A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've had a lot of stuff going on in my life, and then I had midterms and it all got out of hand. But I'm back now AND it's winter break. Expect a few one shots as well as at least 2 or 3 new chapters for this. I have to be in a car for four hours this Saturday, so you can definitely expect something.
Also, what Melody said last chapter was "My goodness you two! Stop this now! How would Bella feel if you hurt him?" I forgot to put it in.
This chapter hasn't been edited, I felt so bad for keeping it from you all for so long. The next one (which I have half of written!) will be edited by The-Good-Die-Alone.
Disclaimer: While I may not own Twilight or New Moon, I'm working on somehow buying Stephenie Meyer's free will. Maybe Santa will get it for me.
I couldn't move, I couldn't even breath, even though I hadn't needed to for over a century. I couldn't let even the slightest movement destroy this moment. I hadn't been able to see her for almost three decades and now all I wanted to do was to stare at her and rememorize every detail, every changed feature of her. She was beautiful, perfection in its purest form.
She had changed her clothing while I was talking to her family. She still wore the jeans I'd seen her in earlier, but replacing the t-shirt of earlier was a blue silken slightly off the shoulders blouse. I could feel my breathing start up again, I knew this outfit, Alice had bought it for her on one of their many excursions to the mall. Alice had told me later that Bella had picked it out herself because it was blue, my favorite color on her.
And then the frozen feeling was gone as she sighed heavily. Her voice was strained as she called out to her sisters, "Enough you three. Come out. I heard it all, no use in hiding."
Melody was the first to come out, her face unreadable. Amy came next, looking concerned and wary. An audible click was heard from the door next to me. Kira had decided that she would prefer the company of her room. I could hear the scuffing of furniture on the hardwood floors. She was building a barricade. While it wouldn't keep Bella out, it would subdue her.
"She's angry, Bella, don't push her. She didn't use her gift, be glad for that at least. Let her be for now, she'll come out when she feels like it. She's had a hard night, we all have," Melody said, her voice lilting with a hint of a Spanish accent.
"She's right Bella, just let her be. She's scared, she doesn't like when she's not in control, and she almost lost it back there. She's not going to do anything now, she's just trying to calm down," Amy added, her eyes glazing over for a moment as she spoke, "Melody's right, this hasn't exactly been easy for any of us, especially Kira."
Bella sighed again, her voice barely audible as she whispered, "I'm sorry you guys, I'm so sorry…I…"
But before she could finish, Amy had got her into a rib crushing hug while Melody cuffed her on the head.
"Calidad! You think that this is your fault Bella?! Why do you think we'd ever think this is your fault?! You can't always blame yourself for things! Usted está loco pensar tal cosa!" Melody said angrily.
Bella laughed weakly; even weakly it was still one of my favorite sounds in the world. How I'd missed it.
Amy released Bella as she turned to look at me. Turning to Bella she whispered something I couldn't hear, and then grabbed Melody's arm dragging her into what I could only guess was Amy's room.
Bella turned to me, now it was only us.
Her eyes were scared, but in a nervous way. Why?
"Come on," she whispered. Before she could turn to lead me to wherever it was that we were going I snatched her arm, gently pulling her to look at me. Her eyes were wide, but I could hear her breath catch in an oh so familiar way.
"Bella, please, listen to me when I say this. I never meant to leave you for so long, please forgive me."
I was begging, and I knew it. But I would do it for as long as she liked if she was willing to take me back.
Her eyes grew soft for a moment and she smiled as with a shake of her head she looked at the ground. I almost didn't catch her whisper; I was too preoccupied with her smile.
As it was, I only caught the end of it. "…hasn't changed at all." She smiled more as she looked up at me, but forced her eyes to be angry and firm as she stared into my eyes. Was there someone else? Had she learned to live without me?
"Edward. I've told you this time and time again. You can't blame yourself for what happens to me. You can't do this to yourself."
"You… you don't blame me?" After thirty years of me blaming myself for everything that had happened, she, who had the most right to blame me, didn't?
Hesitantly, she let her hand rise from her side to come to my cheek, gently brushing it from my cheekbone to my ear, then letting her hand fall back to her side. Ice cold fire burned where she'd touched me. It was the first time that she had voluntarily touched me all night and in my opinion, it'd been over too soon.
Her eyes had begun to take on a sudden and new intensity, turning into molten gold, "I never blamed you for what happened. And I never will," she promised.
Biting her lip gently, she turned away and began to stride down the hall with me close behind. I couldn't understand it, one moment she seemed as if she was my old Bella, the Bella who hated to leave my side, the next she seemed to be afraid to even be near me. What on earth had happened to her?
In a few seconds we reached a new door, this one white like the others. Bella opened it and revealed pale tan walls and more hardwood floors. To my left was a row of bookshelves, clogged with books. In the corner lay a plain red rug, on top of which sat a comfortable looking leather armchair and a stack of books as tall as the armrests. A small table sat next to the chair with a nondescript lamp turned on. A book lay open on the table, as if she had been reading and simply left it there. A desk was directly to my right; a laptop sat there, closed and turned off.
The anomaly of this room lay right in front of me, a daybed with a red sheet set and plenty of throw pillows. While many vampires had something to sit on or lie down on, most chose not to have a bed of any sorts unless they had a mate. And Bella didn't have a mate, did she?
She sat down daintily on the bed. Seeing that I remained standing, she invitingly patted the space beside her with a smile. I took my rightful place at her side.
"What do you want to know?" she asked quietly.
"What's easiest for you?"
"Depends," she replied her head sagging between her hands.
"Fine. Tell me about your family."
Her face was still in her hands, but I could still see the corners of he mouth turn up.
"What do you want to know?"
"Well, how were they changed?"
"Annaliese was changed in 1349 when the plague hit France. Her husband was long gone by then. Her children got sick before her, but she caught the disease soon after. The vampire that changed her did it out of loneliness, and Annaliese said she'd loved him in a way. She would have stayed with him probably, if he hadn't lied. He told her that he'd saved her children as well, and that they'd run off happy to be free of her. It took her a while before she realized that the little lights she saw around him meant something. After that, she was alone for a while. I don't think she wanted to be with anyone after what happened. She was afraid that other vampires were the same. Then she found Melody in 1836. She was a junior nurse at the Alamo. Her parents were American, but she learned Spanish quickly as her first language. Annaliese changed her to save her after the place was attacked. The men would tell her stories about their lives before they died, and she'd…I guess the best way to say it is… absorbed their memories in a way. That's why now she can erase them, she keeps them though, but she can't take too many or it's like an overload. When that happens she has to sort through them and decide which ones to keep or she just erases them all. It's easier if she has a focus on what memories she's taking, like a place, or a thing, or a person…"
"That's why no one remembered you," I whispered.
She nodded sadly. "She had to, they were sort of spur of the moment with the decision to change me," she said with a harsh laugh, "I'm assuming Annaliese let you see? I left the wall down…"
"Yes, what do you mean by wall?" I asked curiously, "It wouldn't happen to have something to do with your disappearing and then getting dizzy in the forest, would it?"
"Yes, it would. Remember when I told you I was good at repressing things I didn't want to remember? Basically, it's like I hide things I don't want other people to see by putting walls up. That's why you can't hear my thoughts, there's a wall there, right? That was just my default setting when I was human. Now I can control it, to a point. When you tried to read my sisters' thoughts before you couldn't, could you? I can do it to other people if I'm touching them or if there's a bond, if I'm already attuned to them, we don't need to be touching. What I did to you was put walls around your sight, hearing, touch, and smell pertaining to me. But I lost focus and switched it all on me by accident; I do that sometimes if I'm not careful…"
"How?"
"I tripped," she admitted with a halfhearted laugh, "I wasn't paying attention and I tripped and lost focus, it all switched to me by default. It was like…like I didn't exist. It was scary, but it's happened before. Eventually, it passes. I'm just scared…that…I might accidentally…"
"What?" I asked softly.
She turned her head from me as she said tortured, "Three years after I was changed, I made Kira go blind for two weeks. I've made Amy lose feeling in her arms, Melody once lost her hearing, Annaliese has lost so many things that I can't even keep track. I'm afraid I'll do something like that to you. I…I couldn't live with myself if I did that to you."
I couldn't help myself. Before I knew what I was doing, I had reached out to her and pulled her into my arms. When she had been human, she couldn't have even hoped to get out of one of my embraces. But she was no longer human. Before I could grab her she had slipped out of my grasp stood near the door, a shocked look on her face.
"Did you not hear what I just said? I could hurt you! I'm dangerous! I'm no good for anyone, least of all you! I won't put you through what my family's had to go through. I won't give myself a chance to hurt you! I won't!" she yelled, utter panic in her voice.
"Please, just leave. I…I don't even deserve you. I never did and I never will. Please, just go find someone who does deserve you," she whispered, her voice breaking as she said it.
"Why on earth would you say that? What about all the times I hurt you? And what about the times I almost hurt you? You never left me, and I won't leave you Bella. I can't leave you now that I know where you are. Is that why you hid from me? Because you thought you didn't deserve me? Did you think I wouldn't be looking for you everywhere, that I wouldn't want to see you more than anything?" I said angrily. How could she ever think that she didn't deserve me, when it was always the other way around?
Her golden eyes came up to bore into mine. In them I could see waves of immeasurable pain, and more than anything I wanted to be able to take it all away from her. I couldn't stand seeing her like this. I loved her with all of my unbeating heart, with all of my nonexistent soul.
"I don't deserve you because I forgot about you, Charlie, Mom, everyone. I put walls up around my human memories subconsciously because they were painful. If…if I couldn't deal with a little pain to remember you…I felt…I felt…so horrible Edward. I started remembering things only five years ago, but I was so ashamed. I…" she sobbed.
This time, she didn't struggle away from my embrace. She stiffened for a moment, but relaxed after I made it clear she wouldn't get out of my arms ever again. It felt so right to have her in my arms. She seemed so tiny, so fragile. But she still fit. She still fit in my arms perfectly.
"You weren't happy," I whispered into her hair, "I saw some of Kira and Amy's memories."
"No," she breathed, "I wasn't. I didn't talk very much. I shut myself away for a few years. Eventually, I came out of my shell, but I was never…happy. I knew something was missing, but not what."
"Bella, I love you. That's never going to change," I told her. She needed to know that, more than anything, I wanted her to know that.
"I know," she whispered into my chest.
We stayed like that for another few minutes just relishing in the feeling of togetherness. Rememorizing faces and the feeling of being in one another's arms.
"Edward?" she asked quietly.
"Yes?" I breathed.
"I love you," was all she said. And at the same time, it was everything I needed to hear.
I didn't want to break the silence, but there was something that had been tugging at me ever since I'd seen her in the meadow.
"Whenever Alice looks for you, she kept getting blank visions. She'd see places, but no people. Was that your doing?" I asked.
"Hmm…"
Suddenly, she was out of my arms and over by her desk, the laptop switched on and opened to a writing program. She changed the font size and typed out an address and the words 'You'll find us here.' For a moment she closed her eyes and took a shaking breath. After a moment she opened her eyes, but she was trembling slightly.
"Come here," she commanded. I couldn't refuse; all I wanted was to hold her again.
"What are you doing?" I asked, confused.
"I'm going to let Alice See me. I've made a decision, and hopefully, she'll see us."
"What's your decision?" I asked.
'Oh, just this.'
Except I didn't hear it in my ears, I heard it in my mind.
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I'd never told Edward that I still looked for her future. It'd become a tradition for me. Every time I Saw him going to the meadow, I'd Look for her. The visions were always blank, but I wanted to hope that I may just See her someday. At the same time, I was afraid of what I might See.
I was in the living room of our new house. It was much the same as the one in Forks, except that there was no wall of glass. It was a darker house, perhaps showing the darker outlook the entire family had taken. Jasper was with me, reading some book. Emmett and Rosalie were upstairs, most likely doing something that I'd rather not see. Esme and Carlisle were somewhere. Somehow, things didn't seem to matter as much as they used to. I was broken, we as a family were broken. In one fell swoop, we'd lost Edward and Bella.
Before I could even start to search for her, I was hit with a vision, my eyes instantly glazing over.
Edward and Bella are in a room. A laptop's screen glows behind them, something written on it in a huge font.
Suddenly, she goes on her tiptoes to kiss him, golden eyes glowing with determination and happiness. His eyes mirror her own in the level of happiness, before they close. There's no look of caution on his face like there used to be when he kissed her. That's because there's no temptation to drink her blood, she doesn't have any.
I was too shocked to try to hold onto the vision, but I'd gotten all I need from it.
Bella is a vampire. Edward's with her. And I knew where to find them.
I screamed.
A/N: It's weird to write in Alice's POV. I need to practice it. I know that I'd promised to tell you more about the whole coven, but it just turned out this way. Next chapter is going to be mostly Bella's memories and her explaining what happened when Edward left. You'll also find that two main characters are dead. Yes, dead. As in not alive. And they're main characters, at least by my standards.
Melody Translations:
Calidad! – My goodness!
Usted está loco pensar tal cosa! – You are crazy to think such things!
