"Maybe I'm better off dead. If I was, would it finally be enough to shut out all those voices in my head?"
~Better Off Dead by Sleeping With Sirens
"And with that... You may begin!"
? ゚ヤᆬ?
Rin and the rest of our team ran inside the building, with Shiemi trailing behind, and went to the left door. "Man I can't believe I'm stuck with this team," Suguro muttered under his breath. We all ignored him. Walking further in, we took in our surroundings. The cabin was dark and gloomy with the smell of rust in the air. The furniture seemed ancient and dusty. The floorboards creaked under our feet, other than that, it was quiet.
Too quiet.
"AHHHH!" a toe curling scream ripped through the silence followed by rapid crunches of decaying wood breaking. Alarmed, we turned around to find a hole in the floor.
And Shiemi was gone.
"Shit!" Rin and Suguro yelled. Then goblins and ghouls appeared in mass amounts in front of us. They blocked off the hole that Shiemi fell into. "Damn it... Rin, Saito, help me fight through them, then I'll jump in and find Shiemi and meet back up with you." Suguro explained pointing his gun towards the army of demons. "Right," Rin said for the two of us. "You better find her." Suguro nodded in response and started pelting the demons with bullets. And so they begun their attack.
Demon after demon ran towards us but to no avail with Suguro shooting them down. Rin held his sheathed sword with a conflicted expression. I could only watch Suguro in awe. He turned back around, without stopping his assault and saw us doing nothing. He glared. "Don't just stand there! Help me out!" Suguro yelled, focusing back on the enemies ahead. They seemed to be drawing closer and with more numbers. "Rin, remember what you did in our exwire exam." Suguro said rushing into the horde. And with that, he was gone. Rin smiled and ran the other way. "What are you doing!" I yelled after him. But my words seemed to not reach him as he sprinted out the room with a ton of ferocious demons chasing him, but it wasn't all of them. Next thing I knew, I had a gun in my trembling hands in a room full of demons.
My heart was racing. My sweaty hands clasped the pistol and spammed the trigger into the horde. Everyone that I hit dissipated into black matter and dissolved into the air, but for every demon exorcised, many more replaced it.
There was just too many.
Looking into each demon's eye, I saw the crazed bloodlust that it contained. Staggering back with my left hand over my mouth, I fell on the ground, surrounded by the demons. The ones of the same kin that took everything from me.
"You're nothing but a body to be used."
"Stop it," I pleaded. The demons drew closer around me.
"You see these? They are made by one creator who can't enter this world."
"Shut up..." I whispered covering my ears with my hands. The demons started to lunge at me.
"Won't you be their savior? Bring their creator?"
"I said shut up!" I yelled. Tears pooled in my eyes and I clenched them tight going into fetal position and waited for the incoming blow.
"Aoko!" A voiced yelled above me. I opened my eyes to see Rin hovering over me. I blinked as a drop of blood trailed down my cheek. There was a ton of ghouls and goblins on top of him, sinking their fangs into his back or slashing at him with their claws.
"Get up and run Aoko-chan!" He said through clenched teeth. My legs felt immobilized. All I could do is look at him in terror as he endured the pain for me. The blood soaked his and my clothes and the lashes on his back were deep.
"I..." I trained off not finding words to say.
Sounds of gunshots filled the air as the demons on top of Rin were eliminated one by one. I could hear Shiemi gasp as Rin fell limp on me.
"Damn it Saito! Not only did he have to save you and get hurt, but you also can't do what you're told! " Suguro yelled grabbing my collar. Shiemi looked at us concerned, but instead of saying anything, she went to Rin's aid. "You see that?" He asked forcing me to look at Rin. He lied on the ground in a pool of his own blood. The wounds on his back was torn through the skin and some muscle, revealing the bone on some areas. I felt like I was going to puke. "This is what he got for saving your pathetic ass." He said dragging me out the cabin. I looked back as I heard sizzling noises. The wounds were healing it's self. When we were finally outside, the other exwires looked at his and gasped seeing the blood all over my shirt. Suguro threw me in front of them and went back in the cabin to fetch Rin.
"What happened in there?" Shima asked first. I ignored him and sat on the ground. They all bombarded me with questions, but I just couldn't hear them. All I could see was Rin on the verge of death because of me.
? ゚ヤᆬ?
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself back in my room, laying on my bed. I guess I passed out. I got up stretching my aching body and headed towards the bathroom so I could wash off all the dried blood on me. Rin's blood.
Once I got to the bathroom, I stripped and sunk into the bath. I wanted to go see how Rin was doing but...
"This is what he got for saving your pathetic ass."
I doubt that he would want to see me.
I sighed getting out and putting on my pajamas. I opened a locker stuffing my ruined clothes in it. I was about to shut it when a small metal object caught my eye. Taking it, I shut the locker and headed back to my room.
I walked fast back to my room and slammed the door shut. My heart was pounding and my wrists ached. I needed to cut. Making sure Hikaru wasn't in the room, I sat down and rolled up my sleeve. With shaking hands, I took the blade and slid it gently across my wrist, watching the skin tear and the blood bubble up. I winced at first, but once the pain subsided, I sighed in euphoria. But no matter how good it felt, the sight of Rin and Suguro's word kept replying in my mind. I laughed bitterly and brought the blade down on myself again with more force. My skin seemed to be devouring the blade as it cut deeper into me. "Damn it..." I whispered to myself with tears welling up in my eyes. If only I listened. If only I was stronger, then...
"What the hell do you think you're doing!"
I gasped as my body was forcibly spun around by tugging on my blood soaked arm. The razor dropped from my right hand as I looked at his angry countenance.
Rin.
"I said what the fuck do you think you're doing?" He repeated tightening his grip on my arm. The blood began to pour down onto his hand. I glared at him.
"None of your fucking business," I snapped trying to pull my arm away. He looked taken back by the harshness in my voice but replaced it with an emotionless facade.
"Do you think harming yourself will solve anything?" He asked coldly. I snorted.
"Your right. It doesn't. Harming myself like this is only temporary. It won't solve anything." I laughed bitterly. "I should get it over with, shouldn't I?"
My eyes widened at the stinging pain in my cheek. I stumbled back and clutched it looking a Rin, who pulled back his red hand. "Don't you dare act like this is a joke." He growled. "Death is never an answer to your problems." He said approaching me. I back away from him until I was against the wall. "What would Hikaru do without you? He already lost his sister. He doesn't need to lose what's left of his family." He said with pain in his eyes. "What... what would I do? I... don't want to lose anyone else." My eyes widened. "It's selfish too commit suicide. It only hurts the people around you."
"I'm sorry." I whispered. He was right. I couldn't leave Hikaru or my new friends who have done everything to help me. "I'm so sorry." I repeated shamefully with tears running down my face. Next thing I knew, I was engulfed into a warm embrace.
"Come on... You need to go to sleep." he whispered into my ear. I nodded silently as he carried me to bed. Once he set me down, he started to walk towards the door.
"Wait!" I exclaimed. Rin turned back to look at me. "Will you... stay with me tonight?" I asked shyly. He looked surprised at my request but gave me a sweet smile and went back to me. Slipping under the covers, he told me goodnight and went to sleep. And so I did the same.
There was a wall of blue flames in front of me. On the other side was a body that nearly looked like a corpse. His body laid there torn to pieces. It was mangled with limbs barely attached. Blood gushed out everywhere from his sickly pale body. Yet, he looked up at me. His skin sagged from his face and his right eye was hanging out. Blood leaked out from the sockets.
Will you conquer your fear of the blue flames to save the ones dear to you?
I sat straight up from my bed, drenched in sweat. Looking to my side, I noticed that Rin was gone. Covering my mouth with my hand, I ran out the room and down the hallway.
"Saito! Are you okay?" Yukio said watching me run in his direction. He tried to stop me, but I merely pushed pass him and ran into the bathroom. Falling to my hands and knees in front of the toilet, I started to convulse and puke my guts out.
"What's going on Yukio?" I heard from outside.
"I don't know. She just ran in there. We should probably go check on her."
"We? I don't want to go in the women's bathroom..."
I swear I could feel Yukio's glare.
"Fine." Rin mumbled.
I sat in silence as the door creaked open and two figures walked in. "Aoko, are you okay?" Rin asked getting closer to the stall I was in. I said nothing as I tried to control my breathing. I heard the footsteps stop somewhat behind me. "Saito, we're coming in." Yukio said as he slowly pushed open the stall door. I turned my head slightly in see Rin and Yukio shocked as they saw me sitting on the ground with vomit on my mouth. "Aoko...?" Rin said carefully bending down two reach my level. "... You're not doing what I think you're doing, are you?" He asked carefully. I looked at him puzzled until I saw his face take the form of the one from my dream. Turning around quickly, I started heaving again. "Shit." They both whispered. Yukio held my hair away from my face while Rin rubbed my back. When I was done, Rin picked me up and sat me on the side of the tub. Yukio left the room. With a washcloth that he grabbed, Rin started to wipe away the vomit on my mouth.
"So we're you doing what I think you were doing?" Rin asked putting away the dirty rag.
"What do you mean?" I asked in a hoarse voice.
"Were you... throwing up on purpose?" Rin asked slowly.
I looked at him shocked. I was going to ask why he thought I would do that, but thinking back to last night... of course he would be suspicious of me. "No that wasn't it!" I exclaimed. "I just... had a nightmare is all."
"Oh good." Rin sighed in relief. "Besides, I like you just the way you are." He said smiling at me.
I blushed.
At that moment, Yukio walked in carrying a glass of water and medicine. "Thank you." I said taking it. Yukio nodded.
"Oh! I forgot to get something..." Rin mumbled under his breath and walking out.
"So, about yesterday..." Yukio started. Shit. Rin probably told him. "What about it?" I asked looking away. "You... didn't pass." He said quietly.
"Huh?"
"The exwire authorization exam I mean." Yukio clarified. "Yeah... I kind of figured I wouldn't." I said with a small sad smile.
"So, how about training with me?"
I looked back at him. "I mean, assuming from how you used a gun, you want you be a Dragoon, right? Well, I'm already one so it wouldn't be hard to teach you." Yukio said rubbing his neck with a nervous smile. "Thank you Yukio. I'll take you up on your offer." I said smiling at him. "Great, now you should probably head back to bed." Yukio said getting up and stretching out his hand towards me. "It's Saturday, but we still have the cram school tonight and I think both you and Rin need to recover from yesterday." He finished pulling me up. Leaving the room, I saw Rin against the wall carrying a book with a leather brown cover.
"Here." He said handing it to me. "This is for you."
"Um... Thanks Rin." I said taking it.
"Oh yeah! Breakfast should be ready soon so make sure you meet me and Yukio in the cafeteria soon." He said with a grin before running off.
Walking back to my room, I laid down on my bed and looked inside the book. On the first page, was messy handwriting.
Aoko,
There are many ways too cope with the rough things happening or has happened to you that does not involve harming yourself. One way that I think might work for you is writing. If this doesn't work then talk to me and we'll figure it out together.
I'll be here for you.
-Rin
Skimming through the rest of the book, I looked at all the blank pages. Writing might help? Taking a pen from my desk and going the next page, I wrote whatever came to mind. And when I looked back at my work, I saw that I had written a poem. Closing the book, I laid back on my bed.
It looks beautiful on you.
What would I do without you?
I'll be here for you.
We'll figure it out together.
I like you just the way you are.
I groaned at the realization and put a pillow over my burning face.
I'm falling for Rin.
