7

My home has no address;
my tracks leave no trace.
I am neither body nor soul-
What can I say?

-RUMI

'Your condiment-named assistant left an avalanche of messages,' Loki reminded as he left their ensuite bathroom, leaving the towels on the floor and the door open in his wake.

'Pepper?' Tony scratched at the bristles on his chin, smearing toothpaste all over it. 'I suppose. Its only two weeks to Christmas.'

'You will tell me about this impending 'Christmas' that seems to have stirred half the world into such a flurry of anticipation.'

'Have you not been reading up plenty? I thought I saw the Christmas Carol lying about the other day.'

'A pointless exercise in sentimentality, then,' Loki groused from the bed.

'It's a sentimental season,' Tony replied as he slipped under the sheets. 'You and I can bah humbug until the cows come home, but out there in the big heady world of consumerism and sentimentality, people lap up the stuff.'

'It is customary is it not, for an exchange of gifts to take place during this 'Christmas?'

'Yeah, but we don't have to babe; as I said, its all commercial hogwash.'

For a long moment Loki said nothing. Then: 'So you do not intend to participate in a gift exchange with your Pepper?'

'Fuck me, Pepper. I suppose I'd have to get her a gift. And for James. I'm sure Pepper won't mind picking something out for the guys back at the Towe on my behalf-'

'But not for me,' Loki cuts, as cold as icicles before it drops and severs a vital tendon; '-the alien lover. Not for him.'

Tony blinked, figured out his faux-pas belatedly and back-peddled. 'It's not that. I thought you wouldn't be interested; although if you wanted we could always go out for dinner; Christmas comes with its own arsenal of recipes and alcoholic traditions, which happens to be its one redeeming feature-'

'Do not bother to console me, Stark, I am not a child,' Loki had snapped, and shut off the lights with a snap of his fingers, leaving Tony upright and blinking in surprise at the sudden dark.

Yes you are a child, Tony thought. But the hour was late and even he knew better than to continue an argument when so many things could go escalate. Grumpily, he'd wrapped himself up and gone to the living room to glance through Pepper's many reports.

How the hell would Tony have known his lover would want to celebrate Christmas, a day dedicated to the birth of Christ? Loki is a pagan god, for Christ sake. Weren't they celestial competitors or something?

He should have known Loki wouldn't let the matter go however, because the following night the god stuck a finger into his chest and demanded to know what Tony wanted for Christmas.

'I thought we weren't doing this,' Tony had stuttered. 'Besides, I already told you I don't want anything.'

He could see the impatience creeping over Loki's face. 'Tell me already.'

'I like it when you read to me. You have a sexy voice; you'd kill a recording of something with a lot of porn-'

'Stark,' Loki's voice had gone quiet. 'You seem to have forgotten to whom you address.'

He could feel every micro muscle in his shoulder tensing up. 'My divine lover?'

'Your lover can tell when you're lying,' the look Loki was giving him was almost patient, if a little strained. 'What ails you, Stark?'

Tony knew he didn't quite manage to hide the guilt flashing across his features.

'Its nothing. I-'

'You hide your true thoughts, and I would have it addressed between us.'

'Well. I could… I could remind you of a certain promise you made-'

The way Loki's expression suddenly froze didn't bode well for their conversation. 'What promise?'

'Babe, wouldn't you rather go to sleep and keep this for tomorrow mor-'

'No,' Loki pulled his covers away. 'You will tell me now, Stark.'

Irritability tightened in Tony's throat as he snapped, 'My heart, ok? You've promised to fix my heart, and it's been six months without you once bringing it up-'

'I made no such promise,' Loki hissed back as he pulled back against the headboard.

'Right. Right.' Tony stared at him, throat tightening with anger at Loki's duplicity. 'Sure you didn't.'

'Stark, I would remember such a promise.'

'Of course you would. No surprises there, oh god of lies.'

The god inhaled. 'Do you think I would deliberately deny you-'

'When have you ever done other than exactly what you wanted to do?'

'And what of it?' Loki scoffed. 'Make some sense, Stark.'

'Tony. We sleep in the same bed, for fuck's sake-'

'Yes we do,' Loki snapped, 'and that should be enough for you-'

'Is it? Is it enough that you grace me with your presence now? As long as I'm useful, at least?'

The god looks at him, unblinking for a moment. Then he rises from his waist, graceful as a cobra about to strike.

'Little birds have been whispering in your ears.'

'For god's sake Loki, between your lying and your paranoid delusions I've had it up to here-'

'You're being melodramatic Stark, if only you'd listen to yourself.'

'Tony! My fucking name is Tony, does changing consonants from one to two make you ill?' The incensed mortal flung the covers away and strode out of their bed, so angry he could barely keep his voice from shaking. 'You're the guy who lives in my house, spends my money, whofucks me but refuses to call me by my first name- you're the guy, the so called god who can't stop telling the world about his immortal powers but can't take a few shards out!Forgive me if I'm disinclined to listen to you.'

By the time he finished speaking, Loki's face had completely drained of colour. 'I see then that I am no longer welcome.'

He pulled his hair in frustration. 'Dammit Loki- Loki that's not what I said.'

'Indeed Stark, one fancies you have no clue what you said' the god said, as he rose from the bed and stood hovering over Tony, voice still soft and fluid; 'nor to whom you speak. You are fortunate, Stark, I am not of a mind to harm you for your words. If only you knew how fortunate.'

'Are you- are you threatening me,' Tony took a step closer. '-for real?'

'As you seem to be such an expert on how to distinguish lie from truth, mortal, I shall leave such judgement in your capable hands,' the god hissed, and vanished.

Tony is left staring into the empty space, betrayed and stunned and empty.

Was everything between them suddenly over? One hissy fit, and suddenly over?

Tony waited, like a fool. Resisted sleeping and stood in the balcony shvering, waiting for Loki to come back. The sun came up and Tony watched it swallow up the night. Tried to think of freedom. All the things he could now do that he couldn't whilst living with someone as fussy and insane as the god of lies. But he found he hadn't the capacity to imagine his new found bliss; nor enjoy this sudden freedom. Instead he felt hollowness. He felt unteathered, which is hilarious because he had gone and teathered himself to the most unstable organism in the nine realms.

Hilarious.

Pepper had told him once (Pepper whom he couldn't speak to anymore, because it hurt) when he'd been drunk out of his mind and spitting vitrol at the ghost of his father; defiant and furious with grief and hate and whyfatherwhy- Pepper had wrestled him to the ground, wee slip that she was; she had slapped his face and poured her own hot tears upon on him – and she had forced Tony to face the truth of his heart. Who he really was. What he really wanted, and how simple it could all be, if only he dared.

There are certain things Tony wants which he had never been able to bring himself to admit. Some days, he thinks Loki is cut from the same mute, silent cloth. But sometimes the world could tragically be too big, it could be too big for a voice that could only be a rustle. The world could tragically be too loud, too busy, too fast.

But Tony had never been good at staring into a mirror.

He pulled his hair in frustration. s not what I Stark, one fancies you have no clue what you saidnor to whom you speak. You are fortunate, Stark, I am not of a mind to harm you for your words. If only you knew how you- are you threatening me,-for real?As you seem to be such an expert on how to distinguish lie from truth, mortal, I shall leave such judgement in your capable hands,t whilst living with someone as fussy and insane as the god of lies. But he found he hadnt speak to anymore, because it hurt) when he and she had forced Tony to face the truth of his heart. Who he really was. What he really wanted, and how simple it could all be, if only he dared.

There are certain things Tony wants which he had never been able to bring himself to admit. Some days, he thinks Loki is cut from the same mute, silent cloth. But sometimes the world could tragically be too big, it could be too big for a voice that could only be a rustle. The world could tragically be too loud, too busy, too fast.

But Tony had never been good at staring into a mirror.