A~N: This was a quickie. Sorry if it sucks, I'm supposed to be sleeping right now. Yep, the almighty lame sleeping excuse.
Insert disclaimer here. Reference to Chapter 5 to reference to Chapter 4 to reference to Chapter 3 for the actual disclaimer.
Akatsuki entered a dingy, dusty, drooping, store. They looked around.
It was pretty small, for an Ame building.
Various odds and bits were scattered around the dump. There was a Kyuubi action figure on the left, along with a chewed-up pencil, a meaty dog bone, several vases, and a Chia Pet of a rat that looked half-bald. Actually, most of the plants were in bunches and there was a huge bald spot between each bunch.
On the right sat some other vases, fake eyeballs in a jar, an apple core, and what looked like a human spine. Insert-through-nose, it said. Haha, you thought I would say insert mundane object here, didn't you? Well, I didn't. Insert tongue out-sticking here.
A wrinkly old dude sat in the back corner of the store. He did not move. His chest did not rise and fall.
The Akatsuki were afraid he was dead. Actually, Kakuza was afraid that he was dead; she couldn't find a cheaper store, and the others just wished they could get out of there.
Tobi, the brave and daring(and good) girl that she was, walked up to the old dude.
He looked at her.
Disgusting, Tobi in her Madara persona thought. He looks like a chameleon.
Indeed, he did look like a chameleon. His eyes were so covered in dust, that he looked like that Rango dude, which the author doesn't own. There were also a few. . . morning stars that littered his huge eyes.
He was so wrinkly, he looked like a raisin that had been in a dust storm. He wore a. . . feather boa?
"Um. . .hi," Tobi squeaked. She had never been more afraid in her entire life. "Where do you sell the. . . clothes?" Probably that disgusting, ugly feather boa is the only article of clothing he has ever had in his entire life, she added contemptuously. In her mind.
"Ifdanoafdtifdjhefobcaoack" was all the old man said. Notice that it sounds like somebody rammed the author's head into the keyboard. Nobody did. {Put an icepack on that, bro.} Da-yum.
Akatsuki stared at him. And blinked as one. Ugh, the dust was entering their eyes and turning them really dusty. Their eyebrows would turn into dust bunnies soon if they didn't get out of here. Like, really fast.
Deidara's hand-mouth burped. Insert embarrassment here.
Akatsuki stared at it. The hand-mouth had formed a ball-of-gum-thing made of dust. The dust had probably laid so thickly that the hand-mouth thought it was clay.
Deidara stared at it. And walked forward, putting it in Tobi's collar on the way to the counter.
He slammed his hands down on the counter suddenly, making even Itachi jump. But, as the strike was efficient enough to make our weaselette jump, the old wrinkly dude didn't.
OWD, as we shall now dub the old wrinkly dude, didn't even move his neck. His head rotated 360 degrees and stared that dust-filled stare at Deidara. Our blonde shuddered. In his mind's eye, he relived the time in the hut when Akatsuki forced him to join them.
Deidara fell to his knees and died, it seemed like.
In reality, he was spasming around and coughing. Oh well, he could at least do this—
Insert suspense here-
"K-k-ka"—cough—"ts-"—hack—"Katsu!"
Tobi's robe exploded. Literally. You thought Tobi just thought it exploded, right? Well, I thought you would think that, so I already thinked it before you thought it. The author does not own Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
Anyway, the above is too deep, so let us continue.
OWD stood up, creakily. Later, Kisame would swear that the raisin-like guy had his bones creaking like a badly-oiled door(which reminded Sasori to oil herself), and probably like a badly-oiled door, his bones would come off the hinges. Or, should I say, sockets.
"Oh, you were asking for the clothes department? Come, come!" And, his teeth sparkling, OWD beckoned them forward, his bones no longer creaky, his eyes no longer dust-filled. Is it. . . could it be?
Congratulations! OLD WRINKLY DUDE has evolved into USED CAR SALESMAN WEARING PINK FEATHER BOA!
Wait, what? Insert googly face here. (o_O)
abbabbabbabbabb
Kisame stared at UCSWPFB, then went to find a phonebook for psychiatrists. One for Itachiko, and one for herself. Actually, they could just share one shrink, but he or she would just attempt suicide.
Itachiko stared at UCSWPFB, then went to look for dango sticks(she enjoyed making custom dango).
Sasori stared at UCSWPFB, then went to look for oil.
Deidara stared at UCSWPFB, then slipped another gum-ball-dust-thing back into Tobi's collar and went to follow Sasori.
Tobi stared at UCSWPFB, then continued to fix her cloak, unaware of the gum-ball-dust-thing in her collar.
Peinko stared at UCSWPFB, then went looking for food.
Zetsu stared at UCSWPFB, then went looking for assistants to eat.
Konan stared at UCSWPFB, then went to find an umbrella.
Kakuza stared at UCSWPFB, then went back to finding a cheap wallet.
Hidanko stared at UCSWPFB, then went back to pestering Kakuzu.
Meh, they were shinobi. They'd seen worse.
Abbabbabbabbabb
The store was blown up, sent to another dimension to avoid the explosion(since Kakuza-baachan told Tobi to; remember, that was the cheapest store in Ame, and travelling to other cheap stores in other hidden villages meant wasting money), sent back to the proper dimension, and promptly got exploded for real. Kakuza hated Deidara from that day onward.
Abbabbabbabbabb
Anyway, Peinko had bought as much lacy underwear as she could. After all, Leader must be reasonable. She could not buy all the lacy underwear. (She had no reason to buy lacy underwear.)
Konan had bought paper, five phonebooks for scratch paper, an umbrella, and a lot of clothes. (Sometimes—I mean, most times, everybody just needed a spare, and Kakuzu was too greedy(or lazy) to sew something back up.)
The Zombie Combo had bought a vast majority of things. You must not know, or you would be subjected to Hidan's rituals. Or that other torture device. (You know, listening to Barney while watching Dora while being stabbed in the nads repeatedly.)
Sasori and Deidara had bought useful things. (Yes, they were useful things, not at all a huge bag of dust, lacy underwear and UCSWPFB's pink feather boa; insert innocent whistling here.)
Kisame and Itachi bought sensible things, like fish food, laxatives, dango sticks, canned tuna from 1986, and a phonebook, which was hopefully up to date, and badass clothes. (THOSE ARE SENSIBLE THINGS, JASHINDAMNIT!)
Zetsu and Tobi bought unspeakable things. If you would ask, it would be worse than asking the Zombie Combo. Enough said.
The Akatsuki went home in a peaceful manner. At least, this time, Hidan killed only a hundred people instead of his hundred thousand(a ridiculously huge number, I know), Itachi had set fire to only six thousand buildings instead of the whole village, and Deidara had not accidentally helped Itachi in setting fire to six thousand buildings; he had just accidentally helped in blowing up half of those buildings that were set on fire.
Abbabbabbabbabb
(That Night omake)
That night, everybody slept peacefully.
Well, they only woke Leader up five times instead of the usual—Ah, to the North Pole with it.
A~N: Yep, way less talking in this one. Shortest omake so far, too. Expecting a funny shopping trip? Well, too bad. I can't do that this late.
I HOPE YOU REVIEW THIS TIME. Insert OWD stare here.
