I own nothing, it sounds so sad...

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Chapter 7

Chuck woke up in the early morning hours with dry mouth and a terrible head ache; Chuck hadn't gotten that wasted since the lost months after his father's death. Months full of darkness and self-loathing, muddled with drugs and alcohol pulling him farther into the darkness. Vaguely remembering Blair showing up he rolled over to see none other than Blair Waldorf fully clothed sleeping next to him, Chuck's heart immediately swelled with having her stay with him even I the state that probably wasn't as calm and collective as Chuck usually was. Chuck had never had someone near him who was so persistent, Chuck inwardly smiled. Most would have just left even Nathaniel would leave and come back later when Chuck was in a better mind set, but Blair had stayed. Chuck had never been happier seeing a girl in his bed. Chuck just hoped that he didn't say anything that he would regret.

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Looking over at his night stand to check the time, his heart exploded with fluttering as he saw a glass of water with two pills that could only be aspirin for a head ache she knew he was going to be graced with in the morning. Just the idea of someone caring about him made his heart swell, he never had a loving family; he had killed his mother at birth or at least that's how his father made Chuck feel all his life. Taking the pills and gulping down the water he rolled back over, keeping his thoughts away from the dark subject that always pulled him into a downward spiral. And was met with Blair's worried stare "You're awake" She stated, he could hear the sleep in her voice as her eyes still looked like they wanted to flutter shut.

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He just nodded sinking down into the bed and turning fully to her, "We need to talk" She said determination filling her voice, "Listen, about last night I usually don't get that wast-" Chuck tried to explain but was cut off by Blair "Chuck it's not about that"

"It's not?"

Chuck asked his mind searching frantically for what he might of done or said last night, "Well it is about that, but more of the reason you got to that state."

Chuck waited for more explanation "Chuck, last night you were pleading that you couldn't be my boyfriend-", "Blair I-" Chuck's heart dropping

" No Chuck, I know you didn't mean it. But we need to talk about it because I know this whole situation is freaking you out. And I know Chuck Bass doesn't 'freak out' but I know your scared that you are going to mess this up that you're going to mess 'us' up, and I just want to know why you don't believe in yourself? She said looking into his eyes.

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"Because I know you're going to make mistakes, I mean for crying out loud your Chuck Bass! You've never even been in a relationship before your bound to stumble a bit!"

Blair finishing in a whisper " But I-I know you will be great… I-I- Believe in you" Chuck turned to lay on his back twining Blair's fingers with his kissing her finger tips, "Chuck" she said in a gasp. Relaxing their hands pulling them against his heart, Chuck opened up for the first time in his life.

"Do you remember about two years ago when the great Bart Bass died in a tragic car crash?" Blair just nodded her head against his chest "were you close?" She asked

"No, not at all, My whole life from the time I could remember is all I wanted to do was impress the 'Great' Bart Bass" He chuckled darkly " but I never was good enough when I was little I would dress up in business clothes trying to be just like him, one time I got an A on one of my writing assignments and I showed it to him it was a 94% I was so proud because I spent so long writing it and all he said was 'why are you showing me something that wasn't worth his time, he was busy and didn't have time for childish school work that wasn't even perfect'. Everything I did wasn't good enough." His eyes darkened not from lust but from something darker.

"When I was five everyone was having birthday parties and I remember wanting to have the most fun party and invite everyone in my preschool class. I asked my father if I could have one and all he said were 'Children like you don't get happy birthdays' and the day of my birthday we went to the cemetery. And he told me how my mother died giving birth to me and that 'I was too much for her to handle' to say the least I was horrified and cried all night, even that made my dad handed me to my nanny and he didn't speak to me even a word for two weeks only giving me disappointed glares, he finally said something to me when I got in trouble at school and was forced to punish me."

"Chuck" Blair gasped, but he just continued.

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"My whole life all he told me was that I was a disappointment, and all I wanted was his approval. His last words to me were 'Behave yourself Charles, I don't want you embarrassing me tonight' because I was the embarrassment of his life, and I could never do anything right. I've never felt love Blair, I've had all the money in the world and all the warm bodies I could want but I didn't want that, I wanted approval and love. You-You're the first person who has ever said they believed in me." He finished finally looking over to her with tears in his eyes.

"Chuck" She whispered pulling him to her chest, running her hand through his hair comfortingly, his body relaxed in her arms as they sat in silence.

Blair finally broke the silence, "You know, you and I have something in common." Chuck looked up into her eyes that were asking for her to go on, " We both have parents that we begged for approval, only to always be not good enough, But while you used drugs and women to fill the void, I-I-had a different way of handling it."

Her voice shook a bit at the end Chuck hugged her closer not pressuring her to go on knowing how difficult this subject was for both of them. " But you're perfect" he said, she chuckled not with anger in her voice but a kind of awareness that her mother and herself will never believe that.

"no I'm not, You should talk to my mother she could give you a mile long list of how I'm not tall enough, and 'my hair just doesn't sparkle like Serena's', and how I'm not skinny enough, "better skip dessert Blair if you want to fit into that dress, and look good next to Serena" she said mimicking Eleanor's rant she had heard practically all her life.

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"I've never weighed over 130 in my life! But I was always fat to Eleanor, I'd wear her designs and fit into sample sizes! But still my thighs would be to fat, or my chest wouldn't fill out the dress like Serena's would, or my hips would bulge. And one day I had enough I had practically eaten nothing all week because my mother told me I was getting a belly, and I was starving! I finally caved and I just kept eating and eating and eating, after I felt disgusted with myself but even that wasn't my breaking point it was five minutes later when my mother walked in and told me I better go for a run because I was starting to look a little bit pudgy. I ran into my bathroom and stripped down criticizing every bit of fat on my body seeing how fat I really was and everything that my mother ever told me about myself was magnetized by a thousand and they I thought of how many calories I must have eaten in just that meal and how much fatter id get, I just had to get rid of it and I did." Blair finished refusing to say the word purge, or bulimia.

Chuck looked into her eyes "Blair, how long." Tears escaped his eyes as he saw how alike they really were looking into each other's eyes being those children that could never get approval from the one person they wanted it from. "About 2 years, my maid Dorota noticed my weight loss and the signs and tried to get me to eat and told my mother but it was all just ignored until I passed out while shopping with Serena. I was at 98 pounds at that point, if you look back at pictures from then I was just a frame I had zero curves and no fat but I just kept doing it, I always found somewhere I needed to take off a few pounds." She shrugged

"Do you still do it?" Chuck urged tightening his grip on her

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"No, after I passed out and had to stay in the hospital for a few days it's like a light went off in Eleanor's head 'like wow my daughter really doesn't look okay, and something's not right' and I had intensive counseling for a year to get better and now I go to counseling about once a month or if I have any bad thoughts. But I haven't done that since high school." She finished seeing the worry lessen in Chuck's eyes.

"If you ever feel like you have to purge" Blair shuttered at the word "talk to me Blair, you're the most beautiful, perfect girl I've ever met. You hold my interest unlike anyone has ever before. You keep me on my toes. Serena might be tall and blonde but that's boring and she's about as air heady as Nathaniel, your smart and you come in the perfect petite little body. I don't know how anyone could see any different. "He said bringing her to his chest. And they laid there talking about everything and nothing until both their phones rang with Serena and Nate inviting them to lunch.

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Authors Note: Whoa new update!? Yay! Okay so this is an emotionally deep chapter I think, I love these but at the same time I'm just like I just want them to be happy forever! So there is probably going to be a LOT of fluff next chapter and maybe some Carter plot. I'm not going to make Blair's bulimia a huge issue in this story just because when I read GG fic I usually hate when an issue is drawn out so much so it's mostly going to be in her past, maybe something that comes in here and there. Carters going to come in here soon and some drama will be added, so yay excitement! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! I also love all you story followers and favs, tell me what you all think, I'd love to hear suggestions on where you think I should take this story! Love to hear your thoughts.- Xoxo Michelle