ONE NIGHT VII
SPARE THE POT:
REI'S POV

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters.
A/N: Unusually quick update. Again, many thanks to all who read and review this fan fiction.

THE CHILD:

"And then we went in the pool and it was warm … but Jiro couldn't go in because he's allergic to pools." I listened intently to the story being told to me as I watched the blossoms falling to the ground, the breeze disturbing them.

"Wait, who is Jiro?"

"The boy I met when I swam in the pool… the one that was sitting in the chair the whole time." A look something like exasperation crossed her little face. Apparently, I hadn't been listening intently enough. She stood up, studying me and I started to feel foolishly self-conscious under the scrutiny. "Are you allergic to anything?"

"No. I guess I was lucky." I responded with a smile.

"Papa says he's allergic to whining." My smile turned to a smirk. He'd chosen his wife rather poorly then. Though in fairness, Usa whined a lot less now.

"What'd your mother say to that?"

"Hmm." Her forehead scrunched as she considered the question. "She wasn't there."

"That's probably a good thing." I conceded.

"I got some stickers yesterday." There were more changes to the subject matter in this conversation than I could keep track of. "They're ponies with wings."

"A pegasus," I said, smiling to myself… Helios. How fitting.

"A pegasus." She repeated as though it was some great revelation, as though the word had a taste she liked. I watched her weave around the trees, now in bloom, her hair looking much like the tops of them. She had somehow become a miniature person… it didn't seem possible for her to be growing at the speed she was. Bending down, she picked up a flower that had fallen, beaming up at me. I'd been taking care of her more and more. I wondered if it was partly to distract me from how much I was missing Minako… like a love-struck teenager, I thought ruefully. I'd gone much longer than a month without seeing her before, but somehow it was already worse than those long first stretches between us.

I was... struggling with it, had been struggling with it, more than she was. Maybe it was because Mina had felt the way she did for so long, was used to the separation between what she wanted and what was. That was disquieting … to consider that my own ignorance of her situation desensitized her to the longing that was like a weight suspended inside me. Of course, there was always the possibility that she just dealt with it better.

Still…I hoped that taking my mind of a certain blonde wasn't my only reason for wanting to spend more time with Rini. I wanted to believe I had nobler intentions than that.

"They're so pretty!" She exclaimed. I knelt next to her, taking the flower and placing it in her hair, surprised at how well it blended… almost disappearing. It was impossible not to return the wide smile she sent me.

"They all belong to her, you know." My grandfather said. He'd been watching us for a few minutes already. "This is Rei's orchard." I shot him a look, but it wasn't worth arguing. It was true in a way. However, the idea that the trees could belong to anyone was ridiculous to me and I'd told him so.

Her sparkling eyes lit up. "Really?"

He nodded before I had a chance to speak, not that I would have. "Rei's mother planted them when she was young…for her own daughter. She always knew she'd have a girl." That story was so difficult to hear sometimes because it was too easy to imagine her walking out from between the trunks that were so much fuller now, as if what happened so long ago was a bad dream.

Red eyes turned up toward me, with something like pride, as if the fact that I was a girl was my own accomplishment to claim. I tilted my head at her.

She turned around, looking down the rows of quivering trees. It really was a beautiful place when the sakuras were in bloom. "A whole forest made of flowers!" She offered sagely…pressing a finger to her lips. Oddly poetic for a three-year-old… she'd be four soon enough. "It's like you're a real-life princess!" The irony reminded me of how much she still didn't know about us.

"Rei's mother used to call her one in fact." My grandfather said in his laughing, gentle way… my mother's way…my Rei, my princess.

"Papa calls me that too!" The excitement in her exclamation did pull a genuine smile from me… but it faded quickly.

I knew my grandfather liked to remember my mother often…that it comforted him, but I couldn't seem to find peace with it. I couldn't bring her back…no matter how deep I let the pain burn as I prayed at our family altar. It hurt so freshly when her image came to me that I actively tried not to remember. I couldn't share that with him, it would distress my grandfather to know I felt that way.

I used to seek a reason for her death, for what occurred after, but the truth, as I'd found it, was that life unfolded on its own and I had precious little control of it… that there was no reason. I hated that truth more than any other. I believed that was why I had so much trouble with the idea of my own destiny because I couldn't see how that truth and destiny meshed... if they did at all. Maybe destiny was just another name for the will of a universe that did as it pleased.

Sometimes I wondered how I could rightly claim to be a priestess when I saw such chaos in the world… but I also saw a connectedness. I believed in it… had felt assured of it since I was Rini's age. I guess any number of names could be applied to such a thing. They were all just terms for the sensation of being part of a greater whole… and for the ache of separation that came with such a feeling. I also wondered how one person could think this much and in such conflicting directions.

"Would you like to go into town? Maybe get some ice cream, Rini?" I asked, trying to sidetrack myself, already knowing the answer. I had to pick up some food for my grandfather and me anyways.

She licked her lips, eyes wide, nodding so vigorously it surprised me she didn't shake her pigtails free. Immediately, a small hand wrapped around mine, dragging me. In some ways, she was completely her mother's daughter. I found myself laughing at her surprising strength, the too large bracelets she'd kept, falling down to her elbow. My grandfather's eyes, a look in them I'd never seen before, followed us all the way back to the shrine's entrance. As I felt her tiny fingers lead me… an affection for her, protective and warm suffused me.

There was an openness in me today that was frightening. My thoughts at the fire, when Mina was here the last time, returned to me as we trotted down the stairs. I remembered the anxiousness I had about the emotions her touch could pull from me. Maybe it all boiled down to one problem. The sensation of loving another in the way that I did, was something so outside of my understanding, that I had to push it away… imagine that it was happening to me rather than coming from me, just so I could stand the intensity. Maybe to a certain extent that was what I'd been doing for most of my life… shoving away this experience, keeping it always at arm's length because I knew what it was like when it was torn away. What we shared, what Mina and I did, what I allowed myself to feel with her… it broke me apart, left pieces of me exposed and raw. I supposed even now it wasn't a question of 'allowing'. From the start, it had been… what was the word I used… inescapable… the will of the universe. My face flushed, but my heart sank… because none of that made Mina appear before me, none of it brought my mother back either. They were both untouchably far away. I was concerned for myself, concerned by the fact that my emotions had stopped their natural ebb and flow…that they seemed to be stuck, that I seemed to be stuck.

"Come on Rei!" Rini tugged on my arm, her tiny voice holding a note of impatience. She was right, enough thinking, more ice cream.

THE CALL:

"You're quiet today." She said softly. I could hear a familiar tapping in the background; she was trying to write a song again. That almost always seemed to end in a phone call between us. I was a little curious what she would say if I ever called her attention to it.

"Gomen." I didn't even really want to talk. I just wanted to listen to her speak, to close my eyes and imagine she was lying beside me.

"Is everything okay?"

That question was a little too complicated for me to attempt. Yes and no, everything is perfect and nothing is how I want it, I'm happy with you and I'm dying without you… none of it made sense to say. What was wrong with me? I threw my arm over my face as if the lack of light would stop the ceaseless barrage of thought. "How is your song going?"

I heard the quick rustle of paper. "Huh?"

"You were tapping a pencil. You do that when you're trying to write…I do pay attention."

She laughed, sounding sheepish. "It's not a song this time…"

I rolled onto my side, grabbing the pillow she'd slept on when she stayed here. I had washed it since, but the memory seemed to stay… lovestruck teenager... I sighed at myself. "So what… a novel?"

She laughed again. "Yes… the old-fashioned way… I'm not getting far though, my hand keeps cramping up."

"That is a problem…" I said yawning lightly, and enjoying the set-up she'd just given me. "I know how much you use it…"

I heard a puff of air. I knew what all these things meant by now, the changes in breathing, the pauses, the subtle sounds she made when she was thinking… I wanted her face instead. "That wasn't very nice." She murmured, but I could picture the amused expression.

"You're right." I relented.

Another soft chuckle. "It's a perfectly normal thing to do by the way…part of a healthy lifestyle. You should try it."

"Oh, it's for my health now?" I rolled my eyes.

"I'd even stay on the phone… for moral support." One of these times I would have to agree just to shock her, but that wasn't nearly as fun if I couldn't see her.

"Not a chance." I had almost called her 'ecchi', but didn't trust myself to make it sound lighthearted enough. If she was, then I was… especially after last time… my cheeks suddenly felt warm as I remembered what I asked her to do or almost asked her to do in my bedroom. My abdomen clenched with surprising force at the ghost of her firmer touch. Thank the kami I hadn't had to actually say the words. "What are you writing?"

"A letter." She supplied unhelpfully.

"A letter?" That was unexpected. I couldn't think of the last time I'd ever seen one, at least one that wasn't digital.

"… to you." Her voice was very quiet. "I found the note you left me." I had stuffed a folded piece of paper on which I had explained the strangeness I felt at the idea of our friends know, into her bag. I'd done so because trying to verbalize it had been disastrous the first time. I was wondering when she'd find it. My own fumbling attempt to make her understand had bothered me the whole night… well until she swept away the link between my mind and body, mercifully rescuing me from myself. I wrote it while I sat on my bed, watching the sun come up indirectly, by way of the light it cast on her while she slept, my chest so full I was breathing water.

"Oh." I could feel the shyness sweep over me. "I just wanted..."

"It was very sweet…and I do get it." I swallowed against the biting embarrassment I felt, against the desire to say something disparaging just to numb the impact. A deep, heavy breath clouded my ear. "God, I'm about as good at writing letters as I am at writing songs… "

I wouldn't really care what it said. She'd touched it, made it… a part of her was imprinted indelibly on it… the desire to do it in the first place could never be removed from the page. That would have been all that mattered to me. I couldn't let myself say that to her though; I was too convinced it would sound off.

"If I ever finish it, I'll send it." A self-deprecating scoff… "We'll probably see each other before that happens."

"Mm." I hoped so.

There was a pause where I focused on the sounds of her moving around, maybe shifting in her chair. I brought my knees higher, closer to my body, curling around the pillow. "…is it just me or has this been the longest month ever?" She broke in, with another creak in the background.

"It's not just you." It was good to know she was feeling it too. "Are you still in America?"

"New York. Six more weeks till the tour is over." New York I remembered was 13 hours behind me… it was around 10 in the morning there and I was in bed already. Six more weeks until she came back, but seven more weeks till she left to start working on her new album… in England. Knowing that... the temporariness of it... was lead in my veins. The idea of her coming back was starting to bring as much pain as it did excitement. Like having her ripped away each time I found her… like being abandoned with a beautiful promise still burning on my lips.

"Shorter than the last one…" I commented, attempting to infuse some degree of enthusiasm into my voice.

"It wasn't really a 'world' tour… just most of it." She said with a giggle. Mina seemed so convincingly happy… it was unsettling to be fooled and know better at the same time. Underneath I knew she worried, maybe not to the extent I did, but she was so much better at hiding it than I was.

"Is that all?"

"I'm trying to cut back." She joked.

"I think it might be slowly killing you anyway." I half-joked back. It really did concern me how tired she looked, how little sleep she actually got.

"I can't disappoint my legions of devoted fans, you know." I shook my head.

"So humble, Mina."

That little lilt was back, and her tone was teasing. "Didn't you say that's what you liked most about me? My quiet humility?"

"No." I laughed... a small sound, not how I used to. "Definitely not." It sounded like something I would say, but not about her. There were a lot of things I liked about her, loved about her… but 'quiet humility' had never crossed my mind.

"Rei…" Her voice was different, hesitating almost. Why are you nervous all of the sudden? Am I making you nervous?

"What?"

"I think maybe I should."

I had no idea what she was talking about. "Should what?"

There was silence on her side for a minute, and I heard scratching. She was picking at something, maybe her nails, maybe the chair. "Cut back or slow down..."

I felt my forehead wrinkle and my heart started to beat faster. I knew what she was trying to say. "…why?"

She sighed, following with an indifference I could tell was forced. "Just a thought." I should be happy about the possibility… but I wasn't, it gnawed at me. "I should probably let you sleep." I realized then, that I'd upset her.

"Mina… " It was more a question than anything else.

"Hmm?" She said... the scraping was echoing in my skull… muted as it was. I didn't know what to say. I so rarely knew what to say… I didn't know how she put up with it.

"It can't be for… this." I settled on… for me was what I wanted to say...

All I could hear was the air leaving her nose. "I miss you."

"That's not a good enough reason," I said. It wasn't fair this way, not for her to give up everything she'd worked for. I don't know that I would give up the shrine if she asked… I don't know that I could.

"Fine… I'm in love with you… how's that for a reason?"

"It's the same reason Minako." I was cold in my frustration. It wouldn't be fair and I needed it to be fair. This conversation was panicking me and my temples were throbbing. What she was talking about, it was so one-sided. It would be unforgivably selfish of me to allow… no matter how much I wanted it, no matter what it was doing to me to be without her.

When she finally spoke, it was low, but steady and did nothing to relax me. "Then what's a good enough reason?"

"Because you want to," I answered, annoyed at the carrot she was dangling like this was something trivial.

"I DO want to." She answered immediately.

"That's not what I'm saying… I mean because you're done with it and you're… not."

"I'm never gonna be 'done' with it!" She said, a small amount of irritation just beginning to seep out around the edges. I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling, feeling guilty and gutted. Maybe she was right… maybe this wouldn't… "But I can live with less of it…I just want…need… more than what we have…" There was a beat of tense quiet before she continued. "I feel like I'm dying without you." She whispered them so expressively, the exact words I'd thought before, that I felt my throat tightening… all the 'putting on a good face', all the restraint had left her voice. I put my knuckles over my mouth, pressing them against my lips as if it could keep the pressure inside me from releasing, angry at the disobedient tear that ran hot down the side of my face. I couldn't trust myself to speak, not with so much feeling shredding at my heart. "Reiko…"

She couldn't say my name like that without it affecting me either. I swallowed, trying to calm myself. I made some sort of strangled, half-hum when I tried to respond and it embarrassed me so intensely that another tear escaped. I pulled the covers up over my head, livid my body had betrayed me this way, at the tiny tremor that had just started in my jaw.

"Rei… I'm… god…" Her softness, her worry wrapped around me, but wasn't the same as her arms would be… and couldn't compete with the pounding rush of my own blood. "Gomen, I…"

"Stop… you didn't do anything." I sounded like wet sandpaper and it made my skin crawl. Don't ask me if I'm crying, I pleaded silently…feeling unhinged, exhausted, weak… and so pathetically lonely for her that I ached all over. It only felt impossibly worse when I heard her breath hitch. Too much… this was too much and I couldn't bring myself to speak, but still, she talked to me, tried to soothe me. There was a question that I made myself to answer and then just the air in her lungs until I fell asleep.

THE TALK:

"You look unwell granddaughter." He commented as he walked beside me. I was closing everything up and he'd been like a shadow, looking at me with an obviousness that left me aggravated.

"I'm fine," I said, locking up the talismans.

"It is not dishonorable to be sick." He added, peering at me from beneath those bushy eyebrows. "But to lie to your grandfather… that might be."

I sighed, tucking my hair behind my ear, trying to avoid the subject. "I'm not sick."

"But you are not well." A smile broke onto his face as he took my hand in his and patted it. "Some things are clear… even with my eyes."

I felt nervous. "I'm just tired." It had been over a week since I'd fallen asleep listening to the sound of her breathing over the phone, unable to speak except to offer a meek reply to the only question she asked of me… 'are we okay?' and I had whispered a simple 'hai'. Our conversations, we'd had three more, were uncharacteristically short, tense, as if she were tiptoeing around me. It wasn't that we didn't want to talk… but there was a sense of helplessness… a sadness between us that hadn't been so palpable before. I didn't know how to make it better, because I didn't know how to make me better, and it was fairly obvious… though she would likely argue… that I was the problem.

"Then you should stop scaring away all the Mikos I hire, so you can have some help around here." He happily replied.

I was glaring at him now, but maybe he had a point. "Fine."

"No fight from my granddaughter? Now I am truly worried." He was partly serious. He turned, regarding me with a curiosity that made me uneasy. "I tell you this because worries kept too long are poison in the body. They must be released from time to time."

My eyes flicked to the ground. "I'm not worried about anything." Despite how much I hated to, I was lying again and he knew it.

"I will share another of mine with you, then. Come sit." My lips fell into a frown as we took a seat on the stone steps outside the shrine. "I worry that you are a collector of worries. Like your mother was." I shifted my jaw, thinking on what he'd said, trying not to react to it before I'd let it sit with me. The tone he was using gave me no choice but to heed him, it was powerful in its quiet serenity. "The worries… they must be precious to you if you hold to them so tightly." His bald head reflected the sunlight and I wondered how he could keep his tone so even, how he'd learned to be stubborn in such a calm way.

"They aren't." I exhaled, ashamed. "I wish I didn't."

"Ah…and now you are worried because I am worried about your worrying." He was smiling off toward the city, resting his hand over mine once again. I berated myself silently because he was right and it made me feel predictable. "There are things by now, you must know to be the truth… but I will say them over to be certain. You should know that your mother would be proud of the woman you've grown into, as proud as I am. I consider you my greatest blessing." I felt my throat constrict at his speech. "…but I think that these are not the things that you need to hear, or you would not be so troubled." He paused and I bit at the inside of my bottom lip. "So granddaughter… put my mind at ease and say what troubles you."

"I don't know." It was mumbled to the ground because I was unable to face him.

His hand squeezed mine, and I wondered if he could feel the pounding of my heart in my thumb. This was harder than I imagined it would be. It wasn't just about saying it, it was about how to say it and how much to say. I didn't know where to start. "There are not many things that can cause such heavy troubles." He waited, but I still couldn't find my words. "I know of only a few… guilt, for one…but guilt is the leaves on a branch… then there is sickness… which you say you do not feel… but there are many types of sickness, besides of the body." I looked at him, anxiety practically pouring off me. "A sickness of the heart… "

My eyes clenched shut and as the corners of them began to sting, I vowed to rip them out if the acted up again. I knew he felt the tightening of my hand around his. I let go and took my other hand with it instead, the grip almost as painful as the sensation in my chest.

He graciously ignored all of this, continuing on in that same voice… a voice that was running through the grass barefoot, the swish of a broom on stone, his eyebrows held in my fingers. "Love can grow a fine tree, maybe an entire orchard, but the roots should not be forgotten. Sometimes they may grow in places we do not want them to, forcing things to the surface we wish to stay buried. Roots are not like branches that can be tamed with wire and pruning. They continue their growth, even if confined, they will double back on themselves, strengthen until they break the pot." Another pause that I spent trying to steady myself. "It is better to allow them room in the first place I think, spare the pot." He added with a nod and we sat there, both us of staring ahead… him with a gentle smile, me barely having the courage to open my eyes. Again, he was the one to interrupt the silence. "Tell me, why I should not be happy to know my only granddaughter is in love?" He said as if he couldn't understand it himself.

I nearly choked, the fear coursing through me. "I didn't say I was."

"Your eyes speak more than your lips do. I am sure she has realized this about you as well. She is a clever girl, and a pretty one too." I sucked in a breath and he patted my knee. "As I said… some things are clear, even with my eyes." He smiled boyishly at the sun hanging low in the sky, while I tried to recover enough to close my own mouth. "I do not want to add to that collection of yours, but tell your famous friend that I have a wig and a pair glasses that I think are hers. If she is looking for them, I am willing to trade for that picture she owes me." He winked, using my leg to push himself up and made his way back inside, leaving me red-faced, mortification mixing with an antithetical sensation of weightlessness.

THE DREAM:

I walk up a hill beneath rolling clouds of purplish gray. Rain falls from the sky, evaporating into steam as it hits me, leaving the faintest hint of a tingle, like a kiss. I stop and put my hand out, to catch the drops and a bolt of perfect blue lightning cracks down, through the center of my palm. Humming electric branches climb up my arm, rooting themselves in my hand before dissolving into me, arching fingers visible beneath skin which is paler than I remember. It exits my feet, sealing me to the ground and I start sinking, the soil and rocks whispering to me, as my body stretches in all directions and we become one thing. I fall through it without warning, landing in the center of a field. It is filled with wildflowers of the same purples and blues. Their smell is a second skin to me.

I look up and she is standing in front of me. Our eyes meet and I become her, she already has me. The sensation is fire that doesn't burn, like damp embers, opposite and impossible and real. It is solid and dripping, it races and creeps at once, it nibbles at the edge of my consciousness and eats me alive. It is the truth in a lie, so warm that it feels and tastes like the heat of a body in the snow, like rain falling through sunshine. We lie in the field, our arms and legs sinking into the ground again, the flowers and the sky cover us, the petals and clouds melting onto us like liquid… distilled contentment radiating out from each tiny droplet.

My eyes opened as if I had already been awake and my hand rubbed at my chest, to make sure I was still in one piece. I let out a sigh into the darkness, inhaling deeply afterward. Such a bizarre dream, I had so many bizarre dreams. In truth, I did feel much better than I had two weeks ago. The talk with my grandfather was… a release … even if I hadn't been able to say much. I sank into my pillow, my head lolling to the right and caught sight of my cell phone. If things continued the way they had, it would ring any minute now. My body seemed to have a sense for it.

A snort popped out as it began vibrating.

"Hey."

"Hi." She said, a little less cheerfully than usual. My reaction, when she first suggested scaling back her career had shaken her, it had bothered me as well, though I didn't disagree with my reasoning. I'd been trying to be less… depressing, emotionally saturated… whatever I was, to undo it somehow. The time we spent together was worth this if I could just stop analyzing it so much. It seemed to be working, but slower than I would like… her teasing was starting to come back at least. "You were asleep." She sounded as though she regretted calling.

"I'm almost never asleep when you call."

"The orchard." She reminded.

"Was maybe the only time."

"Your voice is always so… …tired, I feel bad." I considered the hesitation and wondered what word she had wanted to use if she wasn't attempting to be nice. It was so like her to soften the blow.

I smoothed out the sheet beside me. "You can say what you really think, Mina. You won't hurt my feelings." I prodded her gently.

"Huh?"

"'Tired' wasn't the word you wanted to use."

She laughed a bit, at me I think. "…sexy, was what I was going say." I felt my face redden.

I'd thought maybe scratchy, or abrasive… but I should have expected something unexpected. "Oh."

"I was trying to be nice." So I was right and wrong… that seemed to be how it went lately. "Why the sexy voice? Another one of those dreams?" I was happy to have playful Mina back, even if it meant I'd have to deal with the blushing.

"Maybe."

I heard the start in her breathing, even if it was subtle. There was a moment of silence between us and I smirked as I sensed her growing frustration. "I know you're not going to tell me about it because you… are a tease, Rei." She joked.

"Not true," I argued. This wasn't that type of dream anyway.

"On the phone you are." She protested. I could almost see that eyebrow baiting me.

"Isn't it the middle of the day there?" I asked, questioning, as I said it... if that would even make a difference to her. I might be the only one, between the two of us, prudish enough to think such things should be strictly relegated to nighttime.

"It's morning, I'm in Los Angeles… I think it's a 16 hours difference." That would make it… I stared at the clock on my nightstand, 8:37 there.

"I'm surprised you're even awake…" I said wryly.

"Still in bed." She responded happily and I wondered if we'd woken up around the same time…why that thought pleased me I didn't know.

"Me too."

"So you must be in your pajamas…" I could practically hear her brain working.

"Whatever you're thinking, stop it!" I said, smiling.

"Spoil my fun." A big sigh.

It might be the perfect time to surprise her, even if I couldn't see the reaction. Maybe it would ease the feeling that she was too far away… if I could hear her... if we were doing the same thing… if I could focus on something else besides my own thoughts for a bit. I was sure, however this went, it would hold my attention because I was already nail-bitingly nervous. I chewed it over in my head, before finally shoving it out of my mouth. "Is that… really something you'd want?"

"Don't toy with me. It's cruel Rei-chan." She warned dramatically, but there was softness in her tone.

I could feel my palms sweating. "Minako… I'm not… I will… if you really wanted to try… if you went first…"

"You're serious aren't you?" Such regret in the whisper... I didn't understand.

"I … was." But now I didn't know.

She let out some sound like I'd hurt her, a whine and a gasp jammed up together. It surprised and confused me… as did the muffled curse I heard.

A shuddering breath traveled through the phone. "This is so unfair." She whispered to herself.

"… what?"

"… I want to…god, I would…but… I can't." She can't. This was so embarrassing. Why not? Why… oh. Oh. The laughter tickled my throat. "I got 'it' last night." Her voice was so incredibly put out, that I couldn't hold in my own amusement. It took a bit for me to regain control myself, while she sighed, called me 'mean', lamented the situation, and eventually letting out a few laughs herself… even if they were laced with annoyance. "Keep it up… two more weeks and you're mine Hino Rei." It sounded fairly threatening actually, which oddly triggered another burst of sound from me, softer this time. It felt cathartic and I was myself, even without her beside me, for the first time in months.

THE STAIRCASE:

"I need to tell you something, but I wanted to do it in person," I said. She was wearing another dark wig and was dressed in loose, bulky clothes, a backpack slung over her shoulder. She resembled a lost teenager. We were standing in front of the stairs to the shrine. I'd asked her to meet me down here first.

"Okay…" She waited, not sure whether to smile or not.

I took a deep breath, crossing my arms over my chest. "My grandfather …he… knows, about us."

Her face fell and actually paled as she peered warily up the stairs. I don't think she'd looked so young in years. "Really?"

"Really." I answered.

"Wow... so how'd he…" She was swallowing and drumming her fingers against her leg, eyes now almost comically wide. I didn't realize this would affect her so much, perhaps I should have. It would affect me… it was affecting me. Still, she was keeping it together respectably, considering.

"He took it well."

She smiled tentatively at me. "That's good… what about you? Are you okay with it?" I nodded, offering a small smile of my own. She drew my hand to her, squeezing it, running her thumb over my knuckles, before letting it go.

We started walking up the stairs when I thought of the last part of my conversation with him. It seemed funny at this point. "Oh by the way… he found your wig and glasses on the ground outside. He's holding them hostage for a picture with you..."

I wasn't sure she'd heard until she reacted a full second later. A gasped out "Oh god" was accompanied by a retreat back down the steps we'd taken.

I followed her, alarmed. "What?"

She had covered her mouth and cheeks, but I could see the redness on her ears. When she spoke, it was through her fingers. The color of her eyes seemed suddenly intense. "I can't go up there, oh my god, I can't go up there…"

I was puzzled by the near panic she'd worked herself into, but tried again. "He's okay with it."

"He's not just your grandfather, he's a priest!" She said, her voice shaking. I was not following. "He must think that I… defiled the shrine." It was inexplicably sweet to me that the thought of violating the sanctity of my family's shrine had brought her to this level, but… what a word. "Not to mention his priestess." …defiled me? If that was the case, I defiled her back several times over. I kept that to myself, thinking it would not do much to reassure her. I'd considered all of this myself, but her touch, her kiss hadn't felt wrong… nerve-wracking, yes and for the same reason… because it was the shrine, but it was also my home. And I may have been his granddaughter, but I was not his priestess.

I was staring into startled pools of blue. "He doesn't… and wouldn't think that." I was sure of that much. Not being able to stand the look on her face, I took her in my arms, hugging her in a way that wasn't too bold as we were standing on the sidewalk still. It bothered me to see her so worked up and I could feel her actively trying to calm her breathing, her heart racing, even as her body softened. When she collected herself, I pulled back and gave her a concerned look. "Are you… okay, now?"

She took a big breath in and let it out through puckered lips, nodding at the ground. "Yeah, I think so." More drumming and some lip biting… her fidgeting was kind of adorable. I also kept that to myself.

"I can go up on my own, I just need to grab a few things." I offered.

I thought for a moment she would agree, but she didn't. "No, that's… just one more minute." Another few inhalations and furtive glances toward the staircase…I tried not to smile. "Alright…I'm ready."

We began walking back up together, and I noticed her sneaking peeks at me. What she was looking for, I didn't know. The situation began to sink in and I smirked to myself, watching the stone slabs passing beneath our feet. It wouldn't leave my lips as we made our way up toward the torii, her fingers tapping and tapping against her thighs. "Defiled me, Mina?"

"Just… shut… up." She shot back, enunciating each word carefully, punctuating them with a heavy footfall, before quirking her mouth sideways, looking very much like a child trying desperately to stay mad at their puppy. A lovesick puppy… and I had just thought of myself as a puppy, more to the point as her puppy. I should find that more disturbing than I did.

THE CONDO:

It took us most of the ride to her condo to recover from my grandfather's insistence that I not return for my morning chores. Him and his winking would be the death of me, though watching Mina put on the charm with a blush permanently painted across her cheeks had been at least partly entertaining. She'd changed out of the frumpy clothes she'd disguised herself in early and was now pulling her hair up, in a pair of shorts and a loose linen shirt in which she was effortlessly attractive. I was attempting to ignore the color of her legs and how much darker they were than my own skin, not that such a thing was difficult. Pale seemed to be so sought after, but I found the light glow, almost gold, undeniably appealing on her.

"It's so warm in here. I forgot to have the temperature turned down before we came." She said, flapping the front of her shirt as she moved over to the thermostat.

As I dropped my bag by the corner of the living room, I noticed the new couch with a smile.

"What do you think? It looks good, right? I haven't tried it though."

Walking over toward the new piece of furniture, I ran my fingers over the leather. "It's soft." I tested it by sitting lightly… much more comfortable… then swung my legs up. Lying back, I closed my eyes, folded my arms over my stomach and focused on the supportiveness. "It feels good too…"

I opened them as I heard the clinking of ice, felt the cushion depress on either side of my rib cage, the heat of her body against my hip. Two glasses of water, condensation already gathering on their sides, sat on the low table next to us. She was beside me, twisted at the waist, upper body hovering over mine … balancing on her arms. Her hair was back, but her bangs were hanging down. "Does it?" The tone of her voice drew me up onto my forearms as she tilted her head.

Leaning forward, she took my mouth with hers, kissing me in an unhurried, but completely consuming way. When she pulled back, my lips stayed parted, eyelids somehow heavier as they blinked almost sleepily and I couldn't seem to think of a thing to say.

Another press of her lips to my forehead this time. "About before, I'm sorry if I was pushing you…"

Shaking my head, I cupped her chin. "You weren't."

"I didn't mean to upset you." She climbed over me, lying against my side, tucking her head beneath my chin. "I hated that I couldn't hold you…" She murmured and it made me feel both embarrassed and relieved. I released the clip in her hair so I could run my fingers through it, always so wonderfully soft. "…I need to be able to see you… without a plane ride." A hand traced over the skin of my abdomen and I suddenly felt very much like crying again. Kami, I thought I was done with that.

"I told you before, you didn't do anything." I swallowed, as I felt her nose against my neck, breath hitting my skin. "Gomen Minako… I know I'm not the easiest person to…be with." I tried to explain and she cuddled closer as if in argument. Why was this going so much better with her here? "I… want that too, I just want it to be the right way."

"What's the right way?" She asked, kissing just below my jaw, following underneath it.

I could feel my eyelids fluttering, and struggled against the noise that was trying to break free. "Not you quitting."

"I said I would slow down... I didn't say I would quit."

"Mina…" Rolling to the side, I used my hands on her cheeks to make her look at me. I gave her as stern a look as I could manage, given what she was doing to me. "You're distracting me."

"And you haven't asked me to stop." Her hand slid over my hip and I felt my nostrils flare. She smiled, pleased with herself and then turned serious as I stilled her hand. Those deep blue eyes were filled with a sort of steely resolve. "It's my decision, right or not… it's what I want."

I stared at her, breathing through my nose. "Just… I want you to be sure."

"I already booked some studio time, I'm recording my next album in Tokyo." She answered quietly, but firmly. "I'll have to figure out where to go from there… but I'll be here for at least a year. I need a break from touring anyway."

"But you said…" My heart started pounding. "I thought you planned to record it in England…"

"I'm an artist." She smiled self-consciously as she explained. "I get to be temperamental. It's part of my charm… I said I needed to return to my roots." Her roots… spare the pot. "It was getting to be too much… the leaving." She was dancing light caresses across my stomach, waking up my nerves.

"…hai, it was," I whispered because it was the truth and we met in another one of those toe-curling kisses.

"Now…" She scooted me over, pushing me onto my back, straddling me as I lay there, still stunned by the shift back to seduction. I felt my eyebrows lift, worried about what she would say next. "I think there was another talk we didn't get to finish either…"

My gaze flipped to the plaster of the ceiling, and my face burned. "Not that I remember," I mumbled, hoping to avoid that topic.

Her movements brought my eyes back down. Long fingers were working each button of her shirt open at an alluringly relaxed pace. They drew a line that I helplessly followed down her abdomen, to the snap of her shorts, flicking it open with a sound that seemed to stop my breath. Her eyes were on me, I could feel them, but mine were fixed on the tip of the digit which was currently dipping just below the undone fabric. "Should I remind you?" She asked, somehow managing to make it sound like an innocent question. I put my hands over her thighs, surprised when she placed them at my side instead. "…you touching me was not part of the deal." She corrected, trailing hands back up her stomach. She couldn't possibly mean to do that on my lap. How could she be comfortable with that? And how would I survive it? Her legs felt so hot against mine already, calves resting along the outside of them and suddenly I agreed… this room was too warm, she was too warm.

"Me watching wasn't part of the deal either," I said with courage I'd found down by my feet somewhere, my voice already deeper. Purposefully, I neglected to mention the other half of the original agreement. She might have been able to do it, but I wasn't sure I could. I thought I'd reached a certain comfort level with us this way… but she'd managed to entirely wreck me with this.

"I could blindfold you again." She replied, her smile quashing my ability to speak coherently a second time.

I glared at her, trying to get a hold of myself, but couldn't stop watching the hand that glided to the edge of her bra… the slender fingers that ran across the skin there. Her eyes slipped closed and her head tipped down slightly, the palm that still rested over her toned belly contracting a little. This was… I swallowed as she released the clasp between her breasts, wondering if she'd been deliberate in the choice… probably. The shirt and bra were shrugged off, fluttering down to rest on my legs. Shorts were potential trouble on either one of us I decided, but on both of us it was beyond dangerous.

"You have no idea what you suggesting that did to me Rei." She whispered into the thick air between us. No… it seemed I did not.

I inhaled sharply as her hand slid beneath the waistband of what little she still had on, as a tiny, very female noise left her lips… as the other hand closed around her breast. The corners of her eyes pinched as she clenched them shut; arm moving smoothly, her hips just barely starting to sway. She was absolutely going to do this and my body felt like it had been riveted to the couch. I was sweating, barely, but enough for me to notice… and nothing was even happening to me physically. It was the look on her face, the sounds that were turning me upside down, and the faintest press of her thighs on my sides. I'd lifted my body back up onto my forearms to see her better, to be closer as her eyes flicked open for a moment, so dark blue, her honey voice coating a moan. I let out a groan myself, muffled against the flesh still held between my teeth. I hadn't even realized I was biting my lip. I was amazed at myself yet again for enjoying something I could barely even think about, for drowning in it. The way she moved… the way her back curled, neck hung forward, chest stuttering against her uneven breathing, and her mouth twitching, reacting to every stroke of fingers I couldn't see… they were snares that held me fast and firm. I was immobilized by the completeness with which my attention had been captured… there were so many things to lose myself in… and I was squirming against the intensity of what I felt watching her. The hand that she'd been using to tease her breast fell beside me, steadying her as a familiar cry, quieter than I was used to and twisting around a gasp, poured from her and her body stiffened. My vision seemed hazy as I stared at her while she caught her breath. I…hmm…

Blinking, she looked down at me with a disbelieving expression that I'm sure mimicked my own, withdrawing her hand and placing it strategically out of the way, balanced on the edge of the armrest. Reaching behind me, I brought that hand to my lips, kissing the tips of fingers that smelled and tasted of her, her eyes widened noticeably. I wanted her hands on me and I hoped that would get my point across. As she crawled over me, I went to kiss her, but she ducked to the side, taking my earlobe in her teeth, pulling a surprised whimper from me as her tongue flicked it. Her hands were under my shirt, pulling it over my head… our bodies finally touching. Lips met and clothes were removed in between kisses and bites and the drag of fingers. I flipped us over and she sat up a bit against the armrest, coaxing me to turn so my back was against her front, pulling me to her, between her legs. Her mouth was immediately at my neck, making me dizzy.

"You're skin is so hot…" She whispered, running a hand over my ribs, stopping underneath my breast.

"Yours is too," I said, raking my nails through the tiny bit of moisture on her thighs, holding onto them. She ran her tongue briefly over my pulse point and my thighs clenched, legs bending up without my control, my feet burrowing into the center cushion.

I felt her shift slightly behind me and then nearly jumped at the sensation that exploded on my neck, letting out a startled sound. Her arm wrapped around me tighter and I felt it again… realized what it was, the cold nipping at my nerve endings, then flowing down. She moved to bring her ankles to the inside of mine and used them to slowly bring my legs apart as the ice cube held in her mouth traced another line beneath my jaw. I trembled, her name bubbling out… how that could possibly feel so good…

Her chin slid to my shoulder and her head turned toward me slightly. "…I went first." She murmured softly, her breath cold on my ear, her naked chest pressing into my back. I had no one to blame but myself…those were my words. This was a door I opened. Nervously I closed my eyes, noticing the quickened rise and fall of my chest. My hands were shaking as I brought them from her legs to the skin of my stomach. I… couldn't deny her anything…I didn't want to. Her icy lips placed a gentle kiss on the skin of my back and I knew exactly where she was looking. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back on her shoulder, letting my hand faintly brush over me. We made almost the same noise… a quiet, shuddering inhalation, air through teeth. I felt her cover my breasts with her hands, but I wasn't about to correct her… especially when fingers still chilled from handling the ice cube, closed over my nipple, sending a shock straight to the part of me I was supposed to be touching.

It had been such a long time since I'd done this and never in front of someone else… so I felt shy as I moved my fingers experimentally, unsure. Alternating sensations of cold and hot whipped at me, but the way she responded more than anything else, her responses to my responses were what spurred me on…gave me pleasure. I found myself using the sensitivity of my body, its curling, jumping, trembling to make her clench, or tighten her grip, or bite my skin, or let out some sound that drove itself straight into me… because it felt so much like we were experiencing the same thing… and those eyes, even though I couldn't see them… they were nearly burning me as she spoke, whispered to me till my mind went blank and I fell back on her, shaking.

"…Rei…" Her body was tense behind me and I was able to somehow find the strength to turn around, lying against her, putting an ear to her chest, listening to the pounding of her heart. Her fingers tangled in my hair.

There was something circling in my head that seemed to solidify. I was still a bit fuzzy when I lifted myself to look at her. "A year," I whispered, still unsure I believed it... if it even made sense.

She nodded, hand on my cheek, thumb brushing across the ridge of bone there. Another soft pass of that finger and such a concerned expression… I realized there were tears on my face that she was wiping away. "As long as you want me." She said with a sincerity that made my heart stutter. I held her wrist, kissing her palm, looking into the blue eyes that had me completely and everything became her kisses, and touches, and us.

END.