly.
Ryder shook her head and pulled her hand away from him.
"Please."
"Josh we agreed we were going to pretend like nothing happened."
"That doesn't mean we can't talk."
"Yes it does. It's hard enough just being around you. It's not fair to Jake."
"Oh yeah because it's so easy for me especially with you all over my brother all the time. That makes me feel great." Josh said sarcastically
"I'm done with this conversation I'm going outside." Ryder replied as she turned and walked away from him.

Josh watched her exit the room and threw a glass coffee mug at the wall. Seeing it shatter into tiny pieces didn't make him feel better in the slightest. 'I hate her.' Josh thought bitterly. He felt like he was going insane. Everything he had ever known about himself he was starting to question. He would have never considered going after another guys girl a few months ago, especially not his brother's girl but there were few things he wasn't willing to do to be with her at this point. After being turned down by a girl Josh would get over it almost instantly. It was their loss and for every girl that said no ten more would say yes right? That was what he had always believed. Until Ryder. Being turned down by her tore him apart. Josh had been confident before Ryder but now she made him feel about an inch tall.

Early the next morning the crew was heading inside after being on deck for 18 hours. Ryder was incredibly relieved to be inside. Besides the fact that Josh had been intruding her thoughts all day long Jake had been acting like a complete asshole. In typical Jake form every time she asked him what was wrong he would say 'get off of my fucking case' or 'go back to the bait bin and do your job'. Ryder pushed past him into their room and slammed the door. She quickly pulled off her deck clothes and changed into a pair of shorts and an Alkaline Trio t-shirt. Ryder made her way into the galley and began collecting all the ingredients she would need for breakfast. She glanced at the galley table and saw that Josh's eyes were directly on her. Ryder wished she hadn't worn shorts. 'He's going to think I'm a tease. Great' she thought to herself as she chopped up red peppers with more ferocity than she had intended. She had never been so confused before. It had been so much easier when she just spent one night with a guy and never had the chance to develop any real feelings.
Now she had very real, very genuine feelings for two people. 'Why did I have to go to that stupid masquerade party?' She thought bitterly, 'Why did I have to go home from the bar with Jake?'

When she finished cooking she quickly made the guys plates, grabbed herself a soda, and sat down at the galley table. The guys all began to eat right away except Josh. His egg laden fork was halfway to his mouth when he paused. "Why aren't you eating?" He asked.
"I'm not hungry." She replied shortly.
"You haven't eaten since yesterday. Are you sick?"
"I'm fine."
"Back off dude." Jake cut in, "She said she's not hungry so shut the hell up."
"Well since your to selfish too worry about why your girl isn't eating I figured someone else should!" Josh fired back.
Jake threw his fork down on the table, "It's not your place to worry about why my girl isn't eating!"
"Jake stop talking about me like I'm your property! You've been acting like a fucking prick and I'm tired of it."
Jake snorted, "Stop being so dramatic Ryder. I don't feel like dealing with your bullshit right now."
"Fuck you." Ryder said quietly before getting up and storming away from the table.

Josh jumped slightly as the state room door slammed closed.
"You know what Jake..."
"Dude drop it." Ryan mumbled under his breath.
"You've been treating Ryder like shit and she's done nothing wrong!" Josh plowed on.
"Don't you lecture me about how I treat my girlfriend! It was only a few days ago that you were the one treating her like shit!"
"Well I lost appetite." Freddie said as he stood up and left the table. Moments later Ryan stood up and followed him. Josh and Jake sat in silence. Josh watched as his brother moodily picked at his food. He rolled his eyes and bit back everything he wanted to scream at him.
Josh took a deep breath, "dude what's wrong?"
"Nothing." Jake replied.
"I know there is something wrong with you man. Normally you're just kind of an asshole but when you're upset you're a complete asshole."
"I guess I'm just pissed."
"At what?"
"You."
Josh's heart was pounding in his chest. He could think of plenty of reasons for Jake to be pissed at him but none that Jake should know about.
"Why are you pissed at me?" Josh asked reluctantly.
"You fucked everything up yesterday." Jake replied quietly as he adjusted his hat.
"What? When?"
"I tried to tell Ryder I loved her last night and you walked into the ready room and ruined it."
"So what?" Josh had to stop himself from rolling his eyes, "You guys tell each other you love each other all the time."
Jake shook his head, "I was going to tell her that I was IN love with her."
If Josh's heart was pounding before there were no words to describe what it was doing now. He was surprised Jake couldn't hear it across the table.
"You told me not that long ago that you weren't in love with her. You said you just cared about her."
Jake took a deep breath, "I know but something changed. I'm crazy about her. I know I'm a dick to her sometimes but..." Jake smiled slightly, "I'm just a dick I can't help it."
Josh didn't know what to say. His little brother was in love for the first time in his life. He should have been happy for him, he should have reached across the table and patted him on the back, but all it did was make him dizzy. Dizzy with jealously, dizzy with anger, and dizzy with sadness. After a few moments Josh opened his mouth to reply but nothing would come out.
"Well I have wheel watch." Jake said awkwardly before standing up and heading to the wheel house. 'I'm a shitty excuse for a brother.' Josh thought sadly.

Josh stood up and walked to his stateroom. When he opened the door he saw that Ryder was curled up in a ball on his bed. Josh smiled, "Why are you always on my bed?"
"Too lazy to climb onto mine." Ryder said simply.
Ryder sat up and Josh sat down next to her.
"Where's Jake?" She asked.
"Wheel watch."
Ryder nodded, "Oh. I don't know what's wrong with him but its pissing me off."
Josh was unsure if he should tell her what was wrong with Jake. 'Its not my place.' He told himself, but before he could stop himself words were tumbling out of his mouth.
"Its not his fault." Josh mumbled.
Ryder raised his eye brows, "oh really?"
"He wanted to tell you something but I messed it up. Jake isn't good at dealing with his feelings so he took it out on you." Josh paused, "and everyone else on the boat."
"What did he want to tell me?"
"That he... that he was in love with you."
Ryder buried her face in his hands. "Oh god." She mumbled, "No wonder he stormed out of the ready room like that. What did you say when he told you?"
"Nothing. Its not like I could have told him how I was feeling."
Ryder bit her lip, "How are you feeling?"
"Ryder I think... I think that I'm in love with you too."
"Josh I..."
The rest of her sentence was lost as Josh pressed his lips against hers. It was wrong. Incredibly wrong, but Josh couldn't control himself any longer. He needed her so much. Thinking rationally didn't seem so important anymore. Josh pulled her shorts along with her underwear off and tossed them to the side. He quickly unbuttoned his pants and positioned himself between her legs. "Wait what about Jake? Somebody could hear." Ryder said breathlessly.
"He won't be able to hear from the wheel house and everyone else is probably asleep by now."
Ryder nodded and Josh pushed himself inside of her.

Ryder closed her eyes and bit the back of her hand to keep from crying out. Being with Josh was pure ecstasy. Images of the night the met floated back to her and made her head spin. Ryder opened her eyes and looked up at Josh. She looked into his eyes and saw only one thing. Jake. "Get off of me!" Ryder said suddenly as panic spread through her. Josh stopped moving and got off of her.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"This!" She replied as scrambled to pull her shorts back on.
Josh buttoned his pants and buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry Ryder." He mumbled.
Ryder was sitting on her knees in the middle of the floor. She felt numb and too disgusted with herself to move. Tears began to pool in her eyes. This is why people think your a slut!' She thought angrily. "This is all my fault." Josh said quietly. "I don't want to talk to you... Ever again." Ryder stuttered.
"I love you Ryder. I really do. I can't stand being next to you because all I can think about is how I can't have you. I can't stand being away from you because all I can think about is being next to you."
Ryder shook her head, "What about Jake! What about your brother huh?"
"Everything my whole life has been how is Jake going to feel about that? Is Jake going to like that? You know your little brother's temper. Be careful what you say to Jake. Try not to make him angry. I'm sick of it! When do I get to think about how I feel?"
"There is a girl for you Josh and I'm sure she's a lot better than me."
"I don't want anyone but you." Josh's voice cracked slightly as he spoke, "You have no idea how much you mean to me. I... I just want you to want me back."
"I do want you Josh! I want you so much it hurts. I can't look at you without feeling all kinds of things I didn't even know existed! But I need Jake. I need him. I can't even sleep at night unless he's holding me. I don't feel safe unless I know he's near me. I can't just throw that away because I want you."
Josh shrugged his shoulders, "Well then I don't know what else I can say."
"Josh I'm sorry."
"Me too."
Josh stood up and exited the room leaving Ryder alone in the dark. 'I'm in love them both' she thought to herself as the realization washed over her. In that moment Ryder felt completely helpless, completely exposed. The question was who did she love more? Ryder had no idea. All she knew for sure was that Jake was going to find out soon. Either he was going to figure out on his own or Ryder was going to break down and tell him. Ryder knew that at the end of this mess she would lose either Jake or Josh forever, and the thought hurt her more than anything else.

Lying beside you in a dream
and I guess I'm okay
whatever that means
toss and turn endlessly
and I just can't wait till I fall asleep
then I'll have you right
where I always wanted you to be
here with me

and it's the same song, I wanna feel something
when I'm tangled inside of your arms
and I will take any high now just to get me through
it's the next best thing to you

dying to find what this means
but I just can't face reality
I think I'm leaving this scene
oh I hate this place but I just can't leave
and into the night
will I ever fall asleep?
I'm in too deep

and it's the same song, I wanna feel something
when I'm tangled inside of your arms
and I will take any high now just to get me through
it's the next best thing to you

now I'm wasting my time having you on my mind
and I'll take any high just to feel alive
like I did with you

Next best thing-Endeverafter

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