Chapter 7
Derek and Karen stared into each other's eyes for a few moments before Derek turned to Eileen and opened his mouth.
"What the bloody hell were you thinking hiring Jacob Smith? You know how I feel…" he was interrupted by a coughing fit. After a few minutes of coughing, he continued to rant, out of breath with a voice that was barely above a whisper. "He's an idiot at best and a danger at worst. You should know better than that…and replace Karen? Seriously Eileen, did you hit your head?" He asked his voice husky. Karen stood next to him holding his hand and trying to get him to calm down. "Karen is a million times better than Ivy. I can't believe you would do something so utterly stupid."
"Derek, if you would stop ranting for one minute and let me talk…" Eileen tried to interrupt his rant, but was unsuccessful when he started up again saying, "We go way back Eileen and I have never been so angry at you, or anyone else for that matter..."
"Derek, would you please let her speak?" Karen asked quietly. Holding her breath and praying that Derek would calm down and let her speak.
Derek quickly stopped talking and looked at Karen, his eyes full of passion, and then turned to face Eileen.
"I was trying to tell you that I fired Jacob today and the part is Karen's whenever she wants it back. Julia convinced me that I had made a horrible mistake earlier today. Now will you please stop yelling at me and try to get some rest?" Eileen said, ashamed that she had caused Derek so much pain, especially under the circumstances.
Derek calmed down and realized that the rant had taken a toll on him physically. Every part of his body hurt and he was exhausted beyond words. Apparently the exhaustion was evident on his face because everyone, except Karen of course, left the room, relieved that Derek was awake and back to him old self at least partially.
Karen finally had Derek all to herself and she noticed for the first time the furrow of his brow. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Of course love, I'm fine." He said wincing.
"I'm calling the nurse. You're not okay, you're wincing."
Karen called the nurse who came in and gave Derek some more pain medication. Within minutes his eye lids were getting heavy.
"You should go sleep in a real bed. I'll be okay."
"I'm not leaving you Derek. The last time I did that you ended up on a respirator. I don't know that I'm ever going to be able to leave your side again." She said, her eye lids also getting heavy.
"Well, I don't think I will complain about that" he said with a tired smile. And with that he closed his eyes and fell asleep, reassured that his love would be there when he woke. Karen, feeling a heaviness lifted from her, closed her eyes and fell asleep as well.
The two slept peacefully for the next two hours. The nurses took turns checking on the adorable couple. Karen had Derek's hand in hers and her head on her hand. They were the picture of love. Derek woke first, the pain medication from before starting to wear off slightly. Not wanting to disturb the sleeping Karen, Derek laid there watching her sleep. He spent the time thinking about his parents and Margaret. She still hadn't forgiven him for their parents' death. To be honest he hadn't forgiven himself yet either. It had been over fifteen years since the accident that stole them away. He remembered so vividly sitting in the chair between their beds. He remembered the kinks in his neck and the fear in his heart. Maybe someday he would tell Karen about his parents.
"Oh Karen," he whispered, not wanting to wake her, but needing to tell her how he felt about her again, "I love you Karen Cartwright. I haven't loved like this is a long time and I've never felt love from anyone like I feel it from you." Karen's eyes flickered open at the sound of her name. She sat up and found Derek's eyes.
"I love you too Derek. I'm so sorry about the night before your accident. I was so scared that I was just like all the other women you've had since I've known you. I couldn't give you my heart and have you break it. I had been down that road. If I hadn't gotten scared…if I hadn't said those things…you…you…"she stopped, tears running down her face and guilt stealing her voice.
"Oh love, it's not your fault. I am the one that decided to drink an entire bottle of scotch. You didn't make me drink it. I just…" he stopped and debated whether or not he was going to admit the truth "I'm scared too. I haven't been in love in a long time." He knew how guilt, even misplaced guilt, could eat away at a person. He knew how it had affected him. A single tear rolled down his cheek and landed on his pillow. Karen reached up and wiped the trail away with her thumb.
"What is it Derek? This is so unlike you. You don't do gushy." She said worried that he was in pain or that the accident had somehow caused a major change in Derek's behavior.
"I've been thinking about my parents. My mum and dad died in a car accident. No, actually they died afterwards, in the hospital. After weeks of being in a coma my mum finally let go. My dad went the next day." He said with tears filling his eyes and threatening to fall. "Margaret, my sister, still blames me for their death." He said, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling. "I was…" He stopped and took a deep breathe, which caused a coughing fit. When the coughing subsided he continued, "I was driving the car. A drunk driver ran a red light and T boned us. It was horrible."
"Oh Derek, I had no idea. It wasn't your fault Derek. You couldn't have done anything to stop it." She said and for the first time in fifteen years, Derek believed it.
He remembered the last conversation he and Margaret had had, standing at the graveside, looking at the two coffins. Both of them crying silently when Margaret, breaking the silence turned towards him and sobbed, "Derek, how could you?"
"How could I what?" Derek whispered fear and grief mixing on his face. Margaret's green eyes bore into Derek's green eyes and he winced internally at the glare. "All you had to do was pick them up, dinner and The Phantom. Just take them home after the show. It's the West End, not West India. Why didn't you swerve when you saw the other car? I knew I should have gone, but the great Derek Wills had to show off!" She yelled, every word laced with anger and sadness.
Derek was stunned to the core. Sure he had thought about that moment hundreds if not thousands of times in the last three weeks wondering if there was something he could have done different. The tears were flowing freely now as he said, "Good grief Margaret, between taxis, buses and tourists, you know it's bedlam after a show, any show. The other driver was drunk. How could I have known?" He asked stifling a sob he continued, "It's not like I did it on purpose. Have you such a low opinion of me that you would think that I could possibly hurt mum and dad on purpose?"
"I've just lost my parents" Margaret sobbed.
"What, and I haven't?" Derek yelled back. His grief quickly replaced with anger.
"You will never change, saint Derek, nothing is ever your fault, not even this! You deserve all the pain you have coming to you." She hissed as she stormed away.
"I have done plenty wrong in my life Margret, but this wasn't my fault." He yelled as she stormed off, more to convince himself than to convince her.
Derek awoke with a start, even though he didn't remember falling asleep.
"Derek?" Karen whispered, startled at his jerking awake.
"Hello Mrs. Wills" he smirked "Pass the water, please." He asked giving a wink as Karen blushed while getting him some water.
"Derek, you were so sick and I hadn't left other than that little bit for rehearsal, they assumed…" Her voice trailing off then remembering that she was the first person that they had called to inform her of the accident "I was even your emergency contact" she added quickly. "Though I did notice that when Dr. Bryant called me that, you seemed to like it," she said with a smirk of her own.
Derek sat the water down and patted the bed. Karen sat gently on the edge of the bed, afraid of hurting him.
"No, no, come here." He said, pulling her closer to him with his good arm. "Mrs. Karen Wills has a certain ring to you, don't you think?" He asked his smile reaching his eyes and making them sparkle in a way that made Karen's heart race.
"Are you proposing Mr. Wills?" Karen asked blushing as her heart raced faster.
"I can't very well get down on one knee, but..." He stopped noticing the tears in Karen's eyes, but unable to tell if they were tears of joy or regret.
"Yes, but…the great white way needs you." She said knowing that his work had always come first.
"I need you, Karen. We can do it officially when I'm out of there, until then just be my 'wife.' A secret between us," he said with a smile.
"Of course I'll be your wife! But just between us, for now." Derek fell asleep first and Karen closed her eyes and drifted off moments later. They stayed curled up together on the small hospital bed all night.
