Don't You Get It?
Chapter 7
Are you trying to make my head spin?
I looked down at my watch as I walked through the knee high grass. 9:53pm. I'm a little early. I looked around at my surroundings. It's kind of scary at night. I keep hearing the wild animals moving around tin the grass making me paranoid.
Maybe this is all a joke. He's not gonna show up.
I reached my destination. The old shed in the middle of no where. The place were me and Naruto played when we were little. We haven't been here for a long time. Why in the hell would he want to meet here?
I pull on the old wooden doors. They're stuck. I gather all my strength in my arm and pull as hard as I can. It opened, it made a cracking noise. The smells of age and decay hit my nose. I love that smell. It always smelled like this when we were little.
I walk into the familiar, dark place to see nothing had changed. No one had been in here. All of our stuff was still here. I walked over to the corner, I bent down searching for the small flashlight Naruto hid. I feel something cold and round. I pick it up. I hit the little red button on the side. The light flickers dimly before turning on completely.
There are pictures on the wall. Some I drew, others he drew. They were all stick figure versions of us... I hate not being little.
"Oh, you're here." I hear his voice. I turn around slowly putting the light on him. I stare at him for a moment. "Yeah."
This is sooo awkward. "W-what did you wanna talk to me about?" I stutter the question. I blushed, but he doesn't know that. He stayed silent for awhile which really got on my fucking nerves. "If you're not gonna talk, I don't want to be here."
I walked past him towards the door but he grabbed my arm. "I'm sorry."
The words were like liquid gold spilling over me. He lets go of my arm and I turned around. "For what?" It was a really stupid thing to ask. "You know what." He looked sad. Maybe this wasn't a joke. But it has to be.
"So, that's all you wanted to talk about. You just wanted to say sorry?" I bit the last line out. I was getting somewhat angry because I had to walk clear out here at night just so he could say sorry. He's such an idiot.
"Do you remember what we did the last time we were in here?" He asked. I was shocked at the question. Why would he bring that up? It was stupid. "Of course I do." He walked over to the opposite side of the shed. I followed him with the flashlight, I knew what he was getting.
He ran his hand along the wood until he came to an uneven break. He traced the raised edges and gripped it. He pulled hard and the wood broke off. "Oops." He mumbled and dropped the pieces to the ground.
"There it is." I said under my breath. I wasn't sure if he heard me. It was a small tin box with Batman stickers colored paper decorating the outside. It was something we made in 4th grade.
"Do you remember what's in here?" He asked. These questions are getting really annoying now. "Yes." I rolled my eye. What the hell is his deal? He opened the lid and sat it back inside the hole in the wall. He dug in the small box and pulled out the paper. He put the box down and unfolded the paper.
"I Naruto Uzumaki," He recited. "Promise to always be Sasuke's bestest friend. Forever and Always, even when death do us part." I laughed lightly at the childish characteristics the words emitted. He glanced up at me for a second then continued. "I Sasuke Uchiha, Promise to always be Naruto's bestest friend for the rest of our lives."
I looked down at the ground. It was a lot easier when we were younger. "You and I wrote that. You and I promised that we would be friends forever." I looked at him, he's being serious. "So?" I said. I tried to make my voice sound neutral. "So, I don't break promises." He stated. How the fuck could he say that after all that he's done?
"You broke your promise when you beat the shit out of me!" I yelled. "I'm sorry!That night... you just caught me off guard. I-I didn't know how to respond. I over reacted. You know I have no reason to hurt you."
"Yeah, I know." I scoffed. "That's what makes it worse. You had no reason to hit me. You had no reason to call me a slut. You could have just said 'Oh no Sasuke. I don't feel the same way. I'm sorry. I hope this doesn't change our friendship'" I purposely spoke in a real dobe-ish way. He's even more of an idiot than before. "But no! Your response was 'I'm not a fucking fag.'Then you proceeded to try to kill me!"
He didn't lift his head. Good! He should keep it down. Maybe his neck will get weak and his head will fall off. "You have no idea how sorry I am." He roughly pushed his hand to his face like he was trying to hide from the tense atmosphere.
"Oh come on Sasuke!" he lifted his head. "I didn't try to kill you!" He was mad now? Asshole. "Really?" I said. "What do you call it then?" He didn't answer. I wasn't expecting him to. I wouldn't answer either. "Fuck you." I turned to leave but he stopped me again. "Why do you keep trying to leave?"
What else could he possibly want? He keeps asking all these stupid questions and blabbing about stupid shit. "Look. I just wanted to apologize. Ok?" I shake my arm free. "After I heard what happened to you that night I-"
"Oh that's what this is about?" It makes sense now. "So what? You think I did it because of you? You feel guilty and you think if you apologize it'll make everything better for you?"
I'm really confused right now. Before, I never wanted to blame him for what happened because I was in love with him, but now it's different. I want to blame him.
"No! That's not it!" He backed away a little bit and kicked the small table that was in the middle of the floor. I knew he would do that. "God! I don't know what I'm trying to say, but it's not like that! After I heard what happened, yeah, I thought it was because of me, and yeah, I felt guilty. I felt guilty because you're my best friend and I hurt you. In more ways than one. After I realized what I was actually doing I wanted to turn everything back, but you left."
"You can't turn everything back. I already fucked it up to the point of no return." I said. This is all going way to far. "What do you mean? You didn't do anything wrong." Fuck! Why does he keep saying shit? "Of course I did! I told you I loved you!"
"No! I fucked up! I kept lying to myself." He said. "I could never admit that I loved you! So I fucked up, it was me!"
It was silent. My head was spinning. Too many words had been said. Where is this supposed to go? There has to be a point to all of this. The words ran through my head over and over. It was all running through my head.
"When I kissed you," He continued. "It was because I wanted to. But, I always thought of you as a friend. And when I started to like you more than a friend I thought it was bad. I didn't know if you liked me too. When you told me, I didn't believe you. I thought you found out about how I felt and you were just making fun of me. So I lied to myself, got mad, hurt you, and fucked everything up."
There is no way this is true. If it it... I'm going to loose me fucking mind.
"Oh my god!" I yelled. "So you mean to tell me that you always felt the same way? You made me feel like shit because you though I was making fun of you? Who the fuck would lie about something like that?" I dropped the flashlight and it rolled across the floor leaving shadows along the walls.
"Do you have any idea what you did to me? All the things you said, all the things you did made me feel like an unwanted piece of shit! I tried to kill myself, Naruto!" I noticed his eyes widen a little. He probably wasn't expecting me to say it bluntly like that. Neither was I. "My brother hates me! My parents put me on all this fucking medication because they think I'm mental! Hell, I probably am now! Going through all that may not seem like much to you, but it was a shit load for me!"
"I wanted to die because of you!"
There's no way I can go back from all this. He can't either.
"You are so-" I was cut off when his lips met mine. The feeling was weird. Different from before. It was softer. His mouth trembled against mine. The air around me thinned out and there was no noise. I felt happy.
He broke the kiss and for a second I braced myself for another beating, but he didn't release his hands from my waist. He stared at me, and I stared at him. "I'm so sorry." He whispered.
I felt my eyes burn and I blinked. A fine tear made it's way down my face, one from the other eye soon followed. I'm crying. I never cry. I'm not supposed to cry. It felt good to cry. All my anger was leaving me.
"I don't know if I can trust you." I whisper back. I talk different when I cry. He put his forehead on mine and closed his eyes. I could tell there was a smile on his face. "I need you to trust me." he said.
I want to trust him. "How can I? I don't know if you're gonna turn everything around and hurt me again." He put his hands on either side of my face making me look directly into his eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you. I haven't talked to you in almost a month because I thought if I came near you, you would try to hurt yourself again. It was to hard to stay away. I can't hurt you."
I look away and wipe my eyes. "It's not that easy for me to believe everything you say now, you know. Not yet at least." Naruto looked kept his eyes on me. "I know. I'm willing to wait." I looked at him. This isn't a joke.
This is unreal. A few minutes ago I wanted to leave and forget about him, now I want to stay here and stare at him.
"I gotta go." I said. This is hard. It feels like everything was said. There's nothing else. What's the point of standing in silence? "What? Why?" he said quickly. "I just need to process a few things."
He leaned in again an kissed me. It was soft and light. "God, you make things difficult." I said. I hear him chuckle.
I left. Walking through the darkness of the field. This was a good thing.
