Kissing Rory like this is killing him. He promises her they'll take it slow and he means it, but Jess hopes she'll be ready soon. He wonders if girls crave sex the same way guys do. He hasn't had a lot of sex this year though. A couple of one night stands here and there. Jess didn't sleep with anyone in California. It didn't feel right, cheesy as it sounds, but then he was back on the road and met a girl in a bar. They both wanted the same thing, some meaningless sex, and it was fine until the next morning when Jess just wanted to be gone. There wasn't anything wrong with the girl, it was him. Sex was supposed to be a distraction but it had gone the other way instead, bringing everything he was ruminating on into a weird light. Jess figured maybe it was simply down to not getting any in a while, but the same feeling came back a month later, with another girl. You look weird, she'd said, her breasts spilling over as she'd leant up on an elbow and Jess shrugged. I thought we had a pretty good time. Jess had shrugged again and she asked shrewdly, you hung up on someone? Jess had answered that by getting dressed, and ignored the girl as she added, maybe you should be doing her instead of me. Like it was as easy as that! They hadn't said much more to each other by the girl's eyes were kind as she paused and said, I know it's not my place or whatever, but you should talk to her. Jess had surprised himself by saying, I can't. The girl had put a hand on his shoulder, smiled and said, how do you know she doesn't feel the same way? And then she left before Jess could answer.

Jess wonders if she'd approve of him getting up the courage. Katie - that was her name. She probably doesn't remember Jess's. It already feels like a lifetime ago. After Katie, he'd told Rory he loved her, and when she didn't say anything he'd gone back to New York and slept with someone after barely talking to them. Jess feels almost embarrassed about that. The girl left when he was still asleep so at least there wasn't any awkward conversation. That was the last time he had casual sex. Not out of any moral reasoning, but because he wanted space, and couldn't stand the mornings after, even if the girl didn't hang around. If Rory hadn't gone with him though, Jess thinks he might have revisited that decision.

Rory did go with him. She's with him and he's sharing a bed with her and they're on the edge of sex. Jess is nervous. He doesn't want to tell Rory that, but he is. He's never had sex with someone he cares about, let alone sex with someone he loves. And it's her first time. Jess has never had sex with a virgin, as far as he knows. What if he messes it up or she doesn't have a good time? At least with one night stands you don't have to deal with seeing the person the next day. Or with Shane, sex was the only reason they were together. There wasn't a whole lot of talking involved. But now there's all this pressure. Jess wants it to be good for her. His own first time is a fairly awkward memory and he doesn't want Rory to laugh at hers. What if she laughs at him?

One evening Jess is lying on the bed with Rory. They've been making out for a while, his lips sore, and he's still hard from touching her, lying his cheek to her chest. She hesitated as his hands got further south so Jess stopped, and now they've fallen into silence. Rory shifts slightly and says, "I'm still a - I mean, I've never had sex."

Jess nods and she adds, "I guess you could tell."

"I know you," Jess says simply and Rory looks at him, smiling with a slightly confused expression. He looks up at Rory, her cheeks still flushed, and says, "I'm sorry about the party."

"What?"

"You know," Jess says, sitting up. "Before I went to see my dad. Lane was playing."

Rory nods and Jess takes a deep breath. "I wasn't mad at you," he says. "I'm sorry. I was a jerk - I shouldn't have yelled at you. But I wasn't yelling at you because you didn't want to have sex."

Rory nods again and Jess says again, "I'm sorry, Rory. I was mad at all this stuff with my dad and with school and Luke and I yelled at you and I was an ass. I wasn't mad at you about sex."

"I know," Rory says quietly. "It's okay."

"I never meant to make you feel bad about it."

Rory takes his hand and Jess lets out a breath. "I'm sorry...I was least mad at you and I yelled at you. I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago now." Only a year, but it feels longer for Jess, and he suspects for Rory too. God, how he wishes he could take it back, do it all over. He wanted to have sex with her so much. He wanted to do it there, but Jess knows it would be like when he had sex those other times - it would've been awkward afterwards. He remembers the fight with Dean, striding across the lawn streaked with lights from the police car and Rory calling his name. Jess had stopped, looked round and seen the pleading in her eyes. Jess walked away. I'm not good enough for you. It was easier to walk away than figure it out. He kisses Rory's fingers.

"I wanted to be with you," she says suddenly. "Just not at the party."

"You don't have to explain."

"I know. I want to tell you. I did want to be with you, just not there, not like that."

"You're right," Jess nods and Rory smiles. She stretches, getting up. Even seeing the gap of skin as she lifts her arms is sending Jess crazy again and he gets up, remembering all the cold showers he'd take after their sessions on the couch at Luke's. That feels like a million years ago too. Jess gets up and says, "I need to take some stuff to the Laundromat. Want to see it?"

"Is a guy going to strip off like in that old commercial?"

"Which guy?"

"Any guy."

"Me?" Jess teases and Rory laughs, though she blushes a little. Focusing on gathering her laundry, she puts it in a bag and follows him out of the building and down the street. It's a warm night but not exactly a wholesome summer evening. A man and woman are yelling across the street at each other until the man spits out bitch! and turns, storming the other way. Jess almost goes flying over the new crack in the sidewalk, until Rory grabs his arm, looking a little nervous. As they walk along Jess notices the woman eyeing them up and down before turning herself, ranting loudly to anyone who can listen about that sonofabitch. Rory looks relieved as they reach the laundromat and Jess remarks, "Just a little different from Stars Hollow, huh?"

"You think?" They smile at each other and start unloading the laundry. Rory doesn't have too much but shakes her head when Jess offers, "You can throw it in with mine."

"I've got enough for a load." Jess thinks that's debatable but doesn't fight her on it as Rory fishes out quarters and feeds them into the machine. "You know at Yale, I did my laundry in the middle of the night."

"Really?"

"No line at that time. I had a few too many experiences of people dumping your perfectly clean laundry on the floor, or in the garbage, even!"

"I've seen worse." Rory stops mid-rant, seeming a little embarrassed and Jess wants to kick himself. He wasn't trying to put her down. "People suck, is all I mean."

"Yeah," Rory says, sounding more cheerful. They watch the clothes spin in their respective cycles as the night deepens outside. As it gets darker, Rory asks, "What do you want to do for dinner?"

"Maybe sandwiches. I don't know, we should go to the store soon."

"How about a pizza? There's a takeout place on the corner."

"And as far as I know it hasn't broken any healthcode violations," Jess remarks. "Or the inspector hasn't checked it yet."

"Good enough for me."

"I didn't bring my wallet."

"I've got mine. Let's do it."

After the laundry is done they get the pizza. Jess can't deny he's a little trepidatious about eating it - living with Luke the health nut will do that to a guy - but it's not bad at all. He didn't know how hungry he was until he started a slice. He and Rory eat it on the floor, their backs to the bed, and Jess feels a dumb, happy smile spread across his face. He can't remember the last time he was this happy. Maybe it's like what that random hippy said to him back in California - everything happens for a reason after all. Leaving Stars Hollow led to being in New York with Rory and right now, Jess wouldn't change a thing.