AN: SO this is the first new chapter I'm posting since the big explosion of information. I encourage you all to go back and read all the author's notes at the start of each chapter as I have been placing tid bits of information from Stephenie at the start.
Again, thanks to the betas Hellish Red Devil and Imogen. (Who was on line when I got the big review and was privy to my freak out session of "HOLY FREAKING CRAP!")
Your extra bit of Twilight information for today is something I've alluded to a few times in the revised chapters. I'm going to copy this directly from Stephenie's e-mail so you have exact wording:
"One last thing--there are laws, or really, just one law, to being a vampire: you have to keep a low profile. Exposure is not allowed. And who is not allowing it? Ha ha ha--read New Moon."
I have my own interpretation of that, but take it how you will and run with it.
CHAPTER SIXAdolescent minds are so filled with the most dull and tiresome scraps of information that I have often wanted to run screaming from the school building. Today was no exception, seeing as how the annual spring dance was right around the corner, creating all sorts of fantasies and daydreams. Every human in the building under the age of eighteen fussed over whom they would ask or what they would wear or what songs they would dance to. It was no surprise that the majority of thoughts eventually wandered into lustful territory at some point. There were even a few students for whom I honestly worried, as their thoughts were just plain filthy. And naturally, there were those others who told their friends how trivial and childish the whole affair was, while desperately wishing within their minds that they would be asked to attend.
All this commotion over a silly little dance; it was absurd, really. What was the point? Humans spent way too much money on clothing that they would never wear again, not to mention the required flowers and limousines, all for a few hours of underdeveloped bodies wiggling to thunderous music. I truly didn't understand the point of it all.
However, as the night of the dance grew closer and closer, I couldn't help but wonder who would be escorting Bella. There was a long list of possibilities, none of whom were worthy of spending even ten minutes in her presence, let alone an entire evening. But there was one thing I did know for a fact about Bella's date, and that was that it wouldn't be me.
After my talk with Esme, I was even more determined not to budge on my promise to stay away from Bella. Even though Esme had nearly persuaded me to let go and give it a try, the conversation I overheard between her and Carlisle convinced me that I couldn't back down. I knew they believed I was in love with her, in spite of my protests, but now I also knew that they believed I would bring Bella into our family. That was something I couldn't let happen. And so, once more, I resigned myself to keeping my distance from her and prayed every day for the strength to disregard my desires.
It was my normal routine to keep my mind trained on Bella's friend with the fuzzy hair, no matter how simple her thoughts were. At least she wasn't hateful or conceited as too many of the other girls in the school were. Jessica was, in all honesty, a nice person, and I was glad that Bella had a friend that seemed genuine.
That's why it completely took me by surprise this morning to hear Jessica thinking such spiteful and self-depreciating thoughts. She hardly said a word to Bella, which I gathered was a good thing considering her state of mind, as she didn't seem to have anything nice to say.
I can't stand being around her today.
Why does he like her, anyway? Just because she's so pretty and new and different… I can be different.
I've liked him since ninth grade. She has no right to come in here and steal focus like that. Besides, she said she didn't want to go with him. So then…what's wrong with me? Why won't he go with me?
Mike Newton. It had to be. I'd heard Jessica think a few scandalous things about the boy, so he must be the cause of her teenage woe. But why put such blame on Bella? It wasn't Bella's fault that she was so attractive. It was only logical that Mike would be so drawn to her. It was me who didn't have a right to concentrate so directly on her, not Mike.
By lunchtime, Jessica's thoughts had shifted slightly as she poured all of her efforts into making Mike jealous. She openly flirted with adolescent boy number two while Mike sat at the opposite end of the table, lost inside his own head and not paying one bit of attention to her. The whole situation was far too juvenile for words, and yet I found myself growing increasingly interested in seeing the situation play out, especially once I discovered exactly what was going on inside Mike's brain.
I should just ask her and get it over with. What's the worst she could say?She could say no. That would suck.
I wonder why she hasn't asked me anyway.
Maybe she's already going…but I would have heard about it.
What if she's going to ask someone else? Cullen… her savior? She hasn't been the same since the accident. What if she likes Cullen?
I should ask her before it's too late.
So that confirmed the trouble and only added to my anxiety. Mike wanted to go to this silly dance with Bella. The fact didn't sit well with me in the slightest considering that he saw me as a potential threat. A picture popped into Mike's mind of Bella dressed in a too tight little costume showing more skin than was appropriate, her arms wrapped around Mike's waist as their bodies swayed in rhythm. My chest tightened and for a moment I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes and willed myself to stay still and not leap from my seat to attack the boy right then and there for thinking such things.
I had to gather some distance between the boy and myself, and so without offering any explanation to my family, I left the cafeteria and sought solace in the cool outdoors. Purposefully taking several long, deep breaths, I repressed the rage I was experiencing and refocused my mind on the fact that I had no right to such feelings. Believing I had mastered my emotions, I entered the classroom and waited for the class to begin.
Once again, fate was not going to let me escape facing my inner demons so easily. I was prepared for Bella to take her customary seat next to me. However, I was not in any state of mind to have Mike come with her and make his intentions known in such a way that I would be able to hear every single word of the conversation.
"So, Jessica asked me to the spring dance," he said, leaning against Bella's desk.
"That's great." Her sweet voice sounded enthusiastic and light. "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica."
"Well…" I wish you didn't sound do happy about it. You should be worried that I won't be able to go with you. "I told her I had to think about it."
"Why would you do that?"
Cause I don't like Jessica as much as I like you. "I was wondering if…" Don't blow this. "…well, if you might be planning to ask me."
Personally, I was wondering the same thing. If only I could hear her thoughts! This was pure torture!
"Mike, I think you should tell her yes," she recommended, much to my pleasant surprise.
Cullen…did she…? "Did you already ask someone?"
It took every bit of my control to not turn my full attention to them.
"No, I'm not going to the dance at all."
Yeah…right… "Why not?"
Bella paused then, ever so slightly. It wasn't enough that any normal human would have given her pause much thought, but for me it was like a huge vacuum of silence taunting me with my inability to hear the inner workings of her mind.
"I'm going to Seattle that Saturday."
It was a lame excuse if ever I heard one, and for the life of me I hadn't any idea why she was lying to him. It had to be a lie. The heat rising in her body told me as much.
Seattle? What the…? "Can't yougo some other weekend?" Mike said in obvious irritation.
"Sorry, no. So you shouldn't make Jess wait any longer – it's rude."
"Yeah, you're right." So much for that. Looks like I'm stuck with Jess after all.
Mike walked away, and for the first time in a long time I noticeably allowed my eyes to rest on the tempting human form next to me. Bella sat with her eyes closed, pressing her fingers to her temple. I had seen many a human make such an action when they had a headache or weren't feeling well. Had the conversation with Mike been painful for her? She looked pained, but in an emotional sense.
What on earth was going through that lovely head of hers? Had she wanted to go with Mike, but said no because she knew her friend was interested in him? Or could it possibly be that she found Mike just as annoying as I did and was rather bothered by his persistent attention? With no way to secure the truth from her mind, I was left to simply hope that she genuinely wasn't interested in him.
The instructor started speaking and Bella opened her eyes, immediately fixing her gaze on me. Staring deeply into those dark brown orbs, I searched for the hidden meaning behind her words and actions. I half expected her to look away from me and hide behind the curtain of hair she normally uses to separate us, but to my delight, she didn't. It was as if time slowed down and permitted me to drink in her appearance like a man starved for food. The blush that rose to her cheeks was intoxicating.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed that the teacher was rambling on about the tricarboxylic acid cycle. "What's another name for this? A more simple name?" I heard him say in the distance. "Mr. Cullen?"
Reluctantly, I pulled my eyes away from Bella's beautiful face and answered, "The Krebs Cycle."
The spell had been broken and Bella tossed her hair over her shoulder to block my view from her. I watched her for the rest of the hour as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to keep her eyes away from mine. Every move she made reminded me of the conversation I had with Esme about the way human girls flirt. Every sigh that escaped her full lips intensified the desire I felt to talk to her, to let her know she wasn't the only one suffering.
At the sound of the bell, she turned her back to me and began gathering up her things. Her hair fell down her back smoothly. I recalled how soft it had felt under my fingertips the one time I had held her. Everything about her had felt soft – and warm. She sighed once more and I knew that this couldn't go on. I had to put an end to it for both of our sakes.
"Bella?" I tried to sound as friendly as I possibly could, but there was no mistaking the hesitancy in the slow way she turned around to face me. The hard expression on her face made me worry that I had totally misread her reactions, and so I stayed still and didn't utter another word for fear that she would think I was being more of a cretin than I'd already been towards her.
"What?" she lashed out after a moment. "Are you speaking to me again?"
Was I? I didn't even know for myself what I was doing approaching her. I promised my family - I promised myself I wouldn't. But I hadn't planed for her to actually show interest in me. Not trusting myself under her intense gaze, I said, "No, not really."
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, transforming every feature of her perfectly feminine face and unknowingly luring me in towards her. Her jaw was clenched and I would have given all the money I had to know what she was thinking. I got my answer soon enough.
"Then what do you want, Edward?" she asked as her eyes remained closed.
What I wanted was for her to open her eyes so I could have a better chance at working out her thoughts. What I wanted was to tell her how deeply she moved me – how one look from her could send my head spinning. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and take her off to some hidden place where only I could enjoy her laugh… her smile… her scent. A place where people like Mike or Tyler or any other boy who might come along could never touch her. But I couldn't do any of those things, no matter how much I wanted to.
"I'm sorry," I said with pure sincerity. "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really."
Her eyes opened to search for the meaning behind my words. I willed her to understand that I found her special – that I wasn't avoiding her because she wasn't interesting, but that she was too unique and tempting for me to be close to.
"I don't know what you mean."
Again, my powers of coercion didn't seem to work on Bella. "It's better if we're not friends. Trust me."
Something flashed in her eyes. Was it anger? "It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier," she hissed at me through clenched teeth. "You could have saved yourself all this regret."
I was stunned. "Regret?" I didn't regret anything other than the fact that I couldn't offer her a better explanation. Damn the fact that I couldn't read her mind! "Regret for what?"
"For not just letting that stupid van squish me."
It was as if she had punched me in the gut with her words. After all I had done for her, she honestly thought I wanted her dead? If she only knew how hard I fought to ensure her safety, she wouldn't be making such outlandish statements. It was unimaginable and slightly ironic, that after fighting desperately to keep my own cravings for her blood in check, and restraining my family from attacking her, that she believed I wanted her dead. Perfect. Just perfect.
"You think I regret saving your life?"
"I know you do," she snapped.
Anger boiled within me. "You don't know anything."
With her chin thrust high into the air, she turned sharply and headed for the door. I wanted to call her back, but before I had the chance, she tripped on the door jam and spilled her books all over the floor. Instantly, again without thinking, I was by her side making sure she didn't go down with her books. The protective nature of my reaction left me slightly dazed, but I brushed it off and bent to pick up her things. I passed the stack to her, making sure to avoid contact with her skin.
The only reward for my actions was a cold, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," I replied, knowing there was still so much I should say, but opting to just let it go.
And so she went, and I didn't follow after her. Even still, she was in my thoughts all through the remaining hour of school. I still couldn't quite decide on Bella's reasoning behind the decision to turn down Mike's offer. Did she really have plans for that weekend, or had she made that up at the spur of the moment? And why would she ever believe that I lamented my own decision to save her life? Had I really treated her that badly this last month?
Yes, I had.
Once school was over, I made it a point to wait for Bella outside. I wanted to talk to her and again apologize for my rudeness. It was vital to me that she understood I had no ill feelings towards her. But as I approached her car, I was greeted by hopeful adolescent boy number two – Eric – who was so far beneath my notice that I hadn't a clue as to what his last name was. His thoughts were like an open book.
Just make it really easy and be casual about it. Bella, would you like to go to the dance with me. Easy. Smooth.
Don't be so forward about it. That's probably why she turned down Mike.
I was surprised to find that news of Bella's rejection had already spread, but once again my chest tightened at the idea of her spending an evening alone with someone as unimaginative as this boy seemed to be. I narrowed my eyes at him and for one fleeting moment considered how easy it would be to dispose of him.
I caught Bella's scent and was brought back to my senses. "Hey, Eric." She sounded relieved for some reason.
"Hi, Bella." Smooth… calm… focus.
"What's up?" She unlocked her door, completely oblivious to how nervous the boy was.
"Uh, I was just wondering… if you would go to the spring dance with me?" I nearly laughed out loud at the sound of his voice cracking on the last word. Such a child.
Bella, however, only frowned at him. "I thought it was girl's choice?"
"Well, yeah." But since you haven't asked anyone... Oh come on. Say yes. Say yes!
I could tell that the smile she offered him was forced. "Thank you for asking me, but I'm going to be in Seattle that day."
It was the same excuse she'd given Mike, but this time it flowed from her lips with ease, as if she'd practiced it for this performance. Personally, I was elated that yet again Bella refused to be shuffled around. It spoke to her character that she had more taste than that.
He eventually gave up and, with round shoulders indicative of a child who hasn't had their way, plodded back to the school. I couldn't hold back my laugh anymore, but I managed to somehow keep it subtle enough as to not draw too much attention to myself as I walked past her to my car. I could feel the heat from her body as well as her penetrating glare. As loudly as she could, she opened her door, got into the truck, and slammed it hard.
To add to the humor of the moment, I noticed Tyler Crowley driving up towards Bella's car, his thoughts coming through loud and clear.
Don't drive away, Bella. Just stay put so I can ask…'cause if I don't ask now I might never work up the courage to ask again. Especially now that I know you don't like Mike.
This I had to see. She'd refused Mike and Eric all ready. How would she react to one more invitation to the dance? I had to make Tyler's wish come true. As quickly as I could, I slipped into my car and backed it out before Bella could get around me. She was now hopelessly trapped between me and the hormone-happy boy behind her. Oh, this was going to be good!
From my rear view mirror I saw Bella's reaction to her predicament. She wasn't pleased in the slightest, and when Tyler left his car to walk up to her passenger side, she looked completely irritated by the whole situation. I'm sure if I had been able to hear her thoughts they would have included a few choice phrases about the fact that I blocked her exit. Instead, I had to rely on Tyler's mind for Bella's words.
Keep it cool.
Thank God Cullen blocked you from leaving!
Just ask her and stay cool. Will you ask me to the dance? Simple.
Not in town – same line she gave Mike.
I figured you didn't want to go with Mike.
But it's still cool. We can always make it up at prom.
Unable to contain myself, I roared in laughter just as my family joined me in the car.
"What's so funny?" Jasper asked.
"Nothing," I laughed.
But Rosalie eyed me suspiciously and noticed how I was watching the rear view mirror with interest. She turned around to look at Bella, who was now quite visibly angry.
"What did you do, Edward?" she asked.
"I didn't do anything. I just… listened."
The look that passed between Rosalie and Emmett did not escape my notice, nor did it bother me. I pressed my foot to the gas pedal and sped home, feeling surprisingly lighter than I had in days.
