Tea in the Garden

Aedan had achieved a sense of peace the day before he thought he'd lost forever. He tried to recapture it as he leaned over the balcony railing and gazed beyond the palace walls at the city. His vantage point allowed him a view down to the docks and up to the hill behind the chantry and he played over the previous day in his mind, remembering the calmness he'd felt as he held Leliana in his arms on that wide ledge. The simple joy in each other's company had lasted the long walk back to the palace and through the night and into the morning. Leliana had thanked him over and over, telling him she would always remember their day. He had thanked her just as profusely, mostly for being his love and his wife. He still felt the contentment and the happiness, but it had become tinged with the familiar restlessness as he wondered what he would do with himself this day.

"Celene would be happy to have you sit in on our meeting," Leliana had suggested over breakfast.

Aedan shook his head. "You can't watch over me every day, love." Taking her hand he squeezed it gently. "I'll be alright."

And he had been for the first hour after she left, though their suite had echoed silently in the wake of her voice and seemed empty without her presence. So he'd gone to the balcony to study the city, to perhaps pick a direction for his day, but as he gazed out his inactivity caught up with him and the first tendrils of agitation coiled in his gut. Perhaps he should have gone with Runir and Marin to the keep? Guilt, slight, but recognizable, gripped him as he contemplated his decision to remain in the city with his wife. It hadn't been a spur of the moment choice, he'd thought over it, fretted over it ever since she'd found him in the hold that third day at sea. Though ostensibly he'd come away on Grey Warden business, he knew he'd been sent away to accomplish more than simply handing over charts and maps. He believed he'd made the right choice, hard as it had been to choose his wife over his work, and he tried to stop second guessing himself, tried to push the lingering guilt aside. He would be no use to anyone if he did not relax, recover and reevaluate his priorities.

He needed to walk, he didn't want Leliana to find him pacing the room and sweating out his anxiety. Glancing through the balcony doors once again he glimpsed the cliff top and nodded. He'd go there, the walk would take him half the day and then he'd find something else to do.

Sweat dripped from him as he finally crested the path and the exercise itself had almost fully calmed him. Slipping his legs beneath the lower rail he sat as they had the night before and took in the view. Though not quite as breathtaking without the golden glow of the setting sun the scene still amazed and Aedan lost himself in it for a while.

When the restlessness edged in he thought of Leliana's voice.

"I can feel the Maker up here," she'd said. In the peaceful atmosphere of the night before, he had believed her, but then, he always believed her and he reached for his own faith now, something he'd not considered in over two years and it felt rusty and disused. He liked Leliana's idea that the Maker was in all things and he looked for evidence of the divine in the vista before him and his thoughts, seeking the overwhelming peace that always radiated from his wife.

Glancing over his shoulder he considered the path that curved further around the cliff. Leliana had suffered terribly before she left Orlais and yet she had been able to let it go. She had found peace. Casting his eyes back to the spread of the city below him, Aedan took a deep breath and reached for it, allowed his mind to touch the wound, the reason behind all his anger and obsession. Luke. He'd told Leliana he didn't know why he was so angry and often times he didn't, but he knew when it had started.

"Help me let it go." he whispered softly and he wondered if the Maker listened. Why couldn't he let it go? Maybe because he'd never truly tried? He'd hugged the guilt to himself and used it as a tool to fuel his actions and now it had become a crutch. Taking a deep breath, Aedan blew it out again as if he could expel some of his guilt and fury with such a simple action. A breeze sprang up and caressed his cheek at that very moment and Aedan blinked. Looking about himself, he saw the leaves on the tree behind him settling and so he knew he'd not imagined the brief gust of air, but the day had become still again, silent but for the hum of the cicadas the faint bustle of the city below.

As he descended from the cliff he tried to rationalize his thoughts. Whether the Maker had given him a gentle prod or not, a sense of resolution gripped him. He could do it, he could let it go. He would always carry the scar; the mark would fade with time, but never fully disappear. But he almost felt as if he could heal the wound. It might take him a year to let out the guilt, one breath at a time, but he resolved to do it.

He stopped at the chantry when he reached the bottom of the path, he went inside and sat quietly in a shadowed corner and prayed as he had not done for nearly three years.

The afternoon haze had descended over the city by the time he returned to the palace and the restlessness seemed to have ebbed. He smiled in anticipation of being able to greet Leliana in such a state, knowing she would sense his calm.

After washing the sweat from himself and changing his shirt, he decided to take Alistair's book down to the palace gardens and read until it was time to join her. He settled under a large tree, leaning against the trunk with the book in his lap, and took in the garden. The centre of the palace hosted a large garden, or what was actually a series of smaller gardens. A formal rose garden led to a set of ponds and terraces. Beyond the terrace spread a park like garden, the lawn reaching invitingly outwards towards the walls of the palace and edged with paths. Several trees shaded the lawn at evenly spaced intervals.

A couple walked along one of the paths, hand in hand and a servant hurried along another. Two children played together a short distance away while two maids sat beneath another tree, gossiping as they kept watch over their charges. Aedan watched the children, a boy and a girl and a smile lifted the corners of his mouth. They looked to be about a year older than Rory and Grace and even resembled them faintly, so far as he could tell from this distance. The boy had a shock of dark hair and the girl had curls, though not blonde, he noticed as she moved into the sunlight, more a reddish gold. They were playing catch and the boy missed the ball and it bounced and rolled across the grass toward Aedan.

Aedan got to his feet and walked towards the ball, he picked it up and held it out to the approaching boy. As the boy moved from the shade of a tree and into the sunlight Aedan's heart skipped a beat.

He saw himself -- tall for his age, long legged and slender, and the face, the narrow nose, the high cheekbones and the cool blue eyes, the dark hair. Aedan dropped the ball, but the boy did not bend to collect it. Instead he studied Aedan in much the same way, his eyes flicking from feature to feature, cataloguing, comparing.

Aedan dropped his gaze to the boy's neck and there it lay, as promised, his own pendant. Reflection, the one his father had given him, the one he had given to Morrigan for…

"Cian?" he whispered.

"Hello Aedan."

His breath caught and he could hear his pulse in his ears, that faint and familiar ring. A hundred questions flooded his mind and he picked one, his voice strained and hoarse. "You know my name?"

"Yes."

"Do you… do you know who I am?"

"Yes."

Aedan had to sit down. He tried not to fall to the ground; instead he crouched first and then sat. Cian sat next to him. Aedan found himself momentarily speechless. He couldn't take his eyes off the boy's face. Why did Cian look so much like him? Rory resembled him, certainly, but he looked like Leliana too.

"Is your mother here?"

Cian smiled. "She is." He cocked his head toward the palace. "She's inside talking to your wife."

A chill descended Aedan's spine. This boy did not speak like a four year old, he was so self possessed! Yet he looked like a boy, he looked happy and healthy, and as if he had been enjoying himself in the garden. A flash of colour caught Aedan's eye and he noted that the girl had wandered over. Up close he saw she was older than Cian, perhaps by a year, but around the same height. He nearly sagged with relief as he studied her features and recognised none.

"Who is this, Cian?" She asked, her accent heavy.

Cian turned toward his playmate and adopted a formal expression. "Marie, this is my father, Teyrn Aedan Cousland, Warden Commander of Ferelden." Turning back to Aedan, he continued, "Aedan, this is Marie Le Trene, daughter of Lord Le Trene, Advisor to Empress Celene."

Marie extended her hand equally as formally and Aedan blinked and took it gently in his as he moved his eyes back and forth from face to face in stunned silence.

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my lord," Marie said sweetly.

Aedan recovered his wits and smiled politely, returning her greeting. "And you, my lady."

She giggled as he dropped her hand and bounced lightly on her toes.

"Will you play with us, Aedan?" Cian asked.

Aedan shook his head and both children pouted, their expressions so normal that he immediately relented and held up a hand. "Alright, I will, yes, I am..." Just a little surprised? He cleared his throat. "Forgive my rudeness," he said to Marie and she smiled sweetly.

Standing up, he bent for the ball, picked it up and indicated that they should move away and when they did he threw it to Marie first and she caught it and threw it to Cian. They continued in this fashion for a short while, the easy pace of the game allowing Aedan to study his son, Morrigan's child. Why was she here in Orlais? He noted Cian's clothes were well tailored and fitted, and the boy's ease in the company of his playmate and within the palace. He had been here for some time.

"Let's play a different game!" Marie called out. "I want to play chase and I say Aedan should be 'it' first because he is the oldest!"

Aedan chuckled and caught in the spirit of the moment, surged toward the little girl. She squealed with delight and kicked up her heels, running for the far side of the lawn. Aedan gave chase, making sure to stay just close enough to thrill without catching. Then Cian zigzagged across their path and Aedan nearly caught him with his outstretched hand. He missed and changed trajectory, chasing the boy instead. Cian taunted as he ran, "Can't catch me!"

Again, Aedan paced himself so that he nearly caught the boy several times, each resulting in a near miss that caused Cian to grin and laugh. Finally, with a lunge, Aedan tagged him and Cian stopped and panted a moment before yelling, "Here I come!"

Aedan laughed and ran, crossing paths with Marie, unintentionally confusing and diverting Cian. The boy tagged Marie and she immediately came after him and so Aedan picked up his speed, sprinting towards the tree where he had left his book. As he rounded the trunk he came face to face with her and she darted forward, tagging him easily. He laughed.

Voices floated across the lawn and he looked over to see the maids beckoning the children. Marie grabbed his hand. "Come along, Aedan, it is time for tea."

Aedan bent to grab his book and then allowed himself to be led across the lawn. He sat cross legged on the soft rug and the children settled to each side of him. He glanced from one to the other with a bemused expression. The situation felt both real and unreal. He'd played with his own children in just this fashion and it almost felt the same, except these were not his children… he glanced at Cian, well, one of them was.

Marie waved a hand towards the maids and uttered a short burst of Orlesian that Aedan roughly interpreted as, 'Please serve some tea to Cian's father.'

The maids nodded and did so without blinking, handing him a cup and indicating a small plate of pastries, and then they served the children.

Aedan sipped at his tea and then put it aside to address Cian, his curiosity finally taking hold. "How is it you know me, Cian?" Had Morrigan told him? He hadn't expected she would, beyond gifting her son with his pendant.

"I dream of you Aedan, I have done so since before I was born." Cian titled his head and smiled a small, mischievous smile. "Mother does not like it when I dream of you."

Aedan grinned, he couldn't help it. "I'll just bet she doesn't."

Cian chuckled in response and reached for a petite cake. Aedan watched him as he ate, unable to get over seeing his own face so clearly, unable to believe he had played with and now sat next to a child he had never expected to meet. Cian allowed his scrutiny, quite calm and comfortable beneath his gaze. They boy swallowed his cake and spoke again. "You used to dream of me too, didn't you? But you don't any more. You dream about Luke now."

Fear tickled down his spine and Aedan involuntarily drew back from the boy. He did dream of Luke, not often, but always the same dream, the same nightmare.

"How do you know all these things?" He wished his voice didn't sound so frightened, but this boy sounded too old for his years.

Cian shrugged and smiled, lifting his tea to take another sip. Voices approached and Aedan turned his head to see four figures walking across the lawn. Cian leaned toward him and whispered quietly, "I told mother you were having tea with us."

Aedan leaned away from the boy again, startled. A confused expression crossed Cian's face and Aedan leaned forward and tried to smooth his frown. He stammered, "Thank you," unsure exactly what he meant, but it seemed to suffice and the boy's face cleared.

Aedan stood to greet the approaching company, bowing formally and murmuring, "Good afternoon, your majesty," as Celene stopped before him.

Celene smiled warmly. "It seems Morrigan was correct in assuming you would find the children, Aedan."

Aedan glanced at Leliana and she moved to his side, her smile strained. He brushed her cheek with his lips and slipped an arm about her and he could feel the tension in her shoulders. She leaned gently, subtly against him and he was grateful for her presence, knowing this was one of those moments when they drew strength from each other.

Celene cleared her throat gently and Aedan glanced from his wife to the Empress. She indicated the gentleman to her side and Aedan immediately recognised him as Marie's father, Lord Le Trene. They were formally introduced and they grasped each other's hand politely and nodded.

"Welcome to Orlais, Teyrn Cousland."

"Aedan, please call me Aedan."

"Then you must call me Paul. I see you have met my daughter." Marie hopped up at this and moved toward her father and he bent to kiss her cheek. "Did you remember your manners, my sweet?"

Aedan smiled. "Marie is a very polite young lady, Paul."

The two men exchanged a nod and then it was finally time to acknowledge the fourth member of their party. Morrigan stepped forward.

Celene raised a brow and said, "And of course you already know my other advisor, don't you Aedan?" The empress tilted her head toward Cian before lifting her eyes back to study Aedan's face. "I think you know her quite well in fact."

Aedan flushed. He didn't confirm or deny. There was no use in denying he was the boy's father, not with Cian looking even more like him than Riordan did. Paul also moved his gaze from him to the boy and while Aedan felt like squirming beneath the scrutiny, Cian again appeared comfortable. Aedan finally regarded Morrigan. Unconsciously he tensed and he felt Leliana subtly shift against him. He nodded toward her and tried for a smile, it felt odd, strained. "You look well, Morrigan.

She did look well and he noted with some surprise that she wore not ragged robes, but something far simpler and more elegant, proper courtly attire. She wore her hair much the same and her eyes had not changed at all, they still bored through him, stirring the same uneasiness they always had. She smiled and the intensity of her gaze softened as she replied, "'Tis a pity I cannot say the same for you, Aedan. But I am sure we are all thankful that you are ever vigilant." Her eyes flicked toward Cian and her tone changed, her manner softened further. "I see you have already met my son."

Cian stepped forward then and Aedan felt Leliana lean into him, heard the soft gasp that fell from her lips. Celene looked from one of them to the other, her brows alternately raising and lowering as she perceived the dynamics of their intertwined relationships and Paul cleared his throat nervously. Aedan was on the point of grabbing Leliana's hand and making excuses, imagining their flight across the lawn when Marie piped up, her high young voice diverting all of their attention. "Please, your majesty, will you join us for tea?"

Celene chuckled and patted the young girl's head. "Of course, my dear." She glanced around at the group and in a tone that brooked no argument suggested, "Let us all sit and take tea in the garden."