A/N- A word of warning, I suppose, for the next couple of chapters. Alice's father is essentially an abusive sociopath, and Alice and her mother are going to have to bear the worst of it. I'm not into graphic descriptions of violence and abuse, but it's certainly implied and talked about a little, so heads up on that point.
On with Alice's unhappy tale…it will be a little less grim and angst filled eventually, I do promise that, but she's still got a bit to endure before we get to that point.
Chapter 6- Gathering Clouds.
I walk with Sissy as far as the school the next morning. She's worried about her spelling so I quiz her on the words as we walk, although given my own appalling spelling record I'm not sure that it's very helpful! When we reach the school I kiss her goodbye at the gate and continue on to the stores to run some errands for Mama.
In the store I hum happily as I find what I need. I enjoy shopping, and I spend a little extra time browsing, fingering the soft yarns and considering what I might make once I've finished knitting Cynthia's new wrap. Eventually I force myself to leave the tempting displays behind and go to the counter. There I find myself standing beside Mrs Mackintosh, who looks at me with barely concealed dislike.
"How are you today, Mary Alice?" she says, loudly enough that the other people in the store look towards us. "Have you quite recovered from your little episode at the sewing circle yesterday?"
Oh, I hate her! "I'm quite well, thank you," I say frostily, showing the card of buttons and the spools of thread I have in my basket to the storekeeper. "On the account please, Mrs Gates."
"It's just that it's not quite usual to start screaming for no reason in the middle of the afternoon," Mrs Mackintosh continues, with a malicious glint in her eyes. "Really Mary Alice, we're all quite concerned about you."
My mouth drops open. The nasty old gossip! Telling Mrs Gates in the store is the equivalent of putting up a billboard on the main street…everyone will know by evening that Mary Alice Brandon had a fit of hysteria at the Catholic ladies' sewing circle. Snatching up my purchases I glare at her, but there's really nothing I can say and so I stomp from the store, hearing the delighted murmur of gossip starting up behind me. I'm fuming at her vindictiveness.
Since it seems that my momentary lack of control in the face of my visions isn't going to be allowed to discreetly fade away into obscurity, I shrug my shoulders and take the road to Laura's home. I may as well go and talk to her- if they all think I'm crazy already, what will it matter if I give voice to it?
Laura is sweeping the porch, but she's more than happy to lay aside her broom and talk for a little while. Arm in arm we stroll through the garden, and then take a seat on the wrought iron bench under the willow.
"Laura," I say, plunging in before my courage deserts me. "I have to talk to you."
"What is it? You sound very serious, Alice!"
"I don't think you should get married," I say flatly. "Not to him."
"What?" Laura looks astonished. "What are you talking about? You haven't even met Robert!"
"I know." I bite my lip, searching for the right words. "I can't explain it either Laura, but I just have a really bad feeling about him. He's not the right one for you. You can't marry him."
Surprise gives way to anger and Laura's eyes narrow as she glares at me. "I don't think that's any of your business!"
"But…"
"No!" Laura stands up. "I don't want to hear any more about your 'bad feelings' Alice. You're being ridiculous!"
"It's not ridiculous!" I hate people mocking me, and I can feel myself getting angry too. "This marriage will be a huge mistake Laura! You have to believe me!"
"I have to do no such thing," Laura turns on her heel and storms away, pausing for a moment to look back at me over her shoulder. "I don't know what's wrong with you Alice, but I want no part of it. I am going to get married, despite what you say."
"Something awful is going to happen!" I stand up and shout after her. "You can't marry him Laura, it's all going to go wrong…"
"Shut up!" Laura's face is red with anger. "You really are crazy, aren't you? I should have listened to Ivy Mackintosh when she tried to tell me!"
All the fight gone out of me, I drop back onto the bench as Laura disappears towards the house. What have I done here? Shaking my head wearily, I slip through the back gate and begin the long walk home.
At least you said something, I try to comfort myself. Whatever happens, at least you will know you tried to warn her. The image of the skeletal hands drifts through my mind and I can't suppress the shudder. Oh, I've tried to warn her and whatever happens won't be my fault…but how reassuring is that when the warning came from such a gruesome spectre?
I can't dwell on it though. Not when it's all so frightening and awful that I think I really might lose my mind if I let myself think about it too much! So when I reach home I spend what remains of the morning out in the orchard helping Mama, and then we spend the afternoon sewing together until Cynthia comes home from school. I find comfort in the ordinary domesticity of the tasks, and when I sit down with Sissy to help her with her homework I'm feeling quite cheerful.
My help with her words on our walk to school has had a somewhat predictable result and Sissy failed her spelling test rather dreadfully, so I help her write them out and then the two of us make up some rhymes and little songs for memory aids. We're both giggling helplessly and tapping pencils on the table when there's a bang from the front door and a bad tempered shout. Papa's home. Cynthia and I glance at each other and our laughter dies away.
"John, hello," Mama knows Papa's in a mood and her face is tense as she greets him. "How was your trip? Come in to the sitting room, relax and I'll bring you a drink…" She's trying to diffuse the tension, but it's not her Papa is angry with this time. He ignores her as he hurls his suitcase towards his room and marches to the kitchen.
"Mary Alice, what's this I hear about you now?"
I stand up, gripping the back of the chair tightly as I push it gently back in to place under the table. "Hello Papa."
He doesn't return my greeting. His face is red and his eyes narrow as he scowls at me. "Do you know what it's like to return from a business trip and be met at the train station by outrageous tales about my own daughter? Well? What have you got to say for yourself?"
"John, it really was nothing," Mama says quietly. "Alice just had a moment at the sewing circle, that's all. She wasn't feeling well and…"
"Shut up!" Papa doesn't even look at Mama as he pushes her away, and she stumbles backwards. Cynthia gives a tiny cry and rushes to her side, and I take a step backwards. "Well, Alice?"
I don't know what to say. Really, there's nothing I can say that won't just make Papa angrier, so there's no point in lying. "I saw something," I say, so softly. "Something bad, about Laura…"
Papa roars at me. "Enough! What have we said about this rubbish?"
I can hear Sissy's tiny cries as she clings to Mama and I want to comfort her, but I know if I go to her I'll just drag Papa's attention that way so I stay where I am, looking down at my hands.
"You better stop this nonsense, girl," Papa says, and the quiet menace in his voice is somehow more terrifying to me than all the shouting. "I've had just about enough of you, with your feelings and your hysteria and carry on…you know where people end up who see things that aren't true and hear things that aren't there…"
"John!" Mama gives a strangled cry, but Papa's hard face doesn't soften.
"There are asylums for people like you Alice," he says quietly. "And if you don't stop this nonsense and learn to control yourself you're going to find out all about them, and you'd better believe me when I say that you don't want that." Shaking his head he turns and leaves the room, shouting over his shoulder, "Bring me that drink now Caroline!"
Mama's hands are shaking as she pours the drink. "I'll just take this in to your father," she says quietly, not meeting my eyes. "If you girls could set the table please…"
Sissy flings herself at me, and now she's really crying. "Alice…"
"It's okay," I mutter automatically. "It's going to be okay…" Did Papa really just threaten to send me to the asylum? I hug her tight, stroking her dark curls away from her face. "Don't cry Sissy, it's fine. Papa's just tired after his trip, you know how he gets." I pretend I can't hear him shouting at Mama in the front room.
"He said he was going to send you away!"
I force my face into a smile. "Oh, he won't! He's just angry about something, and you know how I annoy him. I just need to…to behave myself, that's all. Take some lessons from you perhaps, no one is ever cross with you!" Oh, the lies that are tripping off my tongue! But I can't let my sweet sister be frightened, I can't.
Cynthia sniffs loudly. "I hate fighting."
I kiss her forehead. "Me too! So let's go and set the table so at least that won't cause an argument!"
Dinner is a silent meal. Papa eats his plate and drinks half the whisky we have left, but Mama and Cynthia and I only pick at our plates. We're all glad when it's finished. Papa and Mama go into the sitting room and listen to the radio while Cynthia and I quietly clear the table and clean up the kitchen. We're just finishing when we hear a horse coming up the drive, and it's with a glad smile that I recognise my aunt and uncle's old black mare, and my cousin Joseph astride her
"Joseph!" I hang my apron up on the hook and hurry outside to the porch. "This is a surprise!"
He grins and swings down from the horse. "I've been at Philip's place. But I had to come and tell you Ali…we've decided. We'll be going out west."
My stomach clenches. "You…really?" I sit down hard on the step and put my chin in my hands, looking up at him.
Joseph sits beside me, holding the horse's reins loosely in his hand. "Come on cousin, be happy for me! It's going to be amazing, we'll have such fun. And I promise you can come and visit me when I'm settled."
I try to smile. Oh Joseph, how can I make you see? "I'm happy you can get away from the farm," I say at last. "I just wish you didn't have to go far away, that's all. I have a bad feeling."
"Oh, you and your feelings!" Joseph teases me. "I remember when we were little and you were always telling me about your feelings! Really though Ali, you're being silly this time. Nothing will go wrong. I think the worst thing will be that I'll miss you!"
I give him an impulsive, tight hug. "I love you Joseph."
"You too Ali," he hugs me back. "You're my best friend. I promise I'll write to you all the time, and as soon as I can I'll have you out to visit me!"
"When are you going?" I ask hopelessly.
Joseph shrugs. "Not much point waiting really. Philip has some contacts and he's sent some letters so we have a few things to explore. We thought we might go next week."
My heart falls. "So soon!"
"Yes." Joseph looks at me curiously for a moment, then looks away before saying awkwardly. "I heard some talk about you today. Are you really okay Ali?"
Oh. I sigh heavily. "Everyone thinks I'm crazy, don't they?"
"Well," Joseph looks like he's trying not to laugh. "Kind of! What have you been doing?"
He won't understand. He's my favourite cousin, really my best friend, but he won't understand. No one does. I shake my head at him, feeling the howl of loneliness in my chest. I just want someone, anyone, who will believe me and accept me for what I am!
"Never mind," I say at last. "It was just something silly at sewing circle. Tell me more about your trip?"
I lean against the porch railing and gaze out into the deepening twilight and only half listen to my cousin talk, because for all he sounds so pleased and excited something inside me is telling me he'll never reach his destination. And there's nothing I can do to stop him trying.
