Do you remember that little plan I had to sneak Axel out of my room and not have Xemnas notice? Yeah, that worked till about 5 in the morning came and Xemnas' wanted to check up on us and see how we were doing only to find Axel wasn't in the room. The only reason I know it was 5 am was because I kept waking up ever since I fell asleep- the cuts in my arm, as it turns out, were a lot deeper then I meant them to be on top of the ones from the day before… and the day before that, and the day before that. I had no sooner rolled over on my bed- my wrist being held to my chest, as Xemnas opened my door.
Sleep and me might not have been getting along but I wanted to hurry up and get back to my dream- it wasn't necessarily dirty but it might not have been a g-rated dream. But when I had just started to get comfortable I felt something that wasn't happening in my dream and definitely not from the person I was dreaming about. My room was already lit from the sun but I was too nervous to turn around, their hand rested on my shoulder, moved down my arm, moved down my side, moved down my leg and then was back up to my arm again- and just, no. I whipped around as fast as I could, scaring Xemnas a little in the process,
He moved to put his hands back on my body but I pushed him away, I would've smiled in pride when I was able to shove him so hard he stumbled to his feet to keep from falling on the floor, but the pain that resided in my wrist overtook that joy. Clutching my wrist, completely forgetting about Xemnas for a second, I leaned and twisted a bit so my back was against the wall- tried to anyway.
Xemnas jumped back at me and somehow had me lying down and his hand up my shirt in two seconds, "What the Hell?" I struggled to get away, and eventually I was able to scurry up the bed and away from his hand. "Shh…" Xemnas said as he moved closer to me on the bed, "You're mother's sleeping," my hands were out of commission- my wrist was wounded and my other hand was trying to put pressure on my wrist to stop the blood flow because I was stupid and managed to reopen the wound.
It may not have reopened but rather the blood of the scab dried in my arm warmer- because it did that a lot, and when my arm warmer was pulled differently like it was, off ripped the scab, but whatever it was it now meant my wrist was bleeding again and hurt. Xemnas reached for me slowly but I moved against the wall more, "Go away, why are you in my room?" it was a rhetorical question that a hidden meaning- said meaning was, "Get the Hell out," but he just moved closer and closer.
I don't know what came over me but in that moment I felt like maybe I could channel into the secret ninja in me that everyone had- and use that to roll and jump from my bed, around Xemnas, and be able to run out the door without Xemnas being able to grab me. And well, yeah, turns out not everyone has the secret ninja in them because I had no sooner got my feet over to put them on the floor and Xemnas pinned me down. His hands pinching and pinning my wrists above my head, "Get off me!" I started yelling but he quickly slapped me.
I'd been hit before and I know the hits going to feel one of three ways, one: can't feel a damn thing, too much adrenaline and just too in the moment to be hurt, two: my jaw's going to get ripped off, and the rare three: you hit like a bitch. And Xemnas got the lucky 2! My head whipped do the side, my heart freezing for a second while everything seemed to pause, there was a stinging in my cheek like vibrations and within a few seconds the pain hit, blood rushed in my ears, my eyes watered, my jaw felt broken, my cheek exploded with a feeling of thousands of needles jabbing into me and all my senses were bombarded.
Trying to pull my wrists down and out of his hold got me nowhere, I couldn't help but whine in irritation and pain as I struggled to get my hands free and blood oozed on my wrist and in my mouth. I'd take the blood over anything because as soon as I complained in my head about the iron taste there was a mouth on mine. His teeth smashed through both are lips to ache my own teeth, and I could feel the blood oozing from a new wound on my lips, I twisted every way I could and soon he pulled back, I looked away from him so he wouldn't be able to put his lips on mine again. "Go," wiggled a little more, "Away!" I screamed in frustration.
Another smack to the face and another few seconds wasted while I tried to remember how to breathe and function after the pain hit, choking on the air as I tried to breathe it fast enough to match my racing heart but not seem like I was panicking I whispered, "Get off me…" This time he didn't smack me, he didn't cover my mouth, instead one of his hands came down to brush my heated and pained cheek.
"Shh…" he started, "It's okay," and that's when I felt the tears welding up in my eyes, my heart raced faster and told him how just how scared I was in all of this. "It's alright… I just want to show you, that I love you…" he started and I could feel his weight shift on the bed and see his face getting closer so I pushed my head hard into the bed to escape, but he didn't stop so I shook my head back and forth, his hand tightened on my chin but he couldn't stop my movements all the way. "Go away," I said again, his hand moved up from my chin and then I felt a dull pressure then a stinging one as his fist tightened around my hair
My eyes were squeezed tight now, to stop any tears from falling- there was no way I was going to let him see me cry, I felt his cheek against mine as he began whispering, "Your mother doesn't love you…" he directed his lips more fully at my ear, "She doesn't love anyone… I'll show you what it means to be loved," his hair brushed my face and chin as his face moved down and then I felt his mouth clamp onto my neck. I tried to push him off, to get him to go away, I told him to leave me alone over and over again but he didn't stop, my heart rate only increased as my mind raced with scenarios of how this could end- none of which were good.
Every time my voice got too loud- I realized, he would bite down harder for a second till I got quiet again, his thumb pressed against my wrist and into the wound so hard the pain was making my stomach churn. "Let go…" I whined out, I could deal with his disgusting hickeys and mouth but I couldn't stomach the pain anymore, and it was like he noticed my sudden change in attitude, his hand loosened on my wrists and then he pulled my wrists closer to his face. "Does this hurt?" he squeezed my wrist with one hand while the other one held my other wrist away so I couldn't use my arm, I gasped in pain and tried to pull away but my wrist went nowhere.
"Take off the bracelets," he let go of my wrists and sat back, I scooted to sit up, shaking my head in the process, I was going to try to make another run for it but his arm was suddenly against the wall next to my head- blocking me there. His hand was barely touching my ear and shoulder but enough so I could know his appendage was there. "Take them off," he hissed, "Or I will rip them off," he carefully enunciated it as he spoke, but I shook my head again, "No," I whined yet again, if it was possible I'd rather be completely naked then to show him my cuts and scars- when I was alone I thought about showing them off but when I was actually with another person it was a fear that they'd see.
His other hand moved up to my wrist and he tried to pull the bracelets off, I struggled with his hand while he struggled to get the bracelets off, "Take them off," he said again and I didn't bother to give him a reply. "Stop," I mumbled as he got off a few bracelets, I had slid down the bed a little in hopes of getting away or as a result of my struggle but either way he was taking off more and more bracelets and there was less and less left on my wrist. All that was left on my wrist was my black arm warmer and fishnet and didn't delicately pulled it off- instead he grabbed the end and yanked it, the fabric folded over itself before it was free from my wrist.
If the scabs had been intact any more than they were I would probably be screaming rather than gasping in pain, but before Xemnas could look at my wrist I tried to shove him away again- not caring about the pain because I could worry about that later. His lips pressed against mine and I was left trying to struggle against that before I felt his thumb brush over my cuts, I hissed in pain as he pulled back and looked at my wrists, "I forgot you even did this…" he mumbled to himself, he pressed the side of my wrist were they was no cuts to his lips, "Sorry to hurt you," after everything he did and was planning to do- that's what he was sorry about?
Trying to pull my arm away got me nowhere, Xemnas lowered his head again and I could feel his mouth on my neck yet again, "Go away- why're you doing this?" he pulled away like that was the million dollar question, "Why?" he started, "I told you why… I want to show you what love, real love, is," "This- sure as Hell is not real love," I grumbled back, he didn't seem hurt, he didn't seem at all put off, but instead he just watched me for a second before he started talking.
"This can go one of three ways," as I began to struggle he began to pin my wrists, "One: you keep going the way you're going… it'll take longer for it to be enjoyable," my stomach flipped from the pain in my wrists, "Two: you stop fighting me it'll all be pleasurable," I couldn't' stop the pained whine that left my throat as I tried to pull my arms down, "Or three: I'll give you more drugs than your tiny little body can handle where every little sensation will show you what real love is," I turned away from him- there was no way in hell I was giving him an answer because there was no way in hell I was going to admit to him what I would allow him to do- because I wouldn't allow him to do anything.
"Chose…" he whispered in my ear, "Which one?" again, there was no way I was going to give him an answer and codon anything to happen. He tried to kiss me on the lips again but I struggled and fought with him, he asked if I meant choice one and I stilled- I was already in pain, I don't think my stomach or any other part of my body could deal with pain. He leaned down to kiss me again but I still tried to get away, I gasped in pain as he squeezed my wrist- but he let go so I was able to bring my wrist down to my chest and squeeze it with my other hand, and then I felt the bed straighten as his weight was gone.
But I realized too late that he was gone, as soon as my freedom became apparent and I tried to stand up I was pushed back down onto the bed, looking up I saw Xemnas holding a plastic cup of water down for me to take- there was only a little bit of water in it, which meant it had drugs. Trying to get around him got me nowhere but pushed back onto the bed, he pressed the cup to my lips but I shook my head and didn't open my mouth. The cup was gone from my lips and in a second his weight was all on me again. I beat against his shoulders and chest to get him off of me but he only pinned my hands down with one of his while the other hand clamped down on my jaw.
His tongue was forced into my mouth- and while I instantly felt dirty like no amount of soap or toothpaste would clean off my mouth, I didn't struggle because I didn't want him to do worse- till a liquid started to flow from his mouth to mine and it sure as hell wasn't saliva. I tried to detach my lips from his but his hand moved from my chin to hold my neck and jaw still. Once I was able to coordinate myself enough to breathe through my nose I was at a loss because his hand moved up to cover my nose. The need for air was getting stronger and strong and soon I couldn't stop my lungs from trying to pull air in, but Xemnas wouldn't let go till I swallowed the liquid.
Choking on the bits of water that stayed in my mouth as I tried to breathe in my head rolled to the side to get rid of the discomfort in my trachea, which it turns out isn't a fan of water. There was a rubbing on my cheek I just took notice to, my hands were now free but I didn't want to move and for him to pin them down again, "Good…"' he whispered in my ear before he started to kiss the side of my neck, I brought my hands down and tried to push against his chest but even though his chest budged a little here and there- his head and face went nowhere.
I couldn't stomach anymore of this, his kissing and disgusting movements were just too much, I started kicking again and both coughed and yelled at him but he didn't stop. Soon though, everything began to blur and blend, everything became fuzzy and nothing was clear- sound, vision, touch- all was hazy.
My heart rate slowed but the nausea feeling in my stomach went nowhere, his hands moved around me but my own felt numb and tingly. Why couldn't he have just knocked me out? Guess I wouldn't be seeing Axel today…
*Gasp* Two updates in one day?! How you ask?! Because I have no life- that's how.
Fixed/Updated- 5/20/13, didn't proof read it though...
