"Itachi-san, where have you been?"
Itachi glanced at Kisame as he walked inside. "Um…napping?"
"Outside?"
"Uh, sure. Outside."
"Doing what?" Kisame asked suspiciously. "Did you go to a bar? Did you get drunk? Did you meet any girls? What about men? Are you on any drugs? Quick, pee in this cup!"
Itachi blinked. "Excuse me…?" He walked away. "Listen, even if it was any of your business, I'm not peeing in the cup. And I'm not drunk, on drugs, or anything else you can think of."
"So you wouldn't object to a drug test, then."
Itachi rolled his eyes. "For the love of…" He walked into his room and slammed the door. "You're crazy."
He sighed and sat down on the bed. Kisame was the strangest person (using that word loosely) he'd ever met. Of course, everyone else was insane, too. He yawned and laid back. If only Kisuke had found anything interesting about Martel.
Wait… He sat up, confused. Shouldn't Martel…?
He looked around, to see Martel standing in the corner with a horrified look on her face, holding a wet towel in front of her. Itachi stared at her for a few seconds. Then he sprinted out of the room. "Shit!" He shouted, slamming the door.
"You know, it's possible for someone to have drugged you and you just don't remember it," Kisame insisted.
Itachi stared at him for a few seconds. Kisame stared back. "You're face is red," he noted. "Are you feeling alright? Feverish? You know, that could be a drug-related side affect."
Itachi sighed and sat down on the couch. "Damn it, Kisame, I'm not on any drugs," he muttered, putting his head in his hands. "I have a headache…" he mumbled.
Martel walked out of his room, looking pissed. She strode over. "You idiotic perverted little ermine thing!" She shouted, yanking on his ponytail. "If you ever try that again, I swear, I will castrate you with a fork!"
Itachi glared at her. He really wasn't in the mood for this. He stood up. "Listen here, you obnoxious little bitch," he started shouting, "I have been trying as hard as I can to at least try to be nice, try to be polite, try to be the better man! Do you know how hard that has been? Do you know how impossibly hard it has been to keep myself from slapping you across your fucking face every time you open your damn mouth? Since you've gotten here, you have done nothing but insult me, disrespect me, threaten me, take my things, call me names, and annoy the shit out of me! And you know what? I am getting sick and tired of it!"
He gasped for breath a little bit. Martel just looked at him. "Wow. You finished, 'cause I zoned out by the time you said 'listen'."
He stared at her for a moment. Then he grabbed her arm. "That is it," he growled. "Stay the fuck out of my room, stay the fuck out of my stuff, and stay the fuck out of my life!"
She looked at him for a few seconds. Then she shrugged. "Kay," she muttered. She sat down on the couch. "Fine."
Itachi blinked. "That's it? No insults? No protests? No…anything?"
She shrugged. "If it really bothers you that much, you can sleep in your bed. I'll just sleep here."
Itachi stared at her for a second. Finally, he said, "What did you do to my room?" Then he turned toward Kisame. "You, come with me," he said. He dragged Kisame into his room, hiding behind him. "Do you see any booby traps? Anything poisonous in the bed? No surprises in the closet?"
"Uh, no," Kisame replied, looking around. "Um, do you want me to, like, test out the bed or something…?"
Itachi just looked at him. "No…?"
Kisame laughed nervously. "Yeah, um, th-that would be weird…" he mumbled. Itachi continued looking at him. Kisame swallowed nervously. "Y-Yeah, I think I'll just…go now…" he muttered, slowly backing out.
Itachi rolled his eyes and flopped down on the bed. "Hell. Yes." He mumbled, closing his eyes.
"Itachi-san," Kisame whispered, shaking Itachi's shoulder. "Itachi-san, wake up."
Itachi opened one eye. "Kisame…?" He sat up groggily. "What do you want? I've only been laying here for—" he glanced sleepily at the clock. "…five…hours…" He rubbed his eyes. "…Whoa..." He yawned and lay back down. "What do you need…?"
"Martel's gone."
Itachi immediately sat back up. "What?"
Kisame pulled him out of the bed. "So I got up to go to the bathroom, 'cause apparently I drank too much water before I went to sleep—you probably don't care about that. Anyway, I passed the couch she was supposed to be sleeping in and there was no one there and I don't know where she could've gone!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a chart. "This chart has divided the responsibility of watching Martel between everyone! We're responsible for her tomorrow. It's midnight! That means that today is tomorrow! That means if the others find out we'll be dead!"
Itachi walked into the hallway. The couch was empty. There were no signs it had even been slept on. He kept remembering what she had said a while ago, "I don't really appreciate being kidnapped."
Itachi looked over at Kisame. "You think she ran away?" He asked.
Kisame stood there for a second. Then he shouted, "Ok, you check the inside, I'll check the outside!" He sprinted through the hallway and was out of sight.
Itachi sighed and began looking around. Alright, he thought, if I were Martel, where would I go? He glanced in the bathroom. Empty. He frowned. Where else…? He gasped and sprinted over to Deidara's room. He froze outside. Would Deidara really…? He slowly peaked inside. Deidara lay there, sprawled sideways across his bed, sound asleep. Itachi tried not to laugh when he noticed one of his hands drooling.
He quietly closed the door. He walked to the next room and peaked inside. Sasori sat on the floor, varnishing his arm. He glanced up. "Need something, Itachi?"
Itachi closed the door. "No," he answered quickly. He walked to the next door. He cautiously peeked inside. Then he realized that Hidan slept naked. "Son of a bitch—" He slammed the door shut. "Oh my fucking…I need to go gouge my eyes out now…" he muttered. He walked into the kitchen.
Suddenly there was a knife against his throat. Itachi immediately grabbed the hand, yanked the knife out, grabbed the person's throat, and slammed them to the floor.
Martel looked up at him. "Oh, it's just weasel-boy!" She mumbled. "I thought it—" she hiccupped. "I-I thought it would be a…a bad guy or sumtin," she finished, her words slurring.
Itachi stared at her for a second. "Martel?" He asked, confused. He immediately helped her to her feet. "What the hell do you think you're—are you drunk?"
"W-Why does you…would think I'm drunk?" She replied.
Itachi glanced up at the empty six-pack lying on the table. He looked at her. Her hair was disheveled, she had dark circles under her eyes, and her face was slightly flushed. "No reason," he muttered.
She swayed slightly. "And anyways, I isn't drunk," she told him. "I…I believe the correct term is hammered." Suddenly she fell forward against Itachi. She mumbled, "Jeez, are you, like coming on to me or something…?"
He pushed her back slightly. "It's not considered coming on to you if you're the one sexually harassing me."
She hugged him. "You know, your hair smells like oranges."
"Good to know," he mumbled. He grabbed her arm and helped her to the couch. "So why the hell were you drinking alcohol at midnight?"
She shrugged. "I had a bad dream, so I decided to drown it out with beer."
He looked at her. "A bad dream?"
She yawned. "Well, I don't really remember it all that much or anythin…" she replied. "Just some screaming and blood and shit like that." She closed her eyes. "And someone was screamin at me…"
Itachi blinked a few times. "Yikes…" he mumbled, not sure what to say to her. "Um, maybe it would be better for you to just go back to sleep…?"
Her head landed on his shoulder. Then he realized she had already fallen asleep. "Son of a…" he mumbled. He looked at her a little bit. Then he laughed. "You know, I actually prefer you sleeping," he said to her. "You're not nearly as annoying."
She shivered slightly. Itachi reached over for a blanket, then realized that there wasn't one. He sat there for a while, not sure what to do. Then he looked back at her. "You planned for this, didn't you," he muttered darkly. Then he picked her up and walked into his room, tossing her onto the bed. "Damn it," he said unhappily.
Then he did something he hadn't done for a while; he poked her forehead. "Bitch." He walked out and lay down on the couch.
He woke up the next day with Kisame shaking him back and forth. "Itachi-san, Itachi-san wake up, I couldn't find her! Where do you think she went? What if she was eaten by cannibals? Or Zetsu? What if she was killed? Or raped or shot or stabbed or she fell into radioactive chemicals you know we're not in all that safe of an area what if—"
Itachi smacked him. "Kisame let go of me," he growled.
Martel walked in from the kitchen, holding an ice pack to her head. "Oww…" she mumbled, flinching as she sat down on the couch. "Morning Kisame, weasel-boy."
Kisame stared at her. Then he walked away, still stunned. "But she…but…huh…?"
Itachi glanced at her. "That's what you get for drinking beer in the middle of the night," he replied, motioning to the ice pack.
She got up. "Don't scold me, asshole." She walked toward the door. Then she paused. She turned toward him. "Um, thanks…Itachi…" Then she walked out.
He looked over toward where she'd left. He smiled slightly. "Don't mention it," he replied.
