Hi guys! I know, it's been 84 years... but I'm back with another chapter! Finally!
The past couple of weeks have been incredibly busy, but I've finally got some free time again, so you won't have to wait too long for the next chapters, promise!
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I hope you guys enjoy this one! x
Told you my secrets, you told me your flaws,
So when you listened I accepted them too
Told me you loved me, put my heart on pause
'Cause as this place I can't keep fighting for you
So why don't you talk to me,
Say anything
I told Glenn and Maggie to leave, and that I needed to be alone for a while. I was shaking, I needed space to think and I couldn't handle both of them frantically trying to convince me that there had to be something going on that we didn't know about. I had to go through it again, sort out my thoughts on my own, even though I knew they were probably right. It was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard Rick's voice on the phone.
"If anyone asks, we never were together."
I kept hearing those words in my mind over and over again. He sounded worried, almost like it was urgent. Hearing him say these words had sent a wave of fear through my body. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was forcing him to distance himself from me. Something could have gone wrong on his mission. Information about me could have been leaked. Rick could just be trying to protect me. As crazy as it sounds, it was a lot more likely than him breaking up with me like this. Eventually my doubts came flooding back though.
"I don't even love her."
That's what overshadowed everything else. These words had managed to pull the rug out from under my feet. They stabbed me right in the heart and I couldn't remember the last time I felt this hurt in my life. I felt completely disarmed.
But I heard the regret in his voice. I wasn't just imagining it, I wasn't trying to convince myself to make me feel better. I heard it, I felt it. It had hurt him to say these words, I was sure of it. He almost didn't make it through the whole sentence. And it only made me feel worse. He felt so far away. Something had come between us, and I didn't even know what it was.
It's the baby. The little voice in my head was screaming at me to stop being so naive. Yeah, he might have sounded hurt, but he was probably just sorry. If you think about it, it kind of sounded like he was apologizing. He can't do this anymore. Not if a baby is involved. You know he never wanted a child.
But why wouldn't he be straight forward about it then? Every day that we've been together he showed me how much I meant to him, how much he loved me. If he really decided to leave me he never would have done it like that. He never would have said such awful things. It wasn't in his character to be cruel for no reason. I realized that I was caught between two possibilities and had to decide what I was going to believe. And even though Rick's words hurt me, there was no way I was going to just throw everything that we had out the window. I thought about everything that he had done for me since we first met and knew that I had to have faith in him.
Eventually I managed to send Glenn and Maggie home, and I was left alone in my old apartment on the other side of the world, convincing myself that Rick still loved me.
A couple of days had passed since then. I had kept my distance to literally everyone I knew, which mostly included members of the military. If Rick wanted them to stay away from me, it meant that there might be someone who could find me through them. It meant that whoever was looking for me didn't have enough information on where I actually was. I had only talked to Maggie about it a few days ago. She agreed that it was best for me to stay put for a while, at least until we actually knew what was going on. I haven't been to mine and Rick's apartment since then. Rick's address was known in the military and I feared that it could be too dangerous to go back there. So I stayed in my old apartment. Maggie promised to keep an eye on the security cameras in my building and let me know if she found anything suspicious. It was an all too familiar feeling to be stuck in my old apartment.
But the worst part was knowing that something on Rick's mission must have gone wrong and he might be in danger as well. As the days kept passing by the need to get any updates on him grew until it eventually got unbearable to stay in the dark. I called Maggie once again, and asked her if she had any news on Rick. When she told me she hadn't heard from him since the last phone call and he had missed two opportunities to send updates I knew I couldn't just stay at home anymore.
I stormed into the military base, looking for Hershel to tell me what was going on. I practically sprinted through the hallways until I spotted Sasha, who was rummaging through some bookshelves. I couldn't even remember the last time I had been able to talk to her. I was about to walk over to her when I saw a blonde woman step outside of one of the doors and greet her.
"You're back already?" I heard Sasha ask her.
"Oh yeah, I've been back for a couple of days now." The other woman responded. Sasha spotted me at the end of the hallway and smiled.
"Hey, Michonne!"
As I came closer the blonde woman spun around and I found myself staring at Rick's partner.
"Oh, hey! Rick's not here. He'll probably be back in a couple of days." She said as if reading my mind and flashed a forced smile.
Confusion was written all over my face. A couple of days?
"Well… Welcome back. How come the mission's coming to an end so soon? Rick hasn't sent any updates in a while?" I asked. She just shrugged.
"Easier of a job than we thought. And I was usually the one to send updates, Rick probably just forgot." She laughed.
„You know how he is… Always sleeping in late.. If I hadn't kicked him out of our bed every morning we probably wouldn't have gotten anything done.."
I heard a record scratch in my mind. What the fuck? Sasha raised an eyebrow and we looked at each other, dumbfounded.
There was silence, and she was still grinning at me with that cunning grin.
After a couple of seconds, I squinted my eyes at her and plastered on a smile.
"So," I said in awkward attempt to change the subject again. "How was it?"
She stood with arms folded and cocked her head to the side, sending me a sideways look of surprise before smiling.
"Oh, you're really asking me?"
"Well, sure." I said with a casual shrug.
"I'm impressed, didn't figure you for being so straightforward." She said. "Well… It was…" She paused, and her green eyes snapped to mine again.
"It was amazing." She said grinning. "The best I've ever had."
My plastered smile faltered as it dawned on me what she meant. Her one-month stint in a war-torn country was …the best she ever had? She shrugged with raised brows and said,
"Geez, I don't know why Rick didn't just tell me you guys had an open relationship. I mean why be so secretive if you've got the green light, am I right?"
Sasha stopped rummaging behind me. My heart stopped.
"What the fuck?" Sasha started yelling at her.
"Oh shit, you were talking about the mission!" She laughed. My blood started boiling. I swear I was about to choke that woman.
"Well, we had a fun romp in the sack but I'm not out to steal your man, he's coming home to you. I only got to play with him for a little while." I'm definitely going to choke her. I took a step toward her but Sasha stepped between us, holding me back and yelling at Jessie to get out.
.
Two hours later I was back in our apartment pulling my clothes out of the walk-in closet and flinging them angrily across the room towards my open suitcase. Maggie was wringing her hands nervously and trying to talk me down, but I was hysterical.
"He'll be home soon," Maggie said, grabbing me by the shoulders. "We'll get this all straightened out."
I lurched away from her as though her touch were red hot.
I tried so hard not to cry, I was sure I'd cried all the sadness out of me, but it seemed fury was my newly adopted emotion and I couldn't stop the tears.
"How could he do this? I thought… I thought…"
Maggie took handfuls of my clothing out of the open suitcase on the floor as I dumped each one in, trying to reason with me. "Michonne, we don't know anything-"
"That's right, Maggie, I don't know anything! Rick hasn't spoken a word with me since he left! The last couple of weeks have been hell for me and I just can't do this anymore. How can he treat me like this?"
Maggie paused, looking for a sensible response and coming up short and she shook her head sadly and dropped my clothes back in a messy pile in my suitcase. She looked up at me with watery eyes.
"He didn't cheat on you. I don't know how Rick could do that to you. In a million years I would never believe Rick would do that to anyone, especially you. It's just… not like him." We looked at each other sadly, not knowing what else to say, and Maggie moved to leave the bedroom.
"Do you want me to bring your bag downstairs?" She asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat and swiped the wetness from my face as I nodded.
"Yes. I just need to be alone so I can get my things together. I don't want to be here when he gets home."
Maggie looked like she desperately wanted to implore me to stay, but she was smart and bit her tongue. She crossed the room and hugged me. I had to fight back a flood of tears when I thought of how life would change if I was really leaving Rick, how my relationships with our mutual friends would always be just a little bit worse.
I returned to the closet when Maggie made her way to the elevator. My heart only shattered further when I spied his black suit jacket hanging on his side, directly across from where my favorite white dress hung. The same black on black Italian suit he wore to the McKittrick, the night when I first realized my attraction to him had grown much deeper. My mind was flooded with images of him. As I smoothed my hand over the luxe fabric. I thought of his dazzling smile, his beautiful eyes unlike any I'd ever seen, the way he always made me feel so… loved.
An untold number of minutes ticked by in which time my wails had reduced to round, watery eyes and sniffles of sadness when I heard the elevator ping, announcing Maggie's return.
"Thanks Maggie." I muttered out from the closet as I swiped my nose and sniffed. When I received no response, I called her name again, but dropped the shirt I was holding when I heard footsteps on the bedroom's wooden floors behind me. My heart rate fluttered madly and I was sure I'd pass out when I realized the footfalls were heavier. I turned to look over my shoulder and froze as I found myself gazing into blue eyes.
