I know I am totally horrible. I apologize. A note is at the end though. Enjoy!
Rose POV
Memory
"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" My brows furrowed as I looked across the small table to Dimitri.
We had been dating for a few months, and they had been the best three months of my life. Our dates still were at his cabin, but it made them that much better. We focused on us, on learning about each other. Or simply just cuddling in front of the fire. It was times like these that when I looked into his eyes I hoped to always be able to look into them and see what I was seeing.
"I don't know. Maybe married. A kid on the way." I could feel the blush rising in my cheeks. I had never thought about marriage must less children, but Dimitri made me think beyond the tomorrow.
"I see that too." He smiled at me and took a few more spoonfuls before looking back at me, a bit more serious this time. "Do you see those things with me?"
I could feel the heat in my cheeks rise even more. Whenever I thought of anything with Dimitri I thought about our future. I imagined a wedding, babies, a cabin. I knew we had not been together for long, but something inside of me screamed at me that I had beat all odds and found the one.
"Yes." It was a mere whisper but he heard me, before he could react I cast my eyes downward though. I feared his reaction. His fingers laced with mine as he placed our fingers over the table.
"I imagine a future with you too Rose." I looked up a little shocked. "Don't be so surprised. I would not be with you if I saw no future with us. What I feel for you I've never felt before."
"I think I felt this way from the moment I met you." We both smiled at my small confession. It was hard to imagine we had only known each other for months and not years.
"I want you to remember this moment forever." I looked at him a little confused but still managed a small chuckle and smile. "No, I mean it. You feel this, this feeling when I hold your hand." I nodded well knowing what he was talking about, it was the fluttering in my stomach, the way I looked at his eyes and felt special, beautiful.
"I want you to know I will always feel this way as well. Nothing and no one can take this away from us. No matter what, we will always have this moment."
End Memory
I had gotten that small memory back two days after Dimitri had been taken. It had been pure torture then and even more so now. It was those small memories that ate away at me. It was that specific memory that filled me with both hope and hopelessness. I wanted to fight, to get more moments like that, but I knew better. What Dimitri and I had, we would never have again.
Even if I somehow managed to save my Dimitri things would never be the same. We could never go back and be those people. That innocence, that pureness, it had been taken away from us. We could be together, if I could figure out how to save him, but that moment would never come back to us. It would forever be a memory.
I suppose it was better to have memories like that than to have none at all. Every memory that surfaced was both bliss and painful. I wanted to remember, but I felt like I fell apart just a bit more when I did. I felt an overwhelming sense of love for that man. I could remember how that love use to be. It was young, grand, and something I would never feel the same way about. Good or bad though I would always love that man. He was the one. I had found the one but he had been ripped away from me.
My eyes focused to the left where Spiradon was driving. He had yet to mutter a word to me. I could tell by his posture and his eyes that he was mad. At first I was confused, but then I had heard a breaking news report on the radio. Fifteen men had been killed. Fifteen men Dimitri had killed. I had traded their lives for the life of a man who was no longer the man I loved.
I could not begin to feel bad though. I did, don't get me wrong, but not the way I should have. Dimitri to me was worth so much, but I had hoped no one would get killed or hurt in the process. I was a fool to believe things would go smoother. It had been a long time since everything had gone to plan.
It did not help matters any that since we had left LasVagas I had been feeling ill. It felt nothing like morning sickness though. I felt like how many described the fluBut it could not have been that, I knew Victor had made sure we never got sick. My muscled ached, even more so than they should. I felt cold and hot, at the same time. And my nose was starting to run. I figured it was my body reacting to everything that had happened though. Stress I did not need, but was forced to take on.
"I'm sorry." My voice sounded hoarse, thick.
"Seriously?" Spiradon punched the steering wheel some and looked over at me in disbelief. "Sorry isn't going to bring those men back. I was helping you but making sure no one got too hurt. But that, that was a fucking monster Rose. You should have let me kill him."
I cringed back into my seat, suddenly feeling overcome with sadness. I could feel tears pooling in my eyes, and for the first time in a long time I just wanted to cry. I wanted to sob and scream. I wanted to let it all go because honestly it was just becoming too much. This was all my fault.
"You shouldn't talk to her like that." Through my sobs I heard Robert chastise Spiradon. His hand landed on my shoulder as he tried to comfort me. "Look it was a horrible day for us all. But killing Dimitri is not what we had to do. It was horrific people had to die, but there will be a lot more death than that if we do not stop Victor."
"No if I had killed him Dimitri would not have been able to kill anyone else. Victor would have at least lost one fucking pawn." My eyes that had been drying some watered up again as I thought of Dimitri dying.
"Stop it. Look at her. She loves that man. And that man deep down inside is still her Dimitri."
"He will never be Dimitri again." Silence filled the car as Spiradon's words echoed through our heads. I hated to admit it, but he was right. If I ever did save him he would never be the same, ever.
After a bit more crying I feel asleep from the exhaustion. My dreams were all about Dimitri. A dark mix of the past and the hopeless future. I found myself following a path that led me no where. Every time I was within reach of Dimitri he would disappear. The last thing I would see was that smirk, no humor just pure evil. He was not my Dimitri, but I could not stop myself from continuing to run the circular path.
No matter what I could not stop myself in real life either. I knew it might be a lost cause, that I may get myself killed. And bring along the life of the innocent unborn child within me. I would truly leave little Ivan without a mother. A father and mother without a daughter. But the problem was I loved Dimitri so truly and deeply that I would be that selfish. I could not stop trying to save him because if I truly lost him I was sure I would lose myself.
A light gentle touch to my forehead woke me from my sleep. When I opened my eyes they felt heavy. My body was weighed down by some invisible force. My body ached in a way that had nothing to do with the fight from before. I felt clammy and cold, but yet so hot and uncomfortable. My mind was mottled and I had no idea what was happening to me, I tried to sit up but Spiradon came into my view pushing me back down.
"Lay back down Rose, you're not well." His words reached my ears but it was as if I did not understand him. Not well? What was wrong with me? I had never felt this way before.
"Her fever is spiking. We need to get her a doctor." Spiradon looked over at Robert as he lightly laid a cool rag over my neck and forehead.
"If we get her one they will want to admit her." The sound of those words clicked inside my head. I was sick, and they needed someone to help. My mind slowly processed the information and I came up with something.
"I have money." Both men looked at me as if what I said made no sense and perhaps it didn't but I had more to say. "You can hire someone to come here. They won't ask questions if you just pay them."
Both men walked away immediately understanding me. Those small sentences seemed to have taken so much out of me. My hands slowly inched closer to my stomach landing where my baby would be settled. I let me thoughts for a moment wonder to the baby. Was it a girl this time? Was it healthy? What if my hits had injured it? What if Dimitri had hurt his own child without knowing?
I hated feeling this way. I felt weak. But most of all I felt scared. Neither of those were who I was. I was strong, fearless. I had once felt like I owned the world. Now I felt like a tiny speckle on the earths huge surface. I hated this feeling. And I hated the turn my life had taken.
Would I have been better off staying with Victor? Going along with his games and enjoying it. It seemed so much easier to have stayed with him. None of us would have been in this situation. We would be distracted, not know any better.
My thoughts were derailed as Ivan's small form passed through my mind. The look in my father's eyes when he saw me. The happiness the Belikov's showed when they saw their beloved Dimitri. Was it worse now? To have seen us, had us within their hold and now gone? I was sure it was, if my own feelings were any indication.
My thoughts were cut off as a small pain shot up through my stomach. At first it was a soft pain, almost as if I was getting my period. The thought scared me but I knew sometimes this would happen, at least that was what my research said. I calmed a bit. trying to focus more on why I was sick. It wasn't as if I had been doing or around sick people. I steered clear of a lot of people. I had no idea how I could be sick. It wasn't even flu season.
My thoughts soon shift when an even stronger pain radiated in my stomach. This time it was stronger and much more than a normal period cramp. It was a stabbing pain, it felt like someone was ripping me apart. The pain so intense it caused me to whimper, catching the attention of the two men talking on their phone on speaker.
My hands quickly darted to my stomach again as another sharp pain rose from it. It was then that small flashes occurred before my eyes. First a flash of Robert, dressed in a white lab coat. Second of pain shooting through my stomach. And third Robert asking me to push. It was then that I knew what the pain felt like. It was as if I were in labor. It was what I felt when I was having Ivan.
Panic surged through me at the thought of losing this child. It was my chance at a normal life. To redeem myself. If I saved Dimitri it could be our future. The thoughts only last a few more seconds as another pain shot through me.
"Robert she's bleeding." Spiradon stood at the end of the bed lifting the covers up.
"Doctor you need to get here now." Robert screaming into the phone was the last thing I remembered before my thoughts and dreams pulled me into a world that use to be.
Again I am sorry about taking so long. I want to first off say thank you, for following, and for all the constant reviews. I read them all, and tried to answer some but my Luka is awake and I have to be fast before he starts hollering. So what did you think? Why do you think Rose is sick? Will she lose the baby? Next chapter will be fun for me to write and it will a lot better than this shit I just wrote.
Luka update... He loves food. Tonight he had spaghetti and meatballs... Did I mention he loves food, eats everything and still has no teeth, at almost 8 months! haha
