It was Tuesday, Kurt's favorite day of the week. Except, at the moment he couldn't decipher his feelings. He wasn't exactly thrilled for his first official meeting of the year. New Directions was expecting a new member today.
So many unsettled emotions were plaguing his mind. He was angry, but also nervous. Then he would be excited, and that would switch to anxious. All of this was because of Blaine. Last night, all he could think about were that boys intentions. Even his outfit was off today.
By the time seventh period was over, Kurt had asked the opinion of almost everyone in Glee about the matter at hand. Mercedes had apologized so many times he thought she was going to go mute. Finn just shrugged and told him that Blaine wouldn't get away with much while Mr. Shue was there. Kurt had to gently remind Finn about the time they were all drunk at rehearsal… and the time they were all taking more vitamin D than necessary… and that it was given to them by his then-wife. Mr. Shue was oblivious.
Kurt had a plan though. There was no way he would stand aside and let Blaine Anderson walk all over him. He was going to confront him. Except with this confrontation he was going to do it in a populated area, to avoid unexpected outcomes.
Kurt had been waiting for fifteen minutes. Every glee club member had shown up so far. Even Quinn had reappeared, and she was speaking with Mr. Shue at this very moment. Apparently she was apologizing for abandoning them this summer, and yesterday at their cafeteria flash mob. Had that been yesterday? It felt like months had passed between then and now.
He concluded that Blaine was a no show, until he spotted him approaching the choir room from the opposite end of the hallway. Speak of the devil. Literally. He snorted to himself. Thank god no one was here to witness that.
Kurt watched Blaine as he walked down the corridor. It was uncomfortable because at this point they were the only two in the hallway. Boy did Blaine look horrible. He was walking very slowly, and his eyes were averted to the ground. Has he been crying? Blaine's puffy eyes were either that way from exhaustion, or tears, maybe even both. Maybe Kurt was being dramatic.
He was walking straight at Kurt too. Well someone is bold. Oh, I'm standing in front of the door. Maybe this isn't a good time. No, say something Kurt. You Matter. Remember what your dad said.
"Blaine." Kurt stiffened and adjusted the strap of his bag to fit his shoulder more comfortably. "May I speak with you for a moment?"
Blaine rolled his eyes at Kurt. "What do you want?"
Kurt wanted to yell at him, to ask him why he was outside their house so often, to hit him, to ki- Kurt he dumped Mac' n' cheese on your face, and you are thinking of kissing him? Classy. He rolled his eyes back at Blaine.
These thoughts troubled Kurt a Karofsky had looked like Blaine, would things have panned out differently? There was the fact that Blaine hadn't threatened to kill him though, or shoved him up against a locker and put his tongue down Kurt's throat against his will. Blaine might end up being like that all the same, so Kurt had to be careful. That's why he had to get to know him before he made a final decision of character.
Kurt, he isn't even gay, why are you getting so involved in this? You're treating this like a game, and love isn't one. Love is beautiful, and kind. Love is Patti LuPone and Matthew Johnston. He pushed those thoughts aside, hungrily giving in to the idea of Blaine being his new guilty pleasure. He was still gorgeous when he looked horrible, and despite the fact that he had obviously been raised with no manners Kurt couldn't help but take interest in him. Blaine was magnetic. No matter how mad Kurt felt; he still blushed at the thought of Blaine wanting him. Kurt would never admit that to anyone, not even to himself. Plus, that would never happen. So why waste time on it? Maybe I'll find love in New York. That's gay capital. How many more months of this? Kurt realized he had gone off into one of his thought monologues again, but the boy in front of him waited patiently, just as lost in thought as Kurt had been.
"What do I want? I want to know why you're treating me like crap! I don't even know you. What's your problem?"
Kurt prepared himself for the retort. His stance was rigid, like a bird fighting for the last bit of bread on the ground.
"…I'm sorry." Blaine stared straight into Kurt's eyes. He had such a powerful glow about him. I wonder if he's real. He's way to perfect to be real.
There it was. The same look Kurt had seen the previous day. That glimmer behind his eyes. That hidden meaning- had it meant 'I'm sorry'? He was not expecting that.
Blaine broke eye contact and walked into the room, leaving Kurt in the hall to think about what just happened. He's sorry? That's what he was trying to say in the cafeteria? How can you be sorry and act like that at the same time? Blaine's appeal was proving to be a worthy quest in Kurt's mind. He wanted to find out all his secrets. Just because he could, and maybe it would pass the time until he found a boy in New York.
Blaine was surprised he could walk from all the pain he was in. He had spent an hour in front of the mirror this morning practicing faces so he could mask the excruciating throbs consuming his entire body. It felt like he had been attacked by thousands of jellyfish, and their stingers were still poisoning him. Pressing into his skin.
He had justified auditioning for Glee by deciding to actively flirt with the girls in the club. He figured they probably didn't get much attention anyways, and he hadn't seen Quinn in class today so he was starting to deem that a lost cause.
And what was he supposed to say to Kurt if he saw him? Was he supposed to apologize? If he was rude, Kurt's boyfriend might threaten him again. A gay Karofsky and a straight Karofsky in one school. What are the odds? How does that even work?
Maybe he could get to know Kurt. That he was grateful for. In-fact, that was the only thing he was looking forward to right now. He had gotten his revenge, kind of… and would it really cause damage to see if Kurt was interesting? He was terrified of confronting him though. What he had done was pretty dreadful.
Blaine scolded himself, forcing his mind to accept that he would never go for it; being in glee club was bad enough for his social reputation. Plus if his dad ever found out that he was talking to Kurt, he could expect last night's episode to be repeated.
He shouldn't get to know Kurt then. That would just lead to trouble. Blaine slid his hand under his shirt, skimming his stomach. He decided to check up on his bruising in the boys' bathroom.
As soon as he entered he locked the doors without delay, making sure no one else was in there with him. He lifted his shirt, exposing the ungodly surface that was once a firm unkempt plateau. My God. This is way bad. This is probably the worst that bastard has ever done. The bruise covered most of his stomach. It started five inches above the belly button and curved to the left a bit. In some places he was more purple than others. Little spots of black, where knuckles had dug into him, were scattered here and there like bullet holes piercing through his chest. It looked like a meat tenderizer had hit him. He felt that way too. Pathetic. You couldn't even pull him off of you. You're so weak. Blaine spat in the sink, and decided to carry on to his first glee club meeting, where humiliation awaited him. He just wanted to sleep. Maybe that would turn his brain off for a while.
Blaine made his way to McKinley's choir room, aka his social death sentence, and he was not happy. Kurt was waiting outside the door. Maybe if I don't make eye contact he will ignore me. Please ignore me. Please ignore m-
"Blaine. May I speak with you for a moment?"
He's so polite. Why would he be polite? I humiliated him. I ruined him. Did he not get the memo that I want absolutely nothing to do with him? Blaine hated him. Kurt was a symbol of everything he wanted but couldn't have. It was torture. Blaine had enough of that at home; he didn't need it at school too. "What do you want?"
Blaine wasn't really listening; he was to busy being immersed in both anger and guilt. How could he put Kurt down again? One time was enough. Maybe instead of putting him down, I can ignore him? Sometimes silence is stronger than words, isn't it? I could tell him he sounds like a chick. Vulnerable. I like that though… Kurt is the reason you're here Blaine. You would have been top of the McKinley food chain today if it wasn't for him.
He went with an, "I'm sorry."
Yeah, he said it. No one was around to hear it, so technically it didn't count towards his McKinley pull. That made it acceptable for Blaine to say, and he meant it too. Especially after the things he had just thought.
As Blaine made his way into the room the bell rang, signaling the start of their first meeting. He paused in front of the semi-circled rows of chairs. He didn't know where to sit. He saw Quinn. No shit. Quinn is in glee club? Their eyes met, she had to be thinking the same thing of Blaine. He chose the seat next to her. They were alone in the last row. He was all too aware of this, but did it really matter? It's not like he wanted these people as friends anyway.
"As many of you may have noticed, we have a new member with us today. Blaine Anderson, everyone; Everyone Blaine." Mr. Shue gestured from left to right, copying the motion of brining two things together as one. Blaine could hear the displeasure raking in the ringing silence.
"Right. Well, I know I didn't give you much preparation Blaine, but would you mind singing us something so we can get a feel for your vocal range?"
All eyes were on him. Fuck me. Seriously? Blaine had expected this, but not so soon. He scrambled to pick a song that he knew would blow them away. He panicked. Thoughts were just snapping back to his father, and his bruises. All he could think about was his dad. He could still feel the large hands hammering into his abdomen, and he remembered his dad's wicked grin. The same one he used when he burned Blaine's music. How he stood, amused, as he watched his son's CDs melt in the fireplace.
"Um. Sure. Can I use the piano?"
"Of course. Guys, want to show some encouragement for our new member?"
Nothing. He deserved that.
Blaine awkwardly made his way to the piano, making sure to avoid their faces. He had to steady his visibly shaking hands so they wouldn't think he was lame. Blaine was only nervous because this was something he cared about. He hadn't been able to sing in months, and he couldn't wait to feel the notes slip through his vocal cords. Please like me. I said I was sorry.
He sat down behind the piano; letting himself remember the day his father had silenced his one love. He wouldn't cry. Not here. Even if he wanted to, he was sure he couldn't produce any more tears. Last night had been miserable.
He cleared his throat. "This song is really important to me." The quiet was frightening to him. He wasn't used to so many people watching his every move, and waiting on his next words. Especially when he didn't have his next words planned.
He continued. "I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately, and this is all I could think of to play right now. She took me to see this show, so…" He shook his head. Jesus Blaine, could you be any sappier? These people don't care about things like that. Way to bring down the house. "I hope you like this or something. I haven't played in a while…"
He shrugged, and gave up on his speech. His heart was thumping so hard he was almost certain they could hear it.
"Thank you Blaine. Lets hear it!" Was Mr. Shue always so optimistic about everything?
Blaine closed his eyes. He let go, tuned everyone out, and his fingers gently stroked the appropriate keys. He played soft, slow; he had to set the mood before he could begin. Blaine had forgotten how well he could play. His fingers found the keys with such ease it was almost as if they were meant for one another. He hummed for a bit, and began to sing the sweetest notes he could produce,
'Where has the starlight gone?
Dark, is the day.
How can I find, my way home?'
He wouldn't let himself look up. Not now. He had to know they were enjoying it first. Sing slowly. Calm down. He opened his mouth wider, and sang with wholesome emotion.
'Home is an empty dream.
Lost, to the night.
Father, I feel so alone,'
He sounded good. Blaine wished he had changed the 'father' to 'mother'. He worried that his song choice had been off. Was this material to heavy for an audition? He let himself go once more. Free within the notes, Blaine sang louder.
'You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere
I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare'
He was pounding into the keys. Blaine's home life was a nightmare. If he had never come out, if he had never said he was gay… maybe his mom would still be alive. It was his fault things fell apart. He knew it was. His father had told him so.
He carried on, unhurriedly, keeping true to the fashion of the song. He was almost done. He could leave after he auditioned right? Blaine didn't want to sit through the stillness anymore.
He glanced up. Everyone was watching him. And Kurt? Kurt's hand was over his mouth. Kurt looked sad. Blaine didn't like that. Jesus, look down. Look down.
Blaine was terrified. Kurt knew because he saw Blaine trying to hinder his trembling hands. Blaine was in enemy territory now, how was he going to handle this?
Mr. Shue asked him to perform, and Kurt desperately wanted to know what he would pick. Musical taste defines a person to their very core. Did other glee clubbers notice how disheveled Blaine looked? Everyone was being so quiet. He knew they were being silent for his sake, so he did the same. His friends were just trying to support him.
Blaine began singing. Wow. Kurt's mouth wasn't the only one hanging open right now. He couldn't believe the voice coming from that tiny frame. He had no idea Blaine's lungs could hold that much air. He had no idea Blaine could even sing! Kurt never would have guessed a strong voice like that could come from someone so obviously broken. He's definitely Tony worthy. One day, Blaine could be on Broadway. We could be on Broadway together. Kurt. Blaine. Is. Straight. Stop it!
'When will the dawning break?
Oh, endless night!
Sleepless I dream of the day,'
Not only could Blaine sing, but also Blaine could play the piano. He played like a goddess. His fingers quickly moved from key to key. Blaine didn't even have to look at what he was playing. He just knew somehow. Kurt wished he could do that.
When Kurt found a moment to pull his eyes off of Blaine, he noticed that everyone sitting around him was glued to the curly mess in the middle of the room. We must all be on the same wavelength right now.
'When you were by my side,
Guiding my path.
Father, I can't find the way.'
His eyes were still closed. Kurt went back to staring at Blaine. He didn't care if he was being obvious in his attempts to inspect Blaine's entire body and- what was that?
Right near the scoop of his collar, there was something purple. A bruise? A hickey? Was he hooking up with someone? Oh shit. Blaine was looking at him. Kurt looked away.
'You promised you'd be there!
Whenever I need you!
Whenever I call your name!
You're not anywhere.
I'm trying to hold on!
Just waiting to hear your voice!
One word, just a word will do.
To end this nightmare.'
Blaine looked so happy while he was performing. Like a little kid discovering a new toy. His mother must be proud of him. Had Blaine ever sung this to her before? Kurt could picture Blaine, sitting in his room, singing to his reflection and smiling like an idiot. Kurt could picture Blaine, sitting in Kurt's room, singing to him and smiling like an idiot too. Mph. I wish I could just hold him. Kurt shifted in his seat.
Blaine looked just as shocked as Quinn had been upon his arrival. She couldn't help but get excited about it. After apologizing to Mr. Shue for her glee abandonment, she felt so out of place. She couldn't even decide where to sit today. It was way to awkward for her taste. So when she saw Blaine, she felt okay again because he was nervous too.
The first time she saw him, she knew they would end up with one another. It was just a matter of time. She was sexy. Blaine was sexy. Mysterious. He was nothing like Puck. She was misguided when she started liking him. She mistook his vulnerability for a good quality, and the skanks had helped point that out. Blaine was actually a badass, not all talk.
He frightened Quinn a little, and it was a huge turn on. It was also a plus that he wanted her too, badly enough to cause a scene in U.S. History at least. He had really mistreated Kurt though. Quinn had seen what he did to him in the cafeteria. That whole room was basically walled in with windows.
Her and the skanks' had a front row ticket to the humiliation show from the bleachers. Quinn definitely didn't have anything against Kurt; they were just never close to one another. The things she knew about him were based solely off of what she had observed in glee club, and what she had heard from Mercedes when she was staying at her house. What she gathered from all of that information was that Kurt was a bit of a diva, and went through a lot of bullying last year. He didn't deserve the humiliation it's just…
The real reason she liked Blaine was because he was the person she wanted so badly to be. He didn't care about anything. He was a fortress of smoldering sex curls. Exactly the image she was going for. Blaine was…. Cool. So what on Earth was he doing here?
She knew all her assumptions were true. She was good at guessing people's intentions, but she couldn't just let him have her. She had to make him want her first. Really want her. It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing. How times, have changed.
Blaine was so confident. She watched as he headed straight to the piano. He was so carefree. His curls were matted down, probably from sleeping on them, and he looked tired. Cute. When he began singing his audition song, she turned pink. It was stunning.
He was such a confusing person. Rebel one moment, soft Disney prince the next. Quinn wanted him all to herself. Maybe she would invite him to Rachel's Halloween party this year? That is if her dad's went out of town again.
Quinn knew she wasn't ready for a relationship after all she had been through, but Blaine seemed like a way to forget that. This was her test run. Maybe at Rachel's party she would give him what he wanted. Until that time came though, she was going to have a lot of fun leading him on… two whole months to be exact. She couldn't wait.
Blaine had arrived at his favorite part of the song. He lowered his voice, carefully singing the scripted words of rescue.
I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
And that the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine
And that the sun will shine
He repeated the previous verses once more, adding emphasis on 'rise' and 'shine'. This part had to be perfect. He had steadily built up to this point from his first note. He needed that energy to spark the ending reprise. His voice gained momentum. He sang with passion. He had missed this. He loved this.
I know!
Yes, I know.
The sun will rise!
Yes, I know!
I know.
The clouds must clear!
I know that the night must end!
I know that the sun will rise!
And I'll hear your voice deep inside!
Nothing could bring him down right now. Music was beautiful. This is what he wanted in life. If life was going to deny him happiness in every other way, he still had music. Maybe beauty had already found him? It was just in form of song.
I know that the night must end,
And that the clouds must clear,
Oh, the sun!
The sun will rise!
The sun!
The sun, will rise!'
He was done. Blaine prepared himself to listen, once more, to stale air. He powdered out the last notes of the song, and looked up from his invisible fortress of sound. Well?
"That's it." He was monotone.
He could tell they wanted to say something, but they all looked around instead. Kurt was the first to stand up, Quinn the second. Kurt was clapping, and grinning like a loon. Thank God. Thank you Kurt. Thank you so much. Blaine had momentarily forgotten how much he disliked him. The others followed suit, but he only had eyes for Kurt. He mentally fought himself to look elsewhere, but that was all he really needed to see. Blaine was part of glee club now.
How could these people accept him after what he had done? He wasn't worthy of praise. He didn't deserve acceptance. He wasn't even being himself. He was a lie, a big inadequate lie. His thoughts immediately switched to favor detriment. They only like you because of your voice, Blaine. Don't forget how they were looking at you earlier. But he couldn't remember the last time people had smiled at him like this. Don't forget how they are looking at you now, either. Not even at Dalton were they this enthused about your presence. What had he gotten himself into?
Mr. Shue stood up, wiping away tears from his cheeks. "Welcome to the New Directions!"
Song: Endless Night - The Lion King on Broadway
AUTHORS NOTE: Some notes about Quinn's character: I'm excluding the Quinn wanting her baby storyline. Thought you should know that right away. Quinn only states that she feels bad for Kurt because she knows she should feel bad, but she really doesn't have too much attachment to him. Quinn is my most flexible character, so she's probably not going to turn out how she did on the show. Think of her as half OC/half glee. Thanks for reading!
