Chapter Seven: The Seventh Vhapter... And We're Still On TARIS!
Disclaimer: We own nothing that belongs to someone else. (Don't mind the grammar.)
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"CAND'IKA!"
Racing towards the large Mandalorian mercenary, Cary glomped him. Throwing her arms around Canderous, she greeted, "Su cuy!"
Chuckling, the Mandalorian patted the exuberant woman on the back. "Su cuy, Car'ika."
Kissing him on the cheek, Cary introduced Canderous to her comrades.
"Cand'ika meet Leslie, Carth, Amanda, Mission, and Zalbaar. Bastila unfortunately couldn't be here... She had to leave on urgent business... She'll be back soon. You won't like her..."
"Ah."
"Sooooo... What did you want to see us for, Cand'ika? You wouldn't happen to know a way to get off Taris, would you?"
"Uh hun. See, I can get you into Davik's Estate, right to the Ebon Hawk. One catch: I need you to get the launch codes. I have a droid that can get you into the Sith Base, it's on hold at Janice Nall's. It's heavily guarded - You'll probably have trouble getting to the codes. Watch your six, I'll meet you back here in the lower city-"
Leslie cut him off. "Eh, I'll be back in ten minutes. Stay here, we can leave when I get back."
With that, she turned on her heel sprinting off twirling out her vibroblades as she went.
Canderous looked after her. "Isn't that dangerous?"
Grinning, Cary replied, "Nope. You're a tad late, Cand'ika. We've already had this conversation." Turning to look at the orange jacketed member of the party, Cary warned, "Carth, you've heard this already so this time, NO INTERRUPTING! It's storytime with Cary - revisited!"
Sitting down next to Canderous, she made to flag down a waiter when the merc handed her a cup of caffa.
"Ooh! Vor'e!"
Taking a sip of her caffa, Cary began, "Well, in the beginning, there was light and there was dark. Then, in the middle, there was Leslie..."
A few minutes later...
"Tell me, Canderous what do you know about the Pitiless Slayer?"
Canderous' eyebrows raised. "What's he got to do with Leslie?"
As Cary opened her mouth to proceed with her speech, a POP could be heard. Then...
"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'M A GUY GORAMIT!?"
Jumping slightly, Canderous turned to face her. Putting two and two together, he swore, "Shab. I'm honored to meet you. Could you teach me some of your moves? It would be a great favor for you to do that for me."
Leslie smirked, "You don't need moves to win Cary's heart. You already have it. You should've seen her when she found ou-"
"LESLIE!" Cary was mortified. "BI ZUI!" Getting to her feet and tackling her friend from spilling, Cary knocked Leslie to the floor, while trying to cover Leslie's mouth with her hand.
Leslie, pulling free of her friend's grip on her face, "When she found out that you'd sent -Cary stop!- the datapad she squealed, jumped up and down, then dragged us all over to the Cantina."
"LESLIE!" Cary squeaked.
Grinning, Leslie continued, "She practically said that she LUUURRRVED you!"
"I DIDN"T SAY THAT!"
Laughing, Leslie turned to the rest of the group. "Didn't she practically say that she lurved him?"
"Yep."
"Uh hun"
"You got it."
"Ci seňorita."
Everyone turned to look at Zalbaar.
He looked affronted. "What, I like Spanish."
Shrugging, Leslie got up off the floor. Brushing herself off, she leaned against the new T3 unit asking, "So can we get this operation going or what?"
Cary was still spluttering, face bright red. Looking anywhere but at Canderous, she got up, thankful for the change of topic. She silently cursed her tendency to get into embarrassing situations when around Canderous... Ok. So Leslie got into more, but at least hers were semi private... Noticing the looks from the other bar patrons, she sheepishly went back to her caffa.
Walking over to the bar, Leslie went to place her order when the man next to her looked her up and down saying, "Say, your coat is a brownish color."
Leslie, not turning to face the man said, "It was on sale."
"I don't like people who wear browncoats."
Still not facing him, she said, "Yeah, well I'm not taking it off. My coat."
Waggling his eyebrows suggestively, he spoke close to her ear, "Well maybe I'll make you take it off."
Turning to face the man that was almost twice her size, she looked up at him defiantly, "You want to say that to my face?"
"Well maybe I'll make you take it off. What're you gonna do about it?" He said looking down at her with a disgusting smirk on his face.
"Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so that she could get behind you."
WUMP!
Cary had crept up behind the man and wacked him over the head with her empty caffa cup.
The rest of their party burst out laughing at the reference.
Leslie faced Cary with a confuzled look on her face. "How'd your Cand'ika get in on the reference?"
"I um... Leant him my DVDs." Cary said in a sheepish voice.
Shaking her head Leslie noticed that more than half the bar was headed towards her.
"Go se."
Sighing, Leslie pulled up the equip screen and put on a floaty blue dress and combat boots, then gave Cary her pouffy pink skirt.
From the other side of the Cantina, a groan could be heard. "Leslie..."
Smirking, Leslie began to fight.
((Type in serenity river fight scene on you tube to see get an idea of how Leslie fights. It's the first one titiled River Tam The Weapon. Yes, we do idolize River Tam. She pwns. So does Joss Whedon for creating the Serenitiverse.))
Picking up the last man in her area Leslie threw him into the next room, shouting, "Heads up!" to Cary.
Ducking reflexively, Cary dove into another bar patron, knocking him down as he attempted to whack her with something that had probably once contained alcohol. Springing to her feet, she delivered a roundhouse kick to an unlucky Rodian, and raced over to join Canderous as he faced off an angry pair of Bothans.
Punching a black and yellow clad adversary in the face, Cary turned to the mercenary and grinned, "This is fun, hows about we blow something up for tomorrow's entertainment?"
Laughing, he pulled out a frag grenade and replied, "Why wait for tomorrow?"
Cary's eyes widened. "YES!"
A moment later, a satisfying explosion occurred. High-fiving the Mandalorian, Cary turned to see a squad of Sith entering the Cantina, presumably to break up the fight.
Frantic, she shouted, in one breath, "LESLIE! Operation OMGWTFBBQ!!1!11!O-N-E!11"
Hearing the seldom used code, Leslie slipped into the shadows.
The Sith rushed in and cocked their blasters.
"Alright! Break it up!"
The Sith began to attempt to break up some of the more intense fights, when there was a blood stopping, terrified shriek.
"AAAAAAHH! EVERYBODY RUN! IT'S THE PITILESS SLAYER! HE'LL KILL US ALL!"
Cary laughed at that.
But everyone in the Cantina started running and screaming, as Leslie, aka the Pitiless Slayer, walked into the midst of the crowd.
"RUN AWAY!"
And within a matter of moments, the Cantina was empty, save a few stragglers.
Mission and Zalbaar were trying to get the rest of the party to leave.
"Come ON! We'll all die if you don't leave with us!"
Cary laughed again. The situation was far more amusing to her that it had any right to be. "Umm, you guys... You have nothing to worry about. As long as you don't get-" she giggled, "-HER mad."
The Pitiless Slayer walked over. "Laugh it up, fuzzball." She poked Cary's hair.
"I resent that." Cary pouted. "And I'm sure Big Z would too."
The Pitiless Slayer, hereafter abbreviated to 'TPS', laughed. "Yeah, but I'm directing it at you."
Mission and Zalbaar looked confused at the playful banter between TPS and Cary."Uh, what's going on? And why is
TPS not, you know, slaying us?"
"I resent that. It sounds much more intimidating as The Pitiless Slayer..."
Cary shook her head, grinning. "To answer Mission's question, in the beginning, there was light, and there was dark. Then, in the middle, there was-"
"Cary, this is the third time you've given this speech. Second time today. Can't we just skip it?" TPS asked, rolling her eyes.
"NO! And don't interrupt! Where was I-" Cary was cut off abruptly as a black-gloved hand was clamped over her mouth.
"INTERRUPTED! Ha! Long story short, I'm The Pitiless Slayer, my parents are Force users. My dad was dark-side, mom was light-side. I tried to kill Cary, turned away from my life of crime and went and partied around the galaxy for awhile. And well, here we are..."
There was silence.
"What are we waiting for... Don't we have a ship to steal?"
"Right! But when you put it like that, it makes us sound like pirates." Amanda mused.
Grinning, Cary burst in, "WE ARE THE PIRATES, WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING! We just stay at home, and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you..."
"WE DON'T DO ANYTHING!" Finished Amanda and Leslie, with jazz hands.
The rest of the party gave them odd looks.
"Uhh, let's just go..."
...
At Davik's Estate...
"... So these will be your quarters for the next couple of days. I'll be running some background checks, but that's just a formality."
"Okay... But, are we stuck in this room, or can we walk around?"
"NO! YOU ARE TRAPPED IN- ahem... You are asked to remain in these rooms, but you are allowed to venture to the slave quarters."
"Oh."
At this point, Cary returned from the washroom. Entering, she said, "Ello folks."
Waving at her friends, Cary, not looking where she was going, tripped over the knee-high Calo Nord.
"AHHH!"
Falling on her left leg, Cary whimpered, "I'm in PAIN! I think this is what pain feels like! Oh mama! Someone maternal!"
Canderous rushed over to help his cyar'ika from the immense pain she was feeling having tripped over the midget that is Calo Nord.
"Car'ika... Are you alright?"
Groaning Cary looked up at his face, "I don't think I'll make it..."
Leslie walked over to her friend and rolled her eyes. "Cary stop being a baby, or I'll send you to..."
Cary gasped, "NOT THE SPECIAL HELL!"
"Yes. So suck it up."
"Cand'ika! She's being mean..."
Davik gave them a really weird look. "Well... I'll, uh just leave you now... C'mon Calo, let's go."
The crime lord walked out, and as the midget bounty-hunter turned to leave, he shot Cary a look that said, "You're going to pay for this."
DUN DUN DUH.
Cary rolled her eyes calling after him, "I'm quaking in my converse."
A few hours later, our heroes still hadn't found a way out of the room...
Leslie stood up and began to yell, "IT'S THE SEVENTH V-HAPTER AND WE'RE STILL ON TARIS GORRAMIT!"
Looking up from her knitting, Cary raised an eyebrow. "Vhapter?"
"UGH! CH-APTER!"
Amanda shook her head. "You said Vhapter."
"CHAPTER GORRAMIT!"
Carth, once again confused by the blonde conundrum that was Leslie, inquired, "Chapter of what?"
"Uh... Nothing!"
"Right..."
Putting away her knitting supplies, Cary asked the room, "So... What exactly are we doing, sitting around in here... Weren't we supposed to be pirating stolen goods all along the Corellian Run? Robbing from the rich, stealing from the poor... Or something like that?"
Mission gave Cary an odd look. "Don't you mean giving to the poor?"
Cary raised one finger to her lips, and in a deadpan looking back and forth, "Shhhhh."
Canderous looked up from his guns, "Why don't we just open the doors?"
The group exchanged looks, then got up and left.
After navigating the perilous hallways, the troupe entered the hanger.
As if they'd been waiting for they're big break, explosions rocked the place where the fly-ie things were kept.
Raising an eyebrow at the above written statement, Cary remarked, "I love your description."
Zalbaar asked, "Who're you talking to?"
As if answering his question, a disembodied voice yelled, "SHUT UP! Don't question it!"
The brunette shrugged, "Okay then..."
BOOM! CRASHCRASHCRASHCRASH!
As the dust cleared our heros gasped as they saw Calo Nord and Davik locked in a passionate embrace.
Canderous looked stunned, "Tah ma de... Now somethin' 'bout that's just a might unsettlin."
The group giggled at the reference.
Taking offense at the giggles, Davik turned to the party and pulled out his blaster. "Yeah, laugh it up, fuzzballs."
An epic battle ensued, ending when Cary decapitated Davik while she borrowed one of Leslie's vibroblades.
Calo Nord gasped as his former lover's head bowled into him, knocking him over. Shuffling to his feet, he glared up at the brunette. Pointing savagely, he exclaimed, "For that, I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my-"
A conveniently timed explosion cut off the bounty hunter's last words.
Cary cocked her head to one side. "Huh."
A few more explosions hit the area, and the team of fighters skipped on to their newly acquired ship.
Racing to the bridge, Carth took his seat in the pilot's chair, initiating warm up sequences. Cary flooped down into the copilot's spot, flicking three overhead switches. Bastila, not being there, could not take her spot as back-seat flyer, thus allowing Canderous to take up a spot behind his Car'ika's chair.
As the ship took off and flew out towards the black, Cary rapidly punched in the Sith launch codes, being slightly opposed to the idea of exploding due to Sith auto-targeting lasers.
Once free of the planet's atmosphere, a squad of Sith fighters appeared out of nowhere, hot on the Hawk's tale. Looking at the radar, Carth exclaimed, "Incoming fighters! Someone get on those gun turrets!"
The crew looked around at Leslie who was sitting oblivious to everything as she ogled Carth.
Feeling the gazes on her, she looked up and made a face, "What?"
They said nothing, but threw her up into the gun turret.
Canderous called up after her, "Go shoot stuff."
Leslie took this a bit too literally. In her turret, she grabbed the controls, and began to sing, "Trigger, trigger happy. Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy. Better watch out punk or I'm gunna have to blow you away!"
Shooting everything in sight, the battle was won in a few moments. As the last fighter was shot fatally, it began to spin away. A faint voice could be heard, "Malak's fighters are blasting off again!"
With the danger destroyed, Carth activated the hyper-drive and they flew off into the black.
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Wow! A chapter that didn't take at least a month? It's the end of the world! Haha, we actually updated fast-ish, it's shocking we know.
Anyways, stuff that needs explaining:
- Glomping: Something that just kinda... happened, and made Leslie fall out of her chair.
- Cary squealing and jumping up and down: She really does do that.
- Confuzled: One of Leslie's favorite words.
- Love for explosions, and things in general that go BOOM!: We think the title of it explains itself...
-OMGWTFBBQ!!1!11!O-N-E!11 : Shout out to Luke Ski
- Abbreviation TPS: Just something that caused Cary to almost die of laughter
- Jazz hands: They own.
- Cary's left leg: Her leg gets injured a lot... Subconsciously and otherwise.
- Vhapter: Leslie was typing the title for the sixth chapter and misspelled the word thus making it vhapter. Cary laughed while Leslie yelled at her to stop laughing. Causing her to laugh harder.
-BOOM! CRASHCRASHCRASHCRASH!: Leslie's sound effects for anything that makes a loud noise or goes boom.
