Disclaimer : Still don't own the Transformers. Kate, Arad, Pinky, Tank, and Wrench own themselves, barely.

Reviews :

Fae Child19 - It starts out just with SG-1, but I have it planned so that it will eventually tie into Atlantis. Glad you like Arad, seeing as she's technically me.

SomeReallyRandomPerson - Love the name. Yes, this fic, like real life, is full of crazy people.

Chibi Yoshi - Yesh, Stargate is the most awesome show ever and now, combined with the best fecking movie ever, they shall take over the universe...erm...um...or simply cause much mayhem in the universe.

Fire From Above - Stargate, like Transformers, is one of those things that have consumed my life. I couldn't not do a crossover. I have a plan of sorts that concerns a certain race from the show known as the Ancients and the origins of the Transformers themselves. Tis very complicated and causes much conflict in my brain.

Primefan - Teehee, puns. I've toned Pinky down a lot, because I kind of don't want to spend to much time due to raging plot bunnies that won't stop stalking me. I must apologize to her for limiting her involvement to a cameo, because originally this fic was only to have Kate and Arad as the only crazy insane girls to be mentioned. Pinky will probably end up showing up in later chapters at random.

Riana1 - You'll have to wait on the Pinky and the Brain related humor. Plot bunnies rage at me to get to the point of the story before I get writer's block. Pinky'll probably show up later in the story again.

Gaara's Pro RACOON - Okay.

blood shifter - Its insane, of course it'll be good.

Note : I apologize P-Chan13, for I must limit your cameo time for now. As mentioned above, the plot bunnies are planning to steal my chocolate if I don't proceed to the actual point of the story by at least chapter ten. This, unfortunately limits the amount of time I can spend on your character, but don't worry you shall have more time later on to fully show off your insane-ness. Until then, the story must move along.

The Dark Side of the Sun

Chapter Seven

A plan was made, revised, edited, and argued over for approximately fifteen minutes. The discussion ended only when the tent collapsed, causing a general downfall in everyone's mood as they attempted to disentangle themselves from the canvas. Arad, being the smallest and least likely to be squished, managed to escape through a convenient hole one of the struts had ripped in the wall during the collapse. She took the time to survey the mess, slightly dismayed that her handiwork had been destroyed so easily by something as common as the weather.

Sighing, she made her way around the side of the house to the aluminum awning where her father kept various lawn related machinery. Along the wall sat one and a half riding mowers, a broken weed-wacker, and a large pallet full of bricks. Taking up most of the space, however, was a tow trailer on loan from her uncle. The fact that there was a car already parked on it did not phase her one bit; she simply walked around and pulled down the trailer's back gate. Climbing up, she quickly circled back up front and opened up the car's driver side door. Inspecting the lack of the interior, she quickly found the brake release lever and proceeded to roll the car off the trailer and into the backyard.

This task finished, she returned to the trailer and locked the gates back in place.

"What are you doing?"

Looking up, she spotted Tank glaring at her from around the side of the house.

"Getting the trailer ready," she informed him, kicking loose the bricks that kept said trailer from rolling off. "Duh."

"Why?"

"Well, how else are we going to get Wrench from out of Pinky's backyard without arousing suspicions from the neighbors?" she asked, grabbing up the front hooks in a futile attempt to pull the trailer with her. "You can't very well go stomping through Spring Hill, there'll be pandemonium."

She paused, both in speech and in her actions.

"Actually, that'd be rather funny to see."

She appeared to be picturing the scene in her mind, losing mental focus with each imaginary panicked citizen running about her head.

"Move," Tank grumbled impatiently, poking her shoulder.

"What?"

"Move, please."

Arad blinked, slightly shocked.

"What?"

"You said 'please'!" she cried, scrambling out of the way. "You said 'please'!"

"So?"

"It means you're not as rude as I originally thought you were."

Shaking his head, Tank reached under the awning and pulled the trailer out, proceeding to drag it back up front where the others were waiting. Arad followed, shuffling over to Kate to whisper about Tank's newfound manners in her friend's ear.

"He said what?" Kate gasped, eyes widening in an exaggerated manner. "Wow, that's amazing."

"Isn't it though?"

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Tank asked, interrupting as he tapped the side of the trailer in annoyance. Arad sighed, throwing her hands in the air before walking over.

"Why do I get stuck going off with you again?"

"You are the only one who knows where this 'Pinky' lives," Ratchet answered, watching as the girl took the tow chains from Tank. "That and I do not believe there would be much use for your chalk gun should there be a battle."

"You never know, it might come in handy."

"It would cause mild irritation in whoever you shot with it, but I doubt it would do any lasting damage."

"So?" Arad asked, sticking out her bottom lip in a pouting expression. "What about Kate? All she knows is karate, I doubt that's gonna be useful against that flying hunk of tin."

She paused briefly.

"No offense Kate."

"None taken," the other girl replied. "Besides, who needs karate when I've got a DMK."

"What is a DMK?" Ironhide inquired with a frown, kicking the remains of the tent aside.

"De-Molecularizing Katana."

This caused some startled looks amongst the Autobots, mainly due to the fact that they hadn't exactly suspected such technology to exist on this particular planet. That there was a short pause while they collectively looked up the term 'katana' was not noticed by the humans present.

"You possess a De-Molecularizing Katana?" Ironhide repeated, staring at her.

"Yes."

"How?"

"Well, I took apart this box thing that Arad had in the garage and-"

"YOU WHAT!?"

"You weren't using it," Kate protested, as her friend advanced, looking as angry as is possible for a skinny blonde girl to be. "It was getting all dusty."

"You took apart my Molecular Destabilizing Chamber to build a stupid sword!" Arad cried, eyebrow twitching. "Are you insane!?"

Kate stared at her, considering the question and all possible sarcastic retorts. After a brief moment, she decided that now was probably not the best of times for witty quips about her friends own questionable mental state.

"Um, yes?"

"Do you realize that if that thing isn't installed properly it could…it could…"

As it was apparent that Arad was unable to finish the sentence, Sam tried to help.

"It could blow up?" he asked hesitantly, as this was probably the most likely of bad circumstances. He was hoping against hope that she wouldn't start shrieking at him too.

"No, it could reverse itself and generate a de-molecularizing field extending around the wielder and possibly even farther than that," Ratchet explained, as Arad appeared too pissed to put together a coherent sentence. "As such a device requires a constant access with z-space, if given a sufficient supply of energy, it could cause the magnetic field of the planet to collapse."

"Oh," Sam said, gaping slightly. "That's bad."

"Yes," Optimus agreed, nodding. "Yes, it is."

"Oh please," Kate scoffed, rolling her eyes. "That's so overly dramatic. What, you think I didn't test it out to make sure it worked?"

"You tested it?"

Kate nodded vigorously.

"On what?"

"The Neon," Kate answered, staring down at her orange painted nails. "It kind of destroyed the engine, but I was able to save the transmission."

"I don't think destroying your car counts as a field test, Kate."

"I don't think a Neon even counts as a car," Sam added, absently scratching his ear. "I mean, its a-"

"Dipshit Dodge."

"What!?"

"It's called alliteration, when you take two words that begin with the same letter and string them together in a statement," Arad explained, frown receding. "And as Dodge begins with the letter 'D' one must assign it an adjective beginning with that letter, preferably one that describes the quality of the brand. Thus you have, 'Dipshit Dodge'."

Sam gaped at her, then turned towards Bumblebee.

"Can we please get out of here before she explains something else?"

The yellow mech blinked, then shrugged, shifting swiftly into car form and popping open the door for Sam to climb in. Arad watched in annoyance, then took a deep steadying breath before turning around to face Tank.

"Come on, let's go before any more of my inventions get abused," she muttered, shoulders sagging. Chuckling, he shifted into truck form, his laughter earning himself a kick in the bumper as she proceeded to hook up the trailer. She ignored him for the most part and everyone else for that matter, focusing on correctly attaching the chains, though she did manage to kick one of his wheels before climbing in the passenger side door. "Jerk."


"Your friend is odd," Ironhide remarked, having gotten over his initial annoyance at Kate, who had insisted on riding with him. They were now on the highway, keeping a lookout for anything suspicious as they headed south towards MacDill Airforce Base. Bumblebee in the lane ahead of him, blasting various tunes on the stereo at a volume that was evidently not tolerable judging by the various looks he was being thrown by other drivers. Optimus drove behind them all, scanning for any sign of Starscream. "Humans altogether are strange, but she is odd even by human standards."

"Of course she is," Kate replied, rummaging through her purse. "She's a genius."

"I don't see what her intelligence level has to do with anything."

"Well of course you don't, you only just met her today," Kate murmured, pulling out a pair of chopsticks. "Arad is only insane because she's so smart. You've caught her on the lighter end of her brainstorming cycle, usually she's a lot worse."

"How much worse?"

"Remember how I was telling Optimus that it's my job's to make sure she doesn't kill herself or anyone else?"

"Yes."

"About two months ago she got it in her head to build an electron collider so she could create her own antimatter."

"Why would she want to create her own antimatter?" Ironhide inquired, before realizing that he probably didn't want to know the answer.

"Something about wanting to know if a gram of it could actually blow up the Vatican. The important thing to note is that she only managed to make a milligram."

"Only?" Ironhide echoed. "That amount alone would have a yield sufficient enough to cause damage within a one point five kilometer radius."

"Yeah, I know."

"You know?"

"It's the reason why I'm no longer allowed to own a boat," Kate muttered, glaring out the window at a passing burnt orange Dodge Charger. "We had to get rid of it real fast when the container she to hold it started to disintegrate, so we shipped out into the gulf and dumped it overboard. In retrospect, it wasn't that brilliant of a plan especially since she insisted on sticking around to monitor what happened."

"What happened?"

"You know how light bulbs always burn brightest when they're about to burn out?"

Ironhide considered this remark, having been witnessed to one such light bulb related incident at the home of one Captain William Lennox. The lamp in question had been attached to the work bench with the garage of the Lennox household, and the Captain had been sitting there attempting to fix a broken doorknob. Lennox had reacted rather badly when the bulb practically exploded over his head, the man letting out a string of curses that had fortunately gone on unheard by his wife. It had been a moment of great amusement.

"Yes," he finally answered.

"It was like that only about a million times brighter, spewing water everywhere. We got caught in the surge, carried all the way back to shore and nearly smashed to pieces on the rocks!! And all because-HOLY SHIT!!"

Ironhide slammed on his brakes, screeching to a halt just four centimeters from Bumblebee's bumper. Behind him, Optimus did the same but the bigger truck was forced to swerve onto the median to avoid hitting the black pick-up. The cause of this: the Dodge Charger that had roared past a few moments earlier had attempted to change lanes by squeezing through a gap between two Wal-Mart Semi-Trailers only to clip the backend of a Mitsubishi Eclipse in the left lane ahead. The Eclipse had spun out; forcing the semi's to apply the brakes lest they run the smaller vehicle down. One had jack-knifed, slamming into the other and now there were boxes marked 'Halo3' all over the roadway.

A burning wheel rolled away from the scene, as per the laws of physics.

Beyond the wreck, the Charger idled for a moment, as if considering the scene then took off in a roar, tires squealing. There, on the back end, instead of the usual Dodge sigil was the Decepticon emblem, standing out noticeably against the orange paint.

"Did you see that!?" Sam yelled, having jumped from his seat to run back towards Ironhide and Optimus. "Did-"

"Yes, Sam," Optimus rumbled, edging back onto the road next to Ironhide. "It seems that Starscream was able to find re-enforcements."


Pinky was sitting on a lawn chair in her driveway, a neon green and orange striped umbrella duct-taped to the back. With a pair of large cat-eyed sunglasses, a shirt that declared her a 'crazed otaku' and a pair of foam flip-flops, she appeared to be right at home in the humidity. She even had a large Busch Gardens souvenir cup sitting on the concrete next to the chair, collecting condensation. As Arad clambered out of the red Silverado and stomped over, she absently turned the page of the Newtype Magazine in her lap.

"Well?"

"He got snippy with me when I tried to rescue the other lawn chairs," Pinky murmured, not looking up. "So I stole my neighbor's pool tarp and put it over him."

Arad stared at her.

"That wasn't very nice."

"Well, he shouldn't have made fun of my hair."

Arad looked at Pinky's hair, which was evidently newly re-dyed into the constant bright pink state that had earned her the nickname. Deciding that it was best not to argue with her friend's method of punishment, she stuck her hands in her pockets.

"I'm going to have to take down a section of your fence."

"Okay dearie," Pinky agreed, nodding as she inspected the next page of her magazine. "Just watch out for Tequila, she's been hunting again."

Having been given the okay to desecrate half the backyard, Arad ran back to the truck.

"Who or what is Tequila?" Tank inquired as she retrieved her backpack from the backseat.

"Tequila is her cat."

"What's a cat?"

"A furry feline creature that is apparently smarter than you," Arad remarked, slamming the door shut before walking over to Ratchet, who was sitting by the curb a few feet away. "Okay, so the plan is: I'm gonna take the hinges of the gates as they don't swing wide enough to get a car through. I'll roll Wrench out here and onto the trailer. We'll go back to my house so you can fix him, ok?"

"No."

"No?"

Ratchet seemed to heave a sigh, one that sounded slightly irritated.

"I have sent a message to Optimus on Wrench's status, as I was able to scan him upon arriving here," he explained in an annoyed tone of voice, though Arad was able to note that the irritation was not aimed at her. "There is nothing wrong with him. He appears to be confused over the function of the 'emergency brake' and-"

"What? Are you telling me we drove all the way out hear because he doesn't know how to turn off the fucking emergency brake!?"

"I am as frustrated with this as you are."

"Like hell," Arad hissed, clenching her fists. "No one can be as frustrated as I can be."

With that remark, she thundered off towards the side gate, slamming it open and continuing onwards into the back. She didn't pause to announce her presence, simply ripped the tarp off then kicked the Delorean in the bumper.

"YOU IDIOT!!"

"What the-?" the car cried in response, startled at finding a skinny blonde human standing in front of him. "Who're you!?"

"I'm the girl who's forever going to berate you for not being able to figure out the damn emergency brake!!"

"What's that?"

Not answering, Arad circled around the side and yanked open the door before he could even think about locking them. Grumbling, she reached in and clicked the brake loose, then slammed the door and kicked him once more. There was silence as he contemplated what she had just done, running an internal systems diagnostic.

"Oh."

"OH!!" she shrieked, throwing her hands in the air. "OH, he says!! OH!! Now move it, Doc, before I get really pissed off!!"

"Doc?"

Arad ignored him, opting for fuming silence as she stalked back over to the gate to undo the hinges. Pulling a strange hook-like device from the recesses of her bag, the job was done quickly and efficiently. Wrench then rolled out from the backyard, hesitantly maneuvering around the glaring blonde girl. Once he was out, she replaced the gates and stuck her hooked device back into her bag before following him out to the street where Ratchet had gotten into a lecture about information retrieval and trans-scanning.

Normally, this would have been something of interest to Arad, but being in a foul mood killed any and all curiosity. She went over to Tank and climbed into the cab, buckling her seatbelt and pushing the button for the radio. Loud and angry rock music blared for ten seconds before Tank abruptly shut it off.

"I am not less intelligent than a cat."

"Tank, in case you haven't noticed, I'm angry right now."

"So?"

"So shut up and drive or I'll take you apart," she threatened in a hiss. "And don't tell me that I couldn't possibly do that because, trust me, I'll figure it out eventually. I'll wait till your sleeping."

Ratchet?

Yes Tank?

She's threatening to kill me in recharge.

Ignore her. Ratchet sent back. We have to go meet up with Optimus and the others.

Is she always that way?

Apparently Wrench. Tank texted, managing to intone it as if he was muttering. Apparently.


Starscream slowly blinked his optics, slowly regaining the feeling in his sensors. As the numbness receded, he was able to gage his surroundings and discern that he was upside-down on what appeared to be a small human dwelling. A vague recollection of what had occurred before he'd blacked out coursed through his processors, the memory of a dozen and a half bolts of lightning hitting his wings. Groaning, he pushed himself off the house, noting that it appeared to have been dilapidated to begin with which explained why there were no annoying humans buzzing around.

"What happened to you?"

Snapping his gaze to the left, Starscream spotted the owner of the voice standing a few meters away and felt an immediate annoyance. Of all the Decepticons in the universe, he had never been able to fathom why Scythe had insisted on having the reckless speed devil that was Blitz on his squad. The bot was annoying to the point that he'd been deliberately sent on several missions designed to get him blown into a thousand pieces, yet somehow he'd always managed to come back alive.

In retrospect, this knack for survival against all odds was probably the reason why the Decepticon medic kept the chaos loving mech around.

"Where is Scythe?"

"Said something about a signal in a place called Colorado," the burnt orange 'Con replied with a one-shouldered shrug. "Said I was to find you."

"Did he now?"

"You look like someone fired a plasma cannon at close range on your aft," Blitz commented with a grin. "What'd you do, fly through a thunderstorm?"

"Shut up."

"That's it, isn't it?"

"Shut up!"

"You got struck by lightning didn't you?"

"SHUT UP YOU INSUBORDINATE HUNK OF JUNK!!"

"Look who's talking," Blitz snorted, before being forced to dodge a blast from Starscream's rifle. "Missed me!"

"Next time I won't!"

"Uh huh," the younger mech said, rolling his optics before shifting swiftly into the alternate form he'd scanned upon landing on the planet. The orange Charger revved his engine menacingly. "I'd get out of here if I were you. Spotted some of the Autobots on the way over here and while they may be delayed by some…roadway complications, I doubt you'd be able to take them on in your condition, you know, having been struck by lightning and all."

Starscream fired another shot at him as the Dodge sped off, missing yet again and cursing whoever had been mad enough to create such an annoying little mech.