7
"Mrs. Cooper," Ryan awkwardly greeted the short, redheaded woman before him as he peered into the dingy Cooper house. "Is Marissa home?"
She softly shook her head as she stepped out onto the porch and let the door silently shut behind her. "I haven't seen her since she went to bed last night," Mrs. Cooper commented, trailing off to quietly joke, "I figured she was with you all day."
Ryan blushed and shook his head. "No, she was supposed to come over, but she never did." He chewed his lip for a second thoughtfully before asking, "Should I be worried?"
The weak woman let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping with the weight of the world as she hugged herself tight. All she seemed to be able to do was nod, so slightly it was almost imperceptible, before letting her head hang in shame.
The young blonde didn't need to hear anything more as he turned on his heel with every intention of walking the whole city until her found her.
"Ryan," Ms. Cooper called, making him stop as he before he passed through the metal, chain link gate. Turning on his heel, he watched as the older woman stepped further onto the porch, the dwindling sunlight hitting her at new angles, making the bruises on her neck visible to him for the first time and causing his stomach to sink to the ground. "If you find her, could you let her stay at your house tonight?"
He nodded, knowing for sure that he should have never let her come home last night and now completely sure that he couldn't ever let her go home again. He quickly turned and left, digging his hands into the pockets of his worn leather jacket, his mind twisting with what kind of bruises he'd find on Marissa, and how much he wanted to meet and kill the man who had done it to her.
&&&&&&&&
She dug her toes into the dirt and woodchips that covered the playground as she gripped tight to the metal chains that held up the swing, her eyes focused on the bright stars that hung in the sky above her. Trailing her gaze from dot to dot, she tried to connect them, making pictures and stories up in her head for them, trying to focus on something other than herself and her problems and her life. She tried to think of how big the universe was, with all those stars and planets and galaxies millions of miles away, and convince herself that she, with all her problems and issues, was so small and insignificant compared to it, trying to make herself get over it all. But she couldn't. All she kept thinking was that she had to go home soon and see her parents and just the thought made her stomach turn with fear, her eyes burn with unshed tears, and the bump on the back of her head pulsate with pain.
She saw the shadowy figure from the corner of her eye as it was approaching and immediately knew it was Ryan. Part of her wanted to jump up and hug him and let herself get lost in him, the other part of her wished he would leave her alone so she could be by herself. She did neither, remaining neutral as he sidled up to her and leaned against the swing set, watching her closely.
"Hey," he greeted hesitantly, fidgeting and digging his hands into the pockets of his worn leather jacket.
She forced a small, sad smile at the blonde boy beside her. "Hi."
"I've been looking for you for a couple hours," Ryan pointed out gently, trying to find something to say to the beautiful girl in front of him. He shifted awkwardly in the silence and let his eyes scan the park around them, a small grin curling his lips. "I should have figured you'd come to where we had our first kiss."
Her cheeks immediately burned red as a helpless smile curled her lips. "That's not why I came here."
"Suuuure," he laughed out, watching as Marissa smiled and absently shook her head, her hands rubbing up and down her bare arms. Without a second thought, he slid off his jacket and stepped over to drape it across her shoulders.
"Thanks," she whispered, pulling the material tight to her skin and looking down at her toes.
He nodded and leaned back against the metal swing set, his arms crossed in front of him. "So you want to talk about it?"
Her eyes shot up and narrowed at him before she quickly averted her gaze right back to the ground. "Talk about what?" she questioned as cluelessly as she could fake.
"Marissa.." he sighed out, frustration filling his quiet plea. "I went to your house today, and I saw your mom's neck. And I saw your busted lip a couple weeks ago, and the old bruises on your arm and how your always so nervous and.."
Suddenly her gaze snapped up to meet his, her eyes burning with fear hiding behind anger. "I don't know what your trying to say, Ryan, but you can stop right now," she snapped, her voice full of warning. She could feel her heart pound in her chest as he seemed to sink back into himself, his lips tightening into a thin line as he studied her. It all seemed like too much under his questioning gaze, and the last thing she wanted to do at that second was talk and have to face anything, so after a few seconds of silence and a deep breath, she quickly pushed herself up off the metal swing. "I think I'm going to go home.."
Without a second thought Ryan immediately reached for her hand, grabbing it and holding her in place before she even took her first step away. "You can't. You know you can't," he explained quietly but forcefully before pressing on. "My dad used to have a really bad temper too, and he'd always kick my ass over the littlest stuff and.."
Marissa felt her palms start to sweat and her stomach twist in knots as he talked, getting worse with each word he said. Suddenly she panicked, whipping her hand out of his grip fast as she could and pushing him away from her hard. "Shut up!"
Ryan's eyes widened as he stared dumbfounded at the beautiful girl in front of him. "What.."
"Stop trying to talk about this! I don't want to talk about it- any of it!" And all of the sudden she was crying, her words coming out in painful sobs. "I don't want to talk about my dad or my mom or how they fight or how my dad fights us or how much it hurts or how much I hate it!"
His face softened as he took a step towards her and reached for her, but she quickly batted his hand away and took a huge step back.
"Do you just want me to admit that he hits me? Is that it? Then fine, he hits me," she chokes out, her cheeks red and damp from tears and anger as years of frustration boiled over. "He's drunk all the fucking time and is always hitting and punching and attacking my mom and me for no damn reason other than it makes him feel better, but it hurts so bad and every time I walk into my house I'm scared out of my mind of what's going to happen! Is that what you me to say?"
Ryan softly shakes his head, his brow knotted with worry and his lips curled into a helpless frown. "That's not what I want you to say, I don't want to hear that you're getting hurt at all," he tells her quietly but firmly. "I brought it up brought it up because I want to help make it better, not upset you."
She sighs, all the fight leaving her and the volume in her voice reducing to almost a whisper as she continues on shakily, "If you want to make it better then please leave it alone. Just pretend it doesn't happen." She shrugs absently and bows her head to stare at the ground through her tears. "That's all I want to do."
Something inside him physically hurt for her in that moment, and he silently padded across the few feet of woodchips to pull her into his arms. Hesitantly, he kissed her temple, then her hair, then her earlobe as he wrapped his arms tight around her waist. It took her a second to respond, but after a moment her head is dug into his shoulder and she's crying against his neck, her whole body trembling against him as he hugged her back, and he ached at the thought of how much she's been through.
With his arms around her, his breath against her neck, and the way he almost imperceptibly swayed them as she cried, Marissa knew she'd never felt so safe and cared for in her life then she did in that moment. She felt for a second that Ryan could fix everything, that he really could make it all better, but her mind knew better. They were both just teenagers, barely old enough to drive but way too poor to afford a car and they were stuck in this life in Chino with their families, and no matter how much she wanted it and wished it, Ryan couldn't change that. All they could do was be together, and try to make it more bearable.
She sighed and sniffled and pulled back to look at him, her fingers playing with his hair on the back of his neck. "You know when I'm with you, I don't think about any of that stuff at all," she admitted and they both smiled just the slightest, "and I don't want to start to. I just want to be with you and have fun and be happy."
"I want that too," he smiled sadly, before absently shaking his head, "but, Marissa, when I'm not with you, all I can think about is if your okay or not." Wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs, he watched her bluegreen eyes continue to spill tears and her pink lips quiver and a warm feeling spread throughout his entire body. "I can't stand the thought of anyone hurting you," he admitted strongly, "and I can't just stand back and not say anything."
She bit her lip, shrugging helplessly at him, wishing she could change things so he didn't have to worry. "I don't know what to do," she whispered, her voice cracking.
"Stay with me tonight."
"What?" Marissa quickly returned, surprised. "Are you.. I mean.."
"Please," he quietly begged.
She smiled softly. "Okay."
&&&&&&&&
Marissa curled her arms around herself as she padded her bare feet against the cold, dingy, hardwood floor as she walked down the hall from the bathroom to Ryan's bedroom. His sweatpants and sweatshirt hung very loosely on her thin frame, but they felt good and smelled like him and she snuggled into them as she walked into the room.
"I think they might be a little too big," Ryan pointed out from his spot on the bed, smiling at the sight of her.
She giggled. "Yeah, maybe just a little," she agreed as she climbed in next to him. Immediately, curling into his side and hugging him tight. "Thank you," she murmured affectionately against his chest.
"You don't need to thank me," he pointed out gently as he met her eyeline, "I think I'd be going nuts about now if you weren't here."
Leaning up she kissed him sweetly, before pulling away, her brow suddenly knitted in thought. "What happens tomorrow? Or the day after that?"
He sighed and shrugged softly as he began running his fingers through her long blonde hair. "I don't know," he responded gently, "but we'll deal with it. I'm going to make sure you're safe, okay?"
She bit her lip and nodded, meeting his intense gaze that made her feel how true every word he said was. No one had ever looked at her the way he did; like she was the only girl in the world. It made her feel important, and she wasn't sure she'd ever felt that way before. A slow grin curled her lips and she quickly leaned in and kissed him deep and long. Running her lips from his mouth to his ear, she felt her heart pound and her body rush with warmth as she whispered in his ear so quietly she wasn't sure he could even hear her, "I love you."
Ryan felt his pulse suddenly quicken and his eyes widen, not sure if his ears were deceiving him. Tilting his head to the side, he met her shy blue eyes and her pink flushed cheeks and knew that she loved him, and that he felt the same way. He slowly brought his lips up to brush against her ear before whispering in just the same way, "I love you too."
Her whole face was suddenly overtaken by the biggest grin ever as she leaned in and kissed him hard. Their tongues melding together and their bodies pressing close for what seemed like forever, until their clothes slowly started to melt away into a pile next to Ryan's old legos on the floor.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he breathed huskily against her neck.
"I've never.." she started quietly, nervously chewing on her bottom lip, "I mean.. this, I've never done this," she admitted quietly as she motioned between them, both of them in their underwear.
"Oh," Ryan suddenly muttered, not having even thought of her being a virgin before, since he definitely wasn't one himself. Something inside him was glad though to know that she had never been with anyone before. He smiled softly and leaned down to kiss her shoulder. "Well we don't have to do anything," he assured her sweetly. "We can wait."
"I don't want to wait," she quietly admitted, "I want to be with you." She leaned up and kissed him. "I love you so much."
He grinned and kissed her deeply back. "I love you too." He studied her carefully, running his hand up and down her side. "Don't you want like flowers and candles and music and all that stuff?"
She shook her head and smiled. "I just want you."
He immediately leaned in and kissed her again, his body filling with warmth and happiness. He loved this girl, whom he'd known less than two months, more than he'd ever loved anyone in his life, and he knew he would do anything for her, especially when she was giving him all of her, giving him her virginity, something he'd never gotten from someone before and never meant more to him before. He made sure it was perfect for her, making love to her gently but passionately in his bed, making sure to make her feel as special as she made him feel.
And in their young, broken lives, the two of them got as close to perfect as they could get.
