Under the Mistletoe
Devon:
It was Christmas, or at least, around Christmas times. The snow was falling in large thick flakes outside the stoned framed windows of Hogwarts castle. Its majestic walls held magic in almost every type of form. Usually around Christmas, the majority of students went home to celebrate this wondrous time of year, however, there was always the small amount of students that weren't exactly thrilled of the thought of going home.
For those kids who chose not to be with their families, the castle was open. The great hall that usually served with four house tables, had been pushed aside for one common table for them all. Devon Nutosk sat with this table, alone. It was around dinner time, yet, he wasn't hungry. The only bright side about being there, was that he was actually there when it was dinner time. Usually, the mass of people in the castle made his head spin so fast that he was sure was going to faint.
Devon stuck a fork in his already half cold dinner. He was supporting his head up with his hand, playing lazily with his food with the other hand. He was dressed in a simple pair of worn jeans and a dark red t-shirt with a dark green, almost black, zip-up hoodie (let un-zipped). Devon laid his fork down and stood up. The great hall seemed so empty with him only present. It was a weird feeling really, being alone in this huge hall. It was almost as if he could hear the chattering of the people who'd been there. Or perhaps he was actually hearing it... or seeing it.
Shaking his head, Devon walked towards the large doors. The sounds of his footsteps echoed in the empty hall. Devon kept his eyes on the floor as he walked. It was something he always did. It made him seem a little less approachable. Just as he was about to walk through the large doors, Devon stopped. There was a person standing in front of him, it had almost been a collision.
Devon looked up at the person. His dark olive eyes were heavy and cold as he gazed on the person blocking his way. Perhaps it was someone he knew?
Sarreaha:
It was strange. This year had been the first time that she had remained at the school during the winter break. For the previous four years Sarreaha had always returned home to be with her father, and yet this year she had not. She did not get along with her step mother, Olivia. She could not decide if bearing the woman's presence was worth being with her father. It had taken her so long to decide that the time to leave had come and gone. It was too late to make any decision but to stay.
Sarreaha could not help disliking the woman. She just did and it affected her relationship with her father. It did not help that the woman was a muggle and she did not understand the magical world. She had not even tried to. She had tried to understand Sarreaha but if magic came anywhere within the picture the woman seemed to turn off. How could she live with such a person? Magic was now such a large part of her life. She could not just forget about it or live without it. Her father understood that. Of course he had also married a witch before the divorce.
With the bond with her father turning brittle, Sarreaha found herself having to turn her attention to her mother. And yet, that bond wasn't any better. Sarreaha barely knew her mother past the month she spends there during the summer. She didn't feel like she belonged. Her younger siblings certainly thought she didn't. She was a traitor. Going to live with a muggle father that rarely saw them. Was it any wonder why she felt such an outsider when she went to Paris and stayed with them?
She couldn't help wonder now if there was anywhere she belonged. She no longer felt a part of either of her parents' homes. It seemed that all that was left for her was Hogwarts. It was a strange feeling. How the school had became such a large part of her in leu of what happened within her familial life. And yet, it was still odd ... it was wrong. Things had changed and it seemed as if it had all changed wrong. Sarreaha was changing even. She wasn't out and about as much anymore. The young girl had takened to staying in her dorm or common room more. She did not feel like wandering about and talking to people. More and more she just wanted to be a lone. Her personality was turning strange. Everything about her was turning out wrong and continuing to move in that direction. Was she even the same girl she was last year? It was so difficult to tell.
The soft tread of her worn sneakers had led her up the stairs from her cellar common room. The Hufflepuff was dressed simply in faded blue jeans with holes gracing the knees and a black t-shirt hugged her upper torso but hidden beneath a dark blue sweatshirt with bleach stains, the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. Her long brown hair was left down to fall in a straight line down her back. There were no colorful strings or beads tied within the strands, nor were their any jewelry adorning her person.
Sarreaha allowed her footsteps to lead her towards the Great Hall. She knew she should eat, and yet she didn't really feel like it. Sarreaha had not made it to the large doors when her feet brought her to a stop. Her path was blocked by a person, by Devon. Unconsciously she had taken a small step back at the look in his eye. It was cold. Was his gaze always so cold? Or was she just seeing clearer today or just noticing things. Sarreaha could not say what it was. All she knew was that she had noticed the cold look to his eye. Part of her mind, the part that was probably the nearest to how she had been the last years, told her to smile and yet she could not even raise a corner in a weak effort. What was wrong with her?
Devon:
Time stood still for a split of a second and all Devon could do was to stare with a cold, tense look at the person in fort of him. However, it did just happen for a split second before his usually cold and mysterious gaze turned slightly warmer, and his tense expression and body turned softer as he relaxed and loosened up slightly. Devon wanted to smile, but he saw nothing coming from her.
He was suddenly alert. All this time he'd seen Sarreaha, she'd been smiling. Always the cheerful one. Somehow, Devon couldn't help but to wonder if it had been some to his doing. After all, he'd avoided close to any contact with anyone; he'd avoided any contact with her. Perhaps she was upset. Yet again, Devon sure could make out that this wasn't really about him. This was something deeper.
Devon thought back, wondering if he'd remember something. A flicker of something she might've mentioned... or something he'd seen. Devon was guessing on family issues. Perhaps...
Devon wanted so much to reach out and touch her, but just that simply gesture was enough to make his mind run for miles. He was so afraid of what he might see when he touched her, yet, he yearned to. Perhaps it was because it was sort of a forbidden aria. Would he ever be able to touch anyone without seeing anything? Past, present or future? Would he be able to touch Sarreaha without seeing something?
"Hi Sarreaha," Devon said softly. Even though his face was free from all the joys and sorrows he had when he saw her, his voice revealed how relived he was that it had been her. Perhaps she'd notice, perhaps she wouldn't. Devon sure didn't. Being a guy, he easily let small things slip away when being with a girl he sometimes viewed as perhaps just a little bit more than just friends.
"I didn't know you were to stay here too," Devon commented. He wasn't good at small talks, but you couldn't blame the boy for trying. At least he'd been given a small amount of credit for taking up the courage to either start of conversation or make a total joke of himself for trying. Either way, Devon only did it when with Sarreaha.
You make me want to be a better person, Devon found himself thinking to Sarreaha, of course, he was too scared to say that out loud. But the fact that he'd been so aware of his own thoughts were almost scary.
Sarreaha:
The cold look had disappeared to be replaced by the one she was more familiar with. It was strange how foriegn the cold look that had been on his face had been. She had always only seen the soft look to him but then that was because it had always been directed at her. Was it any wonder then why she would be surprised to see it now? Even though it had been replaced she could still see it. Was that how he seemed towards everyone else?
Hi Sarreaha. He mind was brought from her thoughts at his voice. Her mind was trying to be observitive but it was having difficulties. Her mind had felt as if it were in a fog lately. This fog was very annoying, especially when she was attempting to do any homework. She was sure her grades were suffering becase of it. But then, what could one do?
"Hey Devon," she stated, returning the greeting. If only for a moment there was a flicker of a smile, the corner of her lips raising if only slightly before her lips relaxed to the somewhat straight line they had been. She wasn't frowning, she just wasn't smiling. Perhaps with Sarreaha it was a frown since the Hufflepuff was one to wear a smile upon her lips.
I didn't know you were to stay here too. Her mind turned over the question. Were it that strange to think she would stay at the school, no ... her mind was turning around the meaning of his words. He had only stated he hadn't known she was staying over the break as well, not that he had expected she wouldn't. Her mind didn't pay attention to the fact that Devon was leading the conversation, something that was strange even between the two of them. Sarreaha had always been the conversationalist, with Devon remaining silent or answering when needed. It was strange how the silence fell in between them when she did not speak. Perhaps that was why Devon had felt the need to ask the question or rather make the observation.
Sarreaha shrugged her shoulders lightly. "I didn't know either, so I guess I am," she stated quietly. Compared to their previous conversations Sarreaha was closed lips. She had never stopped herself from telling him what was bothering her, if anything was. Although each of those times had dealt with her family. It seemed as if her family was her biggest problem of late. Sometimes she wondered if it would be better if she didn't have any ... but what good would it do her? She would just have different problems in her life.
But there was one thing she had agreed on to herself ... it was easier not to think about it at all.
Devon:
There was something foreign about Sarreaha as he spoke to her. She seemed so distant, so far away. It was almost frightening. She had this icy edge to her voice, at least in Devon's mind. it was as if she was trying to convince the world that she was happy when she'd in reality given up.
It had been a flicker of a smile on her lips, or perhaps it had only been a twitch, Devon couldn't be too sure. Not only was he unexperienced with girls, but with people in general. His people skills were horrible. Why hadn't he noted this sudden change in Sarreaha a little sooner. Devon felt somewhat naked or criticized under her ice eyes. Those eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes. Devon could wander off to forever in those eyes, but right now, he didn't dare look into them for too long. Instead he did as he always did, he glanced from her face to the surroundings of the room, seeming almost distracted. Although, just when one would expect him to not look back, he would glance at them and surprise them with it.
I didn't know either, so I guess I am.
The ice edge was still there. Devon tried to convince himself that it wasn't directed to him, that perhaps it didn't even exist, for what should he know? Lately the things that had been a dream was the real world, and the real world had been a dream. He lived the lives of others and was losing himself in the births and deaths of all the people on Hogwarts. There was so much to see that he's forgotten how to look for his own dreams.
The short words almost hurt him. This was what he got for letting his guard down. But Devon couldn't get mad at Sarreaha, especially when he knew that this wasn't all about him. Nothing was about him. He'd have to stop being so selfish. Still though... he was a guy... and it hurt.
Devon looked away, he didn't dare look into her eyes in fear of what his own would reveal. "Me neither," Devon replied instead. His soft tone had dropped slightly as he was afraid it would crack if he kept it softer. "I mean, I didn't know I would stay here either," Devon said, for the first time in ever, he'd begun a sentence with something concerning himself. Perhaps he didn't want to lose this... whatever it was. If he didn't say anything, perhaps she'd leave.
A part of him wanted her to leave so that the hurting inside his chest would stop, but another part begged for her to smile to him or acknowledge him like she'd always done. Devon had no idea why he felt like this, but he did. And Devon knew he could never lie to his own heart. He may be able to fool the world, but never himself.
Sarreaha:
Sarreaha was unaware of how Devon was viewing her. She could not know her voice sounded as if it were icy instead of the soft tones she was speaking in. It made one wonder if Sarreaha actually spoke with ice in her voice how Devon would respond. No one could really imagine Sarreaha being so cold. It was not the type of person she was. She was not one to yell or get angry at a person. She was usually the friendly girl that got along well with almost everyone. So perhaps with this in mind, Sarreaha did seem cold. She never seemed neutral or down, how could someone know then that this wasn't her being cold? As it was, Sarreaha did not know how she was seeming to other people.
She was lost. It was the best way to put it. There had been so many changes lately in her life that she was lost among them. She didn't know which way to turn any more. Should she step forward, to the right, left, or back? Which way did she dare go? Would she make things worse if she went this way rather than that way? How did one even know which way to go. It was as if her life had become a maze with turns that seemed to lead to all dead ends. Where was the exit? Where was the life line she could grasp firmly between her fingers to lead her to safety?
Even in school Sarreaha had always seemed a lone. She was friendly, yes, but how many people could she call her true friends? People who realized that there was something wrong with the fifteen-year-old. That what was going on with her might not pass if something didn't happen, if someone didn't step in to help? But perhaps it would pass, perhaps she needed only to find a firm footing, something to grasp and tell her there was somewhere she belonged.
Me neither. I mean, I didn't know I would stay here either.
"Oh," she murmured. Her mind screamed for her to say something more, and yet nothing was coming. Her brown eyes had noticed how Devon's eyes did not remain on her's, how they would look at various things around her before suddenly returning to her own gaze. She was feeling distance between them and it was growing. Were they losing the brittle foundation they had built since meeting? Would Devon become or was he another part of her life that she didn't fit with?
The silence between them had become awkward, at least in Sarreaha's mind. And yet, she could not bring herself to say something to break it. Nothing seemed right ... no words could express what she wanted to say. She wanted to say something, do something and yet she was frozen. Unable to move forward or to live in the present it seemed like. What type of life was this?
Was it even worth anything ...?
Devon:
What was there to say? Devon felt a distance grow between them, a distance that hadn't ever been there before. Or perhaps it had been there all along, he'd just not seen it, ironically... Perhaps the gap between them had always been so big, it had only been filled as Sarreaha spoke. Now that he thought of it, he'd never been talking much. Yes, it was true that he spoke more with her than with the rest of the population on the school all together, but it still wasn't enough.
A silence fell over them. A awkward silence. It had never happened before. True that they had shared a lot of silences, but they'd never been as awkward and unplaced like this before. Devon felt something sting in his heart. So, was this how things were going to be between them? Out of nowhere Devon thought of the first time he'd actually spoken to Sarreaha, in Diagon Alley. It seemed like a faint lost memory now. It was unreachable. Devon remembered how she'd been and how he'd felt. He'd felt like he'd found someone to talk to, to try and be himself with.
Had it all been a trick?
Devon felt something break inside him and a sudden rage entered him. He looked down, feeling more awkward than ever. Had it all been a game? Had she just played him? He couldn't believe himself to wander off to such delusional thoughts. She couldn't have...
It's not about you, it never were. She has her own life to worry about... a voice whispered in his ear. Devon froze in his mind. He became slightly tense. He needed to get out frustration. It was building up inside of him. He needed to empty his mind, and the silence between the two youths was a distraction.
Devon found himself hating the silence, hating the fact that he was so distant, hating himself. His eyes turned slightly dark as he looked up. "Perhaps... I should go," he said. "I'm blocking your way," he added slightly as he stepped to the side, looking down. He was frustrated and angry. He didn't understand. He needed to cool down.
He'd never had to cool down before. What was so different now? What was so different about Sarreaha? It was driving him insane! Was he happy or sad around her? Or both?
Sarreaha:
How was it when a person was in doubt they only saw the things that led to the bad. The things that they felt confirmed their fears? Did they become blinded towards seeing anything else? To seeing that their was more to what was going on around them? Devon had fallen into that trap, though Sarreaha could not possibly know that, and now she was falling into it as well.
She saw the darkening of his eyes. The softness was gone. It was gone. The foundation now appeared broken to her. It was gone. Another connection was broken.
Perhaps... I should go. I'm blocking your way. Her mind was torn from the depressing thoughts by his voice ... it was cold too. Everything had gone cold. Winter was killer of everything ... was that why it was cold? Because the cold stopped everything, froze it in place, to be never ending ... never moving. Stopped.
"No, nevermind," she stated softly. "I'm not hungry ... don't even know why I'm here," she added almost inaudibly. Now the words had come. The world had sprung to life. Things were moving and yet they weren't. How was such a thing possible? She was seeing it ... feeling it. How did one break away from it.
Sarreaha turned away from Devon and allowed her footsteps to lead her back towards the stairs that lead to the lower levels of the school. She would return to her common room, to her dorm ... or maybe she would just lose herself in the maze of corridors in the dungeons. Did it really matter anymore?
She raised a hand to her face, brushing moisture from her eye. Her hands were cold. She noticed that. Her mind focused on that ... not the tear that had sprung to her eye and she had wiped away. The tear was just another reminder..
Devon:
No, nevermind. I'm not hungry ... don't even know why I'm here.
Devon felt a sharp pain pierce through his head. This was too much for him. Girls, his delusional mind, depression, overload! He felt trapped in his own mind and thoughts. What was he doing? But it was too late... and it was too much.
Had he truly lost his mind now? Devon wondered and rewinded back to what he'd said and done, how Sarreaha had acted. He shook his head inwardly as he watched Sarreaha go. He turned slightly and walked the opposite way. He let his feet carry him away.
What was this pain inside of him? It wasn't the same hollow pain he'd felt before, this was something else. This was something that hurt far much more than before. Was it because of that one incident right now? Why had Sarreaha been so... indifferent? Perhaps, she was going through something... the thought struck Devon and he realized how foolish he was, how selfish he was.
She's better off without me... he thought to himself as he stopped. All he wanted to do was to turn around, run after Sarreaha and just... hold her. Had he fallen for her? He couldn't have. They were only friends... or... at this point, it seemed as if what had been of their friendship had died, along with that, something inside Devon had died. Perhaps hope had died in him.
He'd been so foolish. He'd honestly thought that there was hope for someone like him. Of course now, he didn't see it. He was blind, yet he thought he saw everything. He was simply... a guy.
Devon begun moving again. He allowed himself to walk through the castle, and if things turned out as usual, he'd wander up to the towers. That was where he felt more at home. Up in the sky, where no one could find him...
