I dunno. Playing too much tf2 and not much anything else. Probably messed up somewhere.

Ch 7

…Aboard the Normandy Engineering Floor…

Everyone was relaxing the way they normally would while the Normandy was in transit. Most notable was the Demoman who seemed much more drunk than usual. Perhaps it was because he was homesick, or that he could not bring his personal army of bogons with him, or maybe it was the fact they were called Krogan all along and no one told him. Regardless, he was extremely hammered. He stumbled through the engine room shocking Engineer Daniels, and Donnelly shook his head mumbling "Amateur".

The Demoman eventually found his way to the storage compartment for the stasis Krogan. He stumbled up to it and started beating the glass.
"Mister Demo," EDI chimed in. "It is recommended that you do not tamper with the tank as we do not know what it may do to the Krogan inside."

"Will ye stop tellin me tae wot tae do ma?" The Demoman slurred. "Ahm already holdin furr separate jobs! What maer do ye want?"
"Mister Demo, you are drunk. I can already sense that your BAC level is in a dangerously lethal zone. It is recommended that you find a quiet place away from anything dangerous until you sober up."

The Demoman paid no heed as he noticed the console on the tank. He tilted his head. "Oi MAM! Why'd ye put a lock on the frijerater? Are ye on another one o' yer diets?"
"Demoman." EDI attempted to add some emotion to her monotone voice. "I am not your mother, I am the AI. You are onboard the-"
"Did that old McDouglas hag call ye ffffffffffffat again?"

"Dem-"
"WHY CAN'T YE CALL ME BY ME REAL NAME!" the Demoman cried. He slammed his fist into the keypad. With a series of beeps the tank's locks disengaged.

"Locking the cargo doors. The responsibility and consequences are on you know Demoman." EDI said, and her avatar disappeared. The tank slowly opened, spilling the nutrient filled fluids in a thin film on the floor. The Demoman lifted his left foot and grimaced.

"Oi mum! Did ye leave the icebox unplugged agin? I keep tellin ye if ye want tae watch yer stories, ye gotta plug the telleh in the-oof!" his drunken rambling was cut off by several hundred tons of angry Krogan muscle.

The angry white armored Krogan roared into the Demoman's face, and the Scotsman's reply was an equally loud belch. The alien looked at him with confusion. "Human. Male." He sniffed the air. "Severely inebriated. Before I kill you, I need a name."

The Demoman looked deep into the Krogan's unnaturally blue eyes. "Ye don't even know yer name eh?" The Krogan didn't make a move.

"Yes. I need one, I need an identity." The Krogan looked away, blinking away the fluids that still dribbled off its hide. "Words flashed in front of me in the tank. Warrior. Warlord. Grunt."

"I like that last 'un." The Demoman raised a hand, not really caring that he was suspended by a large lizard, inches away from death. The Krogan nodded. "Yes. That sounds fitting. I am Grunt. Now then." The alien now known as Grunt refocused his attention on the Demoman. "You…give me a good reason not to kill you."

The Demoman gave the Grunt a solemn look. "Well fer one, ye don't even know me, so ye don't even know iffn' I wants tae kill ya. Second, there's a bloke with a gun behind ye."

Grunt spun around to see the barrel of a gun aimed right at his head. Shepard glared daggers at the Krogan. "Demoman, after this is over, we are going to have a talk about following protocol. You however" he motioned to Grunt "we need to set a few things straight. You are on my ship. The only reason you are here is because Okeer sacrificed himself to make sure what killed him would not kill you. So…Grunt, we came to Korlus for a Krogan. You better fill that gap, or your dead weight."

Grunt didn't lower the Demoman though he loosened his grip. "Enough empty threats human. You are less drunk than this one" he motioned to the Demoman nonchalantly scratching his butt. "You seem to have the build of a warrior. You seem worthy…but-" before he could finish he was floored by a two footed kick by the Demoman. Before he could get up, the Demoman planted a boot on his back.

"Ye're a feisty one I'll give ye that! But it'll take a lot more to get the spring on a Degroot!" Shepard moved up to the Krogan and kneeled to his level.

"This squad is going to go into some of the most dangerous places in the galaxy. We are gonna be knee deep in the muck, and I need someone that can keep himself focused on the enemy."
Grunt snorted. "Then you have a worthy cause. I will fight for you Shepard. Any fight is good enough. Just pray you do not run out of enemies."

The Demoman lifted his boot and pulled out a bottle from seemingly nowhere, taking a deep swig. "Well iffin' we're done here, I'd like me a bit o' haggis. Or maybe a good sausage." He stumbled to the tank. "OI! Who emptied the fridge?"

Shepard sighed and decided to let whatever else happen here let it play out on its own. As the door closed Joker called in on Shepard's comm.

"Commander, Garrus wants to talk with you about something. Regarding the…last Normandy." Joker voiced.

Shepard's expression darkened even further, and made his way to the gun batteries.

Normandy Gun Batteries…

Garrus scratched the scars on his face. "Shepard, you know as well as I do that even with the Normandy's new toys, it still doesn't stand a chance against the Collectors. Remember what happened? We couldn't even dent its shields. We need something much bigger."

Shepard nodded as very painful memories surfaced. "True enough. What do you have in mind?"

"Well The Hierarchy was working on a prototype weapon, something we got off the Sovereign back during the fight for the Citadel. I have some clearance, I think I can pull a few strings and-"

"Wait, Reaper tech?" Shepard cut him off. "What about the problem with indoctrination?"

"We only looked at the gun Shepard. The rest of it was taken apart a piece at a time. At least until those mercenaries came in a slugged Makarius in the face. Half of it is locked away with Mann Co now."

"I'm hearing ya'll talk about large weapons." They Engineer suddenly appeared behind them. "Sounds like that gun of yers would make quite a dent yeah. But y'know what would make it better? A bomb."
"Uh Engy," Garrus said. He, alongside the rest of the Normandy crew had picked up the Fortress team's nickname for the hard-hatted Engineer, "you don't put bombs in guns."

"Not any ol' bombs." The Engineer smiled. "BLU bombs."
"BLU bombs?"
"Yessir. BLU been usin' them to blow up RED since we were fresh recruits. Lemme tell ya those things packed a punch, well ahead of our time. What made 'em so special was the fact that they had some thick chassis that was dern near impervious to anything that hit it, and plenty of stuff would hit it. Bombs, rockets, you name it. Yet they never blew up prematurely. They always went off ONLY when they were supposed to, usually in the area that was preprogrammed as the target."

Shepard turned to Garrus. "Can we modify your…Reaper guns to fire these bombs?"

Garrus scratched his scar "I suppose I could. The Thanix cannons weren't designed to but with a little calibration…"

"Then get the components for the Thanix gun. Engy, who do we get the BLU bombs from?"

Engy opened up the PDA app on his omnitool. "Well Mann Co. manufactures these bombs custom made for BLU and RED."

"So we'll commission Mann Co. for-"

"Oh no just one will cost several million credits."

Shepard gave the Engy a hard stare. "So you mentioned these bombs because…"

…Eden Prime Teal Men Group (BLU subsidiary) Movement and Storage Facility…

"That has to have been the craziest stealth operation I have ever undertaken." Garrus breathed.

"I'll say. It is hard trying not to attract attention when we make such an explosive entrance like that. The runaway bulldozer seemed a bit much." Miranda nodded.

"Still not sure how pony ride got involved." The Heavy noted as he powered down his smoking gun.

"So tell me again, why are we doing this?" Shepard asked the Engineer. The hard-hatted man removed his helmet and scratched his head.

"Simple, we go in, find a bomb, load it up on a cart, and shoot anyone between us and the shuttle. That's the tricky part, see Blutarch had some very specific designs in mind when makin his explosive material. One of those was to make the bomb move on its own PROVIDED" the Engineer raised his finger "provided the team hired to push it was around the bomb. This way it would guarantee the bomb would go to its designated area.

Before any of the Normandy team could voice a complaint, the Engineer held a hand up. "Now Redmond did much the same thing, so I know the whole process." He walked past the team and opened his omnitool, with a few presses, the large metal doors labeled "FISH, NOT BOMBS AT ALL" opened up. Inside were rows upon rows of BLU bombs, one of which was conveniently loaded onto a cart along a mag rail leading to another room.

The Engineer walked up to the bomb and started pressing a few more buttons, both on his omnitool and the bomb interface. "Lessee if I remember this correctly…you press this. Then you do that pattern there…hang on was it yellow or green?" he pondered aloud. With a smile he pushed a big red button. Nothing happened. The Engineer sighed "Crummy workmanship these things. Delayed command confirmation…" he muttered as he started pounding on the bomb chassis. After about the third whack, a section of the metal shell opened. Inside was a small monitor, a hole, and some instructions scribbled around it.

'FINGER GO HERE' was above the hole, and 'LOOK HERE. IF YOU SEE YOUR NAME, YOU ARE DONE. IF NOT, STICK FINGER IN AGAIN.'

"A DNA scanner." The Engineer said. "Get yourself registered as a member pushing the bomb and it'll recognize you and move along so long as you're nearby. Come along now. Team Fortress, let's show the greenhorns how it's done." He pulled off his glove and stuck his index finger in the slot. A quick whir later, and the words 'NAME: [REDACTED] ENGINEER PRIME. ACCEPTED.' One by one the members of Team fortress repeated the Engineer's actions and registered themselves with the weapon. The Engineer nodded in satisfaction. "Alrighty now. The rest o' y'all come on up and get in with the bomb squad."

Shepard was the first. With a few taps, the armor covering his arm came off with a hiss. He placed his bare finger in the slot. A quick whir and Shepard winced. "What's wrong Commander? Afraid o' needles?"

"No. Just don't like surprises like that." Shepard grunted. The monitor flickered 'SHEPARD. DEAD SPECTRE. ACCEPTED'. "A machine with a sense of humor. Great." Shepard groaned.

Shepard beckoned everyone else to follow suite.

'MIRANDA LAWSON. ATTRACTIVE ASSASSIN. ACCEPTED.'

'JACOB TAYLOR. EX-ALLIANCE DEADBEAT.' "Deadbeat?" 'ACCEPTED.'

'ZAEED MASSANI. SOME OLD GUY.' Zaeed merely growled.

'MORDIN SOLUS. AUSTRALIAN SALARIAN.' Mordin snorted. "Australian indeed. Impossible." He said even as he unconsciously was striking a pose and flexing his unnaturally large arm muscles.

'GARRUS VAKARIAN. OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE TURIAN.' "What?"

"GRUNT. KROGAN BABysafgssdfvadf". The screen sputtered and died as Grunt removed his fist.

With everyone registered with the bomb, the Engineer closed the compartment and flicked a switch on the bomb console. With a hum, the bomb slowly started to move along the mag rails.

"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!" A familiar voice ringed from the PA system. All eyes turned to a conveniently placed message board with slides alternating for every possible situation. "RED TEAM IS IN THE BASE!" The Board started going through the slides.

BLU. GREEN. RED

PYRO, SOLDIER, DEMOMAN, JERK, TEAM

IS, WAS, BEEN, HAS

FOUND, LOST, A, IN

DRACULA, MAN, WOMAN, ROBOT, DEPRESSED LUNATIC, INSANE LUNATIC, GHOST, BASE

"STOP THE BOMB!" the woman over the PA hissed. The Scout peered through a narrow length of glass on the bomb storage bay doors. "Uh, guys? We're gonna have some company." Shepard peered out with the Scout. Outside a large mass of BLU security personnel alongside several TF mercenary clones were setting up. Snipers taking positions in back, Engineers dropping sentries, and Medics taking place behind Heavies.

"Woowee. I was expected BLU to give us a warm reception but I didn't know they liked us this much." The Engineer breathed.

Shepard did a quick count and opened his intercom. "EDI, give me the schematics for the facility, I want to know where this mag rail goes."

"Uploaded to your omnitool now Commander." EDI replied calmly. Shepard did a quick look and sighed. The bomb would be horrifically exposed for nearly the entire trek. The rails snaked through an unnecessarily large part of the facility, with many areas that would leave any team pushing the bomb horribly exposed. "MEDIC, start building up an uber. When we open these doors, get out there with the Demoman and let him destroy the emplacements BLU is setting up. Everyone else get into cover until all fire is focused on them.

Garrus, Sniper, I want you both keeping the BLU snipers off of us. Spy, and Pyro, keep any BLU spies away from them while they cover us. Jacob, Miranda, go with the Soldier and keep the Teal Security occupied. I want Heavy, Zaeed, and the Scout with me to push the bomb.

"What about me boss?" The Engineer asked. Shepard turned to him. "Stay back and build up your sentry. Give us something to cover us if we need to fall back. And be ready to open the doors on the count of ten."

"MISSION BEGINS IN TEN SECONDS…" the PA woman said venomously.

"Are there bugs in here?" Shepard asked. Mordin nodded. "Yes, counted several as we came in. You ah…just stepped on one Commander."

Shepard had a second thought. "You know what? Medic, deploy your ubercharge on Mordin. The Demoman will use that distraction to get as close as he can to the enemy sentries and detonate them. Mordin will deal with the rest. Mordin was somewhat taken aback.

"Commander why would you send me out first? While I'm no stranger to a blue, I'm more of a conch than a fighter." He said with a slight Australian accent.

Shepard gave the muscled Salarian a long look. "Just trust me doctor. This will work."

"FIVE"

"Get ready everyone." Shepard called out behind the bomb.

"FOUR…THREE…TWO…ONE!" and the Engineer activated the doors. The slowly swung open as klaxons howled through the entire building. As expected, a hail of bullets, bombs, and rockets poured through the widening doors. Cover kept everyone well protected, and none dared make a move until they heard it.

"I am fully charged!"

Almost immediately a red Salarian, with a physique more akin to a human bodybuilder, dropped onto the steel floor. Mordin laughed as he felt the raw power of the charge in him and with an inhuman howl, he bounded forward with blinding speed to a BLU heavy just as its own uber dropped. Mordin delivered a punch that sent the large blue Russian flaying into the air, landing on a BLU engineer. All guns were turned on him and in that instant, Shepard's team attacked.

Garrus and the Sniper emerged from their hiding places and with deadly precision started putting headshots into the BLU snipers. Every time they made a shot, they would go into cover and change positions in the rafters so no one could tell where the shots were actually coming from. "I got four so far!" Garrus declared.

"Six!" the Sniper replied.

"You do not!" Garrus shouted.

"No, I don't." The Sniper fired. "Now I do!" he chuckled.

The Demoman used the Ubered Mordin as a distraction and a shield as he launched sticky bombs all over BLU sentries, cackling as body parts and machine debris rained down. Fueled by the Demoman's carnage, Grunt gave a war bellow of his own and he ran into an enemy Soldier, and shot the BLU man with his shotgun point blank. Not even stopping, he let his charge carry him to another enemy, and another, and another.

The Teal Security force tried to counter but found themselves occupied dealing with the combined biotics of Jacob and Miranda. Their powers would send the unfortunate men flying into the air where they became easy targets for the Soldier's barrage of rockets. "Surrender now maggots!" The Soldier declared as he reloaded his rocket launcher. "And I will make your death painless!" Of course his response was merely return fire, but yet more rockets quickly silenced many of their guns.

"The Soldier is a bit…trigger happy don't you think?" Miranda said to Jacob.

"It gets results" Jacob replied. "Besides, I think the Engineer's dispenser will replace whatever he uses."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant. I mean he is awfully aggressive. He might be making this fight a bit too personal. Making it personal will make him accident prone, and just easier to shoot." She sighed.

One of the security forces, a woman was barking orders. "Ignore the soldier, focus on the biotic bitch!"

"Bitch?" Miranda shouted and threw a warp in the woman's direction. She jumped out of the way by mere seconds. "I am going to strangle you with your own frilly training bra!" she switched to full auto on her shuriken and charged forward.

The remainder of the team stood nearby the cart to ensure it moved slowly but steadily along the track. The Pyro stayed with Zaeed in the back, with the Pyro blasting gouts of flame and Zaeed with his weapon set to incendiary rounds to counter any possible spy. The Scout rode atop of the cart for no other reason than to taunt BLU.

…Teal Storage Receiving…

The Cerberus shuttle idled on docking bay 3, the pilot was snapping his head around waiting for any sign of Shepard and his team. The copilot was suddenly struck with a thought. "Hey I just realized, those bombs on BLU are real big yeah? "

The pilot nodded. "That's the plan."

"But those bombs are real big. How are we gonna fit it in the shuttle? We barely managed to fit the team in here earlier."

"Huh. That's a good point. Guess we didn't think this one out. Well the point is moot, we got company." The pilot replied as he jumped back in and started lifting the shuttle off. It shook as a barrage of rockets and bombs detonated around them. "This is shuttle to Shepard." The pilot shouted into his intercom.

"I hear you, what's happening?"

"We're compromised, sorry Shepard but they aren't letting up. WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GET THOSE AA GUNS?" he shouted over the din. On the ground, the BLU Team was bringing several mounted guns to bear on the shuttle as it took off. Tracer rounds lit up the dusk lit sky, with too many misses being uncomfortably close. "Sorry Shepard, we can't stay here any longer, you'll have to find an alternate way out."

There was only a moment of silence before "Acknowledged, get out of there. We're having some difficulties of our own."

…Employee Incentivization Inventory (Point 3)…

"Team Fortress has stopped pushing forward. Miranda what's going on up there?"

Miranda was staring at Team Fortress. The entire team had pushed forward ahead of everyone else, keeping BLU from harassing the bomb. Miranda had accompanied them for biotic support. Suddenly the entire team stopped at one of the storage units and refused to budge or even make a sound.

"I…I dunno Shepard. The Demoman blew a hole in one of the storage units and ever since then the entire team has been going slack jawed into it. I don't get it."

Team Fortress seemed to stand still like time forgot them. They did not register the explosions around them nor the screams of the dying. Even as the cart rolled up to Point 3, with Shepard and the rest of the group, they did not register them coming.

Shepard scratched his head and muscled his way past the mercenaries to see what had shocked them so much.

Inside the storage unit were stacks upon stacks of crates. Each one was chained and locked with a number tagged to the lock holding the chains together. Right adjacent to the piles of crates were neatly stacked keys all wrapped in clear plastic.

"That's what has you guys all zombified? A bunch of crates?" Shepard's voice seemed to break them from their stupor…somewhat.

"It's like heaven and hell are standing right next to each other." Scout said teary eyed.

"Truly, I hate crate so bad. I wish to destroy them all! But they hold new weapons and hats! We do not know until we unlock! I must have crate! I must have key!" Heavy shouted giddily.

"Really?"

"LOAD UP CRATES AND KEYS! WE ARE NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE GET IT ALL!"

Heavy declared.

"But Heavy, The cart barely fits the bomb. We simply can't load it one. Besides we have more pressing concerns right now. BLU is in control of the landing pads and we do not have a means of getting to the Normandy."

"Well I can solve that problem Commander sir." The Engineer stepped in. "I been lookin' at the buildin' plans and it looks like they got several rails that head straight to the planet space port thing. It ain't too far either, we just need to clear it out, take one of their trains, and load it with the loot and take off."

"One problem, BLU could have security waiting for us at the spaceport." Jacob interjected. Shepard snapped his fingers. "Well we don't have to make it to port."

"What?"

"We're gonna take that train but we aren't going to leave via space port."

…Shipping Department…

BLU lined the entrance with heavies and demomen, each with a medic ready to deploy an uber the moment the blast doors opened. Engineers were perched on either side of the track their glowing wrenches out, ready to make emergency repairs on their sentries, lined up to make the rail a killing ground. Two snipers guarding the trains were doing last minute checks on their scopes to make sure each shot was accurate. It was a solid defense.

"THE BOMB HAS ALMOST REACHED THE FINAL TERMINUS!" the announcer yelled mirthfully.

The BLU medics tightened their grips on the release lever, the whirr of the minigun motors the only sound in the room, as they waited for the inevitable massacre. What would happen next would give the Announcer much amusement for days to come. The doors flew open as the bomb, a large rocket more designed for a ship strapped to it, rocketed through and crashing into the first train, throwing the snipers from their perch. Following in was an ubered demoman screaming at the top of his lungs, pulling all the bombs off his chest and hurling them into the wall of sentries. Before the medics could deploy their ubers, a combined sniper fire from Garrus, Sniper, and Shepard killed the Heavies and Demomen that were supposed to receive them. The ubered medics then used their invincibility to run as fast as they could away from the sudden reversal of fortune. It was about this time that the rocket on the bomb finally died out and The Heavy, carrying as many crates as his massive arms could hold, ran in and starting loading the only train that wasn't a smoldering wreck. He was about to go back and get another armful when-

"HEAVY! WE COULD USE SOME HELP WITH THIS DAMN BOMB!" Zaeed shouted from the wreckage of metal. Heavy reluctantly turned around and with minimal effort, raised the bomb that Shepard's entire team struggled to lift, and trundled with it back to the train. It dropped with a resounding thud.

"Right Shepard to Normandy, there's been a change, we'll need an evac with the Hammerhead."

"The tank Shepard? What are you doing down there?" Joker asked.

"Long story, the cargo is just a lot heavier than we had previously anticipated. Oh, and the target will be on a moving train."

There was a momentary silence. "Shepard was dying fun last time? Why are you so keen to kill yourself again?" Shepard rolled his eyes.

"Just do it."

"MISSION BEGINS IN FIFTEEN SECONDS."

"Ugh she's still here?" Shepard asked.

"She is everywhere there is BLU and RED sir. We learned to ignore it." Soldier replied. The Engineer found the train's operating console and powered it on. The train, specially built by BLU, lifted into the air as the magnets(how do they work?) pushed against the force from the rails.

"Hang on folks, the start off is always a kick." The Engineer called out on the train's intercom.

The hangar doors slowly parted to the setting sun of Eden prime.

"MISSION BEGINS IN 10 SECONDS"

Shepard tightened his grip on his gun.

"FIVE!"

Demoman took a swig from his bottle.

"FOUR!"

Grunt cracked his knuckles and checked the clip of his shotgun.

"THREE!"

Garrus and raised his hand "Seven".

"Twelve" Sniper replied.
"Headshots don't count as two!"

"TWO!"

Spy disappeared.

"ONE!"

The Train left the hangar as the alarm sounded.