seven
There's something about staring at the water that comforts him. He and Liam used to come out to this body of water just to stare at it. Sometimes they'd sit on the edge of the dock and dangle their feet against the water. Most times, they'd skip rocks.
Killian sighs heavily as he stands at the shoreline. He's fresh off of a run on one of the nearby trails and music still plays steadily in his ears as he watches the sunrise.
He's started working on one of the ships in the harbor of the lake that connects to the rivers that take ships downstream. It's called The Jewel of the Realm and it's a truly beautiful ship.
He'd spent the past day learning about her, mostly, and today he's due to return and start cleaning and ensuring the rigging is tied down properly.
Killian pivots on his heel to face the castle. He stares up at Emma's bedroom window and his heart stops when he finds her standing there staring back at him.
Almost immediately, she turns away, having been caught in the act, and Killian licks his lips and starts to walk toward the castle again so he can go change clothes before he goes to work.
He grabs an apple from the kitchen on his way through and doesn't take his ear buds out until he's standing in his bedroom. He makes sure he doesn't make eye contact with very many people because he still feels something of an outsider here in the castle.
It being that he hasn't reconciled with Emma just yet, he feels as if he's still stuck. He needs to talk to her soon or he'll lose his mind.
He's spent the last few days struggling. Struggling to maintain some sense of composure. Struggling to know exactly where he belongs here. Struggling to cope with the loss in his life while trying to move on.
Killian still isn't used to showering with one hand.
Thankfully, the king and queen had the foresight of sort of preparing his bathroom for his single-handedness and he has pumps attached to the wall with shampoo and soap. But it's still something else- looking down at his battered arm and finding that there isn't anything at the end.
He grimaces after he steps out of the shower and towels off before he steps back out into his bedroom to find his clothes.
"Oh!"
His cheeks burn warmly at the sound of the female voice and he immediately steps back into his bathroom for a towel that he wraps around his middle and holds in place as he inches his way back out.
With wide eyes, he turns to properly see who's standing in his living room. It's the queen of Misthaven.
"Bloody hell, apologies."
The queen holds up her hands and shakes her head. "No," the queen blushes. "No, it's my fault. You were in the shower- my fault completely for coming in without your permission."
Killian hesitates as he stares at the woman and he clears his throat. "So how can I be of service, Your Majesty?"
Queen Mary Margaret smiles softly and nods her head.
In all of the time he's known the queen, she's always been very purposeful in her interactions. She's always kind and loving and warm. She's always been the mother he'd lost as a child, in a way, even if she never aimed to be.
"Right. I'm here because I wanted to thank you for watching Henry for me yesterday. Things have been sort of crazy around here with… the wedding and with you three coming to stay with us again."
She shakes her head as she trails off. Killian can sense there's something she's keeping secret, something she wants to tell him, so he arches an eyebrow and waits patiently.
"Aye. It's a bit much."
The queen hums. She steps toward his balcony and sighs as she stares outside.
"My husband and I are ready for a break. We love this kingdom and the people so much, but… it's been a long time and we haven't had a single day for ourselves or our marriage in so long." She turns back to him with a frown. "Will you promise me something?"
Killian's heart starts racing and he shakes his head. "Perhaps."
Mary Margaret smiles a little. "Promise you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. It's still a work in progress and we're trying to get things in order."
Killian nods slowly. "Aye. I won't speak a word."
The queen pauses for a few moments as she stares at him. "Well, we're about to retire and… we want Emma to inherit the throne."
Killian's eyes widen. He knows Emma ran because she didn't want that to happen. He also knows it's her legal obligation. And to think that her parents want to give her the throne right now is a wild idea. Emma wouldn't want that right now and he imagines the king and queen are quite aware of the fact.
"After the wedding madness, of course," the queen says before he can say anything. "We're hoping this trip home is going to help soften her up to the idea." She shrugs. "She's already leant help to a family in need. Just yesterday she gave to a single mother and her two children on a whim."
Killian smiles at the thought. He'd heard about it. Of course he had. He's taken to watching gossip on television late at night when he can't sleep.
"So I guess I've come to you this morning, Killian, because…" Mary Margaret pauses. "Because I think you're the key to opening her up again."
Killian tilts his head toward his shoulder and gives the queen a sorrowful look. "Your Majesty… I'm not…" He shakes his head. "I'm in no place to do that. Quite frankly, I've got too much in my own life to worry over."
The queen frowns sadly. "I know, Killian." She shuts her eyes briefly and her brow furrows. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come to you with this. It's my burden to bear if Emma doesn't want the throne."
Killian watches as the queen studies her hands. "If she refuses, what will happen?"
"Well," she sighs. "Leo would be next in line. There would obviously be a lot of backlash to deal with. The people love Emma. The court adores her, even if she was blunt and prickly as ever when she used to sit in with us." Mary Margaret pauses. "And the thing is, when I was her age, I didn't want it either, but I had no choice. I was an only child. My parents had both passed on. I was forced to take the throne and Emma-"
Though she cuts herself short, Killian understands where her frustration was leading her. He stares down at the floor for a few moments.
"How do you suppose I would help matters?" he asks softly.
The queen hums thoughtfully. "When Emma left, she had lost her sense of direction, and I have a feeling it began when she lost you."
Killian feels overwhelmed with regret. He often thinks back to those days of change in his relationship with Emma and he hates himself for acting as selfishly as he did.
Killian takes a deep breath and nods at the queen. "We've yet to talk about much of what happened between us."
"I imagined as much," she sighs. "Well, there's still time." She smiles slightly. "Now, just so you're aware, we'll be hosting a party tomorrow night in honor of Alexandra's parents coming in for wedding preparations. I'd love it if you could come. It's casual dress, so don't worry about wearing a suit. Just… not that one."
Killian glances down at himself and laughs, his cheeks heating up with the queen. "Aye. Don't worry, Your Majesty, I'll find something to wear in time."
The queen giggles. "Good. I'm glad you're here, Killian. I've missed you."
/
Emma sits at the dining room table with her brothers, Elsa, and her son. They're eating the world's best pancakes and sharing their schedules for the day when their parents enter the room.
She figures it's a good first step in resolving this family tension that's been hovering over them for these past few days. That, and Henry was getting a little stir-crazy in their room.
"Emma!" her mother smiles. "Good morning!"
Emma smiles back at her mother. "Morning. Henry wanted some pancakes."
"And Uncle Leo taught him how to fist bump." Leo says, holding out his fist so Henry will do the same.
Henry, mid-chew, hesitates before curling a fist and pounding it against Leo's extended hand. Everyone laughs and Emma rolls her eyes a little at Leo before she has a bite of breakfast herself.
"So the wedding is officially two weeks away," her mother announces. "Which means we're going to be in full panic mode for a while."
Leo scoffs. "Mom. Please."
"Leo, it's your wedding," their mother argues. "It's a big deal. Am I not allowed to want the best wedding for you?"
Emma laughs under her breath at the banter and smiles when her son looks up at her with a big grin.
"It's just a fancy party, Mom," Leo replies as he lifts his cup of coffee.
Their father gives him a look. "Watch who you say that to-"
"Leo, it's much more than a party," their mother sighs. She grabs a piece of fruit from the bowl on the table and shakes her head. "The whole kingdom will be watching. The world will be watching."
Emma exchanges glances with Leo, who frowns a little. "Well, thanks for that, Mom. Nerves are now at an all time high."
Alistair chuckles.
"Ali, shut up." Leo smacks Alistair and the two boys go at it until their father clears his throat.
"So, Em," the king says. "What are you doing today?"
Emma sighs. She wraps her hands around her mug of hot chocolate and shrugs. "I was going to go visit Rose for a little while this afternoon to check in on her. And Elsa and I were going to go riding and see if Henry wants to try."
Her parents both nod. An awkward silence falls over them and Emma finds herself staring at her plate wishing she could leave.
"It'll be fun," Elsa chirps up. "I think Henry will like riding a horse."
Emma nods in agreement and her parents both hum. It's almost as if they're offended Emma didn't ask them first if they wanted to take Henry horseback riding.
"Killian should be joining us any minute," her mother says casually, as if that'll make her want to stay.
She looks over at Henry's plate, and when she finds him a sticky mess, she's actually glad for once in her life.
Just as she's standing up, Killian enters the room, freshly showered, and immediately, their eyes meet. Emma's throat tightens up and her heart races as she lifts her son up from the table. She takes his hand and walks toward the door.
"He's a mess, so we're going to go clean up," Emma briefly explains.
She makes the common mistake of meeting Killian's gaze and chills run up her arms. They haven't talked yet and it's for a good reason. She's fairly certain she wouldn't make it through a single discussion with him without crying or breaking down and she doesn't have time for that.
Emma takes Henry up to their room so she can clean him up and he giggles happily when she gives his cheeks kisses afterward.
"Okay. All clean. Let's see if we can't go do something fun today, Bug. Do you want to go see a horse?"
Henry's eyes grow wide. "Horse?"
"Yeah," Emma grins. "Like cowboys ride. You want to be a cowboy?"
There's a knock at Emma's door and she assumes it's probably Elsa, seeing as she'd texted her friend to see if she'd be able to come by earlier than they'd planned. She opens the door without preamble and stops short as soon as she sees who it is.
"Killian," she breathes. "What are you doing?"
He manages a little smile. "I… I just thought I'd come ask if you would like to come by and see my ship."
Emma narrows her eyes. "Your ship?"
Killian nods. "Aye. I've started working on a ship." He looks hopeful. His smile is soft and his eyes are softer, though his soft expression fades uneasily. "And I thought maybe we could talk?"
Emma glances over her shoulder. "I'm a little busy right now."
"Later then?" he presses. "After Henry's gone to sleep?"
In all honesty, she doesn't want to talk to him. She'd rather talk to her parents first and get that talk out of the way.
Emma must hesitate for long enough, because she sees his shoulders fall and the hopefulness fades quickly. He slowly nods his head before he takes a small step back.
"Hey Mama!" Henry says as he walks up behind her. She doesn't have enough time to get him to turn around, because the next thing past his lips is, "Killy!"
Emma sighs heavily. She watches as her son steps past her and into the hall where Killian stands. He grins up at his friend and Killian drops to his knees so he can be at eye-level with him.
"Hi, Henry," Killian says cheerfully.
"We're gonna go see horses!" Henry announces.
"You are?" Killian wonders. "That sounds like it'll be awfully fun, Cowboy."
Henry bobs his head. "Yep!"
Killian laughs under his breath and reaches out to touch Henry's arm. "Well, you have fun, okay? I've got to go to work."
"Where do you work?" Henry wonders.
"Henry," Emma says, rolling her eyes. Her son doesn't look away from Killian.
"Down by the water," Killian replies. "On a boat."
Henry considers what that means for a few moments before he nods his head. "Maybe I can see you. I go to the water a lot. There are ducks there."
And then Henry's done talking to Killian. He turns around and goes back into the room. Emma sighs and presses her fingers over her face as Killian stands up.
"Sorry. Um…" Emma shakes her head. She meets Killian's eyes and he just smiles.
"Your boy is endlessly entertaining. I don't mind it one bit."
Emma laughs once. "Yeah. I don't know where he gets it."
She glances over her shoulder to find her son singing to himself as he walks around in circles.
"Will you come meet with me tonight?" Killian asks. When Emma turns around again, she hesitates for longer than necessary. "Em, I just miss my best friend."
It seems like everyone misses her lately. First her parents, now him. And while she can understand her parents missing her, she can't even start to understand Killian's reasoning.
She furrows her brow slightly. "Well, look who's talking to me about missing their best friend."
Killian opens his mouth and then closes it.
"I don't have a lot of free time in my schedule," she lies. "Wedding prep and-" She shakes her head elaborately. "There's just a lot going on."
Killian clenches his jaw and she swallows thickly.
They're both so lonely. She sees it in his eyes and hears it in the sound of his voice. But she doesn't want to talk to him yet.
Maybe it's because she hasn't quite forgiven him yet. Maybe it's because after all this time she still loves him. Maybe it's because they're both standing in the very room where he broke her heart five years ago.
She knows she's being completely irrational. All she has to do is talk to him and apologize and hear him out. Then she'll have her best friend again and she won't feel half as empty as she does.
But she realizes, as she's searching the depths of his eyes, that these feelings she has for him are terrifying. He probably doesn't feel them for her. He can't possibly feel anything for her. And it isn't like he has space right now in his life for her or Henry. He's still healing and getting over his last relationship.
She needs to protect herself from heartache, but she also needs to protect Henry.
"I'll be on my ship until ten thirty tonight if you change your mind," Killian says quietly.
When he turns around, Emma releases a pent-up sigh and closes her bedroom door. Leaning back against it, she shuts her eyes.
"Mama, can we go see the horses now?"
"Yeah, Kid," Emma pulls on a smile. "Sure thing."
