This update came out faster than intended... Fanfiction is my therapy of choice right now.

As promised this chapter includes something many of you have been wanting to see for a while now. Some of you ventured a guess in your reviews. Read on to find out if you were right ;)


The first weekend of December Chuck, Emmy, Nate and Serena attended a Christmas benefit at the Plaza, their first black-tie night out in almost a year. Chuck had tried to drown his guilty conscience over how he was handling things with Emmy by taking her shopping right after Thanksgiving and spending a ridiculous amount of money on a dress, a necklace and a clutch for her to wear to the benefit. Serena had come along and the women had giggled their way through the shopping spree and found Christmas themed dresses. Serena wore a dark red Dior gown with a white hemline and Emmy a white snowflake gown, both paid for by a dutiful Chuck. All in all the spirits were high when they arrived at the Plaza and it only took half a glass of champagne for Emmy to start to loosen up more than she had in months.

"This is so exciting!" she grinned. "How long has it been since the four of us have been out causing mischief?"

"Who's causing mischief?" Nate asked. "My grandfather is here tonight. I intend on being on my best behavior."

"I bet a Christmas tree that the minute we're out of here you will be getting drunk of your ass in the back of the limo and suggest we all go ice-skating in the park" Chuck smirked.

"Oh, ice-skating!" Serena exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "That sounds like so much fun. Let's do that!"

"In this dress?" Emmy objected, holding out the skirt of her gown.

"It would be a sight to behold…" Chuck said.

"Hey Chuck, don't you agree with me that Nate should have dyed his beard white for the occasion?" Serena said, her fingers playing with the beard Nate had let grow a touch longer. "I'd be out on a date with Santa Clause."

Chuck just snorted and Emmy laughed.

"Why don't we go sit down at our table?" Nate suggested. "I'm starving. When do you think this dinner is going to start?"

"Give it another half hour at least" Chuck said.

"I'm going to go sit down anyway" Nate said. "Come on Mrs. Clause, let's go."

He took Serena by the hand and walked off in the direction of the table they were seated at. Emmy excused herself to go to the bathroom and Chuck decided to join Nate and Serena. They sat down and talked for a while, relieved to be out at an event and away from the troubles in their daily lives. Emmy found them after fifteen minutes and sat down next to Chuck. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a couple of light kisses. It made him feel uncomfortable and he gently put his hands on her waist and nudged her away.

"We're in public" he reminded her.

"You're the one who always wants to do it someplace where we might get caught" Emmy reminded him teasingly.

"Oh, there's one piece of information I did not need to know" Nate said with a laugh. "Why am I even surprised?"

"Like you've never gotten carnal in a coat closet" Chuck replied.

"Unless someone hung up a mistletoe right above where you're sitting, keep your lips to yourselves" Serena said good-naturedly. "People will be trying to eat soon."

"Now, sis, this is the season of love and understanding" Chuck grinned.

Once dinner started they all tried to recreate the relaxed and fun atmosphere they had used to have when they were going out together all four of them but something seemed to be missing. Chuck shared a look with Nate and Serena and realized they were all thinking the same thing. Now that Blair was back in the city it felt odd to have Emmy be the fourth person present instead of her. Neither one of them wanted to acknowledge the feeling but it was there.

"So, you guys spending Christmas in Iowa this year?" Nate asked when dinner was over and the dancing had begun.

"No" Emmy said, before looking at Chuck. "At least, I assume we're not."

"You haven't discussed it?"

"Well, we… we would like to spent at least some time with Sebastian during Christmas" Emmy said, feeling the mood turn gloomier.

"Oh" Nate said. "Right. I uh… guess I should have thought of that."

"Smooth, Nate" Serena said dryly.

"You haven't discussed anything with Blair yet?" Nate continued on, seemingly not knowing when to drop the subject.

"She invited us over for Thanksgiving" Chuck said. "I'm sure she'll be alright with us spending time with him at Christmas. Though I was hoping to not spend an awkward Christmas morning with the Waldorfs."

"Good luck avoiding that" Serena said. "You know Blair and holidays. She'll want to make Christmas special for Sebastian and I have a feeling that includes opening gifts underneath the tree with a huge crowd of onlookers."

"As I said we've discussed nothing at this point" Chuck said. "I was hoping we could have him Christmas Eve and perhaps take him to Lily's for dinner."

"Blair's never going to let you take him somewhere without her tagging along" Serena argued. "Not on Christmas. She'll want to spend every magic moment with him."

"Which is understandable" Chuck said. "Still I hope we can have that time alone with him. Not that he likes me much, or at all really, but it's time we started to make some traditions."

"It's going to be a weird Christmas" Nate noted.

"Yes" Chuck agreed. "Thank you for pointing out the obvious."

Silence fell and nobody looked at anyone else. Serena gave Nate an angry kick underneath the table. Why did he have to speak before thinking? Sometimes he really could be daft.

After a few minutes she decided she had had enough of the gloomy mood and got up from her seat. She walked around the table and stopped next to Chuck.

"I want to dance" she said and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet. "Come on Chuck. Your sense of rhythm is much better than Nate's."

Chuck followed her to the dance floor as another song began to play. Emmy watched them dance and sighed wistfully.

"I wish I could waltz like that" she said. "You Upper East Side trust fund babies got to learn so many cool things growing up."

"Waltzing lessons did not feel cool in middle-school, let me tell you" Nate said.

"Still, look at them" Emmy said. "I could never look as graceful as Serena out on the dance floor. Whenever Chuck tries to steer me around the dance floor it's like one of Baby's first dance practice scenes from 'Dirty Dancing'."

"Oh come on, you can't be that bad" Nate chuckled.

"Trust me."

"No, I'll have to experience it to believe it" Nate said, getting up. "Come on Emmy."

"You're crazy" Emmy said with a laugh.

"What have you got to lose? If nothing else at least we'll have more fun up there than those two."

She took the hand he held out to her and rose from her seat. Soon they were out on the dance floor together and Emmy proved to be just as bad at waltzing as she had claimed. She had a good time anyway, laughing at Nate and his various attempts at explaining away her mishaps and wrong turns.

Serena and Chuck continued to dance together when the next song began to play. They didn't say much to one another but both enjoyed the familiarity of the dance, falling back on things they had learned so well when they were little that they could practically do it in their sleep now that they were adults. Halfway through the second dance Serena excused herself to go to the ladies' room. Chuck considered walking over to Nate and tapping his shoulder to cut in and steal his dance partner but before he got that far his eyes fell on a doorway he had passed through with Blair the last time he had been dancing at the Plaza.

He remembered every detail from the night with almost painfully vivid clarity. The way it had felt to just be together with Blair again, out on the town, doing something fun. How happy she had looked when she joined in the dancing, and later got into the middle of the circle to dance her goofy dance. How much fun it had been to share that moment with her, forgetting all about the world and just being them. How awkward yet fun it had been to be lifted up in the chairs and the happiness in his heart that was bordered on painfully intense when he reached out his hand to her and she took it. The symbolism of the moment had not been lost to him.

He had barely realized his feet were moving when he stopped right in front of the door Blair had then pulled him through. Standing on that spot again sent chills through his spine, like he was standing on the thresholds to the moment when his life changed directions forever. If he hadn't followed her into that room… It was the sliding doors moment. Had he not gone with her into the room, not responded to her eager kisses, then his life would never have been turned on its head. Had he only resisted the passion, the intense attraction, forced his mind to be stronger than his body then his life would not be in shambles right now and Sebastian would have never been. It was strange knowing exactly when and where his child had been conceived. If he could go back in time and change the direction of that night would he do it?

With a hand that trembled slightly he opened the door and stepped inside. The room looked different now but he could easily tell it was the same room. The curtains were different, the furniture had been replaced, but it was their room. Memories of the last time he had been in there washed over him and almost overwhelmed him. He hadn't allowed himself to think about it all the years Blair had been gone. It was not easy to remember and even harder to forget. Part of him would always remain in this room, making love to the woman he had thought was his true and lifelong love. Had he only known then what he knew now he probably wouldn't have been as passionate. What had she really felt for him that night? Love? Or just gratitude that he had saved her and exhilaration at still being alive?

"Chuck?" Nate's voice said behind him.

He turned around. Nate and Serena were standing in the doorway, looking at him with worried faces.

"Why did you wander off?" Nate asked.

"Where's Emmy?" Chuck asked back.

"She got a phone call from her sister. Why are we standing in this room?"

Chuck slowly turned around 180 degrees, looking around the room.

"Blair and I… were in here."

"I think we've all been in lots of rooms at the Plaza" Nate said.

"No, I mean… We were here that night after Russell Thorpe tried to blow her up at the hotel. We went here and we crashed a party and then…" Thoughtfully he walked over to roughly the spot where Blair had begun to kiss him. "This is where we made Sebastian."

Nate looked away, finding it a little awkward to know such intimate details.

"You had sex in here?" Serena needlessly asked.

"Behind Louis' back. The room looked different then… There was a divan somewhere around there, and an armchair… Somewhere around here was where it actually happened. When I let her go that night it never even crossed my mind that I might have gotten her pregnant. I didn't have a condom but I assumed she was still on the pill."

"I guess that's a lesson to learn" Nate muttered, looking down at his shoes.

"I haven't been back here since then" Chuck said. "Now it's like… I don't know. It's just strange to be standing in the room where my son… where… It was the last genuine happy moment I had with her."

Serena walked over and wrapped her arms around him.

"Come" she said. "Let's get out of here. We'll go get Emmy and we'll have the limo brought round and we'll leave."

Nate walked over as well and put a hand on Chuck's shoulder.

"She's right, man. Standing around in here won't do you any good."

"Don't taint your good memories" Serena said. "Whatever happened after, the things you felt here with Blair were real."

"You're right, we should leave" Chuck said.

"Okay" Nate nodded. "Come on, let's go find that girlfriend of yours, huh?"

They left the room together, Serena's arm wrapped around Chuck's waist. Fifteen minutes later they were all in their coats, stepping outside, walking towards the waiting limo.

"Some party, huh?" Serena said.

"Puts you in the Christmas spirit" Nate sighed.

"It was a lovely evening…" Emmy said. "At least the start."

No one bothered to agree. Chuck held open the limo door and the others got in. He got inside as well and closed the door, saying nothing as they car slowly made its way to his and Nate's apartment. Once they got inside the apartment they gathered in the living room, drinking hot cider and half-heartedly playing a round of "Cheat". After less than an hour Nate and Serena got up to go to bed. Nate stopped in the doorway and looked at Chuck.

"I believe someone owes me a Christmas tree" he said.

Chuck didn't bother answering. He got up and walked to his own bedroom without checking to see if Emmy followed. All he wanted right now was to be alone.


The next morning Blair was sitting cross-legged on her bed, sleeping mask pulled up to the point where it was almost a headband, reading the morning paper. The society pages were all about the big Christmas benefit at the Plaza the previous night and Blair was secretly furious that she hadn't been able to go, or even received an invitation. Making it ten times worse was seeing pictures of Chuck and Emmy attending the event together with Nate and Serena. The picture showed a smiling quartet drinking champagne and talking amongst each other and it seemed like whoever wrote the comments to the pictures couldn't suck up to the girlfriend of Bass Industries CEO any more if they tried. Blair had to grudgingly admit that Emmy's gown was gorgeous and that her hair, for once styled in something other than strict buns or braids, in combination with the makeup and jewelry almost made her pass for an upper class citizen. Almost. But the thought of Emmy attending that sort of event on Chuck's arm, having fun with Nate and Serena as if she was a part of the group instead of Blair, made her fume.

"I hate that woman" Blair spat out and threw the paper down on the comforter. "I hate her, hate her, hate her."

"She make Mister Chuck happy" Dorota shrugged, carrying a breakfast tray.

"Not happy enough" Blair argued. "Not happy like I made him happy."

Dorota gave her a look like she was wondering if Blair really ought to be pulling on that thread, and set the tray down in front of Blair.

"Mister Chuck devoted to her" she said. "Has been for four years."

"Yes, thank you, I know their timeline" Blair said sullenly and grabbed a raspberry. She put it in her mouth and chewed on it slowly. "I did my research on her and she's middle-class. From Iowa. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Nothing but the crème-de-la-crème used to be good enough for Chuck." She sighed and continued in a whiny voice. "Look at them, out having fun together as if I never existed. That should have been me at that benefit, drinking champagne and enjoying fine dining and adorning the society pages the day after. Instead Chuck's glorified rebound girl was out having a blast with my friends."

"I know thing that might make you feel better" Dorota said and sat down on the bed, eager to brighten her boss' spirits. "Maid at van der Woodsen building is friend of mine. She tell me Miss Serena talk to Miss Lily during evening and say everything was good until Mister Nate start asking Mister Chuck about Christmas plans."

"Oh, Nate" Blair said, choosing not to question how Dorota would already know what Lily and Serena had spoken of less than twelve hours ago. "Cute as a button, dumb as a brick."

Dorota grinned excitedly.

"See? Evening not all fun."

"It does make me wonder though…" Blair said with a pensive expression. "What are Chuck's plans for Christmas? I'd love to have him over but I'd rather not invite his girlfriend to my home for the time of year you're supposed to spend with those you care about."

"Perhaps she will spend holidays with own family?" Dorota suggested.

"Not likely. The woman sticks to him like a band-aid. Wherever he goes she follows like a puppy dog. It's sad, really."

Dorota rose from the bed to draw a bath for Sebastian and left Blair to eat her breakfast and ponder Christmas arrangements. Blair remained on the bed with the newspaper, slowly eating her breakfast while trying to overcome the urge to rush to the bathroom and purge it. She wouldn't be able to, not while Dorota was preparing Sebastian's bath. It had been a battle during the last couple of weeks to keep herself from falling back into old patterns and she had succumbed twice. She had a sneaking suspicion that if it hadn't been for Dorota being back in her corner that would probably have happened far more often.

Looking at the pictures in the paper it was hard to come to grips with Chuck's choices. Emmy seemed so mundane in Blair's eyes yet Chuck had chosen her. He had chosen her four years ago when they started dating, he had chosen her this summer when it had seemed like he might go back to Blair and in a way he had chosen her every day in-between. What was it about her? Why did Chuck stay with her when he hadn't been able to make it work with Blair?

With a sigh she closed the paper and tried to ignore the sadness welling up inside her. She had to get up and get dressed and be ready for another day. She could hear Sebastian talking to Dorota in the bathroom and got off the bed to go help him with his bath.


The following weekend Sebastian was with Chuck and Emmy. The plan had originally been to take him Christmas shopping but those plans had to be postponed when Chuck got a call from the board of Bass Industries summoning him for an emergency meeting. Having to go into the office on a Saturday, especially one where he had his son, put him in a sour mood and he locked himself inside his home office to go over some last minute numbers before the meeting. When he was done he walked back to the bedroom to gather his things and he felt his frustration grow when he searched everywhere in the bedroom and couldn't find his phone anywhere. He may have lead a messy lifestyle at points but he had always kept things tidy in his room, and in his apartments when he got older. It was one of the few things Bart had appreciated about him, in fact sometimes even bragged about when he was a little kid and unlike all the other kids didn't have a complete mess in his room. As a result he didn't often misplace things and few things frustrated him more than having to search for something that should be in its specific place.

He gave up on searching the bedroom and walked out to search in the kitchen. On his way he passed by the living room where Emmy and Sebastian were curled up on the couch, heads together, giggling about something. He passed by them without much thought but halted in the doorway. He turned his head to confirm what he thought he had just seen. Yep, that's where his phone was. He walked over to them and held out his hand.

"What are you doing with my phone?" he asked in a not-too-friendly tone.

"Nothing" Emmy said innocently and handed it back to him, bursting into another fit of conspiring giggles with Sebastian.

Angrily Chuck checked through his phone. He did not appreciate these kind of practical jokes, or whatever she would like to call them. His phone was his property and one of the few things in the apartment that was his alone and she should keep her hands off it unless she needed to make a call. After about two minutes he found what they had been up to. His ring tune when Blair, and thus by extension Sebastian, called had been set to the theme song from "Tale Spin", a show he was convinced Sebastian had never even seen since it was popular in the early nineties and even Chuck was too young to have watched it.

"Are you purposely trying to annoy me?" he barked at Emmy, cursing inwardly when he saw Sebastian recoil, and stomped off to the kitchen to get his coffee and change the damn ring tune back to the standard one.

Emmy gave Sebastian a reassuring stroke on the cheek and then got up to follow her boyfriend.

"Here's an idea" she said angrily as she walked into the kitchen, placing her hands on her hips. "Why don't we glue a round piece of cardboard to a stick, draw a sad-face smiley on it and you can just hold that up to cover your face all day? It was just a harmless bit of fun and having a special ring tune when he calls you-"

"You're the only person who still cares about ring tunes" Chuck snarled. "Did you think I would find it endearing to be sitting in a board meeting and suddenly have that song playing from my phone?"

"You could stand to lighten up a little" Emmy snorted. "And really Chuck, think of how you act and talk when he's in the room. He's never going to warm up to you if you keep treating him like an alien life form you don't know how to interact with."

Chuck just glared at her for a second, unable to find words. Either she was purposely going in for the kill or she really had a talent for finding the sorest spots and pushing them. The last thing he wanted was to be a father like Bart had been a father and it hurt like hell to hear Emmy flat out tell him that his son wasn't warming up to him.

"I don't need you to tell me how to talk to my son" he said icily.

"I've never doubted you can be a great father but it's like you're not even trying" Emmy shot back, her left hand leaving her hip and resting on the counter instead.

"Hard to even get a chance when you spend all your time being best playmates with him."

"Someone's got to be warm and welcoming in this household."

He leaned in closer and glared at her with a kind of darkness in his eyes she had never seen before.

"Stop acting like you're his mother, because you're not" he said. "He's not yours to use as a substitute for the children you wish you had but you don't."

He walked past her, deciding he could get his damn coffee at the office, knowing her feelings were probably hurt but not giving much of a damn at the moment. He passed through the living room where Sebastian had curled up in a corner of the couch and peered up at him with the eyes of a child who expected to be scolded.

Chuck stopped for a second and looked at him.

"Next time don't let her take my phone" he said and walked out of the room, wondering to himself if he really was the worst parent of all time or if Emmy was just irritated because he hadn't appreciated her sense of humor.

He grabbed his scarf and his coat and put them on before stepping outside to the bleak December day. Very little snow had fallen, not even enough to cover the grass, and it looked like they were in for a grey Christmas. Not that he usually cared whether or not Christmas was white but he had hoped Sebastian's first holiday season on the Upper East Side would be of the picture perfect variety with lots of snow, bright shining lights and tons of presents underneath the tree. Not even mother nature seemed keen on complying this year.


Snow did start to fall the following day, and lots of it. It didn't begin immediately, the start of the day was as grey and dull as the previous ones had been and the weather seemed to affect everybody's mood. Neither Chuck's nor Sebastian's improved when Emmy claimed she had to go help her sister through some pre-Christmas emergency. Chuck strongly suspected that there was no emergency and she was making excuses to let father and son spend time alone together for a while. She had been making comments the night before about how he would never bond with Sebastian if he didn't try to interact with him more and this sudden emergency seemed way too well timed.

Once she was gone Chuck and Sebastian looked at each other, neither one of them knowing what to do next.

"Want to watch a movie?" Chuck asked.

Sebastian shrugged.

"Read a book?"

"You don't read well."

The comment surprised Chuck a little but he decided to let it slide. He racked his brain trying to think of other things they could do but he really sucked at coming up with ideas of entertainment for a child who wasn't yet four years old.

"Well… What would you like to do?"

Sebastian shrugged again and Chuck held back a groan. He walked slowly into the living room, Sebastian following him in silence. He stopped in the middle of the room and looked around, trying to find some inspiration. His eyes fell on a deck of "Go Fish" cards sitting on the living room table.

"Want to play cards?" he asked.

"You know how to play 'Go Fish'?" Sebastian asked skeptically.

"Only one way to find out. What do you say?"

Sebastian shrugged again, a gesture that was starting to annoy Chuck, and walked over to take a seat on the couch. Chuck knelt on the opposite side of the table and grabbed the deck. "Go Fish" Smurf style. It didn't seem the least bit exciting but he was curious about his son's game philosophies. Both Chuck himself and Blair had always played to win, even as little children, and many times over the course of their childhoods they had ended up yelling and screaming at each other over who had really won and whether or not the other person had been cheating. He wondered if Sebastian had inherited that gene or if he was one of those children who just shrugged and moved on to something else if they lost.

He asked Sebastian to go over the rules with him, realizing he needed to brush up. He hadn't played "Go Fish" since he turned double digits. He dealt the cards and studied the ones on his hand, marveling at how ugly the Smurfs really were and realizing he hadn't a clue who half of them were.

"Poetwy Smuwf!" Sebastian demanded.

Chuck studied his smurfs. Two with a chef's hat, one Scottish one, one with glasses and one showing off his biceps but none that looked like they had anything to do with poetry.

"Go fish."

It only took a few minutes for Chuck to notice that Sebastian most definitely had his parents' outlook on playing games. He cheered loudly when Chuck had a card he asked for and his eyes turned dark with anger when he had to hand over a card. After the third time Chuck asked for a card he had he angrily tossed the card down on the coffee table rather than just handing it over. Five minutes later Chuck caught him grabbing a card from the pile on the table when he thought his father wasn't looking. He knew he should be discouraging these behaviors but he decided not to. For one he didn't want to be someone who lectured Sebastian and chastised him, at least not over harmless matters and before they had a better relationship. For another he thought it was rather funny that his son acted this way and didn't really mind it. When he lost the first round Sebastian cheered and seemed more excited than Chuck could remember him being in his company before.

"I want a rematch, Sebastian" he said. "I bet I can beat you if we do best out of three."

"I get to go first!"

"Alright" Chuck smiled.

They played another round and Chuck contemplated letting Sebastian win but decided to even the field a bit. He won the round and it only took about two minutes into the next round for Sebastian to begin to cheat. Amused by the child's antics Chuck looked out the window to give the boy the opportunity to cheat some more. It was then that he noticed the snow falling.

"Sebastian" he said. "Look. Out the window."

Sebastian eyed him skeptically and Chuck laughed a little.

"It's not a trick. I promise I won't touch the pile. Just take a look. It's starting to snow."

Sebastian turned to look and then tossed his cards on the table and ran over to the window. It was the first snowfall he had actually seen this winter; what little snow had fallen previously had done so during the night. He grabbed the windowsill and tried to look out the window from where he was standing but he was too short. Chuck walked up and grabbed him, lifting him up so he could see.

"What do you think?" he said. "Will Christmas be white after all?"

"Snow!" Sebastian cried.

"Do you want to go outside?" Chuck asked. "Snow is nice to look at but it's even more fun to be outside and feel it and smell it."

"Can we go to the pawk?"

"Sure." He frowned a little. "Though you don't have any real outdoor clothes. You'll get soaked through and through if you run around in just your pants."

"I want to go!"

"I know, just… We don't want you to catch a cold right before Christmas. Tell you what. I'll call your mom and ask her to meet us there. She can bring your overalls."

He set Sebastian down on the floor and the boy immediately ran for the door. Chuck smirked and grabbed his phone to call Blair.


The snow was falling even heavier when Blair arrived in Central Park at the ice-skating rink where Chuck had told her to meet them. She had a bright smile on her face, excited by the falling snow and the prospect of spending a day out in the park with Chuck and Sebastian. Her smile grew even wider when she saw that they were alone, no Emmy in sight, and the sight of her son made her heart swell in her chest. He was standing with his arms stretched out and his head leaned back, mouth wide open, trying to catch as much of the falling snow as possible with his tongue. Chuck was next to him, watching him with an entertained smile that made Blair's heart melt.

"Hello boys" she said with a warm smile as she approached them.

Sebastian said nothing, completely absorbed by what he was doing. Chuck laughed a little and smiled at Blair.

"This he gets from you."

"I seem to recall you being the one who liked to do that when we were kids" Blair replied with a smile. "Sebastian, I brought your overalls."

"Don't need overalls" Sebastian claimed.

"That's a shame because you're not going to stay outside without them." She opened the large bag she had packed. "Come, let's put them on."

Sebastian reluctantly closed his mouth and looked at his mother. Blair took him by the hand and lead him over to a bench, sitting him down to put his overalls on.

"Since you asked me to meet you at the ice-skating rink I took the liberty of bringing my skates" Blair said to Chuck, hoping he wouldn't suggest that she go skating alone while he and Sebastian went somewhere else.

"I haven't skated since I was fifteen" he said instead.

"Then isn't it about time you did?" Blair suggested.

"What do you say, Sebastian?" Chuck asked. "Should we rent some skates and give it a try? I bet you you'll look just like Bambi the minute you're out on that rink."

"No I won't!" Sebastian argued.

"Yeah? Prove me wrong."

A short while later Blair was out on the ice, reveling in the feeling of gliding across the ice on a pair of skates again. She had always loved ice-skating but it had been several years now since she'd had the opportunity and the time. The first few minutes she was a bit wobbly but then she found her balance and gracefully sailed over the rink as if she hadn't done anything else her whole life. When she was little her father had let her take figure skating lessons and she still remembered a few tricks, leaning her upper body forward and lifting her right leg into the air as she made a wide turn.

"Don't try and do what she's doing" she heard Chuck tell Sebastian and realized that perhaps she should be setting a more responsible example.

She skated over to the other side of the rink where Chuck was gently pushing a very wobbly Sebastian forward on the ice. It was the most endearing sight she had seen all year and she grabbed her phone from her pocket to take a picture. Chuck had his hands on Sebastian's shoulders and the boy looked absolutely adorable in his purple helmet, his blue overalls, his mittens and the skates he was very wobbly on. She took three pictures and then put her phone away, skating up to them.

"Looking good, Bas" she said.

"I know" Chuck and Sebastian replied at the same time.

"Little Bas" Blair specified with a grin and sailed around so she was facing them. "Are you having fun, Sebastian?"

"My feet huwt."

"That's the skates. You'll get used to it."

She reached out her hands and Sebastian grabbed them. She began to back away, pulling him with her, and Chuck gave them a helpful shove. She skated backwards for a while, casting glances over her shoulders every few seconds to see where she was going, pulling Sebastian with her. Then Chuck came up to them, put his hands on Sebastian's shoulders again, and took over. Blair let go and moved to the side, skating next to Chuck as he pushed Sebastian around the rink going faster than Blair had done. Sebastian began to laugh and held his arms out like he was flying, probably pretending that he was but also attempting to keep his balance. After about ten minutes he stopped laughing and complained again about his feet aching.

"Perhaps that's enough skating for one afternoon" Chuck said. "Besides, all this snow is making it difficult."

They headed back to where they had stepped on the ice and left the rink. Once Sebastian's skates were off and his little boots back on he took off running without waiting for his parents. Chuck got his skates off quicker than Blair and hurried after, worried that he might slip and fall since there were ice patches underneath the snow in some spots.

It had been snowing for over an hour and a half and several inches had fallen. Sebastian got down on the ground and crawled around in the new snow, barking like a dog. Chuck stopped a couple of yards away, letting him play undisturbed. Blair came up to him and stopped to watch their son play. Sebastian rolled over on his back and then back around again, acting like he had never seen snow before in his life and shouting various things in French.

Chuck glanced over at Blair and for a moment the sight took his breath away. Her cheeks were rosy, her smile was bright and there was a sparkle in her eyes he hadn't seen in a very long time. Her soft, brown curls hung loosely down her shoulders and her back with a baby blue beret keeping her head and her ears warm. The beret matched the cashmere scarf she had wrapped around her neck and looked good with her white coat. She was beautiful. He had almost forgotten how beautiful she was, having not really seen her these past months, having not wanted to see her. Right in this moment his guard was down and seeing her like this woke something inside him. He dismissed it in an instant but he couldn't deny that it had been there.

Blair felt his eyes on her but just for a brief second. She turned to look at him and by then his eyes were back on their boy. Her smile widened a bit when she looked at him, seeing him smile the way she liked best, when you could see his upper teeth. She thought that smile was adorable on him and it disappointed her that Sebastian never smiled like that, at least not yet. He had many of his father's features and mannerisms but his smiles were mostly Blair's.

"Mommy watch me!" Sebastian cried, vying for her attention.

"I'm watching, baby" she said, taking her eyes off Chuck.

Sebastian was rolled over on his back again waving his arms as if to make a snow angel but his legs went up and down in the air and not out to the sides.

"He has no talent for snow angels" Chuck remarked.

"What are you talking about? He's perfecting the snow angel."

Blair walked over to Sebastian and tried to get him to move his legs to meet his hands and then back again, to make proper angels. Her instructions were lost on the boy and she had to admit defeat. Chuck walked closer and stepped on a patch of ice underneath the snow, slipping and very nearly losing his balance. He knelt down on the snowy ground, ignoring the icy wet feeling of the snow wetting his dress pants, and laughed.

"This is probably safer" he said. "The closer I get to the ground the softer I will fall. Sebastian be careful, there's ice underneath here."

Blair got down on her knees as well and tickled Sebastian. Then she put her hands on his legs to show him what to do to make a snow angel. Chuck came up to them and grabbed the boy's left leg, nodding to Blair to let go. She did and then they each moved one of his legs while Sebastian flapped his arms, finally creating a snow angel.

"Well, it's not the best looking snow angel of all time" Chuck noted when they were done and Sebastian had gotten back to crawling around on all fours. "Then again Basses swim, we don't fly."

"Apparently Basses walk on all fours" Blair said and laughed as Sebastian barked at her. "Perhaps I should put a leash on you, huh?"

None of them noticed Emmy who came walking towards them in the falling snow. Chuck had texted her and told her where they were going but it had taken her a good fifteen minutes to find them in the park. At first she had a smile on her face when she saw Chuck down on the ground with his laughing son but then the smile began to fade and she stopped ten yards away from them. Something about the sight of Chuck, Sebastian and Blair together gave her an uncertain feeling, almost as if she was intruding. It was the first time she had seen them resembling a family together and she knew that everyone who passed them by assumed they were a happy family out playing in the snow. Seeing Chuck relaxed in Blair's company brought back traces of old insecurities she had had regarding Blair and it was difficult to quench the feeling that she wanted to be the woman down in the snow instead of Sebastian's birth mother. Most of all she didn't know how to feel about the fact that this was the first time she had seen her boyfriend this relaxed without being post-coital since this summer, and the first time he had seemed genuinely happy in that time. She was happy to see him unwind but having it happen with Blair made her uneasy.

She stood there in silence for several minutes, watching mother, father and child play in the snow. Chuck was mostly observing, as per usual, but there was still a different feel to the scene before her than what she had witnessed previously.

Then Chuck looked up and spotted her and he smiled welcomingly at her.

"Hey, there you are!" he said, getting up and brushing the snow away from his pants even though he was already soaking wet.

His greeting made Emmy smile widely, all of her insecurities gone in an instant. Blair's smile on the other hand vanished at once, disappointed that the moment was gone. She had been reveling in the feeling of being like a family with the two people she loved the most and with the appearance of Emmy everything seemed to change in a heartbeat.

"You seem to be trying to catch a cold" Emmy said with a laugh and walked up to Chuck, giving him a quick kiss.

Blair got up and brushed herself off, mustering as much dignity as she could under the circumstances. Sebastian had gotten up on his feet and was running around with his arms stretched out making airplane noises and she kept her eyes on him, glad for the excuse to look anywhere but at Chuck and his girlfriend.

"Hey be careful!" Chuck called out to Sebastian. "The ground is slippery."

"Looking good, Sebastian" Emmy cried with a laugh.

"Hey Em, would you take him to get a pretzel or a donut or something?" Chuck asked. "I need to speak with Blair for a moment and I think it's better if Sebastian is not within earshot."

"Sure" Emmy said and walked over to the boy, extending her hand. "Come on, airborne. Let's get some warm donuts."

She took Sebastian by the hand and walked towards a vendor, asking him all about his day out in the park. Blair looked up at Chuck and wondered what was on his mind.

"So what's going on, Bass?" she asked. "What is it you want to talk to me about that you don't want him to overhear?"

"Christmas plans" Chuck said. "He's too little to have an input and if we're going to argue that's better taken care of without him as an audience."

"Why would we argue? We haven't had any arguments about him in a while now. Not since the temporary custody arrangements were signed. Listen, you are of course very welcome to spend Christmas with us. I think Sebastian would love it if you could."

"Yes, given how incredibly fond he is of me that would be the logical assumption" Chuck said dryly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and shoving his hands in his pockets to keep them warm.

"He's starting to warm up to you" Blair argued.

"He's a kid excited by the first snow. The fact that he smiled at me was just me getting caught in the crossfire."

"Come to our place for Christmas" Blair said. Her smile got a bit more strained. "I'll even let you bring Emmy."

"Your generosity knows no bounds. We're not coming on Christmas Day. If all of us are in the same room there will be tension and I don't want that for him on the holiday. What I want is to have Christmas Eve with him."

"Then come by on Christmas Eve."

"No… I want to pick him up around lunchtime on December 24th and bring him back around his bedtime."

"What?" Blair said. "Christmas Eve we sing carols by the piano. We eat dinner together and decorate the tree."

"You can do all those things on the 23rd" Chuck said. "Let me have him for Christmas Eve. Those traditions matter to you but they don't matter to him yet, he's too young. I want a chance to form some traditions of my own."

"You can do that at my place" Blair argued.

"That doesn't mean I want to. I want traditions that exclude you. Don't be offended, it's nothing personal against you. It's about me wanting something of my own with him. He's my son too Blair, a few hours on Christmas Eve is not that much to ask."

"So you're going to do what? Bring him back to your place and watch a movie? Recline in an armchair and watch Emmy play with him? No thank you."

"Actually I'm taking him to Lily's. Everyone is getting together, except for the Humphreys who will be in Hudson for some weird reunion of their own. I think Sebastian would enjoy it and Serena and Lily are really excited about having him there. Plus, he's never met Eric and this would be the perfect time."

Blair wrapped her arms around herself to keep warm, all the warmth she had been feeling five minutes ago gone. Everyone was gathering at Lily's? Everyone except her. She wasn't crazy enough to expect an invitation but when he phrased it like that it made it so obvious that she no longer belonged to the family. She really didn't want to agree to this but she couldn't think of any good reasons to say no. He wasn't making any crazy demands, just a few hours with his son. But why couldn't he invite her to come too? They could spend the evening at Lily's together.

"Fine" she said. "Pick him up before lunch, have him back home by six."

"Great. Thank you."

They stood there silently, waiting for Emmy to return with Sebastian. After a few minutes they came walking down the path, Sebastian chewing on a large pretzel. Blair made herself smile and bent down to pick up the bag she had brought to the park.

"Sebastian, are you ready to head home?"

"I want to stay in the pawk!"

"It's getting really chilly" Blair said. "You know, I bet when we get home there will be hot coco waiting for us. With whipped cream and marshmallows."

"That's your entire monthly intake of calories in one sitting" Chuck said with a laugh.

"I never said I was drinking it" Blair pointed out. She put her hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "Come on, sweetie. Say goodbye to your father."

"Bye!" Sebastian said with a large wave.

"Bye" Chuck said. "I'll bring by your bag later."

Blair stopped and bent down to tuck Sebastian's overalls back inside his boots. Chuck and Emmy said goodbye and walked off in their direction. Blair rose to her feet and watched them leave, all feelings of joy and Christmas spirit now completely erased. She felt so jealous she barely knew what to do with herself. Why did those two have to stay together? Why couldn't she get desensitized and stop feeling that same sharp pain every time they looked at each other or touched each other or, worst of all, kissed each other? What she hated most was the natural ease with which Emmy wrapped her arms around him. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, not like she did it to mark her territory. She clearly didn't feel that she had to. Chuck was hers. The game had been lost a long time ago but Blair's heart never seemed to be able to accept it.


I will tell you right now that next chapter won't depict Chuck's and Sebastian's first Christmas together. I haven't been able to write it up in any way that works and in the end I decided it was better left to the imagination.

Let me know what you thought of the update.