A quick note concerning a change in format. Due to the fact that Fanfiction apparently has something against three neat asterisks, I will be using interesting and/or weird fun facts to indicate a major scene change. Thank you for your cooperation and I apologize for any inconveniences Fanfiction may cause you when reading my story.


Suika shot up with a start. The little oni wiped the drool from her face as she groggily looked around at the world slowly coming back into shaky focus.

"How long was I asleep...?" She rubbed her eyes then stood up, walking out of her shaded spot next to the Hakurei donation box. The bright sun shined down mercilessly upon her eyes, temporarily bathing her sight in solid white. The white light soon gathered into a minuscule point before fading out all together. The small oni cracked her neck and knuckles, and she was ready to go.

"Oh, boy. Talk about a rude awakening." Suika made exaggerated movements to limber up her body, which had become uncomfortably stiff due to sleeping on stone and wood. As the girl was making a beeline for the torii, she was stopped by the shrine maiden who was sweeping fallen cherry blossoms into a pile.

"So you've finally woken up? Did my donation box serve as a good pillow?"

Suika smiled teasingly. "Yeah, actually it did. You should be thankful too, because that's all it's good for!"

Reimu stopped sweeping. "Hey! I get donations. I'm willing to bet all the money I have right now that I would have gotten some today too if you weren't blocking the way and scaring people off with your hellish snoring."

"Wow. Really? You'd bet a whole TWENTY DOLLARS?" Suika laughed at Reimu's obvious irritation. Jokes about her financial state were not well received. They were a mine field that could detonate from even a millimeter too far.

"Anyway... where are you going?" Reimu looked at the oni with curiosity.

The oni looked back at the shrine and answered, "I'm not sure myself. I just got a strong feelin' that someone's going to need me later today."

"Ohoho! So the god at my shrine finally does something and sends down a divine revelation to the drunken oni!" Reimu smiled softly in amusement.

"Maybe. Or maybe it's just a mundane hunch," she said as she started down the stone steps. "Or the alcohol. Either way, I'm acting on it. Gives me something to do!" Suika laughed merrily and waved good bye to the miko.

Reimu ran a hand through her bangs. "Well why not?" The Red-White looked at her shrine. "Oi, if anyone deserves divine communications it's me! I'm your miko for crying out loud! How about some sign for my divinely given duties?"

Just then, a wind blew that scattered all the cherry blossom petals Reimu had spent monotonously sweeping for hours. A few birds flying overhead dropped their packages of liquid poop where the petals once were. Then a maimed squirrel limped over and fell dead, adding the final decor.

Reimu suddenly felt a strong urge to HULK SMASH something. "So I'm the cleaning lady now! Alright, fine! I'll make this damn place sparkle!" She pushed up her sleeves – though they quickly fell back to their original state – and gripped the bamboo shaft of her broom like it would fly away. "UWRAAAAH!" With lightening speed, the Shrine Maiden of Paradise swept a good chunk of the petals that were blown away into multiple small piles. "Unclean vermin, away from my sight!" She kicked the squirrel corpse off her property with a flashy kick worthy of a professional soccer player. Her victory was short lived, however. Upon looking down, Reimu once more saw the bird poop. She stared at it. And stared at it.

"... Meh," she shrugged, "on second thought, I'll take care of it later." She threw down her broom with disinterest and walked back inside the shrine to make some green tea.

'Marisa will probably be stopping by soon. I'll make some tea for her too.'

The United States provides about 25% of the world's supply of fresh peaches.

"How long has she been sitting here like this?"

"I don't know... probably ever since the game started?"

"Wooow! That's some kinda skill!"

"Or she could've just fallen asleep."

The conversation going on was between Cirno and Mystia Lorelei respectively. As for the subject? The great orb of darkness that was concealing their blonde friend Rumia. Mystia had bumped into Cirno while looking for the cause of the crash she had heard. Together, they walked through the forest getting the other up to date on her current situation. Then they stumbled upon Rumia and decided that she was extremely interesting. Now here they were, squatting before the girl that couldn't have stuck out more if she were a straight, non-human male looking for a bride.

"How long do you wanna bet she can keep this up?" Cirno asked her feathered friend.

The bird tilted her head back and rested a hand on her chin. "Hmm... how about until the end of the game?"

Cirno looked incredulously at her friend. "What! No way! I say she'll be the next to be It!"

Mystia smiled at this declaration. "You can't honestly say you would tag her like she is right now? I know I would just keep on moving."

"That's stupid. Easy pickings!" The ice fairy waved a hand through the darkness.

She shook her head dismissively. "So. What are you betting?"

"Depends. What are you betting?"

"Hmph. Playing it that way, eh? Alright! I'll wager... How about two free drinks of your choice?"

"Hoho! I like the way you play, Mysti-chan! 'Kay, I'll bet... Hm. What can I bet?"

Mystia leaned backwards to fall on her butt, so she could stretch out her legs. "Eh? You mean you don't have anything to wager?"

"I do! I do! Let me think... Oh! How about the clothes off my back?"

"No way."

"So fast!"

"That's just s'pposed to be an expression. Besides, what would I do with your clothes while you ran around naked? That's weird."

"Oh, really? I thought people meant that phrase literally. Well, that makes much more sense!" She laughed. "ALRIGHT! If you win, I'll make you a small ice sculpture to display at your cart!"

Mystia raised her eyebrows, intrigued by this proposition. "You know how to sculpt?"

"Of course! Well... I've never actually tried before, but how hard could it be? If anyone can do it, I can do it!" She nodded in agreement with herself.

Mystia stared at her blue-haired friend before agreeing to the bet. That was probably the best she was going to get from the fairy. The two shook hands and went back to staring at the unmoving, soundless Rumia.

Tenshi walked merrily through a part of the forest that was notably more populated with trees than others. Tops of roots stuck out that the woman had to be careful not to trip over. She had triumphed over that pesky cat, sending her flying to who knows where.

"I showed her! Cat skills ain't nothing compared to my skills! Hehe, I will face any challenger and beat them back to their place below me!" She threw a hand up as if to grasp the sun itself, the titan of the sky, the jewel of heat that gave life to all.

"Don't you think it's a little early to crown yourself the winner, Tenshi-san?"

The celestial turned around at the familiar voice. There stood Chen, smirking like she knew a grand secret Tenshi did not.

"Well, well. Speak of the devil! I gotta hand it to you, you've got serious speed to catch up and find me after I threw you so far. Just how did you do it?"

"Magic!" The cat rotated her hands outwards for effect. "And it is with that magic that I will beat you! One last round: winner take all! If I tag you without getting tagged back, I win. But if you do manage to tag me back–"

"I win. I can figure things out. Let's see what this 'magic' of yours really can do!" She pulled her sword from her side, still in the sheath of course.

"Fufu, you're so confident in yourself, Tenshi-san! Unfortunately, that's why you'll lose!" Chen stood perfectly at rest.

"Look at you, talking like a regular hero! But sadly, you are not the star of this story!" The celestial caused two large chunks of ground to hurl at the cat.

Chen Yakumo smiled broadly, eager to show off and catch her opponent by surprise.

Tenshi watched as her projectiles smashed into the small youkai, scattering dust and small debris. "Fwuahahaha! What was that! You just got nailed without even putting forth an effort to try not to!" She then felt something rough wrap around her ankles. She opened her eyes. "Eh? What the– Wah!" She was pulled high before being smacked down and pulled up again to dangle.

The area around Chen cleared to reveal two large tree roots had formed a barrier. The shikigami's shikigami dismissed the barrier and addressed her captive audience. "Not laughing now, are you? See, I can use black magic, and I'm pretty good at it too. I'm not just some familiar you can brush off!"

Laughter poured from Tenshi's mouth, and her lips formed a highly amused smile. "Don't go acting all big and bad just because you caught me by surprise! I'm a celestial!"

"Yeah, yeah." Two more roots restrained Tenshi's hands. "Tell me all about it after I've won!" She walked forward with an arm outstretched. She was about to see why it's never a good idea to drag something out, especially when you really heavily on surprise.

"And celestials aren't made of the cheap stuff other beings are!" She ripped her arms free, reached up, and broke the binds that kept her in the air.

Chen yelped at the sight of her plan quickly falling apart before her. She decided to make a lunge for the woman as she fell to the ground.

"I'm not getting caught off guard again!" Tenshi raised a hand in preparation to tag the cat back.

However, Chen, fearing she wouldn't be able to get away, retreated a safe distance. With the crutch of surprise taken from her, she would have to think of a new plan.

"Coward~!" Tenshi sang, circling the Black Cat of Ill Omens with a smile that was threatening to crack her face from how large it was.

'That's right. I have the advantage time-wise, because I'm It. Only I can start the fight.' Chen thought calmly to herself, watching her prey circle like a shark. 'Let's see... how will I get her? ….Alright, let's try the simplest method first!' The cat watched for a few seconds more to steel her self, lest she hesitate and blow the whole thing. This was going to end in the span of a few seconds!

"C'mon! C'mon! I'm not getting any younger here! Move!"

That was the signal to act. Chen lunged once more at Tenshi, causing her to jump back from reflex and raise a hand in the air just as before. A root pulled itself free at the will of its magician and made for the raised wrist.

"You aren't getting me with the same trick twice!" Tenshi turned at the sound of the root leaving its container of earth and dashed to the side. The Yakumo's pet made a grab for her, but she avoided that too. More roots came up at her to bind her, but Tenshi managed to duck and weave through them. Her sword acted as a bat as needed.

A particularly large root descended upon the celestial. She went to bat it away with her sword, but found it stuck mid-stroke.

"What the hell?" She looked and saw that branches, a large cluster of them, had immobilized her weapon. She tugged it free by applying more force but at the cost of having her waist coiled around by the aforementioned root. "Argh! It's just one thing after another! No matter how many you send out, I'll break 'em all!"

"That's fine," Chen replied from outside Tenshi's field of vision, "I only need to hold you down for a second or two!" She brought up more roots to seal the girl, one after another, layer after layer, each one buying time for the next. "I win, Tenshi-san!"

"No! Dammit, no!" Tenshi struggled and pulled, but couldn't get away from the endless legions of the forest that answered Chen's call for assistance. She felt a light press on her back. Her eyes widened. "I HAVE YOU!" Summoning up the force of every single muscle and ounce of magic, Thoughtless Not-so Thoughtless Daughter of the Heavens ripped free from the prison of wood. She turned with the speed of a twister and made a mad rush at the retreating cat.

The youkai started to panic and sweat. She didn't think Tenshi would break out that fast. Her mind clouded at her imminent defeat. There wasn't enough time to bring out a root, and she was too low to use the branches. The woman came closer. Time seemed to slow to a crawl. Chen squeezed her eyes shut as she waited for the imminent tag-back and the collision of her falling body with the ground. She heard the collision, but didn't feel anything. The shikigami opened one eye to peek, colliding with the ground just then. "Ow... just what happened?" She sat up and saw a discombobulated night sparrow sprawled out on top of Tenshi. Cirno came flying in seconds later.

"Oh! So this is where you guys have been," she exclaimed, happy to find the rest of her friends. "Hey, hey! Who's It now?"

"What are you guys doing? Not that I'm mad but..."

"Oh, well you see, me and Mysti-chan were getting bored of staring at Rumia, so we decided to have a race to kill time. At first we kept reaching the finish line at the same time, so eventually we moved up to larger and larger tracks! But we still tied!

"So I says, 'Look, this isn't going anywhere. How about we cut through the whole forest?' So we did! And as we were flying, I hit a tree... giving Mysti-chan the lead! She turned and said to me, "Haha! You need to pay more attention where you are going! Otherwise you might run into– Buh!" Cirno smacked one hand against another. "Then, ironically, she ran into the fugitive! Haha! SO... here we are."

After that long explanation was finished, Tenshi threw the crashed bird off of her. She stood up and pointed a shaky finger at Mystia. "You... you!"

Moisture, not air, causes super glue to dry.

Iku Nagae flew through the clear skies slowly. She was doing her job of observing the atmosphere of the various parts of Gensokyo. It was beautiful– at 1:55 PM, all was right with the land. She was now flying over the forest.

"Hm? What's this... murderous aura I feel?" Iku knitted her eyebrows. She had a hunch that she knew who was causing a disturbance in the overall peaceful mood. "Oh no... Eldest Daughter, don't tell me you forgot your words?" She looked with worried eyes over the trees she was passing. "Perhaps I should fly down to check on this?"

She flew just above where the anomaly had been detected. Faint babbling reacher her ears.

"Ah, I'll have to get closer."

Just then, the desire for blood turned to pure, unadulterated BOILING PASSION.

"Really, what's going o–"

"FUCK ME IN THE ASS! MYSTIA! YOU DIRTY SLUT, CHEATING LIKE THAT! AM I GONNA HAVE TO TEACH YOU A LESSON! I WILL FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS IF THAT'S HOW YOU WANT IT!"

Iku was left speechless at these words that had undoubtedly come from Tenshi's mouth. She gaped as she fully processed what had passed so clearly through her ears.

"Eldest Daughter is having hate sex with that young, voluptuous night sparrow! Oh Eldest Daughter! How far have you fallen!" With tears of shame trailing and sparkling down her cheeks, Iku turned from the perverted scene unfolding below her and flew for the mountains sobbing.

The average speed of ejaculation is 28 miles per hour.

"Ow," Mystia took her fingers out of her ears, "are you trying to make me go deaf? Cirno-chan said it was an accident, and it was. I'm sorry."

"Sorry!" Tenshi shot back. "Sorry won't allow me to go back in time and beat that little cat! I lost to a shikigami's shikigami!"

"Chill out. It's just a game. I mean, it's not like you lost anything." The sparrow was trying to calmly reason with her employee.

"A good chunk of my pride!" Hot tears were starting to form in her eyes because she was getting so excited. "I was so close to winning! Just a second more!"

Now Mystia was starting to get annoyed at the celestial's obstinacy. "This was a game! For fun! To pass the time with friends! There wasn't supposed to be any real competition, at least not to this degree!" She stood up to better face the girl.

"That doesn't mean I didn't have to win! You sabotaged me on purpose, didn't you! Just for your little friends!"

"That's ridiculous! You're acting like a child! This was a game! So quit acting so pathetic! It's even more disgraceful than losing fair and square." She crossed her arms and stared down Tenshi. If she was going to have to be the better person, then so be it. Iku gave her the job of helping Tenshi along the road to recovery, and that is what she was going to do.

Tenshi looked genuinely hurt by what Mystia said. Because, underneath it all, she knew the bird was right; she was acting like a spoiled child. But the long-haired girl decided to fight on vainly. "C-child! No I'm not! Anyone... anyone would be mad about having their rightful victory taken from them! I'm... I'm not pathetic!" One of her hands was balled into a fist; she was keeping it close to her chest.

"Yes you are and you know it. Really? Not even Keine-sensei's younger kids get so worked up about a mere friendly game with companions! Please, just calm down before you further embarrass yourself."

This hit Tenshi hard. By now she could no longer deny that Mystia was right. And that's what made her so mad. The tears came down her face in full now as she tried to pull out a coherent argument from the broken string of words she was mumbling.

Everyone else watched in silence, holding their breath. They were all either afraid if they said something all the anger would be directed at them, or they would make things worse. So they had no choice but to watch.

'At this rate things are going to end up worse than when we started. Geez, Iku-san! What am I supposed to do! She's acting like such a child, and I don't know Ah!' Inspiration suddenly struck Mystia like a bolt of lightening. 'It just might be cliché enough to work...'

"I... I'm not a child! I'm not crying either! Th-there's just something in my eye! This damn f-forest and all its little b-bugs! It's a gnat! N-nothing more..." Tenshi was looking down in an effort to hide her tantrum. She was acting spoiled, and she was fully aware of it. Why was she acting so stupidly over a game? Because she didn't want to look bad in front of these "lesser" youkai. She got so into the game, was so sure she'd win against the pet's pet. "Y-you're acting pathetic for... for..."

Suddenly, the celestial stopped her fit all together, frozen as she was by the sudden embrace of the night sparrow, who was gently stroking her head and hushing her softly. The onlookers exhaled all at once. The situation was finally diffused.

"N-no! I'm not a child! So why are you treating me like–" Tenshi stopped mid-sentence to let out a few more cries and wipe her tears. Really, this was too much.

Mystia continued to hug the girl, smiling to herself. 'Wow, can't believe that worked! Hehe, it's all good, Iku-san. Hinanawi-san will be fine.'

After a few minutes of this, the scene was interrupted by a certain ice fairy. "Hey, it's great that everyone is happy and calm now, but can we get back to our game? Only two people have actually gotten a chance to play! That's not fair!"

Everyone found this to be highly amusing. Mystia finally released Tenshi from her motherly hug and asked her, "So, all better? Because if not, you won't get to play."

The celestial tried her hardest to keep a straight face. "Hmph. Y-yeah, sure. But I don't want to be It this round. Make the pet It!"

Cirno looked around. "Who do you mean by 'the pet'? Because I've seen a few humans that keep bugs as pets..."

Chen's ears perked up, and she flashed Cirno the largest grin her face would allow. "I don't know either! But whoever it is, I wish you the best of luck, Cirno-chan! Put 'er there!" She extended a hand.

The ice fairy smiled at Chen and went to accept the handshake. "Haahahaha! I don't need luck!" The second their hands met, Chen broke off and ran through the trees.

"Oh yeah! You're going to need it now!" She yelled as she made her escape.

"Wah! What's going on! Dai-chan!" She turned towards where her faithful friend had been only to find her escaping as well. Everyone else had quickly followed, with Tenshi being lead of by the night sparrow claiming to have a perfect hiding spot. "Argh! That's cheap! You guys are jerks! What happened to that warm fuzzy feeling of acceptance and comradery! I hate all of you!" Cirno ran off in the general direction of Wriggle and Chen.

A lone figure slowly walked in where everyone had been gathered, rubbing the sleep out of her red eyes. She yawned and looked around. "Hey~, where is everyone? I could have sworn I heard y'guys..." Rumia yawned again. "And I was having such a peaceful nap..."

By the time the game of tag had finished, it was already four-thirty. It ended with everyone forgetting about the poor youkai of darkness, who had gone home after attempting a half-hearted search for the rest of Team 9.

"Ha~ha! I was finally able to do something worth mention!" Daiyousei said with satisfaction. "I can't believe I tagged you, Chen!"

"Yeah, yeah. That was luck!" The cat shot back with a smile.

"Mhmm. Keep telling yourself that." She laughed and pat Chen's head.

"Man, no one ever went for me! I was tagged... what? Three times!" Wriggle complained with her shoulders slumped.

"Sorry, Wriggle-chan," Mystia was saying, "but there's so many bugs in that forest. It's hard to tell you apar– Ow!" Her teasing was interrupted by a quick punch to the shoulder.

Tenshi spoke up. "Anyways, the goal of tag is to not be tagged! Which I, no surprise, was not! And all of you get to bask in my glory. How kind I am to the less fortunate!" She was acting and talking like a princess.

Mystia shot her an annoyed look and spoke derisively. "I can't tell if you're kidding or not, but it's thanks to me that you weren't tagged. The hiding place, the acting as a decoy–"

"Oh my!" Tenshi's voice had become very soft and feminine. She gasped and put a hand up to her mouth in mock shock. "A peasant who is delusional! Quick get the doctor! Silly girl, those were all my ideas! Ohohohohoho!"

Mystia balled a fist up. "Why I oughta..."

Everyone soon waved goodbye and returned home. Tenshi went with Mystia back to her stand.

Actually a fruit, it took a ruling by the Supreme Court in 1893 to make the tomato a vegetable.

Suika wandered through the mountain, occasionally taking a swig from her gourd. "Damn, been looking all day and haven't found anyone that 'needed me'. What a waste of a day..." She spoke with fatigue. The oni sat under a tree and sighed, looking up. The air was cool on her skin, and a light breeze blew through her ginger hair every so often. If she listened closely, she could here the flowing river close by. Flowers bloomed around her, asking all to admire their natural beauty. Spring was truly in the air, and could be felt most tangibly in mountains, where Mother Nature rested and worked undisturbed.

The oni closed her eyes and simply enjoyed the atmosphere. It was so relaxing. Sleep asked to be let in, and Suika gladly gave him permission. The land of dreams wasn't far away...

But the tranquility was shattered by distant cries and violent splashing. Grudgingly, eyes raised their blinds to look around for the source of this interruption. The disgruntled Suika headed straight for the river, mumbling under her breath.

Upon arriving, she found a woman decorated by a flowing shawl bent down and splashing her face with the cool water. She was silent now, only making a noise when the water hit her face. She looked very confused, horrified, and angry all at the same time.

"Wow," Suika uttered after looking over the somewhat familiar person. The gourd of unlimited sake was brought to her lips.

The woman turned around and stared at Suika with her red eyes. Minutes passed by with no sign of movement between either parties. Finally, she stood up. "What are you staring at...?"

The oni shrugged. "I'm not sure myself. Say, do I know you?"

Iku was frowning. She looked very tired and stressed; her eyebrows were furrowed. "Are you not the oni that interacts with the Eldest Daughter on occasion?"

Suika scratched her nose. "'Eldest Daughter'... I know I've heard that before... Ah!" She snapped. "You're Tenshi's big sister, aren't you! Iku Nagae, right?"
"Yes, that is my name. However, I am the Eldest Daughter's teacher. We certainly could be sisters though, huh?" Iku responded with a small smile.

"Yeah, yeah! I remember you know! You always yell at Tenshi." She laughed.

"Well–"

"Ah, you don't have to explain! What goes on in you guys's household is of no concern to me! You look like you could use a drink, though."

The messenger exhaled and her profile lightened. "Yeah, you could say that... I do need something to help me blur one or two events of today."

The horned girl's eyes widened immensely, and a large, toothy smile snaked its way all the way across her face. This was the one she needed to help! "Say... why don't you come along with me? If you know anything about us oni, there won't be a doubt in yer mind that I can cure your blues! You. Me. And all the sake you can take and then some! 'Til the break of dawn!"

Iku raised an eyebrow at this offer in thought. Obviously she knew about this race of beings that lived and breathed good times, and that's what worried her. The thought of dying from alcohol poisoning lingered in the back of her mind. Laughable? Maybe. But it would be a whole night of drinking. 'Eh. Whatever. I can hold my alcohol as good as the next guy.' So with that, she smiled silently to show her agreement.

Suika laughed heartily, hands on hips, at the prospect of a new drinking buddy. "Great! Great! Just head on over to the Hakurei Shrine! You know where that is, right?"

The oarfish snorted dryly. "I'm no newcomer. I know my way. Hey, where are you going?" She asked as the oni walked in a different direction from the shrine.

The Little Pandemonium only smiled and said, "To get supplies o' course! We're gonna need to stock up for this special occasion!"

"Special... occasion?" Iku looked quizzically at the small girl.

"Of course! This'll be the start of long nights of drinking with one another, buddy!"

"And what makes you so sure of that?"

"Because if even those who are dead drink, then why would the living be an exception?"

She wasn't expecting an answer like that. It made sense and almost seemed profound in Iku's current state of mind. Like the words of one who is enlightened.

Suika waved at her new friend before flying off, whistling as she went.

The oarfish watched until she couldn't watch anymore, then made her way to the shrine. 'I wonder if Reimu-san will mind the extra company? Well, I trust Suika has already made arrangements for everything and is only pulling everything together.'

It is possible for your bones to self destruct without enough calcium intake.

The Rumored Unnatural Phenomenon looked rather surprised by the sudden visit of her close companion to the Ancient City. "Well if it isn't my good friend Suika Ibuki! How goes it! What brings you down here!" She slapped her hand into the smaller oni's for a handshake that could easily break every bone and tendon in a human hand.

"Nothing much," she intoned. "Unless, of course, yer up for some drinks and all that accompanies them?"

Yuugi smiled. Typical Suika. "You know I'm always up with drinking with a fellow oni from the old times!"

"Alright. It won't be just us, I'm bringing along someone new."

Yuugi raised her head a little bit at this. "New? To Gensokyo?"
"Hahahah! No, of course not! This girl's never partied with us, and I think it would be in her best interest to do so."

"Alright, if that's what you want. SO!" She energetically slapped her friend's back. "You got 'nough booze to fuel this event! Lots o' varieties would be nice!"

Little Pandemonium smiled up at her large friend. "Hehe, actually, that's why I happen to be here."

Yuugi frowned. "Hey~, mooching isn't exactly appreciated." Her tone was that of disappointment.

"Aw, c'mon! It'll only be for tonight! I'm gettin' tired of my stuff! As you said, variety is needed!"

"No. What's mine is mine and what's yours is yours."

"How about a trade then? Afterwards, I'll let you pick something of equal worth from what I've got. It won't all come from you either! I'll bring some too. So whadd'ya say?"

The larger oni stared at the smaller before sighing in defeat. "Yeah, fine. We'll do that. Just don't take any of the especially good stuff! Or I'll pound you to dust." Upon making her punishment clear, Yuugi led the way to her house with Suika in tow."

"Hahaha, I would like to see ya try!"

"Don't push me you little midget."

"I ain't no midget! You oversized rack!"

Yuugi looked back and smirked haughtily. "Oh? Jealous of my curves, are you?" She gave her breasts a slight jiggle for emphasis.

Suika responded with snideness and an exaggerated look of sarcasm. "Pfft! As if! Gensokyo is full of busty beauties. A perfect flat chest like me is a treasure to be valued!"

Yuugi laughed loudly. "You act as if you're the only one without a rack! But whatever, keep telling yourself what you must to avoid crying yourself to sleep like you used to."

The ginger-haired girl looked mortified. "How... how did you know about that!"

Yuugi stopped and turned towards her friend. "..."

"...!"

"... Bwahahahahahah!" The two burst into fits of laughter simultaneously, slapping each other and falling to the ground. There was never a dull moment to be found between these two. The world became 50% more humorous when you were with a long time close friend.

Over 2500 left-handed people a year are killed from using products made for right-handed people.

Reimu Hakurei was sitting in her favorite spot on her shrine and enjoying some freshly bought (stolen) green tea from Rinnosuke. The world was quiet as the sun made its final movements across the horizon. The twilight gave Gensokyo a surreal fog about it that reminded everyone they were living in a fantasy land.

She had finally cleaned all of the shrine (in the process going to kick where her god dwelt) and was now thoroughly enjoying that feeling of a hard days work. She had made the place sparkle, just as she said. The miko took a sip from her cup and felt the warmth of the liquid wash through her and impart some of its warmth to her from inside. Simply delightful. She let out a long sigh of content and felt at peace.

"Well, a good evening to you, Reimu-san."

Reimu was pulled out of her nirvana by a visitor climbing up her steps. It was Iku Nagae– a face she didn't see too often.

"Oh, it's you. What brings you here to my shrine? Not here to cause trouble, are you?"

Iku waved a hand and smiled. "Not a chance. Just here to enjoy a drink with Ibuki-san."

"Tch. I told her I don't like it when she throws one of her riots at my place. Ah, whatever!" Reimu threw her head back. "You're already here, and I'm sure Suika is coming too with enough sake to kill a man. Sure. Just don't break anything, or I'll throw you tumbling down those stones you just climbed."

"Oh my. That seems harsh. Well fair enough, your house works according to your rules. Rest assured, I will not drink enough to lose my self-control. I'm not much of a drinker to begin with."

Reimu let out a small laugh, clearly not believing the Messenger of the Dragon Palace. "Uh~-huh. That's what they all say. And then they start drinking with that little hell raiser."

Iku decided to drop the subject. "Didn't the oni inform you of this little event she was planning?"

Reimu took a long sip of her tea before answering. "Nope. Suika does things on her own and drags who she needs to along."

"Oh... I'm sorry. I thought–"

"Nah, don't worry about it. I'm used to it. Like I said, don't break anything." She spoke calmly and with light apathy. About her was a comfortable atmosphere.

"You have my word. It has been pleasant chatting with you, Reimu-san." Iku bowed and headed to the side of the shrine.

Reimu only grunted in response. Honestly, this was supposed to be a relaxing evening. Now she'll have to deal with the inevitable whoops, crashes, bangs, cheers, and fits of laughter that always happen when an oni decides to host an event. "Host" being used loosely.

She watched the light, transparent steam rise up from her cup and dissipate into the evening air. This held her interest for a long time: the shrine maiden's mind remained empty of thought. She took a sip.

"Mm. Starting to get lukewarm."

You have 6 other people somewhere in the world who look exactly like you (I'm not sure I believe this one).

At six-twenty PM, Suika arrived along with someone who Iku had never seen before. Both had a hefty load in the form of two large crates per arm.

"Yo! Did we keep ya waiting?" She dropped the crates and patted one of them affectionately.

"No, not really. But, uh... who are you?" Her question was directed towards Yuugi.

Suddenly, the large woman brought a hand down upon Iku's unprepared back. The left side of her mouth contorted and a silenced groan of pain escaped from her lips, but otherwise she remained standing. Yuugi observed for a second longer before speaking. "Hoho, I think I'll like this gal! She seems pretty sturdy! My name is Yuugi Hoshiguma! And yours?"

An adjustment of her shawl. "I am Iku Nagae. My student is a friend of Ibuki-san's"

"Meh, we're more like casual acquaintances," Suika said.

"Acquaintances then." Iku corrected herself.

"Well then, Ms. Pedagogue! Are you ready for a night out with two oni!"

Iku laughed. "Of course. I don't know what you're expecting of me, but I will not be drinking a lot. I have my responsibility of picking up the Eldest Daughter from her... work." She cleared her throat and fell silent.

"Ah, that just won't do! Right, Suika!"

"Of course, my dear Yuugi. See, we don't waste time with lightweights. So unless ya want to prove yourself to us with a wrestling match, you''ll be gulping down this fine sake here until we say otherwise!" She smiled mischievously.

Iku took this threat with amusement. "Ah, well then. I'll have to escape when you two aren't looking."

Yuugi found humor in her new friend's statement and gave her another hearty smack. "Hohah! This one's got a head on her shoulders! Nice and calm! You'll get along just fine with us. I know it!"

"Yes, I," she coughed, "should hope so. You two seem like very enjoyable company."

The oni looked at each other and smiled.

"That we are, friend. That we are..." Said Suika.

The Earth weighs 6.6 sextillion tons, or 5.97 x 1024 kg.

"Nitoriii!" Mystia chirped. "How does my cart look? You didn't do anything weird to it after all, did you? Because if you did..."

"No, no! What do you take me for? I am a kappa of my word!" Nitori crossed her arms. "Anyhow, minimal service was required. Only updates that were applied were for plumbing. Cleaner, modern pipes were used this time, so the water shouldn't come out tasting funny. Let's see here... a few planks were reinforced that were getting past their date. I switched out the clock. The grill was given new parts. I was going to replace that too, but wasn't sure how you'd feel about that."

Mystia was looking over her stand, rubbing a hand across various parts. Perhaps to make sure they weren't replaced with technological mockeries of the old fashioned way. "I'll have to see the grill. I don't want something that'll do the grilling for me. How about I come over to check it out this weekend? Say, Saturday?"

"Sure. But you might not like my place. It's full of conveniences that come with modernization. You know, stuff that make life easier and free up more of your time to do other activities."

The night sparrow's eyes continued to roam over her breadwinner. She would let that snide remark slide. 'Science wasn't so great.'

Tenshi plopped down on a stool. "Man, I'm worn out. That detour you wanted to take wasn't so great. That wasn't even a waterfall, just a larger overflow of water down some rocks!"

"Well I thought you would enjoy a walk through the forest. It'd gave you a chance to familiarize yourself with it."

"You just don't want to be thought of as a slave driver. Bribing me with natural tranquility and small talk. I know your game!" Tenshi started to spin herself on the stool.

Mystia sighed. "Who told you that? I am not a bad person. I'm very kind, fun-loving, and enjoyable to be around."

"What a lie."

"That's enough, worker."

"See what I mean?" She spoke to the kappa with a thumb stuck out pointing at the little sparrow. "Sure, she acts polite enough. But give her an inch, and she'll take a mile! Heh. Kiss your freedom goodbye!"

This earned Tenshi a smack across the head from the recipient of her words. "You brought this upon yourself, you unmotivated troublemaker!"

"Abuse! Abuse!" Tenshi covered her head and ducked into her lap.

Nitori chuckled as Mystia told Tenshi to stop giving the kappa the wrong idea. "So, is my work done? Any complaints?"

The night sparrow stopped her fooling around with the celestial and returned to business talk. "Ah, none that come immediately at me. I'll give you a full review after I've been able to put everything to use. Thanks for your work!" She smiled gratefully.

"Well then," the engineer took off her cap and stuffed it into one of her many pockets. Sitting on a stool next to Tenshi, she said, "One order of fried tofu! On the house, of course."

"Fried tofu! Right away! Hinanawi-san! Take this customer's order of drink! We need to get her situated; get ourselves back into business!"

Tenshi looked at Mystia preparing the grill with a lazy expression of disbelief. "Heh~? But you said there was no work on maintenance days!"

"There isn't. Day over. Work now! Evening!" She did not take her focus from her work.

"Aw, come on, man! Don't be like that. At least let me get situated!"

"No time! Customer work now!"

"Why are you talking like that?" Tenshi threw her head back to look at her boss upside down.

Mystia let out a small laugh. "It's my work voice. I thought I would try it to help get you into the work mode. Is it working?"

"No, it's ridiculous." Tenshi responded dryly.

"Really? Great! I knew you'd like it!" She started to quietly sing to herself.

"Don't put my words in your mouth! Ah, what does it matter? She isn't listening." With the matter decided for her, Tenshi stood up and began to serve Nitori. 'Iku should be coming soon to get me anyway. Not much more of this before I can return home.'

Baby Koalas eat their mom's poop.

"Royal Flush, bitches!" Yuugi yelled enthusiastically as she slammed her cards down on the little wooden table placed in the center of the shrine's storage room – which was serving as their place of party –.

"Damn it," Iku cursed, "I hate strip poker."

Yuugi laughed triumphantly. "Too bad~. Now strip, you whore!" She was referring to Iku, who was currently clad in only a shirt, undergarments, and socks. Suika and herself were only missing their skirts and a few accessories.

"Why am I always picked! I call unfair double team!" She whined, the sake making her more expressive. She was getting a little drunk already, but the oni didn't even seem the slightest bit phased. Shots were downed at the end of each round.

Suika laughed and stared at Iku through narrowed eyes. "There aren't any rules against it. And you're picked because you're the new girl. It's a longstanding tradition to give the newbie a hard time!"

"How mean!" Iku almost cried as she took off her socks.

"Tch, you won't be able to keep that shirt on for long," Yuugi said. "Only a matter of time before we have you buck naked and blushing!"

"Sexual harassment..." Iku mumbled. "I will stand for no such disgrace! Deal the cards!" She poured two shots of booze and gulped them down instantly. "Bring it on!"

The little oni positioned a hand in front of her face to make the charisma hand and leaned forward. "Hehe, challenge accepted!"

Yuugi made a big sideways grin. "Hoho, getting into it now? Don't think that'll do you any good. You're already in hot water!" She shuffled the cards deftly and dealt them swiftly.

"You'll see just how foolish your assumption was this round, Hoshiguma-san! I will not be defeated!" A fire burned in the messenger's eyes. She looked ready to fight a bear with one arm.

"Cardshark sign: 'Onslaught of the Oni'!" The duo cried. The second round began with everyone's spirits ablaze with passion and dreams of glorious, nudity-filled victory. Oh so glorious! Carpe Diem!

In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

"Thank you! Come again!" Tenshi smiled and waved happily. Once the human couple that had stopped by vanished from eyesight, the celestial let out a cheer and threw her arms into the air.

"With them gone, my work day comes to a close!" She looked at the clock, and, sure enough, it gave the time as eight-o'-three. "Woohoo! Iku should be coming soon to pick me up! Then off I go to dreamland!"

"Yes, because this day was just filled with brutal labor and never ending battles," Mystia commented sarcastically. "Seriously, you're unwillingness to labor is quite annoying."
Tenshi turned towards the bird and smiled. "Perhaps, but one bridge at a time!"

"Hm? Are you referring to your efforts to smooth out that personality of yours?"

"Yes, actually. Wait, how'd you know? Did I mention it to you?" Tenshi furrowed her brows and tilted her head.

'Gah! Crap! I wasn't thinking!' Mystia laughed sheepishly. "Of-of courses you did! Just this morning! Once Iku-san left. You really don't remember?"
Tenshi tried to recall such an occurrence. "Well, not really..."

"Eh? Haha! What are you, stupid? How can you not remember! Haha! And you made such a big deal out of it too! You really are a dummy, huh?"

Direct hit.

Tenshi blushed with anger and embarrassment. "W-what did you say! Of course I remember now! Who wouldn't remember such a thing! You're the idiot for thinking I forgot! Idiot!"

'Success,' Mystia thought with a smile. "Ah, I guess you're right. How foolish of me to think otherwise. That the great Tenshi had such a small memory span. Shame on me! She's clearly so smart, strong..."

The celestial raised her head with pride to better bask in the praise. "That's right I am!"

"Beautiful, charming, athletic..." Mytia went on.

Tenshi nodded at each compliment. "Glad you finally see the truth! Go on!"

"Perfect in every way. So full of her stupid, misplaced pride it's just sad~."

"That's right! That's right! That perfectly describes me– HEY!"

"Oh~, glad you fi~nally see the truth~!" Mystia sang.

The embarrassed girl marched up to Mystia. "Why you dirty, no good for nothing...!"

The eel cart lady was having a laughter attack. "Yeah, go on. What am I?" She said in between fits.

Tenshi fixed her mouth as she struggled to find a fitting word to describe this devil. "You're... you're...! A dummy head!"

Mystia fell silent at this.

Tenshi blushed madly. She had realized how childish that insult was. "...!"

This set the songstress off again. Down she fell to her floor in laughter, clutching her sides as tears ran down her cheeks. "I... I can't bweathe! Ahahahaha! I... I'm gonna die! Hahahaha!"

Tenshi suffered a massive charisma break. "Ah... Wha... What's so funny! I said 'dummy head'! So what! You are one! Stupid! Blockhead! Fool! Idiot!"

Mystia could only laugh.

"Why... you...!" Tenshi leaped over the counter and grabbed Mystia by the collar. "Stop laughing at me! If you die by anything other than my hand, I'll hunt your spirit down! Do you understand me!" She shook the laughing night sparrow back and forth.

Every hour to hour and a half, sleeping men have erections, though they may not be aware of it.

Suika wolf whistled and Yuugi whooped.

"Yeah, baby, that's right! Take it all of!"

"Man, what a sight for sore eyes! Look at that body!"

Sometime during the game, in the heat of the moment, the minimum shot requirement per round was raised to four. The two teams (Suika and Yuugi vs. Iku) had fought bravely against one another. The rules were also tweaked – by request of a certain oarfish – to allow the winner one article of clothing. So the extended game plus the amped up amount of sake consumed per round quickly lead to the situation at the present. One very drunk Iku and two oni in absolute party mode.

The Iku in question, despite her best efforts, lost strip poker to the tag team after they started pulling all the top hands. If Iku had her brain functioning at full capacity, instead of drowning in booze, she would notice this odd occurrence. As if the cards were gathering to the two. But this was not the case. So now here she was putting on a show of her final stripping for the two oni, which consisted of that stubborn shirt, hat, and undergarments. Yes, the messenger had given up before she had officially lost, but even a brain dead monkey without eyes could've seen this would've been the outcome (minus the strip tease). The girl was having fun with it and the oni got their clothes back, so no one could complain.

Suika suddenly stopped her perverted calls. "Oi... Whore," (This was now the affectionate nickname the two had given Iku, courtesy of Yuugi) "didn't you say you had to do something? Um... something that didn't allow you to drink this much? Err... what was it?" Her thoughts were abruptly brought to a halt by a hat being tossed into her face.

Iku laughed jovially. "Oh that? Naaaaahhhh! Who cares! She knowsherway 'ome!" She was slurring her words hard and rocking back and forth on her own two feet. "'Sides! Wouldn't'outwoo rather seeme strip!" She started to slowly lift up her shirt while adding her own strip music. Overall, she was a mess.

"Yeah! Screw responsibilities! It's party time!" Suika cried excitedly.

The shirt was tossed aside at long last.

"YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT! SHOW US WHAT YA GOT!" Yuugi yelled.

Reimu looked at the wall facing the storage room. She had stopped her hand as it was moving food from her plate to her mouth.

"Those party animals," she mumbled. "It's only a matter of time before I have to throw them out. Or I might never sleep..." She brought her food the rest of the way to her mouth.

BANG!

The food was quickly spit out at the sudden loud noise.

"Calm down, Reimu... This is to be expected. You saw this coming. You knew the consequences of allowing those three into your home." But even so..."

BANG! CRASH!

"Give it all to me!" A muffled voice yelled

"That doesn't make it any less annoying." Reimu growled and got up for a distraction in the form of her own drink.

King Fatafehi Paulah of Tonga took the virginity of an estimated 37,800 women during his lifetime; never sleeping with the same woman twice (Like a boss!).

Tenshi looked again at the clock. Eight-thirty-eight it read. She sighed. "Well, looks like I'm not getting home tonight."

Mystia looked up from the egg she was spinning. She was staying with Tenshi until Iku came, so she could inform Iku of the day's happenings. And to make sure Tenshi didn't break anything. "Why can't you just go home yourself?"

Tenshi looked at Mystia with exasperation. "Obviously if I could I would. However..." The girl shuddered. "If Iku gets here to find me gone, no matter my alibi, my head will be mounted on her wall! Nononononono! Leaving without Iku's permission is out of the question! She told me I can't leave unless it's with her and that's absolute!"

"Isn't that a little, I don't know, harsh?"
"No. That's Iku. She isn't harsh at all. Though she can be." She sighed. "What can I say? She's a mixed bag. Never know what your actions will pull out of her."

Mystia was worried about what to do with her employee. She couldn't stay all night with her. She had a warm bed, and it was NOT for decoration! Leaving her alone in the forest seemed cold-hearted, though. But she was making a big deal about not leaving this spot. Surely it would be okay to leave her? But that didn't make her feel comfortable at all. Her sense of right and wrong told her that it was definitely wrong to leave a person you were partially responsible for to sleep in a tree while you went to a warm, fluffy bed. "Hey, why don't you just stay with me for the night? I don't think she would mind that. You'd still be under my watch. And I invited you to come along."

"Hmm... maybe, but..." Tenshi was pondering Mystia's idea. It was sound, to be sure and easily better than sleeping on the cold hard ground. "I guess I could do that... but isn't it a little weird to stay at someone's house when you've known them for less than a week?"

"Only if you make it weird. But if you don't want to, fine. Doesn't concern me. Maybe you can make a pile of grass and use that as your pillow; get some sticks for a blanket. Even bathe in the river! Ah, but watch out for perverts. The forest offers plenty of places for them to hide. So if you don't mind that, there's nothing I can do." She put a hand on her cheek and sighed.

"..." Tenshi stared at the woods, her imagination starting to wonder in a very discomforting direction. She was biting her lip.

Mystia hung up her kerchief and started walking home. "Okay, well I'm off. Stay safe, Hinanawi-san. Good night~!"

The celestial sprung from her seat and shot a hand forward to grab the bird's shoulder. "Wait! Take me with you!"

Mystia chuckled. She was pretty easy to manipulate after all. "Sure. If that's what you want. Follow me and you'll get a warm meal and bed," she said gently.

They arrived in the span of a fifteen minute walk that passed quickly. Before them was a smallish brick house. It was located under a very large, ancient tree. The door was white.

"Odd," Tenshi commented.

Mystia looked over at her companion. "What is?"

"Well... I thought you would live in a nest."

"I'm not a bird!" Mystia yelled. "Well I am... But I'm a youkai first!"

"Or at least have a house in the branches," Tenshi added.

"No way. Too unsafe. I'm not a bird so remember that! My lifestyle is pretty similar to the humans'."

Tenshi just shrugged and followed the pink-haired girl inside.

Light switches were flipped, and illumination took over darkness.

"How about I show you around?" The feathery host gave Tenshi a little tour.

There was a small hall before you entered the main area. The living room was to the right, kitchen to the left. The kitchen counters were marble, a strange choice that seemed to contrast with the otherwise lower middle class look of the home. Windows could be found in the living room and the rooms upstairs.

From the living room was another hall, which lead to the stairs needed to reach the bedrooms. Bathrooms could be found in the aforementioned passageway to the stairs and upstairs in between Mystia's bedroom and the one guest room (this one had a window with curtains). The walls downstairs were blue; the walls of the guest room were yellow; and Mystia's room was painted pink with a wallpaper that took up a small part of the upper portion. The wallpaper displayed various cutesy teddy bears. The beds were big enough for two, although the second person couldn't be too big if they wanted to sleep comfortably. All the curtains were a regal red, another contrast to the overall feel of the home. Yet another could be found with the mahogany chest of drawers in Mystia's room that contained her more personal clothing and jewelry.

Tenshi had to admit, this was a pretty nice house. And she said just that.

"Ha! For the price I paid, it better well be! This place is the reason I often have to eat instant meals from a microwave! But... it was worth it." Mystia looked fondly over her home.

"So... what now?" The celestial asked awkwardly.

"...!" The little bird realized that she was standing alone in silence with a girl she barely knew. "Oh... Um... H-how about dinner?"

There was a pause before a response was given. "Sure, I guess. What'cha making?"

"What do you want?"
An awkward silence fell upon the two.

To the other's great relief, Mystia spoke up. "Um... how about I make some Western food? Cheeseburgers sound good?"

The other nodded and made her way to the couch to lay down. The sounds of simmering meat, chopping, and various other cooking sounds could be heard along with a little tune that steadily grew in volume.

A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.

Nine-thirty and the party was only beginning. Suika had taken Iku's place as entertainment (thus allowing her to get dressed), and was dancing upon the table in the most erotic way she knew how – calling it erotic, though, would be a great insult to all those who actually knew what it took to get the crowd's hormones going. The little oni simply wasn't that kind of party girl, so the puddle of knowledge that she had of this strand of dance came from friends jokingly attempting such and brief observation of the real deal. The alcohol didn't help either. A cup of the stuff was, in fact, in her hand during this whole train wreck of adult entertainment.

"Now THAT is HOT!" Iku yelled. She had an arm thrown around Yuugi and her clothes looked like a retarded ape had dressed her, sideways and wrongways as her shawl and hat were. A deep red decorated her face. Empty bottles of sake littered the floor.

"Oh yeah, SUIKAAAA!" Yuugi called energetically. "Dat ass! You must have my babies!"

"Heynowwaiamiute," Iku slurred. "I sought I wa' gonna have your babies! You lied to me!" She looked on the verge of tears.

Yuugi was moved by the heartfelt scene. "Oh~! Whore! I never meant nothin' by what I said! I was kidding! You're teh only one for me!"

"Byuugi!"

The two hugged passionately and very manly. Their pure, drunk love for one another communicated in that single moment their bodies met in the embrace.

Suika tried to say something to the two, but slipped off the table and banged her head against the wood floor with a heavy thump. She got up quickly, however. "You two make me sick! What is that! You ragin' homosesxuals!

Yuugi broke the embrace and looked furiously at Suika, "What did you call us!"

The glares the two were shooting each other would be enough to freeze fire.

"Exactly what you heard!"

This was in turn met with a swift punch to Suika's nose. Yuugi towered over the loli, rage and murder cloaking her in a miasma of the most frightening kind. "HOMOSEXUALS ARE WE! YOU IGNORANT BITCH! DO I HAVETA LECTURE YOU!"

Suika got back to her feet and faced Yuugi, while Iku cowered in a corner. "Yeah, lily? What'cha gonna edumacate me on? How much you two are FAGGOTS!"

This time a knee was rammed into the small oni's stomach, sending her crashing against the wall.

"I WILL NOT TOLERATE SUCH IGNORANCE!" Yuugi roared. "YOU FOOLISH WHELP! HOW DARE YOU SPOUT SUCH ASININE WORDS AT US! BITCH, I AM A MAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!" Yuugi beat her chest with a fist while making this declaration. "Do you not see this impressive shlong growing outta my head! HOMOSEXUALS INDEED! I MAKE YOU BABIES WITH THIS! LOTS BABIES!"

Suika was thunderstruck. She was left on the floor, unable to get up from sheer shock. "You liar," she finally said and stood up. "Anyone can see that is a strap on! NO BABIES MADE DAT YOU!"

"What!"

"UWAAAAAHHH!" Suika yelled as she tackled her friend to the ground. "Now! I prove it to you!" She mounted Yuugi's stomach and reached for the horn or thing that goes against science.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Yuugi grabbed Suika's neck with one hand, and chucked her once more against the poor wall.

"WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!" Iku yelled then burst into tears.

Human jaw muscles can generate a force of 200 pounds on the molars.

Dinner of cheeseburgers and bacon-fried rice had passed in complete silence, with the exceptions of "pass the ketchup", "pretty good", and other generic dinner talk that didn't mean anything. Now the two were sitting on different parts of Mystia's couch that filled the living room. Tenshi with nothing to do but stare at the wooden coffee table in the center, and Mystia with a book in hand that she fetched when she went upstairs to change into the magenta pajamas she now wore.

Clocks ticking was the only sound that filled the house besides the sound of a page turning every so often. Tenshi had had enough of this silent hell. She leaped up from her spot with force and pointed at the sparrow.

"You! Your guest has had enough of this! Bring out a two player game!" Her speech was fiery and loud.

The other girl looked up from her book. "But I don't want to play a game. Can't I just find something that y–"

"Do it, woman!"

"Ugh, fine. I'll get us a stupid board game. Don't have a stroke," she said as she walked up to her room once more. She came back down with a plastic container in hand and a checkered board and began setting up red and black circles that were to serve as pieces on the board that was placed on the coffee table. "You know how to play checkers, right?" Her eyes never left the board.

Tenshi looked over the board from every angle and tried hard to remember if she had played such a game. "No... can't say I have. Is it like chess?" She looked with puzzlement at the board.

This got Mystia to look at Tenshi. "You mean you've never played checkers? But it's the most common board game out there! It's what I think of when I hear the word! How do you know some obscure thing like chezz but not checkers?"

"It's chess. And how have you not heard of chess? It's like shogi, but with a different setup, less pieces, and no drops. It's the real king of board games!"

"Sounds like a rip off of shogi. How disgraceful."
"Shogi is a rip off of chess."

The two glared daggers at one another for having the audacity to not recognize what the real king of games was. Tenshi was just standing and looking down at the birdie and her filthy heathenish game. Mystia was sitting with a red piece in her hand, glaring up at the girl and her stuck up delusions. Finally, much to Mystia's surprise, Tenshi sat down and crossed her legs before the coffee table.

"Can't be helped I guess," the celestial said, "since you're too stubborn to admit you're wrong, I'll indulge you and learn this game that looks like simpletons created it."

"Oh, well how gracious of you, Hinanawi-sama. I feel so indebted to you!" She threw in a smile to complete the sarcasm.

"As you should. So, the rules! The objective! Enlighten meeeee!" You could almost see an explosion and art shift occur.

The explanation was quick and in monotone. "Each piece moves only one black square forward. You can only jump what's directly in front of you. Double jumps allowed. Get a piece to the other side, and it becomes a king, which allows it to move in any direction. You win by taking all the pieces of your opponent. The end."

"..."

"Well? Understand?"

"Understand! A child could pick this up in half a minute! This has gotta be the stupidest, most boring game ever!"

"It's fun because of the simplicity. No trying to remember a ridiculous amount of unnecessary rules. Are you just trying to be difficult?"

"This game sucks. I refuse to play."

"You've never played! How do you know it sucks!" Mystia wasn't about to let her favorite game take such slander without a fight. She would convert this non-believer even if it meant by force.

"I can tell it sucks. It's, like, that bad! It releases a suck aura. Like it's begging me not to play. You poor child, what kind of penniless childhood did you go through to think something as cheap as this was fun?"

"...I will forgive what you just said if you pick up a piece and move it. You're red, so you go first." Though her voice was controlled, there was a storm lurking just beyond the horizon.

Tenshi smiled sweetly then leaned in inches from Mystia's faces. She spoke quietly and emphasized every word. "Make. Me."

In a flash, the youkai had scooped up a handful of her pieces and smashed them into Tenshi's face, pushing her to the floor. "Fine! You know what! I will beat a love of this game into you if I have to!" She threw the pieces that were still in her hand at the fallen girl.

Tenshi rolled out of the way and got to her feet. She reached forward, grabbed a handful of her own pieces, and threw them with great force.

Mystia shielded with her arms, but upon impact yelped and shook them about. "Owowowow! Dammit, that hurt! I didn't do that much damage to you!"

"Hey, you declared war, you got war. Give up and I'll save you the embarrassment of crying like a baby!" Tenshi smirked.

"I'll sooner eat chicken!" She grabbed a couple of pieces and returned fire at full force.

Checkers pieces flew through the air like mosquitoes over a mucky pond. They went on like this for a good twenty minutes, grabbing whatever pieces they could find on the floor to use as ammunition. The celestial's shots brought tears to Mystia's eyes and welts to her skin. Despite her best efforts, Tenshi only laughed when hit by a scatter of pieces. Nailing her in the head did force a yell from her, though, so that's what the youkai chose to focus on. The winner was soon decided when Mystia went kamikaze, running through a barrage of hard plastic to begin violently beating Tenshi with the checkers board.

"Okay! Okay! Alright! I'll play! Just stop smacking me! That's really annoying! Ow! And why do you keep hitting my head!"

Girls are preparing checkers game...

"No pieces can move through other pieces, right?" Tenshi was massaging her head, which had taken almost all the blows.

"Yeah. So for now, you can only move the pieces from the front. You'll have to sacrifice your pieces to get mine in the beginning, so don't be hesitant to do so. Ow... Just make sure you have a backing piece to jump me." Mystia was far worse off than her guest. She was massaging her arms, which were violently red and peppered with welts. Bruises were predominant on her torso.

The game ended quickly with Mystia being the winner.

"How did I lose already!" Tenshi smacked the table.

Mystia sighed. "You weren't using strategy. Just moving pieces."

"But that's all there is to this game! There aren't any bishops, knights, or any special pieces to really think to use!" Needless to say, she was very upset at losing in a game she had so insulted. It was a blow to her intelligence more than anything else.

"No, there isn't. Granted you don't have nearly as many options to choose from like in shogi. It's just different." On the outside Mystia was calm and trying to help her guest better understand the game like a good sportsman should. On the inside, however, she was busting out the champaign and laughing at the pathetic face that her opponent now wore. 'How deliciously ironic! A game she claims to be unable to care less about has her wrapped up and emotional! Serves her right! Karma got her good! Let that be a lesson to her! Eat your words and enjoy their bitter taste!'

Tenshi looked up at Mystia and pointed down at the board that shined as a wretched testimony to her defeat. "I demand a rematch! Set it up!" She had an angry, childish expression.

Mystia couldn't help but smile at the girl's sudden passion for the game she once hated. It made her happy to see she shared one of her interests with someone. "Okay. But I thought this game sucked? Why play it again?"

"It does. I'd rather be playing chess. But I won't lose to you!" The burning flames of passion erupted behind the girl and explosions of determination erupted.

Mystia laughed happily and set up the board. "You won't beat me even in your dreams! I've been playing this since I was a little girl!"

"Wrong, my dear! I refuse to lose! It's only a matter of time!"

The new game began with new burning spirits of youth. An unstoppable force had met an immovable object.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

Reimu lay under the covers with eyes wide open. The party group was still going strong, despite how late it was. She was sure a fight had occurred and ended only a few minutes ago. The screams Iku let out made it hard to figure out what the situation really was– due both to the fact you had to strain yourself to understand her drunk words, and her brain was saturated with booze, so she probably didn't have any more of an idea of what was going on than Reimu. Surprisingly, no sound of breaking (nothing of hers breaking, or so she could tell) had been heard.

"This is ridiculous. Just pass out already!" She yelled at her ceiling. "They'll have to mess up soon, and when they do! I'm going to throw them so hard they'll reach the end of Gensokyo! Only a matter of time. Even the oni are drunk by now I bet. Well, more so than usual..." Reimu had lost her sense of time after giving up on looking towards the clock for salvation. She was guessing it was almost eleven at this point. "Had to be..."

The moon was shining brilliantly in the sky. The crickets were playing their song of the night. A kind of stillness could be felt in place of the bustle that usually took place. The air was cool and refreshing. Night had blanketed all of Gensokyo. The Sandman had visited most by now, granting them a wide variety and strange events that only make sense in dreams.

"Surely they can't go on all night," Reimu told herself, knowing they very well could and would unless she intervened. "And so I wait." She had a feeling the wait wouldn't have to be for much longer, and experience had taught her how sharp and trustworthy her intuition was.

Iku was laying face down in a puddle of sake. The oni had their arms around one another singing drinking songs. Shattered glass and wood adorned the floor. A Suika-sized hole took the place of materials from where she had been thrown so many times. The table was missing a leg. Its location was unknown and probably never would be. Iku's shawl was stuck to a wall by a particularly sweet flavor of sake.

Normally this would mean a party is over, and everyone would stumble to their spot of choice and fall unconscious. But this was a party with oni, which meant this was only a short break before everyone would be roused to more drinking and ruckus.

Suika looked over to her good friend and slurred, "Heya, Yuugi?"

The other looked at Suika and slurred, "Yesth, my little buddy?"

The Little Pandemonium looked down in thought, her expression troubled. "What... what hsould be do now?"

Yuugi looked at the ceiling and flopped her arm off of the small oni. She then looked at the unconscious form of Iku. "Hmmm... Howaabout we through Whore through something?"

Suika smiled like am idiot. "Yeeessshhh~! And vwhen she wake up, we'll continue our parts!"

Ruinous Super Strength shot a fist up in agreement and whooped. So with that decided, they began to execute their master party plan.

Little Oni had the oarfish by her hands and Big Oni had her feet. They were standing in front of the door and swinging her while laughing like maniacs.

Reimu couldn't take it anymore. She got up and headed out for the storage room to check up on the three who had fallen strangely silent.

"I know I'll find something if I look around. A young maiden such as myself needs her beauty sleep," she said as she reached out a hand to open the door.

"BANZAIII!" Screamed the two oni.

"The hell?"

Suddenly Iku came crashing through the entrance, mowing down Reimu in the process as wood rained upon the two. She crashed against the stone ground, sandwiched between it and the woman who was starting to stir.

"Uuma... Urghk... W-what's going on...?" Iku asked.

After Reimu yelled in pain, she struggled to position her arms so she could push the drunk off of her. "Get~ of of me," she growled before throwing Iku off of her.

Suika and Yuugi were too busy high five-ing each other and yelling various exclamation of amazement and disbelief "that it actually worked" to notice the very angry shrine maiden.

"You dumbasses!" She roared, sweeping her arm at where the doorway once was. "What the HELL made you think it was a good idea to break my storage room! You better haul your asses OUT OF HERE before I do it for you! And I expect to be paid back for all the damage you did too, dammit!"

The dynamic duo finally realized Reimu was there and panting from anger.

"Reimu," Suika finally said. "I... I... am sorry, y'know? It's just... I thought you slept in the nude."

"What a disappointment this must be for you, Suika." Yuugi patted her friend's shoulder empathetically and uttered comforting words to her friend.

The miko grinded her teeth. "All of you... leave my shrine at once..."

Suika pouted. "Aw~! But the party still ain't over! You can join us if yawanna."

"No... just... leave before I get really mad. Do me a favor. I'll even clean up. Just go."

"Aw~! But the party still ain't over!"

"LEAVE!"

Silence.

"Hmph. C'mon, Yuugi! It's a party pooper. You get Whore. We'll find a new place to continue." Suika started to stumble and catch herself down the stairs to the Hakurei Shrine.

Yuugi picked up Iku – who had once more passed out – with one arm and flung her over her shoulder, following the leader with just a little more control over her actions.

Reimu watched them to make sure they didn't try to sneak back onto her property. When she was satisfied they had left, she slowly walked through the mess that was once her neat storage room. Puddles of booze, spit, and possibly urine covered the floor.

"Fuck... it's worse in here than I thought," she mumbled. Careful navigation was required, lest she accidentally step barefoot in one of the disgusting puddles. "It'll take days to fully clean this place! Geez, that's what I get for hoping this wouldn't happen." She let out a melancholic sigh. "And the day had only a little more to go before I could say it was peaceful and uneventful..." She looked on the wreckage a little longer, then made her way back to bed. "At least now I'll be able to sleep. Maybe I can get Alice and her dolls to clean that place up."

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes (What a bunch of asses! *shot*).

"Ahahahahah! I won! I won! Victory is finally mine! I have triumphed!" Tenshi was going into fits. After a countless number of rematches, she had triumphed over the Night Sparrow of Checkers. It tickled her to the core.

Mystia scratched her head as she looked down at the board, trying to see what she did wrong. "Man, I can't believe you beat me..."

The Daughter of Bhavagra smirked proudly. "But of course. I have the utmost confidence in my skills! You were destined to fall!"

Mystia laughed at this. "I like how you're only just now beating me. Convenient memory loss there."

Tenshi tsk-tsk'd and moved her index finger left and right. "Silly, silly girl! You forget these have all been rematches."

The night sparrow raised an eyebrow. "So?"

"SO they were redos of the first match. Meaning in actuality, I never lost but one! On the first game too!" She laughed heartily.

The Night Sparrow Youkai facepalmed at Tenshi's logic. "How does that make sense! The fact that you won THIS rematch doesn't change the fact that you LOST all the others!"

Tenshi sighed and shook her head, like a mother would when patiently trying to explain something to a child. "Yes, yes. And the sky is brown. The point is, I won!"

Mystia leaned back on her hands. "Well then, according to you if I challenge you to a rematch and win, that will cancel out–"

Tenshi interrupted with quick words. "No more games today! It's late, I'm tired. Going to bed. Nighty night!" She quickly dashed to the guest room Mystia had shown her.

The songstress stared blankly where Tenshi had once been. "Ah... she's gone. Tch, that cheater. Such a sore loser, Tenshi-san..." She stood up and stretched, shaking her foot that had fallen asleep. "Amazing. We were playing for hours on end, but it only felt like a few minutes. Haha, time flies when you're having fun!" She giggled to herself and went through the house closing blinds and turning off lights.

Going upstairs, she went to Tenshi's room to wish her sweet dreams; Tenshi returned the gesture with an actual "Good night, Lorelei-san" this time.

The sparrow took a quick shower, brushed her teeth, then retired to her room for the night. As Mystia was snuggling into her own bed, she smiled. "Today was a lot of fun. I hope there'll be more days like it. Though with no awkward beginnings next time, haha! Hah~, yeah. Seems like nothing brings people together as quickly as a good-spirited competition." Her eyelids suddenly felt heavy, so she let them drop and shut off her sight. "Tenshi-san... I wonder if... she'll ever realize I let her win. Could've easily... jumped the king she... forgot about." She then floated peacefully into a blissful slumber.


Author's commentary: Huzzah! It's finally done! All twenty-one pages!

Yeah, sorry about the delay. But between vacation, trying to improve my writing style (being less formal and straight-laced), math, slacking off~, it was hard to churn out content. As an apology, I made this a two-in-one deal.

This chapter is supposed to be one small step in the three weeks Tenshi works, one giant leap towards bringing Mystia and Tenshi together. Which is why I'm a little worried about this chapter. Maybe I'll have to write more before any of you can tell me with the utmost confidence how well I pulled it off, but I still would like to hear your thoughts. I'm sort of in uncharted territory at the moment. Especially if you read/watch a lot of romances, help me out! But I think I did really well and everything will flow nice and smooth. Sheesh, I'm making this chapter sound like the quinta essentia to their love. But maybe it is?

I will say the party group wasn't as drunk and out of it as they were acting. They were just having a good time goofing off and acting incredibly stupid. Though Iku probably is an exception. She's never seemed like the type that can hold their liquor. Poor girl. They even took pictures of her when she was performing the strip tease and other degrading moments. Okay, I lied. They didn't have a camera; it would've been broken anyway. So none of you get pics, it just isn't happening.

For all those curious, the fun facts you all just enjoyed were brought to you by my Android app WTF!. I'd recommend it.

EDIT (2012/10/8) - Oh god, this story wasn't deleted and apparently still has some poor souls that believe in me! After all this time I finally decide to come back. I feel so rightfully ashamed. I always hated when authors dropped a story I was following without so much as a word. I'm going to try and release a short filler chapter today just so everyone knows I am alive.