So, I've been over-looking something ever since the second chapter of this story, and even though no one, to my knowledge, has picked up on this error, I can say with all honesty that I should have thought about this before now.

It's not a secret that every event centered around Mewtwo's involvement at this stage in this story is due to a reader wanting Ash to capture a Deoxys. I'm choosing Mewtwo to be that method, because I don't want the main character to go about copying Tobias.

That isn't the issue.

The problem is that, whilst Ash has been journeying for what has averaged probably one to two days per chapter, Mewtwo has barely passed through fifteen minutes. Which I really should have noticed before now. I'm not going to change anything, though, because that would be too much work and this is a fanfiction anyway. Whatever reason you want to come up with for the distorted passage of time, you're right. Very astute, congrats.

I don't think I've been ignorant of anything else concerning this story, but if you've noticed something I have not please feel free to tell me. I wouldn't want to embarrass myself, after all.

Also, four communities? Holy crap. Like...holy crap. Thank you all.

Anyway, I'll continue tradition and address any review that may require it before I get into the nitty gritty of the tale.

Uzumaki J: I suppose it's only fair to warn you and everyone else reading that romance is not my best or favourite genre. That (obviously) would be comedy. I can say that I'll try not to screw anything up too badly in the writing department, but I suppose that's to be expected of the author anyway. Also, a gem amongst a sea of crap? How'd you know that's how I see myself on this website?

Alright. On with the tale!

XxX

"Were you even planning on telling us there was a challenger, Cilan!?"

Ash raised an eyebrow over the teacup he'd brought with him, taking a calming sip of the boiling liquid as he examined the pair before him. Their outfits were identical to Cilan's, a designer suit that transitioned into an apron at waist level. The man on the right, whom he knew to be Chili, turned to him, sliding the pen in his grasp back inside his suit's front pocket as he did so.

"Welcome to the Striaton Gym!" A large grin spread across his face as he snatched a Poké Ball from his waist. "I'm Chili, and these are my-"

"Your brothers, Cilan and Cress. All three of you are the Gym Leaders, and I can choose who I want to battle." Ash slurped down a mouthful of tea, pretending not to notice as Chili leveled him a sour glare, "I Googled the Gym yesterday."

"Great. A smartass." Chili grumbled, his arms crossing over his chest. "And here I was looking forward to scaring the rookie trainer..."

"I've told you many times," Cress spoke for the first time since Ash entered the room, easily drawing all attention upon himself. "if you wish to be scary, you'll need to get a haircut first."

Gales of laughter almost caused Ash to lose his grip on his teacup, forcing his focus to the spectator seats that every Gym seemed to place above the battlefield.

He wouldn't have been able to stop the grimace if he'd tried.

Every single diner from before, sans Dawn and himself, had found a seat above the arena, having somehow changed into various cheerleading outfits in the minute Ash had spent traveling from his table. Amongst the various shades of green, blue and red, separate pictures of the triplets' faces had been printed on, the words 'Team Cilan', 'Team Chili', and 'Team Cress' accompanying their respective portraits.

"That was so funny, Cress!" A girl no older than thirteen called down, the front of her shirt sporting an emblazoned 'Team Cress' in large, blue letters. "I love you!"

"Shut up, skank!" The girl next to her screamed, her 'Team Chili' looking as though it had been drawn with a soldering iron. "He's being mean to Chili, heartless asshole!"

"Shut your mouth!" The first girl screamed back, failing to draw any attention from those on her own seating level.

"Shut your legs!" The retort had barely left her mouth before a fist connected with it, both girls leaping at the other's throat as the people behind them moved to claim their seats. Because, hey, better view of their senpais.

Ash and the three Gym Leaders watched as the two girls fell from the balcony, landing in a heap beside the battlefield. In the blink of an eye, they were rolling towards the door, their shrieks and insults growing fainter and fainter as they disappeared back towards the restaurant, struggling to gain the upper hand the entire way.

Ash took a sip from his teacup, watching the trio of Gym Leaders before him with marginally raised eyebrows.

"Oh, shut up." Chili rolled his eyes, the action eliciting several more squeals from above. "It's not like we hired them. Now, who do you want to battle?"

XxX

The door of the restaurant portion of the Gym swung shut behind Piplup, almost catching the small penguin on the back of the head as he hurried after his trainer. Not even bothering to give more than a passing glance to the girls that rolled past him, he hopped through the last open door on his short journey, taking a moment to make sure his new clothes were straight, as well as greet the other Pokémon viewing the battle, before climbing atop the rail that separated the seats behind him from the drop before him.

He'd only just managed to finish his meal before their waiter had taken Ash away, the aspiring Master doubling back only long enough to grab his cup of tea. Before he could follow, he'd been grabbed by his trainer, hearing something about not starting the battle without their presence before they'd sprinted through the door.

Accepting his pom poms from Dawn, he pivoted around to face the rock covered field, waving a greeting down to Pidove, Tepig and Oshawott. The Pokémon standing on the opposing side of the filed looked up at him inquisitively, before the green one turned to his companions, waving up to him after a few quiet words.

He'd seen a few triple battles since arriving in Unova, even participating in one as a requirement during a contest. It wasn't surprising that Ash had chosen that outcome, if all three people standing at the other end were the Gym Leaders.

"Should have figured Dawn would be doing this when you left."

Piplup's beak stretched into a grin, his eyes drifting to the yellow shape beside him as the telltale rush of escaping energy sounded near the doorway he'd walked through.

"It has been a while." Letting his gaze wander back to Ash, he felt the rail quiver lightly beneath him, a drawn out, "Buuuuuuunnnn!" easily confirming his suspicions.

"Think he'll notice this time?"

Pikachu turned to face Piplup, his eyes continuing the journey before finally settling on Dawn.

"If he doesn't," the mouse began, watching as Dawn pulled her hair into a messy ponytail, completely ignorant of the conversation happening before her, "then he probably never will."

Piplup chirped quietly in agreement, a smile growing faintly as Pikachu started chuckling.

"He's grown up a bit, though. Read some books." Dawn grabbed her pom poms, adjusting her skirt slightly as she settled between the two starters. "They gave him nightmares, the poor child. If I ever show any signs of understanding their customs, just do me a favour and send me to Lavender Town."

Seemingly satisfied with her appearance, Dawn threw a hand and, subsequently, pom pom above her head, a grin spreading across her face and a call of, "you can do it, Ash!" leaving her mouth.

Both Piplup and Pikachu watched as Ash brought his half filled teacup towards his lips, the noise attracting his eyes back to where his Pokémon were to be watching the upcoming battle.

Whatever heated liquid hadn't been consumed splashed down the front of his shirt, as he completely missed his face.

No noise, aside from the violent coughing and cursing originating from the challenger's side of the field, could be heard within the building, until two small animals that had been balancing upon a rail close to the ceiling began roaring with laughter.

"Quality over quantity?" Chili's voice easily carried through the laughter, which by now had been joined by the rest of Ash's and Dawn's Pokémon. "Nice choice, kid!"

Ash tore his eyes away from his friend, leveling a heated glare at the smirking triplet opposite him.

"I didn't hire her!"

XxX

"This will be a single, three on three battle."

One of the male patrons - who'd decided to stay and watch the battle - had been pulled from the audience above the field, barely being told that he'd been chosen as the match's referee before he'd been shoved into a black and white, stripy uniform.

Usually, one of the Gym Leaders would monitor a battle that another was having, but whilst all three were to be busy with the same match, sacrifices had to be made.

"Once all the Pokémon on one side are unable to battle, the match will be over." The temporary umpire scratched his arm through his shirt, scowling as he ran through the rules. "Pokémon unable to battle are to be returned immediately, and the time limit is ten minutes. Now hurry up and start, this damn thing is itchy!"

XxX

Ash stowed his Poké Dex in his pocket once more, studying the Pokémon across the building. He'd chosen the three weakest members on his team for this battle, both as a way to gauge how far they'd come and because type advantage would do little good against three opponents that could cover the other's weaknesses so well.

He could have called Garchomp in to rectify that advantage, but that would be just plain mean.

"As the challenger, I suppose I should take the first move, right?" He called to his opponents, not bothering to wait for an answer as a confident smirk stretched his lips.

"Pidove, get up high! If you see an attack coming through, block it any way you can without hurting yourself."

Pidove gave an adorable salute with one wing, all attention drawn to her movement as she took to the air.

"Oshawott, I need you to throw your scalchop at Tepig, but keep it on you if there's an attack aimed your way. Tepig, hit it back to him with Flame Charge, and keep repeating it until I say otherwise!"

The two Unova starters glanced at their trainer, and then each other, before Tepig gave a snort and slammed his back foot against the ground.

"Interesting." Cilan commented, one hand supporting his elbow as the other found his chin. "Your Pokémon have faith in your odd strategy, as do you in them carrying it out. Natural enemies of elements that should never work together! The flames of Tepig burn brightly, as Oshawott helps them grow through the battle! Yes, It's-"

"Here we go." Chili muttered from the corner of his mouth, Cress giving a silent, mournful nod.

"-Evaluating time!"

The Gym was silent, save for the hissing of Tepig's extinguishing and reigniting flames, before incredibly loud cheers erupted from approximately one third of the watching audience.

"Uhm, I don't know what that is, but is now really the best-

"So calm and composed, in such a nerve wracking situation!" Cilan threw his hand into the air, his action copied by Pansage. "A search for power, with the added spice of friends by your side! What an exquisite flavour to taste!"

"What is he doing?" Ash muttered to Oshawott, receiving a careless shrug in return as the Sea Otter Pokémon hefted his scalchop into the air for the fifth time.

Above his head, Pidove swerved around a Flamethrower, the incoming Water Gun that had been aimed at Oshawott's unprotected side turning to steam as a Flamethrower from Ash's side of the field intercepted it.

"This battle shall be a fine dish!" Cilan finally declared, flourishing a hand in Ash's direction. "Pansage, pick a target and fire Solar Beam!"

Ash's eyes widened as the elemental monkey cried his assent, the leaves atop his head shining and his hands brought together before his chest.

How hadn't he noticed the attack!?

"Oshawott, grab your scalchop and get behind something! Pidove, Quick Attack on the Panpour, Tepig distract Pansage! Don't let it let loose!" He fired off the orders as swiftly as he could, his eyes scanning around and through rocks with the help of Aura. Even resisted, a Solar Beam from any experienced Pokémon would hurt.

A curse almost left his lips at the situation he'd found himself in. He'd been distracted by whatever Cilan had been saying, and now the Pansear had disappeared from the surface of the planet. A missing opponent was never a good thing.

A collective gasp echoed from the audience as Tepig blasted from his position, sprinting between the rocks jutting out of the field at a speed almost equal to Pidove, the bird effectively clamping Panpour's jaw closed around his Water Gun as she made contact.

A small smirk tugged at Ash's lips, his eyes trailing Tepig's progress towards Pansage. His plan had come about almost by accident, once he'd discovered Flame Charge's primary function. The fire that made the attack was, much like every other elemental attack, imbued with Aura. If that flow or the flames could be disrupted, say by a wet scalchop impacting against them, the Aura would have nowhere to go but in, and absorbing spare Aura into a body took time. Life energy soaking every muscle in your body was far superior to any caffeine, and far more concentrated than any steroid in existence.

With the number of Flame Charge's Tepig had used, little more than a thick steel wall could stand against him for the next few minutes. That, or a hit to anywhere the flames hadn't been...touching...

Ash cursed as the realisation hit him, closing his eyes and pushing his Aura sense as far as it would go. Sure enough, there was a small shape just below the surface of the battlefield, moving with frightening speed towards what would very quickly be a collision with his small Fire Type.

"Tepig, to the side, now!"

The ground beneath Tepig cracked as the the Fire Pig Pokémon threw his weight to the right, Pansear's emerging fist missing his flank with centimeters to spare. Taking the initiative, Tepig pushed himself off the rock he'd leapt to, feeling the heat of an intense beam of light against his rear legs as he caught the elemental monkey under the chin with a hard Tackle.

The High Temp Pokémon cratered the boulder he flew into, trying to blink the stars from his vision as the deflected Solar Beam bore down on him.

"Pansear is unable to battle!" The referee called, rather unnecessarily. Dawn gave a loud cheer from above, drawing many dirty looks from 'Team Chili'. One girl advanced in her direction with a furious scowl, her steps taking her back to her seat in an impressive display of retreating as Mamoswine turned to her with a well practiced glare.

Chili sighed as he recalled his partner from the rubble, looking clearly impressed as his eyes traveled over Tepig. He held the question behind his teeth; there seemed to be very little chance this trainer would ever trade away one of his Pokémon.

Ash gave Pidove a brief thumbs up as she passed, a gale of wing from her Gust forcing Pansage's following Bullet Seed away from her.

"Nice distraction!" He called genuinely, gaining Cilan's confused glance.

"What distraction?"

"You weren't... never mind." Ash focused on the continuing battle once more, searching through his Pokémon actions for any guidance they may have needed.

"Oshawott!" He called, watching as the small Water Type's head poked above and around the burnt remains of a boulder, "try an Ice Beam on the Pansage!"

The elemental monkey turned at the mention of his name, his eyes widening as he acknowledged the pale blue energy gathering at his opponent's mouth. Dancing around the Night Slash that had been aimed at his hip, as well as a stray Water Gun that had been fired at that absurdly fast Tepig, he inhaled as quickly as he could, firing a salvo of Bullet Seeds as an Ice Beam was launched-

And curved in mid air, washing over and effectively sticking the Sea Otter Pokémon's feet to the ground beneath him.

Ash facepalmed as every being, fighting or not, whipped around to watch as Oshawott screamed in the face of the Grass attack, his flailing doing very little to help him circumvent the destiny he'd forced upon himself.

Taking advantage of the momentary lapse in attention, Tepig rushed at Panpour cloaked in Flames, his Charge soon being joined by a Quick Attack from above the ground. Just as the referee raised the hand on Ash's side of the field, both Pokémon slammed into Panpour's unprotected back, effectively knocking the other Water Type through a boulder and into unconsciousness.

"That was rather unsporting." Cress idly remarked as he withdrew Panpour, a slight grimace marring his features as his words were met with shrieks of assent from above.

"After all the things I've had to fight through, sportsmanship is a pretty low priority." Ash shrugged, missing the excited babbling from above as he whispered a few words of encouragement through Oshawott's Poké Ball, clipping the sphere back onto his belt a moment later.

XxX

"Oh my God!" A member of 'Team Cilan' squealed, shaking the member beside her by the shoulders as she gushed. "He's cute, he's got strong Pokémon, and now he's got a tragic back story!"

Dawn's mouth twitched. Ash? A tragic back story? If that's what the kids were calling living comfortably with your mother and then traveling to live your dream afterwards tragic, then sure...

"Look at the way he battles! He must be so smart, he saw through Chili's amazingness straight away!" A member of 'Team Chili' chimed in, as part of what could only be assumed a rare moment of peace between the fangirls.

Dawn masked her snort with a few light coughs. Ash? Smart? There was no way she'd ever forget the night he'd set his own ass alight with the campfire. Though he had seemed to have changed recently...

"He must have had his heart broken at some point!" A girl wearing Cress' face interjected, effectively completing the trinity of obsession.

Dawn gave an unintentional, sardonic bark of laughter. Ash? Getting his heart broken? He'd have to take some freakin' notice of the people around him before that would happen...

"Hey, what's your problem!?"

Dawn turned uninterested eyes on the young girl that had yelled at her, standing there defiantly with her hands on her hips. Turning back to the battlefield, her eyes widened, snapping back to the girl in some strange combination of mute horror and curiosity.

Where had she gotten a 'Team Ketchum'...?

"I thought there may have been a battle going on."

Dawn, along with her new friends, turned to where the voice had come from, more than one eyebrow raising at the girl behind them. Easily the oldest on the balcony, she had one hand atop Floatzel's head, the Sea Weasel Pokémon surprisingly allowing the gentle ministrations.

A hurried whisper erupting beside her cut Dawn off before she could ask the newest arrival why she looked so familiar, and before she could even turn to watch the commotion every single person had retreated to their side of the viewing platform.

"Uhh...?"

"I used to be a member of 'Team Cilan'." The girl shivered as she came to the platform, Pikachu's eyes lighting in recognition as he brushed a strand of untamed, purple hair from his face.

"You looked like you could use some help. I'm Iris, by the way."

"Dawn." The coordinator nodded, a smile spreading across her lips. "And thanks."

"For throwing their scent off your boyfriend? No problem." Iris smirked, practically feeling Dawn's face redden behind her. Her lips soon fell, both of her eyebrows raising slightly as Pikachu stood up a little straighter.

"Well, that's interesting."

XxX

Ash frowned, his two remaining Pokémon tilting their heads in confusion as Cilan recalled Pansage to his Poké Ball.

"It is as I imagined." He remarked, turning to his red haired brother. Ash watched silently as a few quiet words were exchanged, Chili's eyebrows shooting up a considerable amount a second later. His gaze shifted from Ash to the challenger side's balcony, before he nodded hastily, turning to sprint back to the restaurant.

"You looked familiar. Am I correct in saying that you defeated a Darkrai two years ago?"

Suddenly knowing exactly where this was going, Ash recalled Tepig and Pidove, releasing them and a now awakened Oshawott on the balcony above. If he was right, then it would be extremely beneficial to them to watch.

"I take it you're not challenging me with another no-Badge Pokémon?"

Cilan nodded, and a tingle of excitement shot through Ash's spine. Gym Leaders were required to be as strong as any Elite Four member, as any threat to their city's security may have to be dealt with before the law could show up. Ash knew the risks all too well, having had to fend off more than one rampaging Gyarados during his extended stay in Pallet Town. Arceus knows how many Professor Oak had needed to send back to the ocean in his years.

"My congratulations on winning the Trio Badge." The Gym Leader smiled politely, watching as Ash caught the symbol of victory that Cress had thrown to him, before the Water Type user moved to take the referee's position. "But now, I wish to challenge you to an... unofficial battle. Do you accept?"

Ash's eyes followed Chili as he ran back into the room, the man's enormous grin rather telling of what he was getting himself into. Slipping his newly acquired Badge into his pocket and silently reminding himself to purchase a case from Professor Juniper as soon as he could, he gave the waiter a confident, sharp nod.

"Yes."

Cilan withdrew a Poké Ball from his apron, a simple sticker in the pattern of a purple leaf covered quickly by his hand.

"Please choose your Pokémon; we shall only be using one."

Without needing any prompting, Pikachu leapt from the rail he'd been sitting on, landing with all the practiced grace of a Meowth. A non talking, wild Meowth.

The 'Ball in Cilan's grasp opened, the typical light taking shape beside him as he accepted what his brother had been holding.

"Venusaur!" The light declared, bursting outwards to reveal the large Poison and Grass Type. Almost immediately, it had lowered its head, allowing easier access as Cilan slipped a band around its temples. Ash narrowed his eyes; the marble reminiscent stone sealed within the metal portion looked faintly familiar, something from a book the Professor had brought back from his first journey to the Kalos region.

Cilan slipped a bracelet over his fingers, holding two fingers to the stone embedded in its middle.

"If my evaluation is correct, this will be a dish fit for a king!" Pikachu leapt from Ash's shoulder, landing on all fours with electricity dancing across his cheeks.

For the first time since Ash had met him, Cilan grinned, his face lighting with happiness as Venusaur lumbered in front of him.

"Venusaur, Mega Evolve!"

XxX

Betcha didn't see that coming, huh? I wanted to incorporate Mega Evolution in this story, and this seems like a perfect opportunity. To my knowledge, Cilan has never had a Venusaur, but I like him (all the homo (jk jk)) and there's no way I'm leaving him with just a Pansage. If he's coming with Ash, he's going to have some artillery damn it. Sometimes the lack of depth in the anime really gets to me. Which is why I'm here, because this season was a puddle compared to the kiddy pool standard of the rest of it.

Also, I feel as though I should say: I have nothing against anyone who is a fan of any show. That would be very hypocritical of me, wouldn't it? This fic is purely for comedic purposes, blah blah please don't sue me.

How was the battle portion? I think I did OK, but my opinion is probably biased.

I think I had something else to say here, but I forgot it. Couldn't have been too important, I guess. *Cough* hope.

Edit: I totally remembered. Was there an episode in the anime where Brock told his Forretress to use explosion to fend Team Rocket off and save whatever girl he fell in love with, and then threw it off a cliff, or did I just imagine that entire thing? Like, he called out, "Forretress, Explosion," and threw it right the fuck off the ledge. You would not believe how much I would appreciate it if I could get any info, even just telling me that it did actually happen. It's been driving me insane all damn week.

X